Umxholo
- 1. Iqabane elihle, elihle elinoburharha
- 2. Ukutshintsha kwembonakalo yeempawu ezikhethiweyo kwiqabane
- 3. Ukuba nemidla efanayo kodwa akufani kakhulu
- 4. Ukufumana uthando kumtshato wesibini
- 5. Intuthuzelo nolonwabo kubudlelwane besini esifanayo
- 6. Ukwaphula ipatheni yokuthandana nohlobo olungalunganga
- 7. Lowo ukhupha eyona intle kuwe
Sonke silwela ukuba nobudlelwane obugqibeleleyo. Kodwa sithetha ntoni kanye xa sithi “ugqibelele?” Ukugqibelela ngamava aphantsi, achazwe ngokwahlukileyo ngumntu ngamnye othetha naye. Makhe jonga kule nkcazo yabantu elandelayo ukuba yintoni ubudlelwane obugqibeleleyo kubo, kwaye ubone ukuba akukho naziphi na izinto eziqhelekileyo kwizinto abazichaza njengobudlelwane obugqibeleleyo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo.
1. Iqabane elihle, elihle elinoburharha
UMolly, 25, ziinyanga ezintandathu kubudlelwane bakhe bothando. Uthi: “Umfana endithandana naye ugqibelele. “Ukrelekrele, uyinzwana, kwaye unoburharha. Ngapha koko, yile yanditsalela kuye. Ukuqala kwam ukumbona, wayesenza ukuma kwiklabhu yamahlaya yalapha. Undikhethe ngaphandle kwabaphulaphuli njengenxalenye yeendlela zakhe. Nangona ndandineentloni, ndaya kuye emva komboniso ukuze ndizazise. Undibuze phandle, kwaye ke, yonke into igqibelele (ukuza kuthi ga ngoku)! Ndiyathanda kakhulu ukuba akhululeke xa esenza esidlangalaleni kwaye uyayithanda indlela ahlekisa ngayo. ”
2. Ukutshintsha kwembonakalo yeempawu ezikhethiweyo kwiqabane
USteve, 49, unembono eyahlukileyo yokugqibelela. Akukho mthetho ubhontsi kulwalamano olugqibeleleyo kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, iimvakalelo zitshintsha kakhulu. Kwaye kwenzeka ngoko kuSteve.
“Hee, ndiqhawule umtshato ngoko ndiyazi ukuba into enokubonakala ifezekile xa uneminyaka engama-22 ingatshintsha xa uneminyaka engama-40. Xa ndathandana nomfazi wam, ndandicinga ukuba ugqibelele. Umhle, ugcina inkangeleko yakhe ebonakalayo, kwaye ungumntu wokwenene ekhaya. Bendibuya emsebenzini kwaye yonke into ibimnandi: indlu ibicocekile, isidlo sangokuhlwa kwisitovu, kwaye uhlala ebonakala emnandi. Kodwa loo nto yaba yinto ekruqulayo unyaka nonyaka. Wayengakuthandi ukuhamba kakhulu-njengoko benditshilo, wayengumntu wasekhaya-kwaye wayenomdla omncinci ngaphandle kokuthenga kunye nokwenza iinwele zakhe.
Ndathandana nelinye ibhinqa endadibana nalo kwiklabhu yam ebalekayo. Ndagqibela ngokuqhawula umtshato kumfazi wam wokuqala, kwaye ngoku ndingatsho ngokwenyani ukuba ndinolwalamano olugqibeleleyo. USamantha (umfazi wam wesibini ufana nam-uyathanda, uthatha umngcipheko, kwaye uyathanda ukuzicel 'umngeni. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba wayengaphelelanga kum xa ndandineminyaka engama-20, kuyinyani, kodwa ngoku ndimdala kwaye ndinantoni Ndifuna kubudlelwane bam butshintshile. ”
3. Ukuba nemidla efanayo kodwa akufani kakhulu
UCamille, 30, uthi ucinga ukuba ubudlelwane obufezekileyo bobabini apho abantu babini banomdla ofanayo kodwa bengafani ncam. Uthi: "Kufuneka ube nakho ukuzisa into entsha kubudlelwane, uphindaphinde," utshilo. “Awufuni kuba zizichasi ze-polar — oko kunokuba nzima kuba akukho nto niyafana ngayo, kodwa anifuni kuhlala niphathana ngalo lonke ixesha. Ingayindinisa loo nto.
Ndiyathanda ibhalansi entle apho mna neqabane lam sinezinto eziphambili ezilungelelanisiweyo-ezopolitiko, inkolo, imfundo, indlela esiyibona ngayo usapho-kodwa sinenkululeko yokuphuma sodwa siye kuhlola ezinye izinto ezinje ngento nganye esiyenzayo ngexesha lethu lokuzonwabisa . Umzekelo, ndiyathanda ukudlala i-tennis ngeempelaveki, kwaye uyathanda ukuthatha iiyure ezimbalwa asuse imifanekiso neklabhu yakhe yokufota. Xa sigoduka sobabini sisuka kwimisebenzi yethu eyahlukileyo, sinemithwalo esinokwabelana ngayo nabanye. ”
4. Ukufumana uthando kumtshato wesibini
Ulwalamano lwam luphelele kum, kodwa ngendingazange ndicinge ukuba lwaluya kusebenza ngaphambi kokuba ndidibane noMike, utshilo CindyNdineminyaka engama-50 ubudala, ndanditshatile. Sasisisi sibini sokuba wonke umntu amonele kwaye afune ukufana. Indlu entle, imisebenzi elungileyo, abantwana abaqhuba kakuhle esikolweni. Sasihamba icawe kwaye sabuyisela eluntwini.
Emva kokuba umyeni wam egule kwaye wasweleka, andizange ndicinge ukuba ndingaphinda nditshate. Ngokuqinisekileyo ayinguye umntu onjengoMike. UMike ulwalamano lwendalo, kwezopolitiko woyama ngasekhohlo, kokomoya kodwa akakho kwenkolo. Kodwa nditsaleleke kumandla akhe, kwaye sathandana. Sothuka nyhani! Ndinethamsanqa njengoko ndinethuba lokuba nobudlelwane obugqibeleleyo. Ngamnye wahluke kakhulu. Ndiyicinga into endiyithethayo kukuba "ukugqibelela" kuza kwiintlobo ezininzi. Ndiyabulela! ”
5. Intuthuzelo nolonwabo kubudlelwane besini esifanayo
Uthi: "Ulwalamano lwam olugqibeleleyo mhlawumbi alubikho kuluntu ekuthiwa lolugqibeleleyo," utsho Amy, 39. “Umlingane wam ungumfazi. Abanye basenokungabubizi obu budlelwane obugqibeleleyo, kodwa uphelele kum. Ngendithandane naye nokuba ebeyindoda! Unobubele, uyahlekisa, kwaye uyandibonisa ukuba uyandithanda ngeendlela ezizigidi ngemini. Sinyani ngokulingana kubudlelwane: sobabini sabelana ngemisebenzi yasekhaya, sithanda izinto ezifanayo kumculo, kwiimuvi, nakwinto esithanda ukuyibukela kumabonwakude. Siyaphikisana, ngokuqinisekileyo, kodwa rhoqo thatha ixesha lokumamela icala lomnye nomnye. Kwaye asizange silale sinomsindo. Ukuba oko akuvakali njengobudlelwane obugqibeleleyo, andazi ukuba yintoni. ”
6. Ukwaphula ipatheni yokuthandana nohlobo olungalunganga
UKathy, 58, kuthathe ixesha elide ukufumana ubudlelwane obugqibeleleyo. Uthi: "Ndathandana nabantu abaninzi ababengafanelekanga xa ndandisemncinci." “Ndaye ndayeka ke. Ndacinga ukuba ndingangabi ndedwa kunokuba ndithandane nomfana oselayo, okanye ongcakazayo, okanye angandihloneli ngokwaneleyo ukuba andiphathe kakuhle.
Kwakuxa ndayeka ukwamkela impatho embi emadodeni kwaye ndathatha ikhefu ekuthandaneni apho ndadibana noGary. UGary wayegqibelele kum, kanye kwi-bat. Ungomnye wabo bantu bacingayo, abanolwazelelelo, osoloko egcina ilizwi lakhe, ebonisa iimvakalelo zakhe. Sinabahlobo ngokufanayo, iinkanuko ekwabelwana ngazo, kwaye bobabini bathanda ukuwola nokuncamisa! Ndonwabile ukuba ndiphakamisile imigangatho yam yokuba ndiza kuthandana nabani. Ukuba bendingazange, bendizakuba namaqabane endandiphoxa, kwaye ngendingazange ndadibana noGary. ”
7. Lowo ukhupha eyona intle kuwe
Uyazi ukuba yintoni eyenza ubudlelwane obugqibeleleyo? UMaria, 55. “Iqabane lakho likhupha okona kulungileyo kuwe. Ndiyazi ukuba uJames wayenguye xa ndandiqonda ukuba undenze ndasoloko ndifumana iinkwenkwezi. Undenza ndifune ukuzicel 'umngeni ngokwam, ke ndihlala ndimthanda. Owu, ndiyazi ukuba angandithanda nantoni na endiyenzayo, kodwa undenza ndizive ndingenakoyiswa! Uyakholelwa kum, uyandixhasa kwaye undinika indawo endiyifunayo ukuze ndiqhubeke ndikhula. Nam ndenza okufanayo kuye. Obu bubudlelane kum! ”
Sifunda ntoni ngobuDlelwane obuGqibeleleyo kwaba bantu? Kuvakala ukuba ubudlelwane obugqibeleleyo bohlukile kuye wonke umntu. Le yinto elungileyo. Ukuba ubudlelwane obugqibeleleyo buze ngobukhulu obunye, bekuya kubakho abantu abaninzi abaphoxekileyo phaya! Kubalulekile ukuba uchaze ukuba yintoni "egqibeleleyo" yakho, ukuze uyiqonde xa isiza kuwe.
