Umxholo
- Imicimbi ityumza kuwo omabini amaqabane
- 1. Yeka ukutyhola
- 2. Yakha ukuthembana
- 3. Ukulindela okungaphantsi
Akukho mntu waziyo ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba bangaphi abantu abatshatileyo abanemicimbi. Iinkcukacha-manani zahluka ngokubanzi, ukusuka kwi-10% ukuya kwi-50%, kwaye kusekwe kukuzixela ngokwakho, okwaziwa ngokungathembeki. Ngokucacileyo, nangona kunjalo, ukukopa kwenzeka ngalo lonke ixesha. Ngokusekwe kubungqina be-anecdotal, kunye nomthamo omkhulu wezibini ezisesofisini zam ezisokolayo nokukrexeza, ndicinga ukuba iipesenti zikufuphi kwelona nqanaba liphezulu- okanye malunga nesiqingatha sabantu kubudlelwane.
Ukuba ukukopela (okunokuvela ekufumaneni iimfuno zakho zeemvakalelo zomnye umntu, ukuba nomdla wenyama, ukuthanda umntu othile kwi-Intanethi) kwenzeka oku rhoqo, emva koko sinokucinga ukuba ubudlelwane buba nzima kwaye buye buphuke rhoqo. Kwaye xa kunikezelwe ubudlelwane obonakeleyo, ukwazi ukuba bafika njani kuye kubaluleke ngakumbi kunokuthatha isigqibo sokuba bangaphilisa njani.
Ujoliso lwam njengonyango, ke, lutshintshile ukusuka:
Yintoni ebangele ukuba yenzeke le nto? ”
ukuya
“Singaya phi esi sibini?”
Oku kubeka ugxininiso ngakumbi kwikamva lesibini kunangaphambili, kwaye ngaphakathi kwalo, le yindawo ethembeke ngakumbi. Sijonga kwixesha elidlulileyo-sivavanya ubuntwana bomlingane ngamnye kunye nezinto eziphembelela imvakalelo kulwalamano-kodwa emva koko siqhubekeka samkela ukuba lonke ulwalamano lunolu hlobo lunye lwemingxunya, kwaye sicinga ukuba ikhona into esinokuyakhela phezu kwayo.
Imicimbi ityumza kuwo omabini amaqabane
Xa ungcatshwa, unokuziva ukuba yonke into obuyicinga iyinyani kwaye inokuthenjwa itshatyalalisiwe, ibangele ukuba ungabuzi nje obu buhlobo kodwa lonke ulwalamano. Iimvakalelo ping-pong ukusuka kumsindo ukuya kuphelelwa lithemba ukuzola kunye nokubuyela umva. Kunokuba nzima ukucinga ukuba ungaze uphinde uthembe iqabane lakho kwakhona. Xa ungumkrexezi, ufuna iqabane lakho ukuba lazi ukuba kutheni kufuneka ujonge ngaphandle kobudlelwane ukuze uzive ufunwa kwaye ubonwa. Iimvakalelo zakho zingaqala ngesiqabu kungasadingeki ukuba ugcine imfihlo, emva koko uye ekuphelelweni lithemba, uloyiko lokuba iqabane lakho liya kohlwaya ngonaphakade. Nobabini niya kusokola ukuthembana.
Ukholo alwakhiwa kwakhona ngobusuku. Yindlela ende, ngamanye amaxesha ivaliwe okwethutyana, ngamanye amaxesha ifuna ukubonwa ngendlela ongazange wacinga ngayo. Ukuqala ukuqhubela phambili emva kokungathembeki, qala ngamanyathelo amathathu aphambili.
1. Yeka ukutyhola
Masijongane nesiqwenga esinzima kuqala. Kukho nakuphi na ukungqubana, kuyindalo ukuba uzive uzikhusele kwaye ukhombe iminwe. Kwaye kwezinye iimeko, imicimbi isisiphumo seqabane elinye (elihlala lilichiza). Rhoqo, nangona kunjalo, bayimpawu yokubambisana eye yahlukana macala omabini.
Endaweni yokujonga ngaphandle kwaye ubeke uxanduva olupheleleyo kwiqabane lakho, jonga ngaphakathi. Ngokwamkela inxaxheba yakho kwimbali yobudlelwane, ufumana ithuba lokungena kwimizabalazo yakho. Mhlawumbi uya kubona ipatheni yokuziphatha eye yahlala kulwalamano oluninzi; mhlawumbi uya kuphawula ukuba ezinye zeendlela osabela ngazo zifana nendlela omnye wabazali bakho awenza ngayo. Ukuvavanya ngenene igalelo lakho kwiingxaki kukunika ithuba lokulungisa kungekuphela nje okubalulekileyo, kodwa ngaphakathi, kwimpilo yakho. Oku kuyakusebenzela ulwalamano lwakho lwangoku, okanye naliphi na elizayo.
Intlekele izisa ithuba elikhethekileyo. Xa izinto zimbi kakhulu, akukho nto iseleyo yokulahleka, oko kuthetha ukuba lithuba lokunyaniseka ngokupheleleyo. Yonke into obufuna ukuyithetha kodwa uyibambe ngaphakathi ngoku inokukhwazwa kwaye ihlalutywe kwaye idityaniswe. Kungaba yinkqubo ebuhlungu, kodwa kukwathetha ukuba utshintsho lokwenyani kunye nokuphilisa kunokwenzeka-ngamanye amaxesha okokuqala.
2. Yakha ukuthembana
Emva kokuvavanya ubudlelwane kunye nesiqwenga sakho kuwo, ungaqhubekeka nokubuyisela ukusondela obukuziva xa wawuthandana. Nangona le yinkqubo ende kwaye mhlawumbi iqalisiwe ngoncedo lobungcali bomcebisi ngemitshato, inokushwankathelwa apha njengokubandakanya iinxalenye ezimbini, endizibiza ngoku kukuzibophelela kunye nokuzibophelela kamva.
Ngoku ukuzibophelela kuko okwenzeka kwangoko emva komcimbi, uhlala uxelelwa liqabane elibuhlungu, kubandakanya (kodwa kungaphelelanga apho) ukwanda kokusekuhleni kwindlela ixesha nemali echithwe ngayo, ixesha elongeziweyo kunye, unxibelelwano olungaguquguqukiyo, izenzo zobubele bothando, ngakumbi okanye Ukuziphatha kancinci ngokwesondo, ukufikelela kwiifowuni kunye ne-imeyile, njl. Ezi ndlela zokuziphatha zivulelekile kuthethathethwano, kodwa zibeka elubala eyona nto ixhalabisa iqabane elibuhlungu malunga: nokuziva usemnyameni kwaye usengozini.
Iqabane elilahlekileyo liya kuba nalo uluhlu lweeNtsha zokuzibophelela, ezijongana nemeko ekhokelele kwinto leyo. Lo mntu uya kufuna isiqinisekiso sokuba nakuphi na ukubandayo okanye ukungabinanto athe waziva ngaphambi komcimbi uya kuhoywa. Kwaye kuya kufuneka bazive benethemba, kubo nakumaqabane abo, lokuba ukuxolelwa kunokwenzeka.
Ukuzibophelela mva zezo apho niqinisekisa omnye komnye ukuba uya kumelana nokuwela kwiipateni eziqhelekileyo, kwaye ufunde izixhobo ezitsha zokumelana neemvakalelo ezindala zenzondo, isithukuthezi, okanye ukuba sesichengeni. Xa ukukhanya kukhanyisiwe kwiipateni ezonakalisayo zezibini kwaye bazibona ngokungathethekiyo, kuyothusa. Uloyiko lunokuvela lokuba ezi zinto zitshintshayo, ezithathe ixesha ukubumba kwaye zigqibile ukusombululwa iminyaka, azizukuphola okanye ziphephe. Ilungu ngalinye kufuneka lazi ukuba, nokuba yiminyaka esezantsi kwendlela, elinye liza kuphaphela lingabuyeli kukhuselo oludala.
Ekucebiseni ngomtshato, izibini ziyangqinelana ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuba ziya kuhlala zikhona omnye nomnye, kwaye iinjongo zazo zinothando. Oku kuvuseleleka kwakhona kunamandla, kwaye kudala ukuthembana.
3. Ukulindela okungaphantsi
Uluvo lweqabane eligqibeleleyo, nokuba yiPrince Charming okanye iManic Pixie Dream Girl (igama eliqulunqwe nguNathan Rabin emva kokubona uKirsten Dunst kumdlalo bhanyabhanya wase-Elizabethtown), uyasenzakalisa ngaphezu kokulungileyo. Asikwazi ukuba yinto yonke komnye nomnye, kwaye asifanelanga ukuba siqondane sonke-okanye uninzi-lwexesha. Amaqabane ngamaqabane, hayi iingelosi eziyimfihlakalo. Sikhona ukuxhasa nokuhamba ecaleni, sicinge ngobubele kwaye sizame nzima omnye nomnye.
Ukuba, endaweni yokukhangela iqabane lomphefumlo, besinqwenela umhlobo ozinzileyo, ovulekileyo owabelana ngezinto ezimbalwa kwaye asifumane sinomtsalane, singaba nomgca othe ngqo wokwaneliseka.
UAlain de Botton, kwisincoko sakhe esikwiNew York Times Kutheni uya kutshata umntu ongalunganga, ithi idosi esempilweni yokudandatheka kunye nokuphelelwa sisidima kuyafuneka emtshatweni. Ushwankathela ubuqabane ngale ndlela:
“Oyena mntu usilungeleyo ayinguye lo mntu ubelana nathi ngokwekhethelo (akakho), kodwa ngumntu onokuthetha-thethana ngokungafaniyo ngendlela akrelekrele ngayo ... Ukuhambelana kukufezekiswa kothando; akufuneki ibengaphambi kwayo. ”
Akukho nanye kula manyathelo alula; akukho namnye isiqinisekiso sempumelelo kulwalamano. Kodwa likho ithemba, kwaye kukho amathuba okuba nobudlelwane obusempilweni nobonelisayo emva komtshato. Ngokujonga iqhekeza lakho lengxaki, ukwakha uqhagamshelo kunye nokujikela kwiqabane lakho, kwaye ekugqibeleni ngokuba nembono eyiyo ngekamva, kwanokungcatshwa okuchukumisayo kunokuphiliswa.