I-Marriage.com: Sitshele kancinci malunga nawe kunye nencwadi yakho Ingelosi kwi-Surfboard: Inoveli eyimfihlakalo yothando evavanya amaqhosha othando olunzulu.
UDavid Essel: Inombolo yethu entsha ethengisa inoveli yokuthandana eyimfihlakalo, "Angel On A Surfboard", yenye yeencwadi ezizodwa endakha ndazibhala.
Kwaye umxholo ophambili umalunga nokuqonda okusithintelayo ekudaleni uthando olunzulu. Ndithathe iiveki ezintathu ndahamba phakathi kweziqithi zaseHawaii ukuze ndibhale incwadi, kwaye isiphelo samangalisa.
Le yincwadi yam ye-10, ezine zazo ziye zangoyena mntu uthengisa kakhulu, kwaye kuba sithetha ngamadoda kunye nonxibelelwano wonke umntu emhlabeni angazuza kakhulu ngokufunda le noveli.
Ndiqale kwilizwe lokukhula komntu kwiminyaka engama-40 eyadlulayo, kwaye ndiyaqhubeka nanamhlanje njengombhali, umcebisi kunye noMqeqeshi woBomi. Sisebenza nabantu abavela kwihlabathi liphela yonke imihla yeveki ngefowuni, uSkype kwaye sithatha abathengi kwiofisi yethu yaseFort Myers Florida.
I-Marriage.com: Uninzi lwabafana luyasokola ekwabelaneni ngeemvakalelo zabo, ayizukuba iya kuba lixesha lokuqala lokuba umntu aze nento yokuba ngaphandle kokuba uyitshintshe le nto, uninzi lolwalamano lwakho luya kugcwaliswa ziziphithiphithi kunye nomdlalo weqonga.
Kutheni le nto? Kutheni le nto amadoda enobunzima bokunxibelelana nabo, kunye nokwabelana ngeemvakalelo zabo zokwenene kunye nobudlelwane?
UDavid Essel: Impendulo ilula ngokwenene: ukwazi ngobuninzi.
Phantse wonke umntu okhulele kuMbutho namhlanje ujikelezwe ngamadoda angakhange afundiswe indlela yokunxibelelana neemvakalelo zabo kunye nobunzulu obufunekayo ukuze siqonde iimvakalelo zethu nezomnye umntu. Ke xa ukhulele kuluntu olungayixabisiyo indoda ekwaziyo ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zayo, uninzi lwamadoda luza kuba neentloni nokuzama ukuphonononga elo cala lobomi babo.
Oku kungakwazi ukuqhuba iimvakalelo kunye nokunxibelelana kuya kuphazamisa ukuqonda kwento efunwa yindoda kubudlelwane.
1. Marriage.com: Zeziphi ezinye iindlela amadoda anokufunda ngazo ukunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo?
UDavid Essel: Inombolo enye, ngokuzibandakanya kwiimvakalelo zabo kunye neemvakalelo zabo. Oku kwenziwa ngokulula. Kwiiseshoni zethu namadoda afuna ukuba ngabanxibelelanisi abangcono, ndiqale ndacela ukuba baqale ukunxibelelana nabo.
Xa baziva bonwabe kakhulu, ndacela ukuba babhalele malunga nento eyenze olo lonwabo. Ukuba batshatile ngokwenene, banokuzilolonga ukunceda ukufikelela ekubeni kutheni benomsindo, baphambene okanye betshutshisiwe.
Ukuba bayadika, ndibabhalele malunga nento eyenzekayo ebomini babo enokubangela isithukuthezi.
Ngamanye amagama, ukuba unganxibelelana ngcono neemvakalelo zakho, uya kuba nethuba elingcono lokuzichaza xa kufuneka njalo.
2. I-Marriage.com: angathini umntu onokuba neentloni kakhulu kulwalamano lwabo acele iqabane lakhe ukuba lithambise umqolo? Yenye yezinto ezifunwa ngamadoda kodwa ungaze ucele, woyika ukukhutshwa.
UDavid Essel: Oku kulula kakhulu! Cela ukunika iqabane lakho umva lokuqala. Thatha ixesha lakho. Banike eyona mqolo imangalisayo bakha banayo ebomini babo.
Emva koko, babuze ukuba bangathanda ukwenza okufanayo nakuwe, nokuba kunamhlanje okanye ngolunye usuku. Banike ukhetho!
Oku kuvula umnyango wokucela into oyifunayo, ngokunika omnye umntu into abanokuyinqwenela kuqala.
3. Marriage.com: Enye yezinto amadoda azifunayo kubudlelwane yahlukile ngakumbi kubomi babo besini. Zeziphi iingcebiso ezilungileyo kumadoda afuna ukubuza amaqabane awo ngobomi babo bezesondo ukuba ahluke kakhulu?
UDavid Essel: Ukudakumba ngokwesondo kuqheleke kakhulu kubudlelwane bexesha elide. Indoda efuna ukwahluka okungakumbi iya kuqonda ukuba inokulahlwa kwaye kulungile.
Kungenxa yokuba ufuna into, oko akuthethi ukuba iqabane lakho liya kufuna kwa into enye, ke kuya kufuneka sivuleke kwinto yokuba xa sixoxa ngento enje ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo zezikhundla zesondo abanokuthi ekuqaleni bazikhusele, okanye bazive ngathi Azikho ngokwaneleyo njengoko zinjalo.
Ndiza kuqala incoko ngokwenza ukuba abathengi bam bathethe neqabane labo malunga nento eyenzekayo ngokwesondo abayithandayo ngokwenene, ukuba iqabane labo lenze kakuhle kakhulu.
Sivula ucango lwendlela evulekileyo yokucinga ngesondo xa sincedisana neqabane lethu kwinto abayenzayo ngoku siyithandayo.
Inyathelo elilandelayo iya kuba kukubuza iqabane ukuba kukho iindawo ezithile zesondo okanye iithoyi abangazange bazisebenzise kodwa babehlala befuna njalo?
Ngaba wakhe wanqwenela ukudlala umdlalo wesondo? Ngamanye amagama, bendiya kubabuza imibuzo malunga nokuba bangathanda ukwenza ntoni ngokwahlukeneyo ngokwesondo, ngaphambi kokuba banike amaqabane ethu naziphi na izimvo zento esiyifunayo.
Ungababuza nokuba bafuna ukubukela nayiphi na i-CD yemfundo yezesondo, kukho amawaka asemarikeni, okanye ukuba bangathanda ukuya kutyelela ingcali ukuze bathethe ngokuphucula unxibelelwano lwabo olusondeleyo ngesondo kunye nezinye iindlela zothando.
Enye yezinto ezifunwa ngamadoda kubudlelwane bubomi obonwabisayo besini, kunye negumbi elinobunewunewu, kodwa hayi ngendleko yokona iqabane labo.
Zibeke kwindawo yokuqala kunxibelelwano, kwaye uya kuvuna umvuzo phantsi kwendlela.
4. Marriage.com: Kwi-gamut yezinto abantu abazifunayo kubudlelwane yintlonipho. Iqabane lendoda libuza njani malunga nokufumana imbeko encinci? Ngokwenyani yenze kakhulu.
UDavid Essel: Ukuba asiyifumani imbeko kwiqabane lethu, zilungiselele, yimpazamo yethu, hayi eyabo. Sifundisa abanye ukuba basiphathe njani, sisaci esidala esichanekileyo nge-100%.
Ukuxhomekeka, emsebenzini wam, sesona siyobisi sikhulu ehlabathini, kwaye ukuba uxhomekeke kwiqabane lakho, abayi kukuhlonipha kwaphela. Kwabasetyhini, abazifumana befuna impendulo kumbuzo othi, "umenza njani umntu onomdla kuwe?", Owona mgibe ubalulekileyo ekufuneka uwuphephe kukuxhomekeka kwiqabane.
Ukuba ubunokuxelela umntu, awukuxabisi ukuba basela kangakanani, kwaye kwixesha elizayo xa benxilile uzothatha usuku lwe-90 lokwahlulahlula ubudlelwane, iqabane lakho liyokuhlonipha kuphela ukuba uyaqhubeka amazwi akho.
Ke ukuba bayanxila kwakhona, kwaye awusohlukani nabo kangangeentsuku ezingama-90, baya kuba nentlonipho engathethekiyo kuwe kwaye ngumzekelo omnye nje lowo.
Nanini na xa sixelela iqabane, ukuba asifuni ukuba benze i-XY okanye i-Z, kwaye bayayenza, kwaye asinasiphumo, siphulukene nembeko epheleleyo. Kwaye kuya kufuneka siphulukane nentlonipho epheleleyo ukuba asifuni ukulandela ngokwethu amazwi.
5.Imarital.com: Enye yezinto amadoda ayifunayo kubudlelwane liqabane labo labasetyhini ukuthatha inyathelo lokuqala. Ungalixelela ntoni iqabane eliyindoda elifuna elinye elibalulekileyo lenze inyathelo lokuqala kubudlelwane babo?
UDavid Essel: Ndiza kubaxelela ukuba bajonge iqabane eliphambili. Bavakala bethobekile, mhlawumbi ungenisa, kwaye ukuba bayoyika ukwenza inyathelo lokuqala kufuneka bafumane umntu ongoyikiyo ukwenza inyathelo lokuqala, umntu oza kuba yinkokheli kubudlelwane.
6. Marriage.com: Angalixelela njani iqabane lakhe ukuba ufuna inkxaso ngokwasemoyeni?
UDavid Essel: Wonke umntu ufuna inkxaso yemvakalelo, ngamanye amaxesha kakhulu rhoqo kunabanye. Enye yeendlela eziphambili zokufumana inkxaso ngokweemvakalelo kukuba nomntu oza kukumamela ngaphandle kokunika iingcebiso.
Ndifundisa bonke abathengi bam abangamadoda, xa behleli phantsi kwaye bafuna ukuthetha namaqabane abo malunga noxinzelelo abanalo, ukuqala ingxelo ngento enje "Ndifuna ukwabelana ngento enoxinzelelo olukhulu ebomini bam ngoku , Ndingathanda ukuba ubungamamela, undibambe ngesandla kodwa ungandiniki ngcebiso. Ndifuna nje ukuyisusa apha esifubeni sam. "
Lo ngumlingo ngendlela osebenza ngayo.
7. Marriage.com: Masithi ufuna ukuhlala nabahlobo bakhe ngokuhlwanje?
UDavid Essel: Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu xa sithetha ngokuthatha ixesha kubudlelwane bethu kukunika amaqabane ethu isaziso esaneleyo sokuba sizakuphuma nabahlobo bethu ngosuku nangexesha elithile.
Ngamanye amagama, ukuba uyazi ukuba uza kudlala amakhadi nabahlobo bakho ngoLwesine olandelayo ebusuku, kwaye ulinde kude kube nguLwesithathu ukuxelela iqabane lakho, ayilunganga kwaphela.
Nje ukuba wazi ukuba uza kuchitha ixesha nabahlobo, kufuneka sabelane ngalo ukuze wonke umntu akhwele.
8. Marriage.com: Njani ukuba umfana onokuba neentloni kakhulu kubudlelwane babo buza iqabane labo ukuba bafuna nje ixesha wedwa?
UDavid Essel: Ekunxibelelaneni, mandiphinde, kuba oku kubaluleke kakhulu, ukwaliwa yinxalenye yomdlalo.
Qonda, ukuba ufuna ixesha wedwa, iqabane lakho lisenokungavumi okanye lingathandi kodwa asikwazi kuthwala iimvakalelo zabo kuthi.
Kufuneka sibe namandla okubazisa ukuba sizakuchitha ixesha ukwenza iABC, nokuba yintoni na, kwaye ixesha lokuphumla liyimfuneko kuwo wonke umntu kubudlelwane bonke. Phakathi kwezinto ezimbalwa amadoda azifunayo kubudlelwane lixesha elichanekileyo lokuphumla kwaye ukuba ulibhinqa ufunda le nto, ungabonisa uthando kubuhle bakho ngokuhlala ngakumbi kuloo nto.
Izibini ezenza "yonke into" kunye, zihlala zitshisa.
9. Marriage.com: Zeziphi iindlela ezilungileyo zokuba indoda ibuze iqabane labo ukuba bafuna ibabonise ngokwesondo ngakumbi kunoko bebekufumana?
UDavid Essel: Njalo qalisa ngokuncoma. Sithandwa ndiyayithanda indlela owenza ngayo ngesondo emlonyeni, akukholeleki ngalo lonke ixesha! ”
Okanye nantoni na oyithandayo ngesondo kunye neqabane lakho, bancede. Musa ukwenza ubuxoki, kodwa bancome kwaye benza kakuhle.
Emva koko, unokuthi "Ndiyayithanda kakhulu indlela owenza ngayo isondo ngomlomo kum, kwaye bendizibuza ukuba ungayenza na le". Nokuba yeyiphi "le".
Ngamanye amagama, amaqabane amaninzi aya kuba neentloni xa usithi kuwo “vuthelani ingqondo yam nindibonise lonke iqhinga lesini onalo“, kodwa ukuba ubakhokelela kolo hambo kancinci, baya kuvula ngokukhawuleza okukhulu.
10.Imarital.com: Emva kweveki ende yomsebenzi, ekugqibeleni yimpelaveki, kwaye into oyifunayo kukuba iqabane lakho likhokele kwinto abayenzayo ngokuhlwanje. Bangayenza njani loo nto ngokungakhathali?
UDavid Essel: Ndihlala ndikhuthaza abantu ukuba banxibelelane ngokukhululekileyo ngokukhululekileyo, ukuyibeka emgceni.
“Sthandwa sam, le veki ibiphambene, ndizakucela ukuba uqhubeke wenze amalungiselelo ngobu busuku, ndiza kwenza nantoni na ofuna ukuyenza ukuba yibhanyabhanya, isidlo sangokuhlwa. Ndizakukucela nje ukuba uphathe apha ebusuku ngoku, ndizokubona ngecala lesixhenxe. ”
Olu hlobo lwe-imeyile okanye isicatshulwa kufuneka luthunyelwe kwakusasa okanye kwakusasa, lubanike ixesha elininzi lokucinga. Ukuba bayatyhala emva bathi abazi, yiyeke ihambe.
Okanye unako okanye ubacele ukuba benze izicwangciso zobusuku obulandelayo ukuba baziva bebekwe endaweni yokwenza namhlanje. Kwabafazi, enye yezinto abafana abayifunayo kuwe kukuthatha uxanduva kunye nokufowuna kwiintsuku zokucwangcisa ngamanye amaxesha, ukuze onwabele nje ngelixa ebulela iinkwenkwezi zakhe ngokufika kunye neqabane elimangalisayo.