Umxholo
- 1. Utywala
- 2. Yiba ngumntu okhulileyo ngokweemvakalelo, xa kuthelekiswa nokuba mncinci ngokweemvakalelo
- 3. Bayimizekelo ehamba yovelwano nemfesane
- 4. Silahla isidingo sokulungisa wonke umntu
Kuthetha ntoni kuwe ukuba ngutata obalaseleyo ebomini? Zeziphi iindlela zokuba ngutata ongcono?
Ngubani ojonga kuye njengomzekelo, onokuchaza lo mntu njengo "tata obalaseleyo"?
Ngaba ukhe waqonda ukuba umgangatho wootata kwilizwe lethu wehle kakhulu kule minyaka ingama-25 idlulileyo?
Kule minyaka ingama-30 idlulileyo, umbhali wokuqala othengisa kakhulu, umcebisi, uQeqeshi woBomi kunye noMphathiswa uDavid Essel bebenceda amadoda ukuba abe ngootata kunye nabasetyhini abangcono ukuba baqale ukukhangela iimpawu ezinamadoda athile anokuthi sele ezakuba utata omkhulu wabantwana babo.
Apha ngezantsi, uDavid wabelana ngeengcinga zakhe malunga nokuba kuthatha ntoni ukuba ngutata omkhulu kwilizwe lethu namhlanje, kunye neendlela ezine ezisebenzayo zokuba ngutata ongcono.
Ndinebhongo kakhulu ukuba bendinotata obalaseleyo ebomini. Ebenxibelelene nenkosikazi yakhe nabantwana bakhe, ebesenzela ixesha, ewe ebengqongqo kodwa enganyamezeleki kwaye umnqweno wakhe kukuba abantwana bakhe bakhule ngokuziphatha nokuziphatha.
Namhlanje, ndiyasokola ukufumana ootata abaninzi abanezi mpawu zintle, okanye ezi mpawu zintle.
Kule minyaka ingama-30 idlulileyo, ndibone ukwehla kwenani lamadoda ade azenzele uvavanyo, ngokubhekisele kwizakhono zikayise.
Iphantse yabonakala ngathi, ukuba siye sazithanda ngakumbi, singabi naluvelwano kwaye sinovelwano kwabanye abathi abafazi bethu nabantwana bethu bathathe kubo kwangoko.
Ndiyazi ukuba amanye amadoda awaziboni nokuzijonga njengemodeli, bade bandixelele ukuba abafuni ukuba ngumzekelo kubantwana babo okanye kubafazi babo ekunokwenzeka ukuba yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo ebomini.
Ukuba unabantwana, ukuba unomnqweno wokwenza umahluko kweli hlabathi, kungcono ukuba ukholelwe ekubeni ungoyena mntu ubalulekileyo kuye abanokuze babone de balishiye ikhaya lakho.
Ke masiqwalasele amaqhosha ama-4 abaluleke kakhulu ukutshintsha, ukutshintsha, okanye ukucima ukuba ufuna ukugqwesa Utata kunokwenzeka kubantwana bakho kunye neqabane lakho.
Amanyathelo ama-4 okuba ngutata ongcono
1. Utywala
Itshabalalisa amathuba amaninzi endoda ukuba ibe ngutata wokwenene.
Ukuba usela rhoqo, okanye usela ngaphezulu kwe-2 ukuya kwi-3 iziselo mihla le, awusekelwanga kubantwana bakho ngokweemvakalelo.
Ukuba uyasela kwaye butshintsha ubukho bakho nangayiphi na indlela, eyenzela wonke umntu, ubonisa abantwana bakho ukuba unomdla kakhulu kumlutha wakho, emva koko ubakhona.
Kwaye andibuchasi utywala, andilonxila.
Kwaye oko kuthetha ukuthini, ukuba ufuna ukuba neglasi yewayini kunye nesidlo sangokuhlwa, ii-ounces ezi-4, wonwabe kodwa ume apho.
Ukuba ufuna ukusela ibhiya ngenjikalanga yangoMgqibelo, yonwabele kodwa ume apho.
Ungasela, siselo esinye, kwaye unxibelelane ngokwasemphefumlweni nabantwana bakho kodwa ngaphezulu kunokuba ndinokukuxelela ngamava akho ukuba ayisebenzi.
Ndinoxanduva ngo-1980 lokuba ngutata kwinkwenkwana, kwaye ngelo xesha ndandisela rhoqo. Ukuba ubungandibuza ukuba ndingumntu olungileyo na utata kuye ngendisithi “Esihogweni ewe! Ndimamele, ndiyafumaneka, kwaye ndiyakhathala ngekamva lakhe.
Inyaniso ekuphela kwayo kwingxelo yam yokugqibela kukuba bendikhathalele ikamva lakhe. Kodwa bendingekho.
Akukho mntu xa besela. Kwaye eso sisifundo ekwafuneka ndisifunde kwasekuqaleni ebomini, ukuze abantwana abalandelayo endiye ndakwazi ukubakhulisa, babe nohlobo lootata ohluke ngokupheleleyo ukuba ndijonge kubo.
Kwafuneka ndikhule kwaye ndiphendule umbuzo, ukuba ngutata olungileyo njani.
2. Yiba ngumntu okhulileyo ngokweemvakalelo, xa kuthelekiswa nokuba mncinci ngokweemvakalelo
Ngoku oku kunomdla. Ukuba ungabuza ootata namhlanje, phantse bonke ootata bangathi bakhulile ngokwasemoyeni. Kodwa bubuxoki obukhulu obo.
Xa ukhule ngokwasemphefumlweni, awungeni kwiingxoxo kwimidiya yoluntu, awuthumeli ii-tweets ezithobayo ku-Twitter, ngamanye amagama awulandeli umntu okwiNdlu yeWhite House kuba indlela enza ngayo, leyo Uninzi lootata benza ngale ndlela, kukungakhuli kakhulu.
Kubizwa ngokuba ngumxhaphazi. Kubizwa ngokuba kukuzingca. Kubizwa ngokuba ungakhulanga kakhulu.
Ukuba ujikeleze itafile yesidlo sangokuhlwa, okanye emotweni, andikhathali nokuba uthetha nomfazi wakho okanye umhlobo wakho osenyongweni, ukuba abantwana bakho bajikeleze kwaye wenza amagqabantshintshi ngabanye abantu, mhlawumbi ungomnye eyona mizekelo mibi banokuba nayo.
Indoda yokwenyani, utata wokwenene ebengabathobeli abantwana bakhe kububhanxa obuqhubeka nootata abaninzi eluntwini namhlanje.
Xa ndibona amadoda exelisa abanye abantu abadala abadiliza abantu ngamazwi okanye okanye kwimidiya yoluntu, kufuneka ndihlunguzele intloko kwaye ndinethemba lokuba ngenye imini baya kuvuka.
Ngenxa yabantwana babo, ndiyathemba ukuba bayavuka kwaye babe ngamadoda okwenyani ebomini.
3. Bayimizekelo ehamba yovelwano nemfesane
Utata obalaseleyo ngokwenene, unokuba novakalelo kwindalo, kwaye angabonisa abantwana bakhe uvelwano nemfesane ngesilwanyana esonzakeleyo, umntu ongenakhaya, kunye nabanye abantu abasokolayo ebomini.
Ukuba novelwano nemfesane kuya kuthi ke kungafikeleli kusapho lwakho kuphela, kodwa nakwindawo ohlala kuyo, kwilizwe lakho, kwilizwe lakho elinokuthi libandakanye abantu abanokuba nolwalamano olwahlukileyo kunolo ninalo, umbala wesikhumba owahlukileyo, kunye nenqanaba lomvuzo elahlukileyo. .
Utata wokwenene, indoda yokwenyani iya kuba novelwano nemfesane phambi kwabantwana babo kuye wonke umntu osokolayo ebomini.
4. Silahla isidingo sokulungisa wonke umntu
Oku kukhulu. Kwizizukulwana, iinkulungwane, amadoda axelelwe kwaye akhuthazwa ukuba afumane iimpendulo kuye nabani na ohamba nexesha elinzima ebomini.
Okanye loo nto, amadoda axelelwe ukuba anike uluvo lwawo kwaye alungise abantu nokuba abafuni kulungiswa.
Nguwe lo? Ngaba uyamnika umfazi wakho ingcebiso malunga nantoni na ebomini, nangona engazange abuzwe ingcebiso yakho?
Ootata bokwenyani, amadoda okwenyani akaphumelelanga ukulungisa wonke umntu, kodwa balapha ukukhokela, ukuxhasa kunye nokukhuthaza abantwana babo kunye neqabane labo ukuba bafezekise ezona njongo zibalulekileyo ebomini.
Nguwe lo?
Ukuba ufunda le nto kwaye iyakucaphukisa, kusenokwenzeka ukuba kuthetha ukuba unomsebenzi omncinci wokuwenza malunga nokuba ngutata omkhulu.
Ukuba uyazivavanya, kwaye ujonge ezi ndawo zine zembumbulu kwaye uyaqonda ukuba ezintathu zazo zikhutshiwe ngaphandle kwepaki kodwa inye osokolayo nayo, fumana uncedo kuloo ulwa naye.
Ingqiqo kula manqaku ayinakuphikiswa, kwaye isisombululo kukuba ngutata wokwenene, indoda yokwenyani, ekulungeleyo ukujonga esipilini kwaye uvume iimpazamo zabo njengoko ndenzile apha ngasentla, emva koko ufumane uncedo lokuzitshintsha.
Ikamva labantwana bakho, lisezandleni zakho. Baphathe kakuhle.
Umsebenzi ka-David Essel'ukhuthazwe kakhulu ngabantu abanjengongasekhoyo uWayne Dyer, kwaye usaziwayo uJenny Mccarthy uthi "uDavid Essel yinkokeli entsha yentshukumo yokucinga eyakhayo."
I-Marriage.com iqinisekisile uDavid njengomnye wabacebisi abaphezulu bezobudlelwane kunye neengcali kwihlabathi.