Umxholo
- Isitayile sokuncamathisela esingaqhelekanga kunye nohlobo
- Uhlobo lokuncamathisela okungafunekiyo
- Uhlobo olunomdla lokungabonakali
- Ukuncamathisela okungaqondakaliyo kubantu abadala
- 1. Bafuna ukuqinisekiswa okuphezulu ngaphezulu kwamaqabane abo
- 2. Baya kuba babambelele kwaye babe ngabanini
- 3. Babeza kuqala amalungiselelo okwahlukana
Yinto eqhelekileyo kule mihla ukuba ubudlelwane phakathi komzali nomntwana baneziphumo zexesha elide ekuziphatheni komntwana. Ubukho okanye ukungabikho kwabo bobabini abazali yimodeli yokuqala kunye nefuthe kubudlelwane babo phakathi kwabantu.
Kuyinyani, nokuba akukho mntu ukhumbula ngokwenene ukuba izinto bezinjani kwiminyaka emithathu ukuya kwemihlanu yobomi babo.
Ubudlelwane bokuncamathisela okungathandabuzekiyo benzeka xa umntwana efumana ukhathalelo lwexeshana kubazali babo.
Usana luya kufuna ngokwendalo ukukhuselwa ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasemzimbeni kubantu abababonayo. Emva kweenyanga ezimbalwa, baqala ukwamkela abantu ababalulekileyo ebomini babo njengentsapho yenyukliya okanye umkhathaleli. Balindele inqanaba elithile lothando kwaba bantu kwaye umzuzu apho kukho unxibelelwano phakathi kwenyani kunye nolindelo, isimilo sokuziphatha siyakhula.
Unonophelo olungekho mthethweni oluvela kwabo bantu luya kumdida umntwana. Khange baphuhlise amandla okucinga abalulekileyo ukuze bafumane unyango olungahambelaniyo abalufumanayo. Ngenxa yoko, baya kufika kwisigqibo esilula. Ityala labo. Yindlela yokuziphatha okuncamisileyo okuqala ukubonakala ngayo.
Isitayile sokuncamathisela esingaqhelekanga kunye nohlobo
Kukho iindidi ezimbini ezahlukileyo zokwahlulahlula kweendlela zokuncamathisela.
Uhlobo lokuncamathisela okungafunekiyo
Kuxa umntwana, okanye ekugqibeleni emdala, efuna ingqalelo kodwa engavisisaniyo nolwalamano. Abaxhaphazi, izidenge, kunye necasanovas bazalwa ngolu hlobo.
Bafuna ukuba liziko lehlabathi kwaye benze konke abanako ukufumana ingqalelo kunye nolwalamano kodwa bala ukubuyisa oko.
Uhlobo olunomdla lokungabonakali
Kukuchasene okupheleleyo kohlobo lokuncamathisela okunganyangekiyo.
Bayoyika isigwebo kunye nokunxibelelana kwaye ke baphephe ukunxibelelana nabanye abantu. Baxakekile ekuhlaleni kodwa bafuna ubuhlobo.
Nje ukuba umntu abe nako ukujongana nemiceli mngeni kunxibelelwano, baya babambelela kakhulu kwaye babe ngabanini.
Ukuncamathisela okungaqondakaliyo kubantu abadala
Izitayile zokuncamathisela zahlukile kuphela kwindlela abaziveza ngayo esidlangalaleni. Ngaphakathi kubudlelwane bobuqu, zonke iintlobo zeendlela zokuncamathisela ezinomdla zenza ngokufanayo. Bahlala bezithandabuza bona, amaqabane abo, kunye nobudlelwane bebonke.
Bahlala belindele ukuba abantu babashiye. Baza kuhamba ngokugqithileyo ukunqanda ukuba kungenzeki, ukusuka kwizenzo ezifihlakeleyo ukuya kufuthanisela amaqabane abo. Baza kuhlala befuna ukuqinisekiswa kuthando, inkathalo kunye nothando. Ukuncamathisela okungahambelaniyo nokungaqiniseki bubudlelwane obuphezulu besondlo kwelinye iqela.
Bahlala befuna ukuhoywa kwiqabane labo, ngalo mzuzu baziva bengakhathalelwanga, bayitolika ngokukhanya okugwenxa. Iinkumbulo zabo ezingapheliyo zobuntwana ziya kubaxelela ukuba akukho buhlobo buzinzileyo kwaye abantu baya kushiya ngaphandle kwesizathu.
Nje ukuba ukukhathazeka kwabo okuxakekileyo okanye okuthandabuzekayo kokuqhoboshela kungene, baya kuphendula "kukungakhathalelwa okuncinci" ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo.
1. Bafuna ukuqinisekiswa okuphezulu ngaphezulu kwamaqabane abo
Umntu oqolileyo kubudlelwane efuna ukuqinisekiswa kwiqabane lakhe uya kufuna kuphela ukwanga okanye amagama ambalwa. Umntu onesifo sokuncamathisela esingaqondakaliyo uyakufuna umhla opheleleyo wezipho, iintyatyambo kunye nezinye iindlela zothando.
Ukungazithembi kwabo akuyi kuxolelwa ngamazwi alula okanye imiqondiso yothando. Ukuthatha iqabane labo lifuna ukuqhubeka nobudlelwane babo, kuya kufuneka basebenze nzima ukuzinzisa imeko nokuba akukho nto bayenzileyo. Njengoko unokuxela, olu hlobo lobuntu luyacaphukisa kwaye ludala ngokukhawuleza ngokukhawuleza.
Iqabane liya kugqiba ekubeni lishiye ubudlelwane obunxunguphalisayo kwaye liqhubeka liqinisa zonke izizathu zokuziphatha okunamathela kokuncamathela.
2. Baya kuba babambelele kwaye babe ngabanini
Abanye abantu abane-Ambivalent Attachment disorder baya kusebenza ekukhuseleni ubudlelwane babo. Endaweni yokucela ukuqinisekiswa kunye nokuqinisekiswa kwiqabane labo, baya kubabeka kwi-leash emfutshane kakhulu.
Iinkumbulo zabo zobuntwana zokulibala ngokushiywa kunye neemfuno ezingonelisekanga ziya kubonakala kulwalamano olusondeleyo kwifom eyingozi. Baya kuba nokulawula kunye nokukhohlisa kumzamo wokugcina ubudlelwane kunye.
Ingcinga apha kukuthintela iqabane labo ekuthatheni izigqibo ezinokukhokelela kuqhawulo-mtshato, iqabane elinengxaki lokuphazamiseka liya kwenza zonke izigqibo kubo bobabini.
Ngokucacileyo, ayizukuhlala kakuhle uninzi lwabantu. Kukho abantu abangaboniyo abanokuyonwabela, kodwa kuninzi lwabemi, olu hlobo lobudlelwane alunampilo kwaye luyacinezela.
Ekugqibeleni baya kubushiya ubudlelwane kwaye umntu oncamathayo ongaqondakaliyo uya kusombulula ukuzama ngokuzayo kwixesha elizayo. Uqikelelo lwabo olubi luba ziziprofeto ezizalisekisayo.
3. Babeza kuqala amalungiselelo okwahlukana
Ayingabo bonke abantu abanobuntu obunamathelayo okanye obuxakekileyo obunokuthintela ubudlelwane ukuba bungahlukani. Uninzi lwazo sele lusetyenzisiwe kwisangqa sokuphelelwa lithemba, ubudlelwane, ukulahlwa kwaye ngekhe kulwe oko bakuthatha "njengekamva labo".
Ayinamsebenzi ukuba imiqondiso abayibonayo iyinyani, iyacingelwa, okanye itolikwe gwenxa. Baya kuthatha okona kubi kwaye bathathe amanyathelo "okuqhubeka." Kuquka ukukhangela ngokunyanisekileyo iqabane elitsha. Ukuze bazikhusele ekulahlweni, baya kuba ngabokuqala ukushiya ubudlelwane kwinqanaba lomzimba kunye neemvakalelo ngokufumana iqabane elitsha.
Abamangaleli amaqabane abo ngokusilela kwabo, bakholelwa nje ukuba yinto yendalo abantu abathi bayidibanise, bahlukane, bahlambe, baphinde.
Nokuba bafuna ngokungazenzisiyo ubudlelwane obunzulu nomntu, bakufumanisa kungenakwenzeka ukuba bathembe umntu kwaye bayile loo bond.
Umonzakalo wabo wobuntwana ubaxelela ukuba ayinamsebenzi ukuba ngubani umntu okanye wenza ntoni, bonke baya kwenza ngendlela engalindelekanga. Ke ngaphandle kwezenzo okanye ukungasebenzi, ngokuhamba kwexesha, iqabane labo liza kushiya. Umntu oqhotyoshelweyo oza kungena kubudlelwane nale mindset, kwaye njengeendlela ezimbini zokuziphatha ezidlulileyo, nako oku kuya kukhokelela kwisiprofeto sokuzizalisekisa kwaye kuqhubeke ukuthethelela ukungaziphathi kakuhle.
Ukuchasana kuthetha ukungqubana, kunye nokuncamathisela okuchaseneyo ngenkcazo kukuziphatha okuchasene neminqweno yabo. Ukungangqinelani abakufumanisileyo besebancinci ngoku kubonakalisa njengezenzo ezonakalisayo nezingachasayo. Ngoku sele bebadala, isenzo sabo esididayo siyabathintela ekubeni babe nolwalamano olusempilweni nolwanelisayo.