Kwakukho ixesha apho ukuba ngumzali ngokungqongqo kwakuyinto eqhelekileyo, kwaye wonke umntwana kwakufuneka athobele imigaqo yekhaya ebekwe ngabazali. Ukuba ngumzali okunje kuphakamise esona sizukulwana sikhulu kunye nabavukeli, kodwa baphumelela ngokwezezimali. Namhlanje, iyajongwa kakubi ngabazali banamhlanje.
Ngoba? Ayisebenzi. Abazali abagunyazisiweyo bakhulisa abantwana ngokuzithemba okuphantsi kunye nesimo sengqondo semvukelo. Inqaku lika-Aha Parenting libonisa izizathu zokuba kutheni ukuba ngumzali ngokungqongqo kungalunganga-okanye kunjalo?
1. Ihlutha abantwana ithuba lokuzifundela kunye noxanduva
Batsho ukuba abazali abangoozwilakhe bathintela abantwana ekufundeni ukuziqeqesha kuba abantwana baziphatha kuphela besoyika ukohlwaywa.
Ithetha ngemida yokugxininisa kunye neminye imigaqo yobudala obutsha ebanga ukuba abantwana baya kwenza ngokuzenzekelayo oko kulungileyo ngalo lonke ixesha kuba abazali abanothando babachazela ngemida.
Njengomntu omdala, ukuba awuziphathi kakuhle, uza kohlwaywa. Akukho mda wobudala apho ukhululekile ukuba wenze kule nto uyifunayo kweli lizwe. Akunakwenzeka ukuba ufunde naluphi na uhlobo lokuziqeqesha okanye kungenjalo (ngaba lukhona olunye uhlobo?) Ngaphandle kweziphumo. Ukuba kunjalo, uluntu alunakufuna unyanzeliso loMthetho.
Kukho umntu olahlekileyo.
2. Ukuba ngumzali onegunya kusekelwe kuloyiko, kufundisa abantwana ukuba bangcungcuthekise abanye
Inqaku lithi ngenxa yokuba umzekelo wabazali usebenzisa amandla ukunyanzelisa imigaqo. Ifundisa abantwana ukuba basebenzise amandla ukuze bafumane into abayifunayo.
Ikwafundisa ukuba zihlala zinamandla okomkhosi waselwandle kunye ne-FBI ukuba benza njalo. Inqaku elifanayo kwaye usalahleka.
3. Abantwana abakhuliswe besohlwayweni banotyekelo kumsindo nakuxinzelelo
Ibanga ukuba inxenye yabo icacile ukuba ayamkelekanga kubazali, kwaye abazali abangqongqo abakho ukubanceda bakwazi ukujongana nayo, indlela yabo yokuzikhusela iyasebenza kwaye ibenze baphambane.
Kulungile, le ngxelo idala ukucinga okungagungqiyo ukuba abazali abangqongqo abachazi ukuba kutheni kukho isohlwayo kwasekuqaleni. Ikwacinga ukuba abazali ababancedisi abantwana babo "ukulungisa into engamkelekanga kubo." Ikwacinga ukuba abazali KUFUNEKA bamkele lonke uhlobo lokuziphatha.
Zininzi iingcinga ezingeyonyani.
4. Abantwana abakhuliswe ngabazali abangqongqo bafunda ukuba amandla ahlala elungile.
Kule nxalenye, umbhali uyayamkela into yokuba abazali abangqongqo bafundisa abantwana ukuba bathobele, ikwavuma ukuba bayayifunda. Ke iyaqhubeka ithi kuba abantwana babazali abangqongqo bayathobela, bayakhula beyimvu kwaye bangaze babuze igunya xa kufanelekile. Abayi kuphuhlisa naziphi na iimpawu zobunkokeli kwaye baphephe uxanduva kuba bayazi kuphela indlela yokulandela iodolo.
Ke emva kokuvuma ukuba ubuzali obungqongqo buyasebenza, kuya kuthiwa abantwana babazali abangqongqo bazizidenge ezingenangqondo. Ndicinga ukuba le yenye yeengcinga kuba akukho sifundo sakuxhasa le nto.
5. Abantwana abakhuliswe ngengqeqesho engqwabalala badla ngokuba nemvukelo
Ibanga ukuba kukho izifundo ezibonisa ukuba umzi ogunyazisayo uphakamisa abantwana abanemvukelo kwaye usebenzise abantu abadala phantsi kolawulo lobuzwilakhe ukukhuthaza imvukelo njengobungqina.
Emva kokubanga kwicandelo elidlulileyo ukuba abantwana babazali abangqongqo bayazithobela izilumko ezingenangqondo ezingaze zibuze igunya, emva koko zijike zithi, kwenzeka okwahlukileyo. Yiphi leyo?
6. Abantwana abakhuliswe ngokungqongqo ukuba "benze ngokulungileyo" kwaye xa besenza, bangena engxakini enkulu kwaye bajike babe ngamaxoki agqwesileyo.
Akukho nkcazo, ubungqina, okanye naluphi na uhlobo lokucaciswa kweli bango. Yachazwa nje ngokungathi yayiyinyani kwindalo iphela.
Ke ithi ukwenza okulungileyo kufaka abantu engxakini kwaye kulungile nokuxoka. Akukho nanye kuyo evakalayo.
7. Ijongela phantsi ubudlelwane bomzali nomntwana
Icacisa oko kuba abazali abangqongqo basebenzisa indlela enobundlobongela yohlobo oluthile ukohlwaya abantwana abaziphethe kakubi.Izenzo zomzimba zikhuthaza intiyo kwaye ekugqibeleni, abantwana bakhula benenzondo ngakubazali babo endaweni yothando.
Kulungile, kwakhona kuninzi okucingelwayo apha. Inye, ithatha ukuba abazali abangqongqo ababonakalisi naluphi na uthando kubantwana babo phakathi kwala maxesha xa bengekho kumjikelo wokuziphatha gwenxa.
Ikwacinga ukuba abantwana bakhula bekhumbula kuphela obo busuku bokungalali kwigumbi lokungcungcuthekiswa babanjwa ngumbane kangangeeyure.
Okokugqibela, kucinga ukuba ukuvumela abantwana ukuba benze le nto bayifunayo kwaye bangohlwaywa ngayo luphawu lothando. Zange ithathele ingqalelo into yokuba mhlawumbi, mhlawumbi abanye abantwana banokukutolika oko njengophawu lokuba "ungakhathali ngento endiyenzayo." ukwazisa nje ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba inokwenzeka.
Iqukumbela ngelithi ukusetyenziswa kwesohlwayo kutshabalalisa yonke imizamo elungileyo umzali ayenzela umntwana kwaye iphinde ithi bangaze bafunde ukuzibamba.
Inqaku lathi ngenxa yokuba abantwana babazali abanegunya banokuzithemba okuphantsi. Oku kulandela ukuba abantwana babazali abavumelekileyo banelungelo lokuzibamba abanelungelo lokuzithemba. Kungcono umntwana ekuhambeni kwexesha kuba abantu abadala abanokuzithemba okuphezulu abangavukeli nakweyiphi na imeko okanye ifom. Ndiyazi ukuba ayinangqondo, kodwa sisiphelo. Masingawuchukumisi umxholo wokuzithoba okuzithobayo, kodwa abantwana abanemvukelo.
Emva koko yenza isisombululo "semida yokunqanda" ngokumisa umntwana wakho ekwenzeni okungalunganga ngokubeka imida, kodwa ungaze wohlwaye ngenxa yokuwela. Ibanga ukuba ifundisa abantwana ukuziqeqesha kuba kungenjalo, kuya kufuneka wenze yonke into abayenzayo.
Abantwana baya kukhula benemida ebekiweyo ngabazali ukuba "ngovelwano" ubaxelela okulungileyo nokubi. Ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba benze into engalunganga, luxanduva lomzali (ngamandla) ukuthintela umntwana kwaye ngethemba lokuba, umntwana uya kuba noxanduva ngokwaneleyo lokungaphindi xa ungajonganga.
Le ndlela, umbhali ubanga ukuba, iyakubethelela isifundo ukuba kukho imigca abantwana ekungafanelekanga ukuba bawele ngenxa yokuba umama kuya kufuneka enze into (kodwa hayi isohlwayo, inguqulelo eswekile kuyo) de bafunde ukungaze baphinde impazamo efanayo.
Ayisiyohlwayo, kuba abantwana ngokwemvelo bafuna ukulandela abazali babo. Ke “ngovelwano” ukubanqanda ekusebenzeni ngokuqhutywa yiminqweno yabo, abazali babakhokelela nje kwindlela elungileyo. Ngendlela engenagunya, kodwa ngendlela enesidima, kunjalo.