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Umxholo
- Imicimbi yeemvakalelo iyaphazamisa ubudlelwane kanye njenge ulwalamano lomzimba
- Abantu baphambuka ngokwasemphefumlweni xa besiva isithuba kulwalamano lwabo olukhoyo
- Unyanisekile kwaye unokuthenjwa okanye akunjalo
- Zithintele ngazo zonke iindlela
- Ungathini ukuba ukwelinye icala locingo
- Uzivavanye ngokwakho into oyenzileyo encede wabakhuphela ngaphandle komnyango
- Ukuhamba okokugqibela-ukuqhubela phambili kuya kuthatha ixesha
"Kodwa andizange ndilale naye, ewe sasithethile, ewe sathumela imiyalezo ngasemva kwakho, kodwa andizange ndimphuze." Eli ligama eliqhelekileyo, elinikwa ngabantu abebekwixeshana elifutshane okanye ixesha elide bethandana ngokweemvakalelo.
Kwaye le micimbi yeemvakalelo, apho kungakhange kwenzeke ukuchukumisa ngokwasemzimbeni, ziyalimaza ubudlelwane okanye umtshato njengokomzimba.
Imicimbi yeemvakalelo iyaphazamisa ubudlelwane kanye njenge ulwalamano lomzimba
Apha ngezantsi, uDavid unika ingcebiso yakhe kwaye uthetha ngomonakalo owenziwa yimicimbi yeemvakalelo kubudlelwane, kunye nendlela yokubaphilisa ngoku. Iqhelekile into yokuba umntu obanjwe ethandana nomntu, azikhusele. Ngeentetho ezinje: "Kodwa andizange ndimphuze, andizange ndilale naye, kutheni ukhathazekile nje?" Kwaye iqabane lalo mfazi kufuneka licaphuke. Kuya kufuneka acaphuke. Ngoba? Kungenxa yokuba uphelise intembeko. Uye wamngcatsha. Kwaye umahluko phakathi kokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuthandana ngokwam kwincwadi yam ngu-zero.
Ke yintoni umcimbi weemvakalelo? Xa usiya ngasemva kweqabane lakho, kwaye unxibelelana nomntu wesini esahlukileyo, kwaye uyazi ukuba ufumanise ukuba unaleta mbalelwano uza kuba sengxakini- yinto yovakalelo leyo.
Ukuba uthetha nomntu wesini esahlukileyo, kodwa ukuba iqabane lakho belimi apho awuyi kubelana ngolwazi olufanayo-yinto ethandanayo. Ukuba uthetha nomntu wesini esahlukileyo emva komlingane wakho kwaye wabelana ngolwazi malunga nendlela ulwalamano lwakho olusondeza ngayo, iqabane lakho alisoze lenze into ofuna ukuba liyenze, iqabane lakho lithetha. Nokuba yeyiphi na into enokuba kukuthandana ngokweemvakalelo.
Abantu baphambuka ngokwasemphefumlweni xa besiva isithuba kulwalamano lwabo olukhoyo
Kwaye kutheni abantu befikelela kubantu besini esahlukileyo, nokuba usebudlelwaneni, ukuze babelane ngeentlungu zabo, amaphupha abo, iminqweno yabo kunye nokunye? Impendulo icacile. Baziva belilize ekhaya. Baziva ngathi kukho nto ilahlekileyo. Kwaye endaweni yokubeka yonke imizamo yokugcina ubudlelwane, endaweni yokuya kwiingcebiso ukuze uqiniseke ukuba wenza konke okusemandleni ukubuyisa ubudlelwane bakho ngendlela obabuyiyo ngaphambili, siyaphambuka. Ukuphambuka ngokweemvakalelo.
Unyanisekile kwaye unokuthenjwa okanye akunjalo
Kule minyaka ndisebenze nezibini ezininzi apho kwenzeke khona oku. Kwaye lowo ukhohlise ngokwasemphefumlweni, ngokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo, i-99% yexesha liyazikhusela kwindalo. Bafuna ukuthethelela ukuba kutheni befikelela komnye umntu, endaweni yeqabane labo. Kodwa akukho sizathu, kungekho kwincwadi yam kunjalo. Unyanisekile kwaye unokuthenjwa okanye akunjalo.
Zithintele ngazo zonke iindlela
Ke ukuba nguwe ngoku ufunda le nto ikwimeko yokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo nantsi into oyenzayo: yeka. Ngoku. Thumela isicatshulwa kunye okanye i-imeyile kumntu owabelana naye ngolwazi oluninzi kakhulu kwaye umxelele ukuba awukwazi ukunxibelelana nabo kwakhona. Hayi njengabahlobo. Akunjalo njengabathandi. Kungenxa yokuba uqhatha iqabane lakho ngolu hlobo lwembalelwano.
Kwaye ukuba abafuni ukukuvumela uhambe? Vimba. Zithintele ngazo zonke iindlela. Kwaye emva koko, yiya kwiingcebiso. Nguwe kuqala, kwaye uzame ukuqonda izizathu zokuba uphambukile, ungcatsha iqabane lakho. Zithini iimfuno ezingafezekiswayo? Ziziphi izinto ezikukhathazayo? Yeyiphi ingqumbo onayo efuna ukucaciswa?
Ungathini ukuba ukwelinye icala locingo
Ukuba ungayenza ngokwakho, ndiyakukhuthaza ukuba uyenze kwangoko. Ukuba ufuna ukubandakanya iqabane lakho ngokungathi ububanjelwe kwimicimbi yeemvakalelo, yenza iqabane lakho libandakanyeke kwilizwe lokucebisa. Kwaye uza kuthini ukuba uliqabane elishiywe lodwa, ungathini ukuba uliqabane elifumene isithandwa sakho sikopela ngokweemvakalelo?
Funeke nifumane nobabini kwi counselling ngoku. Andinguye umlandeli omkhulu wokucebisa izibini ngaphandle kweseshoni enye, apho ndisebenza khona nezibini kunye, kodwa ke ndifuna ukusebenza nabantu ngabanye ukuze ndibancede bafikelele kwingcambu yesizathu sokukhohlisa kwabo ngokwasemoyeni, okanye ukuba Ukwelinye icala locingo, ungaxolela njani iqabane eliqhathe iimvakalelo.
Uzivavanye ngokwakho into oyenzileyo encede wabakhuphela ngaphandle komnyango
Ukuba iqabane lakho lelinye eliqhathiweyo, unelungelo emhlabeni ukubaxelela ukuba bathumele i-imeyile okanye isicatshulwa esiphelisa ubudlelwane beemvakalelo nalo mntu, ukuze ubone ukuba uthunyelwe, kwaye bayabavimba Yonke imidiya yoluntu, isicatshulwa kunye ne-imeyile. Ewe unelungelo lokwenza oko njengeqabane ebeliqhathiwe ngokweemvakalelo. Kodwa, unoxanduva lokujonga ukuba wenzani kubudlelwane obunokubanceda ukubatyhalela ngaphandle.
Ndiyazi ukuba awufuni kuyifunda loo nto, kodwa yinyaniso.
Rhoqo, kule minyaka ingama-28 idlulileyo emsebenzini wam njengomcebisi kunye nomqeqeshi wobomi, ndikhe ndabona umcimbi wovakalelo owenzekileyo, kwaye uxanduva olupheleleyo lusemntwini okhohlisileyo.Kukho ukungasebenzi kakuhle kulwalamano, oko kubangela, okanye kunceda ukubangela, elinye lamaqabane lijonge ngaphandle kobudlelwane ngolwaneliseko. La manyathelo angentla ayasebenza. 100% yexesha. Kodwa nobabini kufuneka nithobeke, jongani izizathu zoku ukuba kwenzeke ntoni, ukuze uphilise kwaye uqhubeke.
Ukuhamba okokugqibela-ukuqhubela phambili kuya kuthatha ixesha
Ayisiyonto ilula njengokuyeka unxibelelwano ukuphilisa ubudlelwane bakho. Kuya kufuneka uyeke unxibelelwano kwaye uphilise ubudlelwane ngexesha elinye elinokuthatha iinyanga ezininzi ukuze uphumelele ukuthembela kwiqabane lakho. Masiqale kwangoku.