Umxholo
- Inqaku lombulelo ukuba ufuna ubudlelwane obonwabileyo
- Ezinye izibonelelo zokubonisa kunye nokufumana umbulelo zibandakanya:
- Ukwahlukana nendlela ye-egoism
- Beka iiglasi zokubulela ukubona iqabane lakho lingcono
- Umbulelo uya kutshintsha ubudlelwane bakho kunye neqabane lakho
Ngaba uye walibulela iqabane lakho mva nje? Ukuba akukhange kubenjalo, ndiyanibongoza ukuba nithi ‘Enkosi,’ kanye ngalo mzuzu kuba uG wenzelwe “Umbulelo” kwiAlfabhethi yobuDlelwane.
Ulwalamano lweAlfabhethi kukudalwa kukaZach Brittle, uMcebisi ngezeMpilo yeNgqondo oLayisenisiweyo, kunye noGottman Therapist oqinisekisiweyo oseSeattle. Izithuba zeblogi zokuqala zikaZach kwiZiko laseGottman ziye zatsala umdla wokuba sele ipapashwe kwincwadi – I-Alphabet yoLwalamano: Isikhokelo esiSebenzayo soQhagamshelo olungcono lweZibini.
I-Alphabet yoLwalamano inika iileta inkcazo esekwe kwinto umbhali acinga ukuba imele ubudlelwane, njenge-encyclopedia yothando, nganye.
Umbhali waqala ngoonobumba bakhe ngokuma kweempikiswano, B ngokuNgcatshwa, C ngokuDelela nokuGxeka, njl.
Ngokwenyani nefomathi yayo, incwadi sisikhokelo esiluncedo ekuncedeni izibini zisebenze kwi-nitty-gritty yobudlelwane. Phakathi 'kwesikhokelo esisebenzayo' esinikiweyo kukubonisa umbulelo kwiqabane lakho.
Inqaku lombulelo ukuba ufuna ubudlelwane obonwabileyo
Isichazi-magama sithi umbulelo “luphawu lokuba nombulelo; ukulungela ukubonisa uxabiso nokubuyisela ububele. ” I-Brittle kunye nolwalamano oluninzi lwenzululwazi lubona umbulelo njengento ebalulekileyo ekwenzeni ubudlelwane buhlale, kwaye nathi sonwabe.
Ukubulela kunenzuzo enkulu kwimpilo yethu iphela. Awundikholelwa okwangoku? Makhe ndikubuze ukuba ucinge ngexesha apho wanika umntu isipho esincinci. Cinga ngendlela oziva ngayo xa besithi 'Enkosi' emva kokufumana lo mnikelo. Ngaba ayivanga kamnandi loo nto?
Ngoku, cinga malunga nexesha apho ufumana isipho esincinci. Cinga ngendlela oziva ngayo xa wawusamkela isipho. Khange unyanzelwe ukuba uthi 'Enkosi'?
Ukuba uphendule ngo-'ewe 'omkhulu kubo bobabini, ndicinga ukuba sisibonakaliso sokuba ngokuthi' enkosi 'okanye ufumane' enkosi, 'sifumana imvakalelo elungileyo xa sifumana umbulelo.
Ezinye izibonelelo zokubonisa kunye nokufumana umbulelo zibandakanya:
- Ukwanda kokonwaba nethemba
- Ukomelela okomeleleyo
- Ukwanda kokuzixabisa
- Ukuhla kwamanqanaba oxinzelelo
- Ukwehlisa umngcipheko woxinzelelo
Masibuye umva kancinci kwaye sizibeke kwimeko yobudlelwane bethu bezothando.
Ukuthi 'enkosi' komeleza ubudlelwane bethu namaqabane ethu. Ukuthi 'enkosi' kukuthi 'ndiyakubona okuhle kuwe.' Ukuthi 'enkosi' yinto ethi 'Ndiyakuthanda' isongelwe ngombulelo.
Akukho sizathu sokuba uG angamele ukuma kuMbulelo kwiAlfabhethi yobuDlelwane!
Ukwahlukana nendlela ye-egoism
Ngendlela yombulelo, sikhokelwa ukuba senze enye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo kubudlelwane. Yahlula indlela ye-egoism. Ngendlela yombulelo, siyaqonda ukuba sifumana ezi zipho zilandelayo kubudlelwane bethu: uthando, inkathalo, uvelwano.
Ngaba unokucinga ukuba uhlala kwihlabathi apho umbulelo lixabiso lokuqala labantu? Utopia.
Ngaba unokucinga ukuba ulwalamano oluxabisa umbulelo? Ukuba kunzima kuwe ukucinga, kutheni ungaqali ukuziqhelanisa nawo?
Thatha umzuzwana ukubulela iqabane lakho, kwaye ukwenze yonke imihla. Awunyanzelekanga ukuba ucinge kwangoko ngezinto ezinkulu okanye izipho ezibonakalayo- mhlawumbi ungaqala ngomsebenzi abawenzileyo, nokuba awuzange ubabuze.
‘Enkosi ngokuhlamba izitya phezolo. Ndiyayixabisa kakhulu loo nto. '
Beka iiglasi zokubulela ukubona iqabane lakho lingcono
Izinto ezincinci zibala kubudlelwane, kodwa, ukuze sizibone ezi zinto zincinci, kufuneka sinxibe iiglasi zombulelo ukusinceda sibone ngcono. Ukuxatyiswa kunceda ekwandiseni ukuzixabisa kwethu kunye nexabiso lethu njengomntu.
Imfihlo yokuba kutheni umbulelo usebenza kubudlelwane ilele kwinto yokuba uyalixabisa iqabane lakho njengomntu oxabisekileyo. Ukuba ubaxabise ngokwenyani kwaye emva koko, ukuba ubudlelwane buxabiseke ngokulinganayo.
Ngazo zonke ezi mvakalelo zilungileyo zidibeneyo, sinyanzelekile ukuba sibambelele kulwalamano, sinike ngakumbi kubudlelwane, sisebenze ngakumbi ekwenzeni ubudlelwane buhlale. Kungenxa yokuba iqabane lakho liziva lixabisekile ngako konke 'enkosi.'
U-Brittle waze wahlekisa esithi ukuba izibini ziqhelisela ukuthetha la magama mabini, ubudlelwane obuninzi bezonyango buya kukhutshwa kwishishini.
Umbulelo usinika iiglasi ezikhethekileyo ezisinceda ukuba sibone amaqabane ethu kwinqanaba elitsha lonke lolwazi.
Umbulelo uya kutshintsha ubudlelwane bakho kunye neqabane lakho
Ngoncedo lombulelo, iimpawu zabo ezintle zikhanyisiwe. Umbulelo unceda ukukhumbuza bobabini ukuba kutheni ukhethe omnye komnye.
Qala ngokubulela iqabane lakho ngokuhlamba izitya, kwaye ubone ukuba umbulelo uza kubutshintsha njani ubudlelwane bakho kunye neqabane lakho. Isenokungabi lutshintsho olukhawulezileyo, kodwa ngokuhamba kwexesha, izifundo ziqinisekisile ubudlelwane obonelisayo kwizibini ezisebenzisa umbulelo.
Ubudlelwane boonobumba nguZach Brittle yingqokelela enyanzelisayo yokuqonda kubudlelwane kwaye yindawo elungileyo ukuqala ukuba ufuna ukuzisa ngakumbi ekusebenzeni kubudlelwane bakho. Ime ngokwenyani ngegama layo lokuba sisikhokelo esisebenzayo sokudibanisa ngcono neqabane lakho.