Iimpawu ezingama-25 zomyeni wakho azithandani nawe kwakhona

Umbhali: Peter Berry
Umhla Wokudalwa: 15 Eyekhala 2021
Hlaziya Umhla: 1 Eyekhala 2024
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Umxholo

Imitshato isekwe kwiimpawu ezahlukeneyo ezinjengothando, ukuthembana, kunye nobuqabane. Lulwalamano olungenye yohlobo lwayo. Nangona kunjalo, nokuba intle njengoko injalo, inokuba namatye kwaye ihambe kwiindawo ezinobunzima.

Kukho amaxesha apho elinye iqabane liphulukana nomdla emtshatweni kwanamaqabane abo.

Kwiimeko ezinjalo, omnye umntu emtshatweni unokuzifumana edidekile malunga neemvakalelo zeqabane lakhe. Ukuba ukrokrela ukuba umyeni wakho uphulukene nomdla kuwe, nantsi eminye imiqondiso yokuba umyeni wakho akasathandani nawe.

Njengoko besitsho, izenzo zithetha kakhulu kunamazwi. Nangona kunjalo, xa sithandana, siyasilela ukuqaphela yonke loo miqondiso mincinci yokuba iqabane liphulukana nomdla kuthi.

Uluhlu olungezantsi zezinye zezibalulekileyo signs ukuze uzive ungadidekanga kwaye uthathe isigqibo ngekhondo lakho lezenzo.


Ithetha ukuthini xa indoda yakho ingathandani nawe?

Ukucinga okanye ukwazi ukuba umyeni wakho akasathandani nawe kunokuba yingcinga ekhathazayo. Kucetyiswa ukuba uthethe nomyeni wakho kwaye nincokole ngokunyanisekileyo malunga neemvakalelo zakho kunye naye. Uzibuza ukuba wenzeni xa umyeni wakho engasakufuni?

Ukuba uyavuma ukuba akathandani nawe, amanyathelo akho alandelayo aya kuba kukufumanisa ukuba wenzeni kwaye ufuna ukuya phambili. Ukuba uyazi ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba umyeni wakho akakuthandi, oko akuthethi ukuba umtshato wakho uphelile ukuba unqwenela ukusebenza kwesi siqwenga somtshato nawe.

Ngelixa uthando emtshatweni lubalulekile, ayizizo zonke-izinto kunye nokuphela-kwazo zonke ubudlelwane. Kwangelo xesha, kubalulekile ukuba ungene ngaphakathi kwaye uzibuze ukuba uyafuna ukuhlala emtshatweni, ngoku uyazi iimvakalelo zomyeni wakho ngawe.


Izizathu ezi-5 zokuba umyeni wakho angathandana nawe

Zininzi izizathu zokuba kutheni abantu bephuma eluthandweni. Ezinye zazo ziphantsi kolawulo lwethu, ngelixa ezinye, kungenjalo. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba kutheni umyeni wakho engasakuthandi, impendulo inokuba sesinye okanye ezingaphezulu kwezi zizathu zilandelayo.

Phambi kokuba ujonge imiqondiso umyeni wakho akathandani nawe. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba kutheni isenokwenzeka.

1. Nobabini niyekile ukunxibelelana

Unxibelelwano yenye yezinto ezibalulekileyo kubudlelwane okanye emtshatweni. Ukuba nobabini niyekile ukuthetha omnye ngomnye malunga neemfuno zakho kunye nezinto ozifunayo, kwanemisebenzi esisiseko yosuku, kukho amathuba okuba nithandane.

Xa ucinga ukuba umyeni wakho akasakuthandi, inokuba kungenxa yokungabikho konxibelelwano emtshatweni wakho.


2. Nithatha omnye nomnye njengesiqhelo

Enye yezona ndlela zixhaphakileyo kubudlelwane benkqubela phambili kuxa abantu ababini bebonke bonke omnye komnye, kodwa njengoko ixesha lihamba, baqala ukuthathelana lula. Ngelixa ukukhuseleka kubudlelwane kubalulekile, ukuthatha iqabane lakho ngokungakhathali akulunganga.

Kukho amathuba okuba wena okanye iqabane lakho niqale ukuthatha iqabane lakho ngokungakhathali, lenze ukuba omnye kuni azive engaxabisekanga kwaye ethandwa. Ukungaziva uxabisekile kunokuba zezizathu zokuba umyeni wakho angathandani nawe.

3. Ukulindela izinto ezingekho ngqiqweni

Sonke sinolindelo kumaqabane ethu emitshatweni. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba asithethi ngeemfuno zethu kwaye sifuna omnye komnye, iqabane lethu lisenokungazifezekisi ezo zinto sizilindeleyo. Ngokufanayo, unokuphelela ekubeni ulindele izinto ezingenakwenzeka kumlingane wakho ukuba abaxeleli imida yabo kuwe.

Xa okulindelweyo kungafezekiswa, abantu banokuziva ngathi abathandwa kwaye banokuphelelwa luthando kunye namaqabane abo ekugqibeleni.

4. Ukukruquka

Ubudlelwane abuhlali buchulumancisa, kunye nebhedi yeeroses, ngokungathi sifuna ukuba babe njalo. Amathuba kukuba, nobabini niwele emgaqweni, apho nirhangqwe zizinto ezininzi ukugcina umtshato wenu unika umdla. Ukukruquka kunokubenza abantu bazive bengathandwa kwaye kubenze balahle uthando kunye nomntu ababekade bephambene ngaye.

5. Awuhambelani

Akuqhelekanga ukuba izibini ziqonde ukuba azihambelani kakhulu emva kokutshata ixesha elide. Ukuhambelana yinto ebalulekileyo kubudlelwane obonwabisayo kunye nomtshato, ukungabikho kwayo kunokubenza abantu bazive bephethwe luthando. Thatha iMibuzo yokuGqibezela uMtshato

Ukuqonda ngakumbi ngezizathu zokuba kutheni abantu bethandana, bukela le vidiyo.

Iimpawu zomyeni wakho akasathandani nawe

Ukuba wena nomyeni wakho sele nithethile, kwaye uvumile ukuba akasathandani nawe, ngokuqinisekileyo uyazi ukuba kuthetha ntoni oko. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba usadidekile malunga nokuxelela ukuba umyeni wakho akasakuthandi, jonga le miqondiso.

Ezi zibali, imiqondiso efihlakeleyo yendlela yokwazi xa umyeni wakho eyeka ukukuthanda.

1. Ukwanda kwebango lendawo yakho

Kulungile ukufuna indawo yobuqu, kodwa xa ibango lisonyuka rhoqo, kwaye kunjalo nobude bendawo yobuqu, yithathe njengophawu lokuba akasakuthandi.

Umntu unokuhlala ucinga ukuba oku kungenxa yoxinzelelo lomsebenzi, kodwa inokuba luphawu olunye lokuba umyeni wakho akakuthandi. Kuhlala kungcono ukumbuza esona sizathu soku ufune isisombululo.

2. Ukuncipha kunxibelelwano okanye 'thina' ixesha

Khumbula, unxibelelwano ngoyena ndoqo womtshato owonwabisayo.

Xa abantu ababini bethandana, bayanxibelelana. Bayakuthanda ukuchitha ixesha kunye kwaye bathethe ngezinto ezininzi, zangoku nezexesha elizayo. Nangona kunjalo, xa umyeni wakho engakuthandi, kuyakuhla ukuncipha kunxibelelwano okanye ixesha 'lethu' enanikhe nalonwabela ngexesha elinye.

Soloko uyigcina inqaku layo, njengoko le yenye yeempawu eziphambili ezingathandwa ngumyeni wakho.

3. Ukwanda ngesiquphe kulindelo olungenakwenzeka

Xa bekusebudlelwaneni, bobabini babophekile ukuba babe nolindelo oluthile komnye nomnye.

Icacile kwaye yendalo ngokunjalo. Nangona kunjalo, olu lindelo luyinyani kwaye luyaqondakala xa uthandana. Ngelishwa, njengoko uthando luyancipha, kufakwa endaweni yokulindela okungenakwenzeka.

Oku kwenzeka ukuze umntu akwazi ukuthethelela ukwehla kothando nothando. Ke, ukuba ucinga ukuba izinto ezilindelwe ngumyeni wakho zingaphaya kokufezekiseka, kunokwenzeka xa umyeni wakho engasakuthandi.

4. Iimpikiswano ezingapheliyo kunye nokulwa

Xa abantu ababini abaneenkolelo ezahlukeneyo kunye neembono bahlala kunye, iimpikiswano kunye nokungavumi kuya kwenzeka.

Oku akuthethi ukuba abathandani. Nangona kunjalo, xa ezi ngxabano kunye nokulwa kusanda ngaphandle kwesizathu, zithathe njengenye yeempawu zokungakuthandi umyeni wakho. Le milo kunye neengxabano kunokuba yindlela yakhe yokuthi akakufuni ebomini bakhe okanye uthethelela uthando lwakhe olufileyo kuwe.

5. Ukuyeka imizamo kunye nomdla ukusuka esiphelweni sakhe

Olunye lweempawu umyeni wakho afuna ukukushiya ngumdla wakhe olahlekileyo wokugcina umtshato. Ulwalamano lusebenza kakuhle xa bobabini abantu benomdla olinganayo kuyo yonke into abayenzayo.

Ayisoze yabonisa indoda enye. Nangona kunjalo, ukulahla umdla kubudlelwane yenye yeempawu umyeni wakho akakuthandi ngazo.

Okwangoku bayeke ukufaka imizamo okanye ukubonisa umdla, lixesha lokuba bafuna izinto ziphele kwaye abavumi ukupela ngokuvakalayo.

6. Isini asikho

Unxibelelwano olomeleleyo lwesondo yenye yeentsika zobudlelwane obomeleleyo.

Xa uthandana nomnye umntu, ubonisa uthando lwakho ngesondo, phakathi kwezinye izinto ezingezizo ezesondo. Nangona kunjalo, xa inzala ihambile, isondo siphelile.

Ke, ukuba uqaphela ukuba ubomi bakho ngokwesondo yimbali elahlekileyo ekudala ikho, jonga le yenye yeempawu umyeni wakho akakuthandi ngazo.

Ngaphambi kokuba izinto zibe mbi, thetha naye kwaye ubone ukuba ungawusindisa na umtshato wakho. Ukuba akunjalo, ke kungcono ukuhamba ngaphandle kokugcina intloko iqonde.

Akukho mntu unokufuna ukuba ubudlelwane okanye umtshato uphele, kodwa kuye kufike ixesha apho kuya kufuneka uthathe umnxeba onzima ukuba ufumana imiqondiso ekhankanywe apha ngasentla evela kumyeni wakho. Isenokungathethi, kodwa izenzo zazo ziyinyani.

Ke, thabatha umnxeba kwaye wenze ngokufanelekileyo.

7. Ukungabikho kothando

Ukuba uziva uswelekile ngequbuliso kwaye uyothusa umyeni wakho kubomi bakho bomtshato, kukho amathuba okuba uthando luphele. Uthando lubonakaliswa ngezona ndlela zincinci- kwizinto ezincinci akwenzela zona ukuze uzive uthandwa.

Xa umyeni wakho eyeka ukukuthanda, angayeka ukwenza ezo zinto.

8. Uyabanda kwaye ukude

Ukuba ubona umyeni wakho sele egodola kuwe ngezenzo zakhe nangamazwi kwaye esenza kude, yenye yeempawu zokuba uthando lwakhe kuwe luphelile.

Akayi kubelana nantoni na ukude kunye nawe kwaye nokuba wenza njalo, unika impendulo enye, kuphela kwimibuzo afuna ukuyiphendula. Usenokungamfumani eqala incoko nawe.

9. Usoloko ekucaphukisile

Umyeni wakho uziva ekucaphukisile ngalo lonke ixesha. Nokuba awenzanga nto ukumcaphukisa, uyacaphuka kwaye unomsindo ngawe. Oku kunokuba njalo kuba yena unzima ukujongana neemvakalelo zakhe - xa engaqinisekanga nokuba usakuthanda na okanye hayi.

10. Ukrokrela ukungathembeki

Ukuba wena nomyeni wakho benikwinqanaba elinemiceli mngeni, kwaye nenze imiba yokuthembana naye, amathuba okuba uthando phakathi kwenu nobabini, ngelishwa, lusweleke kancinci kancinci.

Amathandabuzo ngokungathembeki kwisivuno xa elinye okanye omabini amaqabane eshiya uthando kwaye aqala ukuphatha omnye umntu ngeendlela ezibenza bazive bengathandwa.

11. Uziva uthathelwa phezulu

Ukuziva uthathelwa phezulu ayisiyonto ilungileyo xa utshatile okanye kubudlelwane. Nangona kunjalo, unokuziva unjalo ukuba umyeni wakho uqalile ukukuthatha kancinci.

Ukuba umyeni wakho akazincomi izinto ezincinci omenzela zona kwaye uzithathela kancinci, inokuba sesinye seempawu umyeni wakho angakuxabisi.

12. Uyakugxeka

Ayisiyiyo kuphela ukuba akakuxabisi ngezinto ozenzayo, kodwa endaweni yoko, ufumanisa iimpazamo kuzo. Oku kunokuba sesinye seempawu ezicacileyo zomyeni wakho akasathandani nawe.

13. Akakukhumbuli

Xa umyeni wakho engekho kuhambo lomsebenzi okanye ejinga nabahlobo bakhe, ngaba uyakuxelela ukuba uyakukhumbula? Ukuba akukhange kubenjalo, le yenye yeempawu zokuba umyeni wakho akasakuthandi.

Ulumkile xa umngqongile

Nanini na xa umyeni wakho ekufutshane, uyikhathalela ngakumbi into oyithethayo okanye oyenzayo, kuba uyoyika indlela aza kusabela ngayo. Unokuba nomsindo okanye acaphuke nakancinci, ekunokuba nzima kakhulu ukujongana nayo.

Nangona kunjalo, oku kuthetha ukuba ulwalamano lwakho alusekho sempilweni.

15. Akakhathali ngoluvo lwakho

Abantu ababini kubudlelwane okanye umtshato ngamaqabane alinganayo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uyekile ukukhathalela uluvo lwakho kwizinto ezinkulu nezincinci, le inokuba yenye yeempawu umyeni akazikhathalelanga ngawe.

Uhleli nabantu ongabaziyo

Ngelixa ukuba neseti yakho yabahlobo kunye nendawo yakho yobuqu kubudlelwane okanye emtshatweni kubalulekile, xa umyeni wakho eqala ukuhlala nabantu ngaphandle kwakho, ngakumbi abo ungabaziyo, kunokuba ngumqondiso wokuba ufuna uyolo ngaphandle komtshato wakho.

Akunyanzelekanga ukuba oku kube ngumdla wothando, kodwa usenokuziva enomdla wokuchitha ixesha kunye nabanye abantu ngaphandle kwakho.

17. Akaziva ezixabisa

Olunye lweempawu zokuba umyeni wakho aphelelwe luthando kunye nawe kubandakanya ukungabikho koxabiso avakalelwa ngalo emtshatweni. Unokuziva ngathi nantoni na ayenzayo ayonelanga, nokuba uzama ngandlela zonke ukumenza azive exabisekile kwaye ethandwa.

Le ndlela yokuziva inokubangelwa yindlela avakalelwa ngayo ngomtshato wakho kunaleyo uyenzayo okanye uyithethayo.

18. Akusekho busuku bomhla

Imitshato kunye nobudlelwane akukho lula ukuyigcina, kwaye ifuna ukuba wenze umzamo rhoqo ukugcina iintlantsi ziphila.

Ukuba wena nomyeni wakho aninabo ubusuku obuqhelekileyo bomhla okanye nenza naziphi na iinzame zokugcina iintlantsi ziphila, yenye yeempawu umyeni wakho akasathandani nani.

19. Akahambi ethetha

Ukuba umyeni wakho uzibophelela kwisicwangciso okanye uchitha ixesha nawe, kuphela ukuba ungalandeli, inokuba yenye yeempawu zokuba akasathandani nawe.

20. Uxoxa ngolwalamano lwakho ngendlela engeyiyo

Ukuba umyeni wakho akanamdla kubudlelwane bakho nakwikamva labo, inokuba luphawu lokuba umyeni wakho akakuthandi. Ulahlekelwe lithemba ngokuzama ukulungisa izinto kunye nawe kwaye akafuni kwenza naziphi na iinzame.

21. Akayibuyiseli imigudu yakho

Ayisiyomyeni wakho kuphela owenza nayiphi na imizamo yokulungisa umtshato wakho, kodwa akabuyiseli okanye aphendule kwimizamo yakho. Oku kunokuba luphawu olucacileyo lokuba umyeni wakho akathandani nawe ngoku.

22. Uyamangalisa kwaye uyimfihlo ngemfonomfono yakhe

Ukuba umyeni wakho akasakuthandi, uyakumfumanisa ukuba uyothusa kwaye uyimfihlo ngemfonomfono yakhe. Inokuba ukufihlela into kuwe, okanye angafuni kukuxelela into ngobomi bakhe.

23. Uphatha abanye ngcono kunokuba ephatha wena

Ukuba umyeni wakho uphethe abanye abantu ngcono kunendlela akuphethe ngayo, phambi kwamehlo akho, kunokuba ngumqondiso ocacileyo wokuba umyeni wakho akasathandani nawe. Kubonakala ngathi akakukhathalelanga kakhulu.

24. Uyekile ukukuxelela ukuba uyakuthanda

Izenzo zithetha kakhulu kunamazwi. Nangona kunjalo, ngamanye amaxesha amagama anokuthetha lukhulu. Ukuxelela iqabane lakho ukuba uyabathanda, amaxesha ngamaxesha, kunokuba yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yokubonisa uthando emtshatweni.

Nangona kunjalo, ukuba umyeni wakho akakuxeleli ukuba uyakuthanda, kwaphela, akunjalo.

Akathethi ngekamva kunye

Ukuba wena nomyeni wakho nisandul 'ukuyeka ukuthetha ngobomi obunye, kunye nokuba kubambe ntoni kuni nobabini, amathuba okuba uthando ebenilubambe kakhulu luphelile. Xa abantu ababini bethandana, bacinga kwaye bathetha ngekamva labo omnye komnye.

Ungenza ntoni xa umyeni wakho engakuthandi?

Ukuba le miqondiso ingentla ibonakala iyathandeka kwaye uqinisekile ukuba umyeni wakho akasathandani nawe, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kufuna ukwazi ukuba wenzeni ngayo. Ngaba uyayiyeka nje kwaye ujikeleze kumtshato ongenaluthando? Akunjalongo noko.

Ayizizo zonke izibini ezitshatileyo eziziva zithandana nzulu ngalo lonke ixesha. Nangona kunjalo, oko akuthethi ukuba umtshato wabo kufuneka uphele. Kukho iindlela zokuyisebenza, into efunekayo ziinjongo zokwenza njalo.

Nangona kunjalo, kuya kufuneka uqonde ukuba ngekhe uzame ukulawula iimvakalelo zomyeni wakho, kwaye umenze athandane nawe kwakhona. Incoko ethembekileyo malunga neemvakalelo zakho kunye nesicwangciso sokwenza ngaloo nto engqondweni inokukunceda ugcine umtshato wakho, kwaye uvuselele uthando.

Ukuba uzama ukwakha umtshato wakho nomyeni wakho, ungathatha uncedo kwincwadi kaJohn Gottman, Imigaqo esixhenxe yokwenza umtshato usebenze.

Umgca wezantsi

Uthando yeyona nto ibalulekileyo emtshatweni okanye kubudlelwane. Nangona kunjalo, oko akuthethi ukuba umtshato apho uthando lunamaqhina alunakuqhubeka.

Abantu ababini abanakuziva bethandana ngalo lonke ixesha, kodwa iinjongo ezilungileyo zokugcina umtshato uqhubeka, kunye nokuthandana kwakhona neqabane lakho kunokukunceda wakhe umtshato ophilileyo kunye nolonwabo kunye nobomi.