Umxholo
Isibini endisicebisile kutshanje, uTonia noJack, bobabini abakwiminyaka engamashumi amane, batshata iminyaka elishumi kwaye bekhulisa abantwana ababini, baneziporho kubudlelwane babo bangaphambili obunempembelelo kunxibelelwano lwabo.
Ngapha koko, uTonia uziva ukuba imicimbi awayenayo emtshatweni wakhe wokuqala ngamanye amaxesha yayisitha umbono wakhe ngoJack kangangokuba waye wacinga ngokuwuphelisa umtshato wabo.
UTonia ubonakalisa oku: “UJack unothando kwaye unyanisekile kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ndiba nexhala lokuba uzakukhathala zizo zonke iingxaki zam ashiye nje. Ingathi ndilinde esinye isihlangu ukuba sihle ngoba i-ex yam indishiyile kwaye ndinexhala elinintsi malunga nokuba sizohlala na. Siphikisana ngezinto eziziziyatha kwaye bobabini bazama ukubonisa ukuba silungile. Oku kukhokelela kumjikelo ombi wokuxambulisana nokuzama ukubonana. ”
Ukulwa ngamandla
Ishishini elingapheliyo elichazwa nguTonia ngokulula lingakhokelela kwiimvakalelo ezenzakalisayo nakwimizabalazo yamandla phakathi kwakhe noJack.
Zombini zendele nzulu ekukholelweni ukuba zilungile kwaye zizama ukubonisa ubungqina. Ngenxa yoko, kubalulekile ukuqinisekisa ukuba baziva besiva omnye nomnye kwaye baphendule ngendlela ebonakala ngathi "yamkelekile" kubo bobabini.
Ngokutsho kukaGqr. UJohn noJulie Gottman, ababhali be-Science of Couples and Therapy Therapy “Omabini amaqabane kufuneka asebenzele inzuzo yomnye ukuze akhe i-trust metric. Impendulo ayinikwanga ukufumana, kunikwa nje ukunika. Ukuze uTonia noJack bazive bekhuselekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba bathembane, bathathe inxaxheba kubambiswano lokwenyani apho bobabini bafumana ezinye (kodwa ayizizo zonke) iimfuno zabo ezifezekisiweyo, mabayeke ukuzama ukubonisa ukuba balungile kwaye baphelise umzabalazo wamandla.
UTonia ubeka ngolu hlobo: “Ukuba ndinganakho ukuba sesichengeni sikaJack kwaye ndingakhathazeki ngokuba ndedwa okanye ukwaliwa, izinto zihamba ngcono kakhulu. Uyazi ukuba ndinemicimbi yokulahla endiyekisayo ukuba ndikwazi ukumxelela into endiyifunayo kuye. Ukusukela ukuba umfazi wakhe wokuqala wamshiya waya kwenye indoda, unemicimbi yakhe ngokuzithemba. Sobabini sisoyika ukusondelelana ngezizathu ezahlukeneyo. ”
Ekwenziweni Umtshato ulula, UGqirha Harville Hendrix, kunye noGqirha Helen LaKelly Hunt bacebisa ukuba uxinzelelo lwezichasi yinto ebalulekileyo kwizibini ezinyanga amanxeba abantwana. Inokubanika amandla okuphilisa "iindawo ezingcolileyo" kubudlelwane bangaphambili.
Kodwa ukuba iyaqondwa kwaye kujongwane nayo ngendlela esempilweni, umzabalazo wamandla unokunika izibini amandla okusebenza kwiingxaki kwaye inokuba sisiseko sokwakha unxibelelwano olomeleleyo kunye nokomelela ngokweemvakalelo njengesibini.
Ugqirha ka-Harville Hendrix kunye no-Helen LaKelly Hunt bachaza, "Umzabalazo wamandla uhlala ubonakala emva" kothando lwe-Romantic ". Kwaye njengo "Uthando lwamaRoma", "Ukulwa kwamandla" kunenjongo. Ukungqinelana kwakho yeyona nto iza kwenza umtshato wakho ube mnandi (wakuba nje ufumene imfuno yobunye). ”
Umtshato wobambiswano
Ukuba umtshato wakho ububambiswano bokwenyani obukunceda ukuba ukhule njengabantu abatshatileyo kunye nomntu ngamnye, unokukunceda uphelise umzabalazo wamandla. Olu hlobo lomtshato lunokwenzeka kuphela ukuba unokuhambelana nomnye umntu, yenza ukuzibophelela ekwamkeleni ukungafani komnye nomnye kwaye nikhule kunye.
Ukuba ne-chemistry kunye nokuhambelana nomntu omnye kunokwenzeka. I-Chemistry kukudibana okuntsonkothileyo ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasemphefumlweni phakathi kwabantu ababini kwaye kunokubangela isibini ukuba sizive sinomdla kwaye sitsala omnye komnye.
Ukuhambelana kunokuchazwa njengonxibelelwano olululo kunye neqabane olithandayo. Uyabathanda kwaye uyabahlonipha ukuba bangobani kwaye baziphatha njani kwihlabathi.
Ekuqaleni kobudlelwane, sihlala sivelisa ezethu izinto kwaye sibona ezona zibalaseleyo kumaqabane ethu. Kodwa elo nqanaba lasemva komtshato lisoloko liphela, kwaye ukudana kunokungena. Iqabane elixhasayo likunceda ukuba ujonge izinto ezingalindelekanga, ezihlala ziguquka ebomini njengoko ubungozi bakho buvezwa kwaye kuvela ukungavisisani.
I-Chemistry inokukunceda ukujamelana neenkqwithela zobomi, kodwa ukuhambelana kukwenza ukuba uzibekele iinjongo kwaye ufumane intsingiselo ekwabelwana ngayo kubudlelwane bakho. Namhlanje, uninzi lwabantu abatshatileyo bazabalazela ukuba "noMtshato weNtsebenziswano" -umtshato omkhulu kunomntu ngamnye-ophawulwa zizibini ezincedanayo ukukhula nokukhulela ebudaleni.
Ngokuka-Hendrix kunye noLaKelly Hunt, ukuphiliswa kwamanxeba omnye komnye kubuntwana kusentliziyweni “yoMtshato Wentsebenziswano.” Amaqabane angamaqabane ayakwazi ukusombulula umzabalazo wamandla kwaye aphephe ukutyholana xa enokwahluka kwezimvo.
Ngapha koko, xa amaqabane engaboni ngasonye, anokukhangela unxibelelwano olunzulu kunye nenkxaso komnye nomnye. Ngale ndlela, isibini siya kuthatha icala lomnye nomnye ngexesha lengxaki kunokukhombana ngeminwe okanye ukuzama ukufumana amandla okanye ulawulo.
Umzekelo, uJack angathanda ukufumana isidanga kwishishini kwaye uyazi ukuba uTonia ekugqibeleni angathanda ukuvula isikolo esincinci sabucala esijolise ekuxhaseni abantwana abane-autism kunye nezinye iingxaki zobuntwana.
Ukufezekisa ezi njongo kuya kufuna ukuba basebenze kunye njengeqela ukuxhasana kunye nabantwana babo ababini ekufezekiseni.
UJack ubeka ngolu hlobo: “Ndenze iimpazamo ezininzi emtshatweni wam kwaye ndifuna ukuyeka ukugxila kokungalunganga ngoTonia kwaye sisebenze kwizicwangciso zethu zokuphila kamnandi kunye. Rhoqo xa siqala ukuxambulisana, kungenxa yokuba sobabini sinemicimbi evela kwixesha elidlulileyo echaphazela indlela esiphathana ngayo. ”
Ukugxila ekubeni nemfesane ngakumbi xa uhamba kwindawo enzima emtshatweni wakho okanye ukuphinda utshate ungaya kude ekudaleni indawo ekhuselekileyo yeemvakalelo apho ninokuphumelela khona nobabini. Umnatha wokhuseleko unokunceda ukukhuthaza ukusondelana kunye nokuqonda ngaphandle kwabaphumeleleyo kunye naboyisiweyo (akukho mntu uphumeleleyo). Ulwalamano luyaphumelela xa nobabini nivelisa isisombululo ngaphakathi komxholo wobudlelwane obunothando.
Masiphele ngala mazwi amangalisayo ombhali uTerrence Real: “Umthetho: Ulwalamano oluhle ayisiyiyo le nto kuthi iinxalenye zethu ezigwenxa zithintelwe. Ulwalamano oluhle lolunye apho baphathwa khona. Kwaye ubudlelwane obuhle yinto yokuba baphiliswa. ”