Umxholo
- Iilwimi ezi-5 zothando
- Ngaba iilwimi zothando zinokusebenza ngokuchasene nolwalamano lwakho
- Indlela esempilweni yokusebenzisa iilwimi zothando
Ndandinomzuzu omkhulu xa ndandiqala ukufunda incwadi ethi 'The 5 Love Languages' nguGary Chapman. Ndikunye nomyeni wam, bendimane ndimxelela indlela endicinga ukuba ulunge ngayo kwaye ndimncome kakhulu.
Wayeyithanda, kwaye sahleka ukuba ngenye imini akazokwazi ukukhupha intloko yakhe emnyango kuba i-ego yakhe iya kuba nkulu kakhulu.
Kwelinye icala, ndiqaphele ukuba inxenye yam ibiziva ilusizi kancinci ngoba bekungabonakali ndifumene uhlobo olufanayo lokunqula kuye.
Iilwimi ezi-5 zothando
Incwadi isekwe kwingcinga yokuba sihlala sithande iqabane lethu ngendlela esifuna ukuyifumana ngayo. Kwisifundo esenziwe kwimodeli yoLwimi loLuthando kaChapman, kwafunyaniswa ukuba izibini ezithandanayo ezinesivumelwano seelwimi zothando azifane zichaze uxinzelelo.
Nangona kunjalo, iingxaki zinokuvela kuba indlela esifuna ukufumana ngayo uthando ayisoloko ilulwimi olusisiseko oluthandwayo lweqabane lethu, yiyo loo nto ngamanye amaxesha siziva sibuhlungu okanye singafunwa.
'Iilwimi ezi-5 zoLwimi' zandiqinisekisa ukuba bendihlala ndisebenzisa ulwimi lwam oluphambili lothando nomyeni wam, kwaye eli 'yayiliMazwi esiQinisekiso.'
Zithini ezi 5 iilwimi zothando ezahlukeneyo:
- Amagama aNgqinayo
- Ukubamba ngokomzimba
- Imisebenzi yeNkonzo
- Ixesha elibalulekile
- Izipho
Ngokwesiqhelo, sihlala sineendlela ezimbini ezahlukeneyo zokubonisa uthando esikhetha ukulusebenzisa noluza kuthi ngokwendalo.
Ukuba awuqinisekanga ukuba loluphi kwezi lwimi zilapha ngasentla luthando lwakho, unokufumana ngakumbi oku ngokucinga ngale mibuzo mibini ilandelayo:
- Yeyiphi eyona ndlela iphambili onomdla wokuthanda iqabane lakho?
- Kungayiphi indlela ongathanda ukufumana uthando ngakumbi kwiqabane lakho (ukuba mhlawumbi awufumani kangangoko ungathanda)?
Kungekudala yaba yinto ehlekisayo phakathi kwam nomyeni wam. Qho xa ndihlawula umyeni wam ndincoma, yayiba sisikhokelo sokuba athethe into entle.
Inxalenye encinci yenzelwe mhlawumbi, kodwa ubuncinci yayilithuba elihle kuye lokuba aqhelane nokuthetha ngolwimi lwam.
Ngamanye amaxesha ebesakulibala nanjengoko ibingazukuza kuye, bendimane ndimkrweca ndize ndibaphakamisele amehlo ngokungathi bathi, 'lithuba lakho ngoku!'
Ukuqhula ecaleni, oku kuncede ukunciphisa 'imfuno' yam yokuba athethe izinto ezintle kum kwaye ke oko kwandikhuthaza ukuba ndiyeke ukujonga kuye ukuba 'andisindise' okanye andinike uthando kanye kanye nangendlela endifuna ngayo.
Xa sisenza oku kubudlelwane bethu, kunokuba yindlela yokufumana ukuphoxeka okungapheliyo kunye nomzabalazo.
Ngaba iilwimi zothando zinokusebenza ngokuchasene nolwalamano lwakho
Nokuba uzifundile iilwimi kwaye iqabane lakho liyazi ngokupheleleyo indlela othanda ngayo ukufumana uthando, kwenzeka ntoni xa bengaphumeleli ukukunika uthando ngendlela oludinga ngayo?
Ukuba asilumkanga, sinokuthi emva koko sigxeke kwaye sigxeke kuba iqabane lethu lisilele ukufikelela kulindelo lokuba baya kuba nakho ukufeza iimfuno zethu kuba benolwazi.
Ukwenza iqabane lethu linoxanduva lwentlalo-ntle yethu yeemvakalelo ngumdlalo oyingozi onokuwudlala. Ngokwenza njalo, akunakufane sithwale uxanduva olupheleleyo lweemvakalelo zethu okanye ukuzithanda.
Singabambeka kumjikelo ongapheliyo wokukhangela uthando ngaphandle kwethu, olunokuba bubomi obunesithukuthezi nobubuhlungu.
Indlela esempilweni yokusebenzisa iilwimi zothando
Oku akuthethi ukuba iilwimi azisisixhobo esiluncedo. Kubalulekile ukuzisebenzisa ngokwazisa. Ukuba sinako ukwenza oku, zinokusetyenziselwa ukunceda unxibelelwano olunzulu kunye nokusinceda ukuba siziveze ngokuthembekileyo nangakumbi nangokuvulekileyo.
Inkululeko yokwenene kubudlelwane bethu kulapho abantu ababini banokuziva bethandwa kwaye bamkelwe ngenxa yokuba bevulekile, unxibelelwano olusempilweni.
Ke, singazisebenzisa njani iilwimi ukusebenzela ubudlelwane bethu kunokuba sichase?
- Ziveze ngokunyaniseka kwaye uthathe uxanduva olupheleleyo lwento oyifunayo
Ukukhumbuza iqabane lakho ngolwimi lwakho lothando akuyonto imbi. Kulula ukuba ubomi buthabathe indawo, kwaye ukuba ayisiyondlela iqabane lakho ukuphendula kuwe, banokulibala ngokulula okanye balahleke kwilizwe labo.
Ndikucebisa ukuba uchaze ngokucacileyo kwaye ngokulula ungathanda ukuba yintoni. Umzekelo, ukuba ulwimi lwakho lothando lukuchukumisa ngokwasemzimbeni kwaye uziva unqwenela ukuba iqabane lakho libenokwenyama ngakumbi nawe, ungathi, "Ndingathanda ukuba ungazikhuhla iinyawo zam okanye undange."
Ngaphandle kokuzithethelela okanye ubonise ukusilela kwabo; ungalandela ke ngento enje "Ndiyayithanda xa usenza lonto indenza ndizive ndidibene kwaye ndithandwa, ucinga ntoni?"
Soloko ubavumela ukuba bathethe kuba kufuneka babe nethuba lokujonga ukuba banokubakho ngokwenene kumzuzu othile.
Ngale ndlela, unokucwangcisa ixesha kunye nendawo, kunokuba bazive ngathi ngequbuliso kufuneka balahle yonke into ngexesha abanokuba sele beziva benyanzelekile ngalo.
- Nika uLwimi lwakho loLuthando kuwe!
Ngawo loo maxesha, xa sizibona siziva sonzakele okanye singafunwa ngenxa yokuba iqabane lethu lingafumaneki, ngokwasemphefumlweni okanye ngokwasengqondweni, kubalulekile ukuba sizifundise uthando esilulangazelelayo.
Eli lithuba lokuthetha uLwimi lwakho loLuthando kwaye uzinike lona: thetha wedwa usebenzisa amagama aqinisekisayo (amagama angqinayo) okanye uthathe ixesha lokuphumla ukonwabele into ekwenza uzive utofotofo (imisebenzi yenkonzo okanye ixesha elisemgangathweni).
Ngale ndlela, sizifundisa ukuzihlaziya kunye nokuzithanda ngokungathandabuzekiyo, ngaphandle kokuthembela kwimithombo yangaphandle ukuba siziva sithandwa.
- Thatha umva uqikelelo lwakho
Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba ugxeka iqabane lakho ngaphakathi okanye ngaphandle ngokungakuniki uthando ngokolwimi lwakho lothando, yazi ukuba xa usenza oku, uqikelela iimfuno zakho ezingagcwalisekanga kwiqabane lakho.
Ngelixa kunokuba nenyani kwingqikelelo okt, iqabane lakho lisenokungakuthatheli ingqalelo kangangoko kunokwenzeka; Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba uzibuze lo mbuzo: 'kuphi na apho ndingathatheli ngqalelo iqabane lam okanye mna?'
Lo msebenzi wokuthatha ingqikelelo yethu emuva unokusinceda sandise ukuqonda kwethu kwindlela esingazifezekisi ngayo iimfuno zethu. Ikwasenza sikwazi ukuqhubekeka kwaye siphilise iintlungu zethu, ezihlala zivela kubuhlungu obudlulileyo kwaye zingenanto yakwenza nokuziphatha kweqabane lethu.
Iilwimi zothando ngokungathandabuzekiyo zinokuba sisixhobo esihle sokwandisa uthando kunye nokunxibelelana kubudlelwane bethu bothando.
Nangona kunjalo, kuhlala kuluvo oluhle ukukhumbula ukuba ukuba sizisebenzisa ukuthelekisa kwaye ke sifumane amanqaku ngokuchasene neqabane lethu, sihlala sihlala sibubona ubuthathaka babo kunokuba sibanike indawo yokuzibonakalisa ngendlela yabo, eyahlukileyo yothando.
Kumava am, kokukhona sinokuyeka iqabane lethu ukuba liphelele, inkululeko esiyidalayo kulwalamano lwethu, kwaye ngenxa yoko igumbi elininzi lokukhula, ukwamkelwa nothando lokwenene lomntu ngamnye.