Umxholo
- Ukuba noxanduva kubudlelwane
- “Ngaba kufanelekile ukuba abantu bahlale betshatile ngenxa yabantwana?”
- Ukunganikezeli kwakamsinya kunezibonelelo zako
- Ukwenza umtshato uhlale uhleli
Umbuzo onzima, kodwa unomdla.
Akukho mpendulo ilula, kodwa nazi iingcinga zam:
Phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho, kukho indawo. Le yindawo apho ubudlelwane bakho buhlala khona. Xa singayazi loo ndawo, siyayingcolisa. Siyingcolisa ngokuba siphazanyiswe, singamameli, ngokuzikhusela, siqhushumbe okanye sivale. Kukho amawaka eendlela ezahlukeneyo zokungcolisa indawo phakathi kwakho nomntu omthandayo.
Xa sijonga indawo phakathi kwethu neqabane lethu, siyakwazi ukucoca ukungcola kwaye siyenze indawo engcwele. Sikwenza oko ngokubakho ngokupheleleyo, ukumamela nzulu, ukuhlala sizolile kwaye sivelise umdla endaweni yokugweba ngokwahluka kwethu.
Ukuba noxanduva kubudlelwane
Kubudlelwane obusondeleyo, omabini amacala ane-100% anoxanduva lokunyamekela indawo yobudlelwane. Yi-100% nganye, ayiyi-50% -50%. Indlela engama-50% ukuya kuma-50% yifomula yoqhawulo-mtshato enabantu abagcina amanqaku kunye nokwenza iitat-for-tat. Umtshato ophilileyo ufuna i-100% -100% yokuqonda kunye nokuzama kubantu ababini.
Okomzuzwana, khawuthelekelele wena neqabane lakho njengeemagnethi. Xa usondela kwindawo exineneyo, egcwele indawo yongcoliseko, uyazi kwangoko ukuba iyingozi kwaye ayonwabisi kwaye awufuni kubakho. Uhamba ngokwahlukeneyo njengezibonda ezifanayo zoomazibuthe ababini ezibalekanayo. Kodwa xa indawo ingcwele kwaye inothando, ninamathela kunye njengeepali ezichaseneyo. Ubudlelwane bakho buba yindawo enifuna ukuba kuyo nobabini.
Ngaphezu koko, abantwana bakho, okanye abantwana bangomso, bahlala kwisithuba esiphakathi kwakho. Isithuba phakathi kwabazali ababini yindawo yokudlala yomntwana. Xa ikhuselekile kwaye ingcwele, abantwana bayakhula kwaye bayaphumelela. Xa kuyingozi kwaye kungcolisiwe, bahlakulela iipateni zengqondo ezinzima ukuze baphile. Bafunda ukuvala okanye ukuvutha ukuze bahlangabezane neemfuno zabo.
Kutshanje, bendiceliwe ukuba ndiphawule ngalo mbuzo,
“Ngaba kufanelekile ukuba abantu bahlale betshatile ngenxa yabantwana?”
Impendulo yam, "Abantu mabenze imitshato elungileyo, eqinileyo, esempilweni ngenxa yabantwana."
Akukho mntu unokuphikisa into yokuba kunzima ukutshata. Uphando lubonisa, nangona kunjalo, ukuba zininzi izibonelelo zokuzibophelela ixesha elide kubo bobabini abatshatileyo nakwinzala yabo.
UKarl Pillemer, Isazinzulu seYunivesithi yaseCornell esenza uphando olunzulu ngabantu abadala abangama-700 bencwadi yakhe Izifundo ezingama-30 zothando ifunyenwe, "Wonke umntu-100% -watsho ngelinye ixesha ukuba umtshato omde yeyona nto ibalulekileyo ebomini babo. Kodwa bonke bathi umtshato unzima okanye kunzima ngokwenene. ” Ke kutheni uyenza?
Kule minyaka idlulileyo, bekukho uphando oluninzi olucebisa ukuba abantu abatshatileyo banempilo engcono, ubutyebi, ubomi bezesondo kunye nolonwabo kunabanye babo. Abafazi abatshatileyo banemali eyomeleleyo kunabafazi abangatshatanga. Ukuzibophelela kwexesha elide kusisindisa ekuchitheni ixesha kunye nomzamo ekuzingeleni amaqabane amatsha rhoqo kunye nexesha kunye nomzamo owenzileyo wokuchacha kwiintlungu nasekungcatshisweni koqhawulo-mtshato noqhawulo mtshato.
Kwaye ukuhlala utshatile kunezibonelelo kunye nezibonelelo zabantwana. Uninzi lwenzululwazi yezentlalo kunye nabanyangi bayavuma ukuba abantwana abavela "kwimitshato ehleliyo" benza ngcono kuninzi kunabo bonke abantwana abavela kwiintsapho eziqhawule umtshato. Oku kungqineke kuyinyani amaxesha ngamaxesha kwizifundo kwaye kubonakala ngathi AKUKHO kubambelela ukuba umtshato uthathwa njengongquzulwano oluphezulu kakhulu. Ngokucacileyo ayinguwo wonke umtshato ekufuneka usindisiwe kwaye ukuba iqabane lisengozini ngokwasemzimbeni, kufuneka lihambe.
Uphando lubonise ukuba ekuhambeni kwexesha, abantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato basemngciphekweni omkhulu wokujongana nobunzima bezezimali, imfundo ephantsi, ukungabinampilo, kunye nokugula zizigulo zengqondo. Banamathuba amakhulu okuba banokuqhawula umtshato ngokwabo kwixa elizayo. Ke, xa iyonke, abantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato kusenokwenzeka ukuba bajongane nezithintelo ezininzi kunalezo ezinabazali abahlala betshatile.
Ukunganikezeli kwakamsinya kunezibonelelo zako
Ke, kukho izizathu ezilungileyo zokusebenzela ukucoca indawo yokuhlangana kwaye ungaphosi itawuli kungekudala. Okokuqala nokuphambili, amaqabane kulwalamano kufuneka azive ekhuselekile emzimbeni nasemphefumlweni. Ukhuseleko luza xa ususa ukugxeka, ukuzikhusela, indelelo nokwala ukulungisa imicimbi kunxibelelwano lwakho. Ukusondelana kufuna ukuba semngciphekweni kwaye akukho mntu uya kuwubeka emngciphekweni ade azi ukuba iqabane labo lizibuko elikhuselekileyo.
Olunye uqheliso olukhokelela kulwalamano olungcwele ngakumbi lubandakanya ukuqonda eyona nto yenza iqabane lakho liziva lithandwa kwaye linikezela ngokuziphatha okuthandayo rhoqo. Ukufumana okanye ukuphuhlisa umdla kunye nemisebenzi efanayo kubalulekile nokwenza ixesha lokuzonwabisa kunye. Yabelana ngesondo. Uphononongo luka-2015 lufumanise ukuba isondo kube kanye ngeveki lalilungile ekwandiseni ukonwaba emtshatweni kunye nokunxibelelana.
Ukwenza umtshato uhlale uhleli
Iingcali zikwacebisa utshintsho oluthile kwisimo sengqondo ukwenza umtshato uhlale uhleli. Isiphakamiso esinye kukuba uyeke umbono wokufumana umphefumlo wakho. Baninzi abantu onokonwaba emtshatweni. Ndiyathemba ukuba uqala ukubona ukuba kutheni kunokuba kuhle ukuba wenze umtshato ofanelekileyo kunokuba uye kuzingela iqabane elifanelekileyo. Kananjalo uninzi lwabantu abatshatileyo ekudala bethetha ukuba bafuna ukuhlala betshatile kwaye abacingi okanye abathethi ngoqhawulo-mtshato njengokhetho.
Ke, kuya kufuneka uhlale utshatile ngenxa yomntwana wakho? Ngokubanzi, ndicinga ewe.
Logama nje kungekho ngozi ngoko nangoko kwaye ukwazi ukuzibophelela ekucoceni nasekwenzeni ingcwele indawo yakho yobudlelwane, wena nabantwana bakho kunokwenzeka ukuba nizuze kumtshato omde nozinze.