Umxholo
- Umzekeliso wokubamba ngesandla
- Xa ukuthembana kuphelile
- Ukusuka kwintembeko ukuya ekuthandeni
- Ukuqheleka
- Ixesha elibalulekile
- Ukususa
Umtshato uqukethe ubudlelwane obuninzi:
- Ubuhlobo
- Intsebenziswano kwezothando (uthando lwe-Eros)
- Ubambiswano kwishishini
- Co-habitants (kungenjalo eyaziwa ngokuba igumbi-amaqabane)
- Co-abazali (ukuba isibini sinabantwana)
Ubuhlobo bubudlelwane obusisiseko apho bonke obunye ubudlelwane obudweliswe apha ngasentla busekwe kubo. Oku kwenza ubuhlobo kungekuphela nje kweyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu kuzo zonke ezi ngasentla.
Kodwa ukuqonda ngokupheleleyo ubuhlobo, ngokubhekiselele kumtshato, kufuneka sihlolisise enye yezona zinto zibaluleke kakhulu; amandla okuthembana phakathi kwabantu. Ithemba lisisiseko salo lonke unxibelelwano phakathi kwabantu. Kubaluleke ngokukodwa kwimeko yomtshato womtshato.
Umzekeliso wokubamba ngesandla
Iingcali ze-anthropologists zithi ukutshintshiselana okuqhelekileyo phakathi kwezinto ezininzi kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo ezisesikweni, kungenjalo kwaziwa ngokuba "kukuxhawulana" kubuyela umva emva kookhokho bethu abaqhelekileyo. Injongo yokubamba izandla yahluke kakhulu kunangoku.
Ekuqaleni, yayiyindlela yabantu ababini yokuqinisekisa ukuba akukho mntu ubephethe isixhobo abanokwenzakalisa omnye ngaso. Ngomntu omnye wolula isandla sakhe esingenanto, wenza umqondiso wokuba uze ngoxolo. Ngomnye umntu odibanisa isandla esivulekileyo, wayebonisa ukuba naye akathethi nto.
Ngale nto Umzekeliso wokubanjwa ngesandla, sinokubona ukubonakaliswa kwesiseko esisiseko sobudlelwane boluntu bokuthembana. Ukuqonda okusisiseko phakathi kwabantu ababini ukuba akukho namnye ngabom oceba enye ingozi.
Xa ukuthembana kuphelile
Kumava am obuchwephesha, ndincede izibini ezininzi ukuba ziphinde zingathembeki. Ukubona izinto ezothusayo ezibangelwa kukwaphuka kokuthembana xa iqabane lakho lingathembekanga kubonisa ukubaluleka kwalo.
It yinto engenakwenzeka ukunceda isibini ukuba siphinde sifeze ukungathembeki ukuba ukuthembana kwabo akunakuphikiswa. Ndiyazi ukuba kufuneka uzibuze, "Inokwenzeka njani into yokuba abantu abatshatileyo baphinde bathembane emva kokuba umntu owenze into eyonakeleyo?"
Ayikuko ukuba ukuthembana kwesi sibini kwakukhe kwabuyiselwa ngobusuku obunye. Yinkqubo eqala kancinci kwaye yakhela kuphuhliso ngalunye de kugcinwe inqanaba lokuqala lokuthembela. Nangona kunjalo, lonke ukholo lokuqala alusayi kugcinwa. Ukuba le yinjongo yazo naziphi na izibini endisebenza nazo, ndiyaqinisekisa ukuba ndiyazichaphazela izinto abazilindeleyo kwangoko.
Isiseko sokwakha ukuthembana kwakhona liqabane elithembekileyo lokukhulisa imbono yabo ukuze bazi ngandlela thile, Umkhohlisi akazange enze into eya kubenzakalisa ngabom.
Oku kudibanisa umzekeliso wokubamba ngesandla.
Ngoku, oku akuthethi ukuba ndikhuthaza izigulana zam ukuba zibandakanyeke ekukhohlisweni ngabom. Ngokuchasene noko, xa singena kwiinjongo zokukhohlisa iqabane, sinokubona ukuba bezizama ukugcina ubudlelwane.
Ngamanye amagama, ubudlelwane babunganyamezeleki kangangokuba bajongana ne-conundrum yokuyiphelisa ngokupheleleyo okanye ukufikelela komnye ukuze baphephe ukwahlukana. Kodwa mandicacise malunga nenqaku lokugqibela. Oku ngekhe kubandakanya umntu okopayo ngenxa yokuba enesilonda esini okanye enye imeko ekhetheke ngokupheleleyo kwaye engazinzanga nangayiphi na indlela kubudlelwane.
Ngenxa yoko, ngokujonga kwiziphumo zokungathembeki kubudlelwane, sinokubona ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani ukuthembana. Ukuthembela yeyona fiber ibambekayo.
Ukusuka kwintembeko ukuya ekuthandeni
Ukuba ukuthembela sisiseko esifunekayo esakhelwe phezu kwabo bonke ubudlelwane babantu, ke inqanaba elilandelayo kukunconywa. Akunakwenzeka ukuba ube ngumhlobo nomntu ongamthandiyo nangayiphi na indlela.
Nokuba ngowuphi umgangatho ofunyanwa uncomekayo, Ukunconywa omnye nomnye kubalulekile ukuze ubuhlobo phakathi kwabantu ababini buqhubeke. Oku kubalulekile nasemtshatweni. Susa ukunconywa, kwaye kufana nokukhupha umoya kwiibhaluni zomoya ezishushu; alunamsebenzi kokubini kwingqondo nakwisi syntax.
Ukuqheleka
Abantu ababini kubuhlobo abanezinto ezifanayo nabo kubalulekile. Sonke siyayazi intetho ethi, "izinto ezichaseneyo ziyatsala," kwaye nangona oku kulungile, ayisiyiyo into yokuba abantu babini mababe nayo yonke into efanayo ukuze bathandane. Into abanayo ngokufanayo ifuna kuphela ukuba yanele ukwenza isiseko apho umahluko unokuxhaswa khona.
Ukusuka kuloo ndawo, amava aqhelekileyo kweziganeko ekwabelwana ngazo zihlala zanele ukuthwala izihlobo, ngakumbi izibini, ngotshintsho oluninzi lomntu oluza ngokwendalo kunye namava obomi.
Ixesha elibalulekile
Uyakumangaliswa linani lezibini endinodliwanondlebe nazo kwiseshoni yokuqala eofisini yam, endixelela ukuba bachitha phantse naliphi na "ixesha elisemgangathweni" kunye nabanye veki nganye. Ngokwesiqhelo, oku akubangelwa kukuba bekhule bengaluthandi olu hlobo lwexesha, kodwa kungenxa yokunqongophala kokubeka phambili kwinkqubo yabo exakekileyo.
Elinye lamanyathelo okuqala ndibakhuthazayo ukuba bathathe kukuba buyisela ixesha elisemgangathweni kubudlelwane babo. Oku akupheli ukundothusa kuba xa ndicela uninzi lwabo ukuba lucinge emva ekuqaleni kobudlelwane babo. Bonke bayavuma ukuba bachitha ixesha elininzi lomgangatho kwinqanaba elinye okanye kwelinye.
Ngu ukuthatha inyathelo elincinci lokubuyisa ixesha elisemgangathweni, izibini zifumana ukuphuculwa kwangoko kumgangatho wonke wobudlelwane.
Kwividiyo engezantsi, uDan noJennie Lok bathi ukubonakalisa uthando lwakho ngokuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunika umntu ingqalelo yakho. Yazi indlela yokuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye neqabane lakho okanye iqabane lakho elingezantsi:
Ukususa
Ngokwazisa ukuba umtshato wakhiwe ngezakhelo ezahlukeneyo zobudlelane ezifanayo kunye ezahlukeneyo, asinokwandisa ukuqonda kwethu iziko ngokubanzi kodwa sinceda izibini ukuba ziphucule imitshato yazo. Ngokujolisa kwinto yobuhlobo emtshatweni, sinokubona iziphumo ezinokufikelela kuyo. Ngokusebenza ukuphucula ubuhlobo besibini, sinokubona kwangaphambili ukuphucuka komgangatho wonxibelelwano kunye nokubopha komtshato ngokubanzi.
Ngaphaya koko, ngenxa yokuba izihlobo zobuhlobo obusempilweni zibalulekile phantse kubo bonke ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu (umtshato awubekelwa bucala), lelona candelo libaluleke kuzo zonke. Ngamanye amagama, isibini kufuneka sisebenze kubuhlobo babo ukuphucula umtshato wabo wonke.