Umxholo
- Kwenzeka ntoni xa ukudibanisa kungahambi kakuhle
- 1. Abantwana bakho bokwenene beza kuqala
- 2. Yiba nencoko enzulu neqabane lakho
- 3. Isitayile esingaguquguqukiyo sokuba ngumzali
- 4. Umzali webhayoloji kufuneka abe nelizwi lokugqibela kwizigqibo zobuzali
- 5. Unyango losapho kusapho lonke oludibeneyo
"Ukudibanisa, ukudibanisa, ukudibanisa". Yilento ithethwa yile gal kum ebesenza I makeover yam. Wayenechaphaza elisisiseko ebusweni bam emva koko wathatha isiponji wasiphulula ebusweni bam ukuze ungaboni. Emva koko wafaka amabala am ebomvu ezidleleni zam wathi, "dibanisa, dibanisa, dibanisa", waqaphela ukuba ibiyindlela ebalulekileyo yokwenza imake ukuba ijongeke indalo kwaye igudise ubuso bam. Umbono kukuba ukudibanisa kudibanise yonke le mibala yokwenza ubuso ukuze ubuso bam bubonakale buhlangene kwaye buyindalo. Akukho namnye umbala owavele wangathi akangowam ebusweni. Into efanayo iya kwiintsapho ezidibeneyo. Injongo kukuba akukho lungu losapho liziva lingahlali ndawo kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo kukho ukucoceka kunye nendalo kulwakhiwo losapho olutsha.
Ngokutsho kwesichazi-magama.com, igama elidityanisiweyo lithetha ukuxubeka ngokutyibilikayo nangokungalinganiyo kunye; ukuxuba okanye ukudibanisa kakuhle ngaphandle nangokungalingani. NgeMerriam Webster, inkcazo yemixube ithetha ukudibanisa kuyo yonke into edityanisiweyo; ukuvelisa iziphumo ezihambelanayo. Injongo yeli nqaku kukunceda iintsapho “zidibanise, zidibanise, zidibanise” kwaye zinezicwangciso ezithile zokuqhuba loo nkqubo.
Kwenzeka ntoni xa ukudibanisa kungahambi kakuhle
Kutshanje, bendinosapho lweentsapho ezidibeneyo eziza kuncedisa ekusebenzeni kwam. Ibingabazali beentsapho ezihlanganisiweyo zifuna ingcebiso kunye nezikhokelo malunga nendlela yokulungisa umonakalo owenziweyo ukusukela oko ukudityaniswa kungahambanga kakuhle. Into endiyiqaphelayo njengengxaki eqhelekileyo kwinkqubo yokudibanisa ingqeqesho yenyathelo labantwana kwaye abo batshatileyo baziva ngathi abantwana babo baphathwa ngokwahlukileyo nangalunganga kulwakhiwo losapho olutsha. Kuyinyani ukuba abazali baya kusabela ngendlela eyahlukileyo ebantwaneni babo xa kuthelekiswa nendlela abasabela ngayo kubantwana abaye baba ngabazali kubo. Umcebisi kwezobudlelwane kunye nengcali yezesondo uPeter Saddington uyavuma ukuba abazali benza izibonelelo ezahlukeneyo zabantwana abangababo.
Nazi ezinye iinkcukacha ezibalulekileyo ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe:
Ngokwe-MSN.Com (ngo-2014) kunye neeGqwetha loMthetho woSapho, uWilkinson kunye noFinkbeiner, i-41% yabaphenduli baxela ukungabikho kwamalungiselelo emitshato yabo kwaye bengakhange bacwangcise ngokwaneleyo ukuba bangene phi, ekugqibeleni banegalelo kuqhawulo-mtshato lwabo. Imiba yobuzali kunye neengxoxo zibekwe kwizizathu ezi-5 eziphambili zoqhawulo-mtshato kuvavanyo olwenziwe yi-Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) ngo-2013. Finkbeiner). Ngokumangalisayo, ukuba nobabini neqabane lakho benikhe natshata ngaphambili, ninethuba elingama-90% lokuqhawula umtshato kunokuba ibinomtshato wokuqala (uWilkinson noFinkbeiner). Isiqingatha sabo bonke abantwana eUnited States siyakubona ukuphela komtshato wabazali. Kwesi siqingatha, kufutshane ne-50% uya kubona ukwahlukana komtshato wesibini womzali (uWilkinson noFinkbeiner). Inqaku elibhalwe nguElizabeth Arthur kwi-Lovepanky.com lithi ukunqongophala konxibelelwano kunye nokulindela okungathethelwanga kunegalelo kuqhawulo mtshato ngama-45%.
Zonke ezi nkcukacha-manani zisibangela ukuba sikholelwe kukuba amalungiselelo, unxibelelwano kunye nezindululo zingezantsi, kufuneka zijongiwe ukutshintsha inqanaba lempumelelo leentsapho ezidityanisiweyo ngendlela elungileyo. Malunga ne-75% yabantu abayi-1.2 yezigidi abaqhawula umtshato unyaka nonyaka baya kutshata kwakhona. Uninzi lwabantwana kwaye inkqubo yokudibanisa inokuba ngumceli mngeni kuninzi. Yomelela, inokuthatha iminyaka emi-2-5 ukuhlala kunye nosapho olutsha ukuseka indlela yokusebenza kakuhle. Ukuba ukwelo xesha lokufunda kwaye ufunda eli nqaku, ngethemba lokuba kuya kubakho iingcebiso ezibalulekileyo ezinokunceda ukuhambisa ezinye zeziphelo ezibi. Ukuba ungaphaya kwelo xesha kwaye uziva ngathi ufuna ukuphosa itawuli, nceda uzame ezi ngcebiso kuqala ukuze ubone ukuba umtshato kunye nosapho banokuhlangulwa. Uncedo lobuchwephesha luhlala lukhetho olufanelekileyo ngokunjalo.
1. Abantwana bakho bokwenene beza kuqala
Kumtshato wokuqala oqhelekileyo nabantwana, iqabane kufuneka lize kuqala. Ukuxhasana kunye nokumanyana ngaphambili kubaluleke kakhulu. Nangona kunjalo, kwimeko yoqhawulo-mtshato kunye neentsapho ezihlanganisiweyo, abantwana bebhayiloji kufuneka beze kuqala (ngaphakathi kwesizathu, kunjalo) kunye neqabane elitsha lesibini. Ndicinga ukuba impendulo kuloo ngxelo ineegesi ezimbalwa ezivela kwabanye babafundi. Makhe ndikucacisele. Abantwana boqhawulo mtshato zange bacele uqhawulo mtshato. Abakhange babuze umama omtsha okanye utata kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ayingabo abo bakhetha iqabane lakho elitsha. Khange babuze usapho olutsha okanye nabaphi na abantakwenu abatsha. Kusazobaluleka ukuba ubumbane kunye neqabane lakho elitsha: abantwana endiza kubachaza, kodwa abantwana bendalo kufuneka bazi ukuba zezona ziphambili kwaye baxatyisiwe kwinkqubo yokudibanisa iintsapho ezi-2 ezintsha ngokudibeneyo.
Ukumanyana ngaphambili njengesibini esitshatileyo kuhlala kubalulekile. Ke, kwinkqubo yokudibanisa, ihlala isenziwa kakuhle ngaphambi kokuba kutshatwe, kuthetha ukuba kufuneka kubekho UNXIBELELWANO NONXIBELELWANO.
Nantsi imibuzo ebalulekileyo onokuyibuza:
- Siza kuhlala njani nomzali omnye?
- Athini amaxabiso ethu njengabazali?
- Yintoni esifuna ukufundisa abantwana bethu?
- Yintoni elindelwe ngumntwana ngamnye kuxhomekeke kubudala bakhe?
- Ngaba umzali wenyama ufuna ukuba ndim umzali / ndiqeqeshe njani umntwana wabantwana?
- Ithini imithetho yekhaya?
- Yeyiphi imida efanelekileyo kumntu ngamnye kusapho?
Ngokufanelekileyo, kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngale mibuzo ngaphambi komhla omkhulu wokumisela ukuba ukwiphepha elinye kwaye wabelane ngamaxabiso afanayo okuba ngumzali. Ngamanye amaxesha xa isibini sithandana kwaye siqhubela phambili ekuzinikeleni, le mibuzo ayihoywanga ngenxa yokuba sonwabe kakhulu kwaye sinengqondo efanelekileyo yokuba yonke into izakulunga ngokumangalisayo. Inkqubo yokudibanisa inokuthathwa ngokungakhathali.
2. Yiba nencoko enzulu neqabane lakho
Yenza uluhlu lwexabiso lakho lokuba ngumzali kunye neembono kuqeqesho. Emva koko yabelana noluhlu kunye neqabane lakho njengoko ndiqinisekile ukuba liza kuzisa incoko exabisekileyo. Ukuze ukudibanisa kube yimpumelelo, kungcono ukuba nibe nezincoko ngaphambi komtshato kodwa ngokunyaniseka, ukuba ukudibanisa akuhambi kakuhle, yenza iingxoxo ngoku.
Inxalenye yothethathethwano iza xa kusenokubakho ukwahluka kwezimvo ngale mibuzo ingentla. Thatha isigqibo sokuba zeziphi iinduli oza kufa kuzo kwaye zeziphi ezona zinto zibalulekileyo kusapho olusebenzayo kunye nabantwana ukuba bazive bethandwa kwaye bekhuselekile.
3. Isitayile esingaguquguqukiyo sokuba ngumzali
Sihlala sineendlela zethu zokuba ngumzali ezingadluliseli kakuhle kwinqanaba labantwana. Iya kuba nguwe (ngoncedo ukuba iyafuneka) ukufumanisa ukuba yintoni onokuyilawula, yintoni ongakwaziyo kwaye yintoni ekufuneka ikhululwe. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukudala ukungqinelana ukuze abantwana bazive bekhuselekile kwilungiselelo elitsha. Ukungabikho kokungaguquguquki kunokukhokelela kwiimvakalelo zokungazithembi kunye nokudideka.
4. Umzali webhayoloji kufuneka abe nelizwi lokugqibela kwizigqibo zobuzali
Ekugqibeleni, ndincoma umzali we-biological enegama lokugqibela malunga nendlela umntwana akhuliswa ngayo kwaye aqeqeshwe ngayo ukuze isuse inzondo kunye nenzondo ukusuka kumzali wesinyathelo ukuya kumntwana nakumntwana ukuya kumzali wesinyathelo. Kunokubakho amaxesha apho kufuneka uvume ukungavumelani kwaye ke umzali wokwenyani unelizwi lokugqibela xa kuziwa emntwaneni wakhe.
5. Unyango losapho kusapho lonke oludibeneyo
Nje ukuba unxibelelwano kunye nothethathethwano lusekiwe kulula kakhulu ukuxhasana kunye nokuxhasana kwinkqubo yokuba ngumzali kunye noqeqesho. Kuyanceda ukuba nonyango losapho kunye nawo onke amaqela ahlanganisiweyo akhoyo. Inika wonke umntu ithuba lokuthatha inxaxheba, babelane ngeengcinga kunye neemvakalelo, iinkxalabo, njl. Njl.
Ndingacebisa oku kulandelayo:
- Qhubeka ube nexesha elinye nabantwana bakho bemvelo
- Soloko ufumana into elungileyo malunga nenyathelo labantwana kwaye unxibelelane nalo kunye neqabane lakho.
- Ungaze uthethe nantoni na embi malunga neqabane lakho langaphambili phambi kwabantwana.Inokuba yindlela ekhawulezayo yokuba lutshaba lomntwana.
- Xhasana kule nkqubo. Inokwenziwa!
- Musa ukukhawulezisa inkqubo yokudibanisa. Ayinakunyanzelwa.
Thatha umoya ophefumlayo kwaye uzame ezinye zezindululo zingasentla. Funa uncedo lobuchwephesha xa kufuneka kwaye uyazi ukuba awuwedwa. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba xa uqhawulo-mtshato lusenzeka kwaye iintsapho kufuneka ziqhekeze, kukho ithuba lokudibanisa usapho olutsha kwaye kunokubakho inkululeko kunye nenqwaba yeentsikelelo ezizayo. Vuleleka kwinkqubo kwaye udibanise, udibanise, udibanise.