Umxholo
- Cela uncedo kumcebisi womtshato ofanelekileyo
- Inyathelo lokuqala. Umcimbi kufuneka uphele
- Ukuzibophelela ekunyanisekeni
- Ukuzinikela kunxibelelwano oluthembekileyo malunga nento ekhokelele kumcimbi lowo
- Kwiqabane elingcatshiweyo
- Ukwakha ukuzithemba kwakho kwiqabane elingcatshiweyo
- Chonga ukuba ufuna umtshato wakho omtsha ubukeke njani
Kuqhelekile ukuba ukunganyaniseki ngokwesini, xa sele kufunyenwe, kwaba nesiphumo esinye: umtshato waphela. Kodwa kutshanje iingcali ziye zajonga ukungathembeki ngendlela eyahlukileyo.
Ugqirha owaziwayo, uGqr Esther Perel upapashe incwadi eyaphula umhlaba, Umbuso weMicimbi: UkuCinga ukungathembeki. Ngoku kukho indlela entsha yokujonga ukungathembeki, ethi izibini zingathatha lo mzuzu unzima kwaye ziwusebenzise ukuhambisa umtshato wabo kubudlelwane obutsha.
Ukuba wena neqabane lakho ninqwenela ukuqhubela phambili niphilise ukungathembeki, nalu ucwangciso lonyango lokukunceda uvule isahluko sesibini sothando, uthando, ukuthembeka kunye nokunyaniseka emtshatweni wakho.
Cela uncedo kumcebisi womtshato ofanelekileyo
Kungaluncedo olukhulu kuwe nakwiqabane lakho ukukhupha izinto zangaphambili, ngexesha nasemva komtshato phantsi kwesikhokelo somcebisi womtshato.
Lo mntu uya kunceda ukuququzelela iingxoxo ezibuhlungu oza kuba nazo njengoko ujonga ukuba lo mcimbi uthetha ntoni kwimeko yobomi bakho. Ukuba uthandabuza ukudibana nonyango, zininzi iincwadi ezikhoyo ezinokuxhasa izixhobo zakho kwincoko yakho neqabane lakho.
Inyathelo lokuqala. Umcimbi kufuneka uphele
Umntu onolwalamano kufuneka ayiyeke loo nto kwangoko. Umhambisi kufuneka anqumle izinto, ngokukhethekileyo ngomnxeba, nge-imeyile okanye ngombhalo.
Ayililo icebo elihle ukuba baye kuthetha nomntu wesithathu bodwa, nokuba bazakuzama kangakanani ukukuqinisekisa ukuba kulungile, abafuni ukwenzakalisa umntu wesithathu, njl njl njl. ?
Abafumani khetho ukuba iqhubeka njani le nto, kuba sele bebangele ngokwaneleyo ukwenzakala.
Umngcipheko wokuba umntu wesithathu azame ukurhwebesha umntu ophuhleleyo ukuba abuyele kulwalamano uya kuba phezulu, kwaye umntu ophila naye angaziva ebuthathaka kwaye enikezele. Umcimbi kufuneka ugqitywe ngomnxeba, nge-imeyile, ngesicatshulwa. Akukho ngxoxo. Onke amaqhina kufuneka anqunyulwe; le ayisiyiyo imeko apho "sinokuhlala nje singabahlobo" lukhetho olunokwenzeka.
Ukuba uyazi umntu wesithathu, okt, uyinxalenye yesangqa sabahlobo bakho okanye oogxa bakho, kungafuneka uhambe ukuze umkhuphe ebomini bakho.
Ukuzibophelela ekunyanisekeni
Umnini-lungelo kufuneka azibophelele ekunyanisekeni ngokupheleleyo malunga nokuthandana kwaye azimisele ukuphendula yonke imibuzo yeqabane.
Kukho isidingo soku kungafihli nto, njengoko ukucinga kweqabane lakho kunokuba kuxhaphake kwaye ufuna iinkcukacha zekhonkrithi zokuthula ingqondo yakhe (nokuba bazakumenzakalisa, baya kuthi).
Umxhasi weliya kuyakufuneka ajongane nale mibuzo iphindaphindayo, mhlawumbi nakwiminyaka kamva.
Uxolo, kodwa eli lixabiso lokuhlawula ukungathembeki kunye nokuphilisa onqwenela ukukwenza.
Umnini-lungelo kungafuneka amkele ukuba iqabane lakhe liya kufuna ukufikelela kwiakhawunti yakhe ye-imeyile, izicatshulwa, imiyalezo okwethutyana. Ewe kubonakala ngathi kuncinci kwaye kulutsha, kodwa ukuba ufuna ukwakha ukuthembana kwakhona, le yinxalenye yesicwangciso sonyango.
Ukuzinikela kunxibelelwano oluthembekileyo malunga nento ekhokelele kumcimbi lowo
Oku kuya kuba sisiseko seengxoxo zakho.
Isizathu sokuba uphume emtshatweni kubalulekile ukwazi ukuze ukwazi ukwakha umtshato omtsha ojongana nale ndawo ibuthathaka.
Ngaba yayingumbuzo nje wokudikwa? Ngaba uphelelwe luthando? Ngaba kukho umsindo ongachazwanga kubudlelwane bakho? Ngaba wayekhohlisile umntu owayenobuhlobo? Ukuba kunjalo, kutheni engakwazanga ukuthi hayi kumntu wesithathu? Ngaba benihoya iimfuno zomnye nomnye zomzimba? Injani indlela onxibelelana ngayo?
Njengoko uxoxa ngezizathu zakho, cinga ngeendlela onokuthi uziphucule ngayo ezi ndawo zokungoneliseki.
Le yimeko apho umntu ophila ngokungakhathali engakhombisi ngomnwe kwiqabane okanye abatyhole ngokuba sisizathu sokuphambuka kwabo.
Unyango lunokwenzeka kuphela xa umntu ophila elwandle exolisa ngentlungu nosizi abalubonakalisileyo kumaqabane abo. Kuya kufuneka bacele uxolo, kaninzi, qho xa iqabane livakalisa indlela elibuhlungu ngayo.
Lo ayingomzuzu wokuba umfama athi "sele nditshilo!". Ukuba kufuneka bayitsho amaxesha ayi-1,001, leyo yindlela eya kunyango.
Kwiqabane elingcatshiweyo
Xoxa ngokuthandana kwindawo eyenzakalisayo, hayi indawo yomsindo.
Kusemthethweni ukuba ube nomsindo kwiqabane lakho elilahlekileyo. Kwaye uya kuba, ngokuqinisekileyo kwiintsuku zokuqala emva kokufunyanwa komcimbi. Kodwa njengokuba ixesha lihamba, iingxoxo zakho ziya kuba luncedo kwaye ziphilise xa usondela kubo njengomntu owenzakeleyo, hayi njengomntu onomsindo.
Umsindo wakho, ukuba uqhubeka uvakaliswa, uya kusebenza kuphela ukubeka iqabane lakho ekuzikhuseleni kwaye ungatsali naluphi na uvelwano kuye.
Kodwa intlungu yakho kunye nentlungu yakho izamvumela ukuba anike uxolo kunye nentuthuzelo kuwe, eyiyeyona isebenzayo ekuncedeni uwele lo mzuzu unzima emtshatweni wakho.
Ukwakha ukuzithemba kwakho kwiqabane elingcatshiweyo
Wonzakele kwaye ubuza ngeminqweno yakho.
Ukuze uphinde ufumane isahluko esitsha emtshatweni wakho, kuyakufuneka uphinde wakhe ukuzithemba kwakho okuthe kwabethwa zizenzo zeqabane lakho.
Ukwenza oku, ziqhelanise nokucinga okucacileyo kunye nokrelekrele ngaphandle kweemvakalelo ezinamandla oziva ngoku.
Kholelwa ukuba umtshato wakho kufanelekile ukuba uwusindise kwaye ulufanelwe luthando iqabane lakho elifuna ukubuyela kulo kunye nawe. Yazi ukuba uyokuchacha, nokuba kuthabatha ixesha kwaye kuya kubakho amaxesha anzima.
Chonga ukuba ufuna umtshato wakho omtsha ubukeke njani
Awufuni ukuhlala utshatile. Ufuna umtshato owonwabileyo, onentsingiselo nowonwabisayo.
Thetha ngezinto eziphambili ngokubaluleka, ungazenza njani ezi zinto, kwaye yintoni ekufuneka itshintshile ukuze ube nesahluko sesibini esimnandi kubomi bakho bomtshato.