Ukuba ngequbuliso uye wazifumana ungumzali wesibini, unokumangaliswa yindlela obunokuba lula ngayo ubomi bakho xa ufunda iincwadi ezimbalwa zomzali okhulisa abantwana.
Masinyaniseke, ukuba ngumzali kunzima. Ukuba ngumzali wesibini kunokuba yeyona nto inzima wakha wayenza ebomini bakho bonke.
Kuyamangalisa ukuba zininzi kangakanani iingxaki (kwaye uninzi uya kuthi) uhlangane nazo endleleni yakho. Nangona kunjalo, isenokuba ngamava anomvuzo, ngakumbi ukuba eyakho kunye neentsapho zeqabane lakho elitsha zidityaniswe zaba yinyanda enkulu yokuhleka kunye nesiphithiphithi.
Nalu ukhetho lweencwadi ezine zokuba ungaphila kwaye uphumelele njengomzali wesibini.
1. Ubulumko kubazali-bamanyathelo: Ungaphumelela njani apho abanye basilela khona ngu-Diana Weiss-Wisdom Ph.D.
UDiana Weiss-Wisdom, Ph.D., sisayikholojisti enelayisensi osebenza njengobudlelwane kunye noceba wosapho, kwaye ngenxa yoko, umsebenzi wakhe uya kuba ligalelo elibalulekileyo wedwa. Nangona kunjalo, ukwangumntwana ozelwe kunye nomama wesibini naye.
Ke ngoko, njengoko uza kubona ekubhaleni kwakhe, umsebenzi wakhe uyindibaniselwano yolwazi lobungcali kunye nokuqonda ngokwakho. Oku kwenza ukuba le ncwadi ibe sisixhobo esixabisekileyo kuye wonke umntu ojamelene nemiceli mngeni emininzi yokukhulisa abantwana beqabane lakhe.
Incwadi yakhe kumzali okhulisa abantwana ngokunyathela inika bobabini ubuchule obusebenzayo kunye neengcebiso kwiintsapho zamanyathelo amatsha kunye namabali abo avela kumava abathengi bakhe. Njengoko umbhali esitsho, ukuba ngumzali wesibini ayiyonto okhethe ukuyenza, yinto eyenzekayo kuwe.
Ngenxa yeso sizathu, kunzima kakhulu, kodwa incwadi yakhe iya kukuxhobisa ngezixhobo ezifanelekileyo kunye nezakhono zokujamelana nezakhono. Iya kukunika ithemba olifunayo ukuze ufezekise usapho oluxubileyo olusempilweni kunye nothando oluthembileyo.
2. Isikhokelo seNtombazana engatshatanga yokutshata iNdoda, aBantwana baKhe, kunye noMfazi waKhe wangaphambili: Ukuba nguMama weSibini oNoburharha noBabalo nguSally Bjornsen
Ngokufanayo nombhali wangaphambili, uBjornsen ngumama wesibini kunye nombhali. Umsebenzi wakhe ayisiyiyo yonke into ejolise kwisayikholoji njengencwadi edlulileyo, kodwa oko kukunika amava okunyaniseka okuqala. Kwaye, ukungawuthobeli, uburharha. Wonke umntu ongumama wesibini uyifuna ngakumbi kunangaphambili kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo yenye yezona ncwadi zibalaseleyo zokuba ngumzali onokuba nazo kwishelufa yakho yeencwadi.
Ngokuthinta uburharha, uya kuba nakho ukufumana ibhalansi phakathi kweemvakalelo zakho kunye nomnqweno wakho wokuhlangabezana neemfuno zabantu bonke kwaye ube ngumntu omtsha olungileyo kubomi babantwana.
Incwadi inamacandelo aliqela- le yabantwana ikukhokela ngokwesiqhelo kwaye kulindelwe kodwa kunzima ukusombulula imiba, enjengomsindo, uhlengahlengiso, ukugcinwa njl njl. icandelo leeholide, izithethe zosapho ezintsha nezindala kunye nezenzo. Okokugqibela, iyayichaphazela indlela yokugcina ukuthanda kunye nokuthandana kuphila xa ngequbuliso ubomi bakho bugqityiwe ngabantwana bakhe ngaphandle kokufumana ithuba lokuyilungiselela.
3. Intsapho Yesibini Etshatileyo: Amanyathelo asixhenxe okuya kusapho olusempilweni nguRon L. Deal
Phakathi kweencwadi zokuba ngumzali ngamanyathelo, le yenye yezona zinto zithengisa kakhulu, kwaye kunesizathu esivakalayo. Umbhali ngumtshato onelayisensi kunye nonyango losapho kunye nomseki wee-Smart Stepfamilies, uMlawuli we-FamilyLife Blended.
Usisithethi rhoqo kwimidiya yesizwe. Ke ngoko, le Yincwadi yokuthenga kunye nokwabelana nabahlobo.
Kuyo, uyakufumana amanyathelo asixhenxe alula asebenzayo okuthintela nokusombulula iingxaki uninzi lweentsapho (ukuba ayizizo zonke) ezihlangana nazo. Yinyani kwaye iyinyani, kwaye ivela kwindlela yokusebenza ebanzi yombhali kule ndawo. Uya kufunda indlela yokunxibelelana ne-Ex, indlela yokusombulula imiqobo efanayo kunye nendlela yokulawula iimali kusapho olunjalo, nokunye okuninzi.
4. UStmonmonster: Ukujonga ngokutsha ukuba kutheni oomama bokwenyani becinga, beziva kwaye besenza ngale ndlela senza ngayo ngolwesiThathu uMartin Ph.D.
Umbhali wale ncwadi ngumbhali kunye nomphandi kwezentlalo, kwaye, okona kubaluleke kakhulu, yingcali kwimicimbi yokuba ngumzali kumzali nakwimicimbi yobuzali oye wavela kwimiboniso emininzi exoxa ngeengxaki ezijamelene neentsapho.
Incwadi yakhe yaba ngumthengisi weNew York Times kwangoko. Le ncwadi inika indibaniselwano yesayensi, uphando kwezentlalo kunye namava obuqu.
Into enomdla kukuba umbhali uxoxa ngendlela yendaleko yokuba kutheni kunokuba ngumceli mngeni wokuba ngumama womtshato wesibini. I-stepmoms zihlala zibekwa ityala ngokusilela ekumiseni ubudlelwane obunempilo phakathi kwakhe nabantwana-cinga ngoCinderella, u-Snow White, kwaye intle kakhulu yonke i-fairytale.
Le ncwadi ixhokonxa intsomi yokuba oomama bomtshato wesibini babe ngoomama bomtshato wesibini kwaye ibonisa ukuba zintlanu njani "iingxaki zenyathelo" ezenza ungquzulwano kwiintsapho ezihlanganisiweyo. Kwaye kuthatha ezimbini (okanye nangaphezulu) ukuya kwi-tango!