Umxholo
- Benza njani abantwana imodeli yendlela yokubaphatha abanye
- Nika indawo kwiimvakalelo zakho
- Thatha eyona ibalulekileyo
- Ukugxekwa kuhlala kusebenza njengesikhumbuzo esibonakalayo sokungaphumeleli kwakho
- Gxila kokulungileyo
- Ukuba ngumzali osebenzayo ngoqhawulo mtshato kufuna ukusebenzisana
- Misela imithetho
- Cela uncedo, funa unyango lomtshato
Umhlobo wam usandula ukundixelela ukuba abazali bakhe abaqhawule umtshato bangene kubuhlobo obuhle emva kweminyaka emininzi bezele amadabi okugcina umntwana, bethethana ngodaka, kwaye kamva iqela elinobumbano lomanyano nengqumbo eyonakalisa ukhuseleko kunye nentuthuzelo enokunikezelwa lusapho.
Wayebonakala engathandani malunga nolu phuhliso lutsha-ukuba olu xolo lutsha afike kwangoko, ngesele luzinzisile ubuntwana bakhe kwaye lwenza ubudlelwane babantu abadala bangabhidanisi.
Benza njani abantwana imodeli yendlela yokubaphatha abanye
Eyona nto ibimile ngumsindo kwilizwi lakhe. Umsindo wokubekwa embindini, wokucelwa okanye wokunyoba ukuze ukhethe amacala, ukuva amabali malunga nokungaxabiseki komnye, ukungaziva uzinzile, okanye ukhuselekile, okanye ukubeka phambili njengabazali bakhe ababesilwa emfazweni ngengqondo nangokweemvakalelo. Waziva elahlekile kumxube.
Ukuva oku kunye namabali amaninzi afanayo avela kubantwana abadala boqhawulo-mtshato, ndifumene umyalezo omnye ongaguquguqukiyo.
Abantwana bakho banembono yendlela abahlalisana ngayo.
Ngengxoxo nganye, bakhulisa imodeli yendlela yokuphatha abanye kunye nendlela abacinga ukuba mabaphathwe ngayo.
Ezona zinto zibachaphazelayo abantwana ayisosiganeko sokuqhawula umtshato uqobo, kodwa iindlela-ezichuliweyo okanye hayi-abazali abasebenza ngazo. Ke unokwenza ntoni?
Olunye lolona tshintsho lunempembelelo onokulwenza namhlanje kukuqala ukusebenza ngendlela onxibelelana ngayo nomzali wakho.
Nika indawo kwiimvakalelo zakho
Isinyathelo sokuqala sokunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo sisondela kwiincoko kwindawo ezolileyo kunye nokucaca.
Xa uzifumana uxabana nomzali wakho, into yokuqala ekufuneka uyenzile kukufumana indlela oziva ngayo. Ukuthatha nje imizuzu embalwa ukukhangela kuwe kunokunceda ukunqanda ukubizwa ngamagama, ukukhuphela ebantwaneni bakho malunga nokukhathazeka kwakho, okanye ukudlala umdlalo wecala.
Ukwazi okwenzekayo nawe kunokunceda ekwaziseni ngento ekufuneka uyicelile kwaye ikunike ithuba lokuyibumba ngendlela eya kuthi iviwe ngcono ngumzali wakho. Inokuhamba into enje, "Le nto uyithethayo ibaluleke kakhulu kum. Ndiziva ndonganyelwe ngoku. Ndingaphinde ndikubize emva kokuba ndilalise abantwana ukuze ujonge ngokupheleleyo? ”
Thatha eyona ibalulekileyo
Ngaba ukhe wayiqala incoko ngenjongo kwaye emva koko ukhathazeke xa ungaziva uviwe, okanye ungqinisisiwe, okanye ungaqondwa?
Ngokubanzi, le mvakalelo yokungakhululeki yenza ukuba kubonakale ngathi iqabane lakho alikho kuwe (kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo alizimisele ukuba ngoku!), Kwaye ekuphenduleni, uninzi lwezibini zihlala zitshintshela ekugxekeni-indlela elula neqhelekileyo eyonakalisa unxibelelwano lokwenyani kwaye kujongela phantsi inkqubela phambili. Iingcali zengqondo zihlala zichaza ukugxeka njengomboniso weemfuno ezingafezekiswanga kunye nokudana.
Konke ukugxekwa kungumnqweno owenziwe ngomsindo.
Ke xa usithi, "awuzange undimamele" umnqweno ongachazwanga uthi, "Akwaba ubuya kundimamela, kuba ndiziva ndingaziwa." Xa sisondela kwabanye sivela kwindawo enomsindo, kunqabile ukuba basive isicelo.
Inyathelo lokuqala kukujonga indlela esazisa ngayo iimfuno zethu. Ngaba uyalikhumbula ixesha lokuqala lokufumana isincoko okanye iprojekthi kwaye yachongwa ngeleta ebomvu? Uyayazi loo nto kwangoko-yeentloni, okanye yokudana, okanye yokungaziva ngathi ulinganisile?
Nokuba utitshala ushiye inqaku elikhuthazayo ekugqibeleni, ubushiye isikhumbuzi esibonakalayo sokuba awukufumananga ngokufanelekileyo- kwaye ngekhe ube ungonwabanga ncam ukubaleka ekhaya ulungise iimpazamo zakho.
Kwangokunjalo, ukugxeka phakathi kwabazali-ngabazali akunakulindeleka ukuba kudale imeko evuselela umnqweno wokuziphucula.
Ukugxekwa kuhlala kusebenza njengesikhumbuzo esibonakalayo sokungaphumeleli kwakho
Kumsebenzi wam nezibini, ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba zezona zinkulu unobumba obomvu singabandakanya amagama njalo kwaye soze- ngathi "uhlala uzingca" okanye "awuzange ube khona xa abantwana bekufuna." Ngaba uyalikhumbula ixesha lokugqibela ulebhelishwa nge njalo okanye a soze?
Ukuba ufana noninzi lwethu, kusenokwenzeka ukuba uphendule ngokuziphendulela okanye ngokuzilayisha ngokulinganayo. Ke kwixesha elizayo xa uzibamba uchola usiba olubomvu, jonga ukuba ungayitshintsha na ngokuchaza loo mnqweno.
Ukutshintsha iskripthi esinxibe kakuhle ukusuka kuwe soze do ... ”ukuya“ kwinto endiyifunayo ngenene ... ”ayisiyonto ilula kwaye iya kufuna ukuziqhelanisa ngenjongo. Inxalenye ephambili yalo mkhuba kukuchonga iimfuno zakho, kwaye uzibuze, "Yintoni endiyifunayo ngoku ndingayifumaniyo?"
Into oyifunayo sisandla esongezelelweyo sokulinganisa iveki yoxinzelelo. Jonga ukuba unganyaniseka na xa ubuza into oyifunayo ngaphandle kokugxeka okanye ukuzisa iimpazamo ezidlulileyo okanye ukuphoxeka. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba ungayenza njani loo nto, ziqhelise ukubuza imibuzo eqala nge, "Ndingayivuyela kakhulu into yokuba ..." okanye "Ndinqwenela ukuba ube nako," okanye "Ingathetha lukhulu kum ... ukuba ungathatha abantwana esikolweni ngoLwesine nangoLwesihlanu ubase kumdlalo webhola ekhatywayo. Ndinomsebenzi omkhulu emsebenzini, kwaye ndifuna inkxaso eyongezelelweyo kule veki. ”
Gxila kokulungileyo
Njengokuba uqhawulo-mtshato luhlala lusisiganeko esibuhlungu kusapho, kulula ukuba abazali batyhole umdlalo wabantwana babo.
Ngaphandle kokuzimisela ukwenzakalisa, amabinzana anje ngala "bendifuna kodwa utata uthi asinakho," "Umama wakho akalunganga," kwaye "Utata wakho usoloko ekulanda emva kwexesha," avele kwiindawo zentlungu, anokuyenzakalisa umntwana. Ezi zinto zinokuba yinyani ngokupheleleyo, kodwa akunakulindeleka ukuba ibe zizinto eziqwalaselwa ngabantwana bakho — zezakho, kwaye zezakho wedwa.
Ukuba ngumzali osebenzayo ngoqhawulo mtshato kufuna ukusebenzisana
Ngelixa kunokuba nzima ukucinga nge-ex yakho njengenxalenye yeqela lakho, kunokuba luncedo ukubajonga njengolwandiso lokuba ngumzali. Ukuba ufuna ukuba umntwana wakho azi ukuba bakhuselekile kwaye bayathandwa, ke yakha ezona ndawo zintle ze-ex yakho.
Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ubathande okanye ubathande. Khetha nje into malunga nokuba ngumzali onokuthi uyihloniphe, kwaye wenze iinzame zokuyincoma loo nto phakathi kwabantwana bakho. Zama into enje, “Umama uhlala ekulungele ukunceda umsebenzi wesikolo. Kutheni ungambonisi ingxaki onamathele kuyo? ” okanye “Utata uthi wenza isitya osithandayo ngokutya! Oko bekucinga kakhulu ngaye. ”
Usenokuba uyacinga, kodwa uza kuthini ukuba utata ufike kade ukuzobathatha - kwaye yena ngokwenene yenza oku ngalo lonke ixesha? Into yokuqala kukuzivumela ukuba uve nantoni na oziva ngayo.
Awudingi ukuzenza ngathi wonwabile okanye ulungile ngolu tshintsho lweziganeko. Oku kunokuba luncedo ekumodeleni nasekuboneleleni ngokuqinisekisa ukukhathazeka kwabantwana bakho okanye ukuphoxeka. Unokukhetha ukuthetha into enje, "Ndiyazi ukuba kubuhlungu xa utata efike kade ukuzokuthatha" -ukuvumela ukuba bazive bebonwa kwaye beviwa nguwe ngexesha apho banokuziva bengabalulekanga okanye belibele.
Oku ke kudala isithuba sokwenza iimpazamo zomzali, ngelixa usakha amandla omzali wakho. Oku kunokuhamba ngoluhlobo, "sobabini sifunda ukwenza lo msebenzi kwaye siza kwenza iimpazamo apha endleleni. Utata wakho akalulindanga ixesha lokufika kwakhe. Khange ndilunge ngokujonga ngaphezulu kweengxelo zakho mva nje. Sobabini sinithanda kakhulu, kwaye sizakuqhubeka sisebenza kunye ukuninika le nto niyifunayo. ”
Misela imithetho
Enye indlela yokunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo xa ukhulisa abantwana ngokubambisana kukuseka imigaqo.
Isikhokelo esilula kukuyigcina “Kubantu abadala kuphela.” Esinye isikhalazo esiqhelekileyo esivela kubantwana abadala boqhawulo mtshato kukuba abazali babo babebasebenzisa njengabathunywa xa babengabantwana.
Khumbula, ukuba unombuzo okanye uluvo, nokuba lukhulu okanye lincinci kangakanani na, nxibelelana ngqo nomzali wakho. Kwangokunjalo, ngelixa sonke sifuna inkxaso kunye nendlebe ephulaphulayo, kubalulekile ukuba ukuphuma malunga noqhawulo-mtshato wakho okanye umntu wakho wangaphambili kufuneka agcinwe kubaphulaphuli abadala kuphela.
Xa abantwana bebekwe kwindima yomhlobo okanye umntu onokumthemba, kunokubangela uxinzelelo kumandla abo okonwabela ukuchitha ixesha kunye nomzali wakho. Uphando lusixelela oku ukuba ezantsi komgca, le patheni inokuchaphazela kakubi umgangatho wolwalamano abanalo nawe-nokuba sele umdala.
Ke ukuba ufuna ukusebenza ekwakheni ubudlelwane obomeleleyo kunye nabantwana bakho ngoku nakwixesha elizayo, zikhumbuze ukuba ubanike indawo apho bengenalo uxanduva lokusingatha iimvakalelo zakho, ukuthatha icala, okanye ukudlala umdlalo phakathi kwakho kunye neqabane lakho- umzali.
Cela uncedo, funa unyango lomtshato
Xa ndifunda oku kungentla, ndiyaqikelela ukuba impendulo yangaphakathi eqhelekileyo yinto ethi “oku kungasebenza kwabanye abantu, kodwa oku kunzima kakhulu kumzali wam endisebenza naye ngezizathu ezininzi.” Unyanisile — nangona imiyalezo ingentla ilula ngokwethiyori, ihlala inamandla kwaye iyothusa.
Akunyanzelekanga ukuba usondele wedwa, kwaye uninzi lukufumanisa kuluncedo ukuba nomqeqeshi okanye umkhokeli apha endleleni — ngokubanzi ngonyango loqhawulo-mtshato.
Ngaphakathi emtshatweni, unyango lwezibini lunokunceda ukomeleza ubudlelwane xa omabini amaqela ezibophelele ekuhlaleni kunye kwaye efuna uncedo lokususa imiqobo ekwenzeni oko.
Kulabo bacinga ngokuphela komtshato-nabantwana okanye ngaphandle-unyango lwangaphambi koqhawulo-mtshato lunokunika indawo yokufumanisa ukuba ngaba uqhawulo-mtshato sisisombululo esifanelekileyo koxinzelelo lomtshato oluqhubekayo, ukuxoxa ngokwabelana ngokwabiwa kwepropathi, ukwenza amalungiselelo okuba kunye, kunye nokuchonga iindlela eziphilileyo zokwabelana ngeendaba nosapho kunye nokunciphisa uxinzelelo olunokubakho kwezi ndaba.
Inokukunceda wena kunye neqabane lakho ukuba nixoxe kwaye nisebenzise eyona ndlela yokuqhubeka nokubonelela ngendawo evulekileyo nekhuselekileyo yabantwana-kulo lonke uqhawulo mtshato uqobo nakwixesha elizayo.
Njengomtshato, akukho sikhokelo sendlela onokubakho ngayo njengomzali osebenzisana kunye kwaye akunakulindeleka ukuba unxibelelwano oluxhonywe emtshatweni wakho luthi shwaka emva koqhawulo-mtshato.
Ngokufikelela kwinkxaso yoqhawulo mtshato ungafunda indlela yokuphila ubomi obanelisayo emva koqhawulo-mtshato kwaye uyinciphise ifuthe layo kusapho lwakho-kwaye ususe ezinye zeemvakalelo ezilahlekileyo ezifunyanwa ngabantu abaninzi ngeli xesha linzima.