Umxholo
Usuku lukaValentine lujikeleze ikona, ke leliphi ixesha elingcono lokucinga malunga nokuphucula ubudlelwane bakho. Njenge-psychotherapist enamava angaphezulu kweminyaka engamashumi amabini, ndinelungelo lokusebenza ngokusondeleyo nabantu kunye nezibini ngenkqubo yokomeleza izakhono zabo zobudlelwane kunye nokuphucula ubomi babo obusondeleyo. Akumangalisi ukuba abantu bahlala befuna unyango befuna iingcebiso. Imibuzo efana nale idweliswe ngezantsi ihlala ithethwa kwiofisi yam yonyango. Baye bavele xa ndincokola nomntu ongaphandle, eofisini kwaye bafumanisa umgca wam womsebenzi:
“Umtshato wam usengxakini - kufuneka ndenze ntoni?”
"Ubudlelwane bam abuhlali - ndoyaphula njani le patheni?"
“Yintoni eyona nto ingundoqo ekwenzeni uthando lungapheli?”
"Umfazi wam uhlala ejongene nam, ndingamenza njani ukuba abuye?"
Ndingaqhubeka kodwa ufumana umfanekiso. Ndiyayonwabela imiceli mngeni kule mibuzo kwaye ndonwabile ngokufanayo xa iintatheli zifikelela kwimibuzo enxulumene nobudlelwane, unxibelelwano nothando:
"Zithini iimpawu ezibonisa ukuba ubudlelwane bunayo into efunekayo ukuze uye kude?"
"Yintoni ekhalazwayo ngamadoda atshatileyo kunyango?"
“Zeziphi ezona mpazamo zinkulu ezenziwa ngabantu abatshatileyo?”
Imibuzo efana nale iyandinyanzela ukuba ndicinge ngomsebenzi wam kwaye ndicele umngeni kum ukuze ndithande iingcinga ezibonisa indlela yam yonyango. Leliphi, ke, leliphi elona candelo lililo lobungcali elinokubonelelwa ngugqirha? Impendulo ixhomekeke kwisikolo sethiyori apho aqeqeshwe khona ugqirha. Kuba ndiqeqeshiwe kunyango lweenkqubo, ndiqinisekile ukuba elona cebiso libalulekileyo endinokukunika lona kukusebenzisa amazwi athi “Ndi”!
Musa ukuthi kumyeni wakho: “UBANDA kakhulu yaye awusoze wandanga!” Endaweni yoko yithi: “Ndingakwazi ukuwola.” Ukuba ufuna ukuqhubekeka kwaye usebenze ngokunyanisekileyo ngoxinzelelo lomtshato olunxulumene nenqanaba lezinto zomzimba, cwina kancinci kwizizathu ezibangela ukungoneliseki. Ukuba uyalazi eli cebiso, unokuzifumana uthetha into enje:
“Ukuba ndinyaniseke ngokupheleleyo, kufuneka ndivume ukuba ndingumntu onqwenela inkanuko yomzimba. Kwaye kufuneka ndivume ukuba nangemva kokuba sithandana, ndiye ndaphawula ukuba ndiyirhalela kwinqanaba elidlula indawo yakho yendalo. Ndandingenangqondo yokucinga ukuba le ngxwabangxwaba iya kunyamalala ngomtshato kunye nokuhamba kwexesha, kwaye ndizabalaza nayo ngoku kunakuqala. Ndifuna ukuqonda ukuba ndizifezekisa njani iimfuno zam kodwa ndiyayihlonipha nendlela oziva ngayo ngendawo yakho. ”
Isiteyitimenti esithi "Mna" sinokunxibelelana nayo nayiphi na into ekunokuqhakamshelwana nayo "wena", kodwa ngendlela entle engenakufane ikhuphe ukuzikhusela kwaye kunokwenzeka ukuba iviwe. Omnye wabathengi bam kunyango lwengqondo wachaza iziphumo ezinamandla zale ngcebiso:
“'Mna' zingamandla am amatsha omlingo. Ndixelele intombi yam ukuba andinakukwazi ukuhlawula ifowuni ayifunayo kunokuba ndimfundise ngoxanduva lwezezimali. Wayeyihlonipha ngokupheleleyo le mpendulo. Emva koko, bendisiya kudla isidlo sangokuhlwa kunye nentombi endithandana nayo kwaye amadoda amabini acele ukusijoyina. Endaweni yokubaxelela ukuba bathathe uhambo, ndathi 'enkosi ngesipho sakho, mna nomhlobo wam khange sibonane okwethutyana kwaye ngenene sifuna ixesha lokufumana.' Ndisebenze njengekhubalo. ”
Kutheni le nto amazwi athi "Ndi" esebenza kangaka?
Ukusuka kwimbono yengqondo, ukuzimisela ukuthetha ngesiqu sakho kubonisa ukuvuma ukuba yinxalenye yenxalenye yolwalamano. Ngamanye amagama, nokuba kunokwenzeka ukuba uchaneke ukuba iqabane lakho alithandanga ngokwasemzimbeni ngendlela othanda ngayo, kufanelekile ukuba ube ngumnini kwaye ubonakalise umnqweno wakho wothando kunokuba uhlalutye iintsilelo zomyeni wakho.
Ithiyori yeenkqubo igxininisa ukukhula kwengqondo kunye nokukhula komntu. Isakhono sokulinganisa ukwahlula kunye nokumanyana sisiseko esingundoqo kunye nesibalulekileyo sokukhula ngokweemvakalelo. Ngokwenkqubo yethiyori, eyona njongo iphambili yengqondo ngokubhekisele kubudlelwane obusenyongweni kukuphuhlisa amandla okusondelelana nabanye ngelixa kwangaxeshanye uzifumana ngokwakho. Ke ukulungela ukuguqula iingxelo "wena" zibe zi "Mna" zezona zinto ziphambili kunxibelelwano lweenkqubo zethiyori. Ndiyakuthembisa ukuba nasiphi na isivakalisi kwisigama sakho sinokuhlengahlengiswa ngale ndlela kwaye siyakuqinisa ubudlelwane bakho-kwezothando nakwezinye izinto. Ukuzinyanzela ukuba utyibilize lonke unxibelelwano oluntsonkothileyo ngokwasemphefumlweni oluqukethe igama elithi "wena" kunxibelelwano olusekwe kwigama elithi "mna" sesona sipho sithandekayo sikaValentine ungasinika !!!