Umxholo
- 1. Akukho nxibelelwano lubalulekileyo ebusuku
- Gcina ulindelo lwakho lusengqiqweni
- 3. Musa ukuzithelekisa nee-Insta-moms
- 4. Khumbula ukuba yonke into yeyokwexeshana
- 5. Zihoye
- 6. Lwamkele uncedo
Ndiyakuvuyela! Mhlawumbi ufunda eli nqaku kuba usondele ukuba nomntwana okanye ubenaye kwaye ujonge iindlela zokusinda kunyaka wokuqala. Uninzi lwabantu lwenza ukuba kuvakale ngathi ukuba nabantwana kukuphela-konke ukuziva uzalisekile kwaye wonwabile. Yintoni abantu abangayichazanga kangako kukuba zonke iimvakalelo zakho ziya kwanda; hayi kuphela ezakhayo. Uyakulala ubuthongo, uyakuba nochuku, ungaziva unenzondo kwiqabane eliya emsebenzini okanye iqabane lifike lihlale ekhaya. Unokujamelana noxinzelelo lwasemva kokubeleka okanye uxhalaba. Zininzi iimvakalelo ezivelayo kunyaka wethu wokuqala wokuba ngumzali.
Into yokuqala yokuyazi kukuba le nto uhlangabezana nayo yeyendalo. Nokuba ungaziva njani, ayinguwe wedwa. Ubusazi ukuba ukoneliseka emtshatweni kuhlala kuyehla kunyaka wokuqala wokuba ngumzali? Isifundo esenziwe nguJohn Gottman kwiNgqungquthela yoNyaka ye-APA ka-2011 sixele ukuba malunga neepesenti ezingama-67 zezibini zibona ukoneliseka emtshatweni emva komntwana wokuqala (Ipapashwe kwi Ijenali yezePsychology yoSapho, Vol. 14, No. 1). Uhlobo olungaqhelekanga ebusweni balo ukucinga ukuba ukuba nomntwana kunokukwenza ungathandi iqabane lakho. Emva kwakho konke, wawunomntwana kunye naye kuba wawumthanda kakhulu. Kodwa ukuba ujonga okwenzekayo kuthi kulo nyaka wokuqala nosana kwaye ujonge ukungalali okungapheliyo, imiba ejikeleze ukondla, ukunqongophala kwamandla, ukungabikho kolwalamano, kunye nokuba uzama ukusebenzisa ingcinga ngomntu ongakhange avelise iingcinga okwangoku (umntwana wakho) kuyacaca ukuba kutheni unyaka wokuqala unzima kangaka.
Nantsi le nto. Akukho sisombululo sinye sokusinda kunyaka wakho wokuqala wokuba ngumzali oya kusebenza kuwo wonke umntu. Iintsapho ziza kuzo zonke iinkqubo ezinemvelaphi eyahlukeneyo kunye neenkolelo, ke eyona nto intle onokuyenza kukuziqhelanisa nezisombululo zakho kwinkqubo yosapho. Nangona kunjalo, apha ngezantsi kukho iingcebiso ezimbalwa ezinokuthi zikuncede ukwandisa amathuba akho okusinda kunyaka wokuqala. Nazi ke:
1. Akukho nxibelelwano lubalulekileyo ebusuku
Oku kunokubonakala ngathi yingcebiso engaqhelekanga yokunika kodwa kunengqondo eninzi emva kwayo. Kulula ukutsiba kwimowudi yokusombulula iingxaki kunye neqabane lakho ngo-2: 00 kusasa xa ungakhange ulale kamnandi kule veki iphelileyo kuba umntwana uyakhala. Nangona kunjalo, akukho mntu usezingqondweni zabo ezilungileyo ngo-2: 00 ekuseni Awunabuthongo bungalali, uyacaphuka, kwaye mhlawumbi ufuna nje ukuphinda ulale. Endaweni yokuzama ukuqonda ukuba ungayisombulula njani le ngxaki ngokusisigxina, khangela into onokuyenza ngoku ukuze udlule kobu busuku. Eli ayiloxesha lokuxoxa ngomahluko omkhulu kubuzali bakho neqabane lakho. Eli lixesha lokuba ubuye ulale umntwana wakho ukuze ubuye ulale.
Funda ngokugqithisileyo: Ukuxoxa kunye nokuYila iSicwangciso soMzali
Gcina ulindelo lwakho lusengqiqweni
Abantu baya kukuxelela kwangaphambili malunga nokuba kumnandi kangakanani ukuba ngumzali kwaye kunjalo. Kodwa abantu bathambekele ekunciphiseni inani lomsebenzi kunye noxinzelelo olubandakanyekayo kwakuloo nyaka wokuqala ukugcina umntwana ephila. Okulindelweyo kunyaka wokuqala akufuneki ibe “usana lwam luza kube luthetha izivakalisi ezipheleleyo” okanye “usana lwam luza kuhlala lulala ubusuku bonke”. Zonke ezo ziimvo ezintle kunye nethemba kodwa kwiintsapho ezininzi, ezo ayizizo ezokwenyani. Gcina ulindelo lwakho lusengqiqweni okanye lusezantsi. Okulindelekileyo okwenyani kulo nyaka wokuqala wonke umntu uyasinda. Ndiyazi ukuba kubonakala kuyinto enqabileyo ngenxa yokuba zonke iiforamu kunye neencwadi zomzali zishumayela kodwa ukuba ulindelo lwakho lonyaka wokuqala kukusinda uya kuwushiya loo nyaka wokuqala uziva ufezekile kwaye uzingcile ngawe.
Funda ngokugqithisileyo: Ukulinganisa uMtshato kunye nokuba ngumzali ngaphandle kokuphambana
3. Musa ukuzithelekisa nee-Insta-moms
Imidiya yokuncokola yenze umsebenzi omkhulu wokudibanisa nabanye. Abazali abatsha bahlala bebodwa kunabanye, banemvakalelo ngakumbi kunabanye, kwaye bathambekele ekuthelekisweni. Kulula ke ukuwela kumngxunya omnyama osasazo lwasekuhlaleni. Khumbula ukuba abantu kwimidiya yoluntu babonisa ezona nguqulelo zabo zibalaseleyo kwaye amaxesha ngamaxesha amajelo eendaba ezentlalo ayisiyonyani. Zama ke ukuba ungazithelekisi no-Insta-mama obonakala enako konke kunye nengubo yakhe ehambelana nayo, imveliso eveliswe ekhaya, kunye noStella ubisi lwebele.
4. Khumbula ukuba yonke into yeyokwexeshana
Nokuba kwenzeka ntoni kunyaka wokuqala, yeyokwexeshana. Nokuba umntwana akalali ebusuku, umntwana ubanda, okanye uziva ngathi awukho ngaphandle kwekhaya lakho ngeentsuku. Khumbula ukuba la maxesha anzima nawo aya kudlula. Ekugqibeleni uza kulala ubusuku bonke, kwaye uya kuba nakho ukuphuma endlwini. Uya kukwazi nokuba ngenye imini udle isidlo sangokuhlwa kunye neqabane lakho ngelixa umntwana wakho esavukile edlala ethe cwaka kwigumbi lokuhlala! Amaxesha amnandi aya kubuya kwakhona; Kufuneka ube nomonde.
Funda ngokugqithisileyo: Ukuba ngumzali kuwuchaphazela njani umtshato wakho?
Olu luvo lwezinto okwethutyana luyasebenza nakwimizuzu elungileyo nangona. Usana lwakho luya kuba lusana kuphela ixesha elithile. Zama ukufumana izinto zokubhiyozela kulo nyaka wokuqala. Zama ukufumana izinto onwabele ukuzenza nosana lwakho kwaye uthathe iifoto ezininzi. Ezi foto zamathuba okonwaba ziya kujongwa kwiminyaka ezayo xa umntwana wakho engasakudingi. Ezo foto ziya kuvuyiswa xa ungakhange ulale ubusuku bonke kuba umntwana ukhathaza amazinyo kwaye kufuneka undifunqule kancinci ukuzikhumbuza ukuba wenza umsebenzi olungileyo.
5. Zihoye
Ukuzikhathalela ngokwethu utshintsho xa siqala ukuba ngabazali. Ezi nyanga zokuqala, ukuzikhathalela ngokwakho akunakubonakala ngathi kwakukade kunjalo ngeentsuku ze-spa, ubusuku bomhla, okanye ukulala ngaphakathi. Ukuzinakekela kuyatshintsha xa ungumzali omtsha. Nokuba ezona mfuno zisisiseko njengokutya, ukulala, ukuhlamba, okanye ukusebenzisa indlu yangasese ziba zezobunewunewu. Zama ke ukwenza ezo zinto zisisiseko. Zama ukuhlamba yonke imihla, okanye yonke imihla ukuba kunokwenzeka. Lala xa umntwana wakho elele. Ndiyazi ukuba eli cebo lengcebiso linokucaphukisa kuba uthi kuwe “kulungile xa ndiza kucoca, ndenze izitya, ndilungiselela ukutya”. Into kukuba yonke loo migangatho iyatshintsha xa ungumzali omtsha. Kulungile ukuba nekhaya elonakeleyo, ukuyalela ukuthatha isidlo sangokuhlwa, okanye uku-odola iimpahla zangaphantsi ezisuka eAmazon kuba khange ube nalo ixesha lokuhlamba impahla. Ukulala kunye nokuphumla kuya kufana nomoya ophefumlayo ukuze ufumane kangangoko unako.
Funda ngokugqithisileyo: Ukuzinakekela kukuKhathalela uMtshato
6. Lwamkele uncedo
Ingcebiso yam yokugqibela kukwamkela uncedo. Ndiyazi ukuba ukuthetha ngokwasentlalweni awufuni kuza njengomthwalo okanye osweleyo kodwa unyaka wokuqala wokuba ngumzali wahlukile. Ukuba umntu othile ufuna ukunceda, yithi "ewe nceda". Xa bebuza "yintoni ekufuneka siyizisile" yinyani! Ndicele abahlobo ukuba beme ngeThagethi ukuba bathenge ii-pacifiers ezingakumbi, usapho luzise isidlo sangokuhlwa ukuba bayeza malunga naloo nto, kwaye ndicele umkhwekazi wam ukuba angahlala nje namawele am ukuze ndihlambe uxolo. Thatha naluphi na uncedo onokulufumana! Zange khe ndive umntu ekhalaza ngayo kum. Abantu badla ngokufuna ukuba luncedo kuwe; ngakumbi kuloo nyaka wokuqala.
Thatha imibuzo: Ngaba ziyahambelana njani iZimbo zakho zoMzali?
Ndiyathemba ukuba ezi ngcebiso zincinci zikunceda wena neqabane lakho ukuba nisinde kuloo nyaka wokuqala wokuba ngumzali. Njengomzali oneminyaka emibini ubudala / intombazana yamawele, ndiyazi ukuba unzima kangakanani unyaka wokuqala. Uyakucelwa umngeni ngeendlela ongakhange uzicinge kodwa ixesha lihamba ngokukhawuleza kwaye kukho izinto ezincinci onokuzenza ukuze ukhumbule unyaka wokuqala ngothando. Xa isiya ekubeni ngumzali, iintsuku zinokubonakala ngathi zihlala ngonaphakade, kodwa iminyaka iyadlula.