Umxholo
- Imicimbi yanamhlanje ibuhlungu
- Inkqubo yokuphilisa ibuhlungu kwaye ayipheli
- Ukuhlala emtshatweni emva kokungathembeki-luhambo olubuhlungu
- Ukunganyaniseki ayisiyomfuneko yotshintsho
Kuya kufuneka ukuba uve abantu besithi ukungathembeki akuyonto imbi okanye ukukopela kunokwenza umtshato wakho womelele. Oku kwenze ukuba bonke abantu kubudlelwane bazibuze ukuba ukungathembeki kunyango nyango lwabanye ukuba ayizizo zonke iingxaki zomtshato. Kananjalo, ngaba ithetha ukuba kulungile ukuba elinye lamaqabane likopele?
Ndiyakholelwa ukuba ezinye zezi ngcinga ziphosakeleyo. Ewe, ukungathembeki kukuvula amehlo emtshatweni wakho kodwa akusoloko ugcina umtshato. Ngapha koko, eminye imicimbi inokuba yingozi ngokwenene. Andinguye 'umntu ozithiyayo' okanye umntu ongakholelwa ekunikeni ithuba lesibini; Ndilapha ukuza kukhanyisa ngesibakala sokuba ayisiyiyo yonke imitshato enokugcinwa emva kokucocwa.
U-Esther Perel kwintetho yakhe ye-TED malunga 'nokuCinga ukungathembeki' ucacisa ukuba emtshatweni, iqabane limelwe ukuba lithandane, umntu othembekileyo othembekileyo, umzali, iqabane elinengqondo kunye neqabane elinemvakalelo. Ukunganyaniseki ayikokuphela kokungcatshwa kwezifungo zomtshato; ikwayiyo ukwala yonke into isibini esikholelwa kuyo. Inokonakalisa ngokoqobo ubuni beqabane elingcatshiweyo. Uziva uthotyiwe, ulahliwe, ulahliwe- kwaye zonke ezi yimvakalelo uthando ekufuneka lusikhusele kulo.
Imicimbi yanamhlanje ibuhlungu
Imicimbi yesiNtu ibisoloko ilula- ukufumanisa uphawu lomlomo kwikhola okanye ukufumana iirisithi zentengo ekrokrisayo kwaye ibiyiyo leyo (uninzi lwamaxesha). Imicimbi yanamhlanje iyothusa kuba unokufumana umkhondo wonke wokuthandana konke ngenxa yezixhobo zokulandela umkhondo kunye neeapps ezinje ngeXnspy, iikhamera zokubhala, kunye nezinye izinto ezininzi zobugcisa. Ezi zixhobo zisinika ithuba lokomba imiyalezo, iifoto, ii-imeyile kunye nokunye ukunxibelelana kwemihla ngemihla kwamaqabane ethu okukhohlisa. Lonke olu lwazi luba kakhulu ukuba lutyetyiswe, ngakumbi ukuba ubucinga ukuba ubonwabile emtshatweni.
Nangona sifumana ithuba lokubuza imibuzo malunga nokuthandana, 'Ngaba ucinga ngaye xa unam?' 'Ngaba umnqwenela ngakumbi?' ‘Awusandithandi?’ njl. Kodwa ukuva iimpendulo kwezi akufani nokuzibukela zidlala ngokwenyani. Konke oku kuyothusa kwaye akukho buhlobo bunokuphola ngokulula kolu xinzelelo.
Inkqubo yokuphilisa ibuhlungu kwaye ayipheli
Kunzima ngokwenene ukuyeka ukugxila kukungathembeki kunye nokuqhubeka nobomi. Inqaku lophando elinesihloko Icala "Elinye" Lokungathembeki Amaxhoba athi eneneni aneengxaki zokuba noxinzelelo lwasemva koxinzelelo (PTSD) kwaye abe noloyiko kunye nokungabikho koncedo emva kokukhohliswa kubudlelwane. Ezi mvakalelo zivela kuloyiko lokuphulukana nomfanekiso wokuncamathisela. Abantu abanjalo bathanda ukutyhala iiflegi ezibomvu ngokungathi bayaqhubeka nokuhlala betshatile, bezama ukwazisa umcimbi lowo ngentsingiselo elungileyo belibala ukuba amaqabane abo anokuhlala emtshatweni wabantwana kuphela.
Ndizibonile izibini ezihlala kunye nasemva kwamatyala amaninzi okungathembeki hayi ngenxa yokuba bonwabile kunye okanye baphilisile kodwa ngenxa yezizathu ezinje ngefuthe loqhawulo mtshato ebantwaneni, uloyiko lokungatshati kwakhona, iimpembelelo zemali okanye izizathu zePR. .
Izifundo ezininzi zithi amadoda achaphazeleka ngokunzulu kukuziphatha ngokwesondo kwamaqabane abo kwaye abafazi bayachaphazeleka kakhulu kukuthandana. Bambalwa abanyangi kunye neengcali kwezobudlelane eziye zaqala ukutyhala umbono wokuba imicimbi inokuwusindisa umtshato kodwa into abayilibalayo kukuchaza ukuba yeyiphi imeko enokuba yinyani. Kukho amathuba okuchonga iingxaki zomtshato kwaye uzilungise emva kwesiqendu sokungathembeki kodwa kuxhomekeke kuhlobo lobudlelwane onalo neqabane lakho kunye nenkuthazo yeqabane lakho xa bekukhohlisile.
Amanye amaxhoba ahlala ekhumbula ubukrakra kunye nokwenzakala kwaloo mcimbi; Kweminye, umcimbi uba ngamava otshintsho kwaye abanye bayakwazi ukubuyela kwisimo sobomi. Ngamava ahlukileyo kubantu abahlukeneyo.
Ukuhlala emtshatweni emva kokungathembeki-luhambo olubuhlungu
Ukuhlala emtshatweni okanye kubudlelwane emva kokungathembeki okunene kulihlazo kwixhoba kunalowo ukopelayo. Ikhetha ixhoba kungekuphela kwiqabane labo kodwa nakwizihlobo nakwintsapho. Abanye abaxeleli kuba boyika ukugwetywa ngokungalishiyi iqabane labo.
Umtshato uvalela isibini kwisibophelelo soloyiko kunye netyala elingahambi okomzuzwana. Nokuba isibini asiqhawule umtshato, oko akuthethi ukuba ubudlelwane babo buyaphiliswa. Nokuba umcimbi uyaphela, abo babini bahlala bezivalelekile.
Indlela eya ekubuyiseleni inde. Kuthatha umsebenzi omninzi ukubuyisela ukuthembana. Kungathatha unyaka okanye emibini ukuba isibini siphilise. Zininzi izinto ekufuneka zenziwe ukuba isibini siqhubeke kubudlelwane. Akwanelanga ukuthi 'Ndiza kunyaniseka ngokumasikizi okanye ndivule unxibelelwano ukusukela ngoku.' Umntu okopayo kufuneka athathe uxanduva ngokupheleleyo ngezenzo zakhe. Kufuneka aqonde kwaye abe nomonde kuba ukuphilisa kungathatha ixesha. Emva koko kuza icandelo lokuphinda ulwalamano lonke. Umva womcimbi unokulawulwa kuphela ngokuthembeka okwabiweyo kunye nokuqonda ekunzima ukufezekisa. Asinguye wonke umntu olungeleyo ukufaka olo hlobo lomsebenzi.
Ukunganyaniseki ayisiyomfuneko yotshintsho
Ngokoluvo lwam, umbono wokuba ubudlelwane bakho bukhula emva kokungathembeki buyaphambuka. Ukunganyaniseki akuyomfuneko yotshintsho okanye intlantsi kuwo nawuphi na umtshato. Ukuba kuphela ngumkhohlisi onokuthi azise isishumi sesibindi kunye nesithembiso asibeke emtshatweni, emtshatweni wakhe, ngekhe abekhe wehla kwasekuqaleni. Ke, sukukholelwa nje nabani na othi ukungathembeki kunokwenza ubudlelwane bakho bomelele. Anditsho ukuba kufuneka uqhawule umtshato kwangoko kodwa khumbula ukuba isenokusebenza okanye ayisebenzi kwimeko yakho.