Umxholo
Unyango lobudlelwane nguJohn Gottman umseki we-Gottman Institute yincwadi esekwe ekuphuculeni ubudlelwane obusondeleyo.
Kule ncwadi, uGqr Gottman ucebisa abafundi ngenkqubo ebonakalayo ukuze baphendule kwaye babelane ngolwazi lweemvakalelo omnye komnye. Inkqubo inokusetyenziswa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo zobomi kunye nobudlelwane kubandakanya abatshatileyo, amashishini kunye notata.
Ngokwakhe impumelelo yobudlelwane ixhomekeke kwintengiselwano yolwazi lweemvakalelo phakathi kwaba babini. Oku kuvumela unxibelelwano olusempilweni kwaye, emva koko, kunceda ekwenzeni unxibelelwano olomeleleyo phakathi kwabantu ababini.
Xa abantu benxibelelana omnye nomnye, baqala ukuvana kunye kwaye bafikelela kwinqanaba lokuba apho banakho ngakumbi ukwabelana ngemithwalo kunye novuyo lobomi babo.
Ngokophando olwenziwe nguGqirha Gottman, kokukhona oku kusenzeka, kokukhona ubudlelwane buqala ukoneliseka. Oku kunciphisa amathuba okuba abantu ababini balwe kwaye babe neengxabano.
Eli qhinga linceda ekugcineni ukuzibandakanya kunye nokunxibelelana nabanye. Esona sizathu siphambili sokwanda koqhawulo-mtshato namhlanje kukungakwazi kwabantu ababini ukuhlala bethembekile kwaye bexhumene.
Kubudlelwane, kubalulekile ukuba abantu bafunde ukwabelana kunye nokuphendula kwiimvakalelo.
Isebenza njani le nkqubo?
Inkqubo yokuzinceda eyilelwe nguGqirha Gottman ichaza ibhidi njengokwabelana ngonxibelelwano lweemvakalelo phakathi kwabantu ababini. Le ngcamango ibalulekile kunxibelelwano olufanelekileyo kunye nokunxibelelana ngokweemvakalelo.
Ibhidi, njengoko kucacisiwe nguGottman yimbonakalo yobuso, isenzo esincinci, igama olithethayo, ukuchukumisa kunye nelizwi lelizwi.
Akunakwenzeka ukuba unxibelelane ngoluhlobo. Nokuba awunazimpawu ebusweni bakho kwaye ujonge emhlabeni, okanye wolule isandla ukuze ubachukumise, unxibelelana ungazi. Umntu omchukumisayo uya kuncamathisela intsingiselo kwibhidi yakho ngokungazi.
Into elandelayo echazwa nguGqirha Gottman ngala manqanaba mathathu ahlukeneyo apho impendulo evela kwibhidi yakho iya kuwa:
Udidi lokuqala yimpendulo “yokujika-jika”. Oku kubandakanya ukumjonga ngamehlo okupheleleyo, ukunika ingqalelo epheleleyo, ukunika umntu iingcinga, izimvo kunye neemvakalelo.
Icandelo lesibini yimpendulo “yokujika”. Le mpendulo kukusilela ekuthatheni ingqalelo ibhidi yomntu ngokungayihoyi ngokupheleleyo, uxakeke okanye ugxile kulwazi olunxulumene nolunye.
3. Udidi lwesithathu lwempendulo lolona luhlu luyingozi kakhulu kwaye lwaziwa njengempendulo "yokujika". Inezimpendulo ezibalulekileyo, eziphikisanayo, ezinobundlobongela kunye nokuzikhusela.
Ngoku kufuneka uzazi ezi mpendulo njengoko eli linyathelo lokuqala kumanqanaba amahlanu okugcina nokwakha ubudlelwane obusempilweni kunye neemvakalelo.
Nanga amanye amanyathelo:
Inyathelo lesibini
Inyathelo lesibini kunyango lobudlelwane kukufumanisa ubunjani bengqondo kunye nendlela esebenza ngayo inkqubo yomyalelo weemvakalelo, iphysology.
Inkqubo yomyalelo ihlala yaziwa njengeesekethe ezisekwe kwimithambo-luvo ekhoyo kwingqondo edityanisiweyo enye nenye ngokusebenzisa imiqondiso ye-electrochemical.
Oku linoxanduva lokumisela iimpawu ezithile zomntu kwangaphambili, ezinje ngobume babo.
Kule ncwadi, kukho uthotho lwemibuzo ekhoyo ethi incede ekuchongeni ezona ndlela ziphambili zomyalelo zomntu kunye nendlela abasebenza ngayo ukuze anikezele ngentlalontle yakho.
Inyathelo lesithathu
Eli nyathelo libandakanya ukusetyenziswa kwemibuzo yophando ukufumana ilifa lemvakalelo leqabane lakho kunye nendlela ekuchaphazela ngayo ukubanakho komntu ukunxibelelana neendlela ezahlukeneyo zokubhida.
Umzekelo ogqibeleleyo woku iya kuba kukufumanisa iipateni ezithile zokuziphatha kosapho lweqabane lakho kunye nokudluliselwa kwazo kwizizukulwana nakwizizukulwana.
Inyathelo lesine
Eli nyathelo kunyango lobudlelwane kukuphuhliswa kwezakhono zonxibelelwano ngokweemvakalelo. Ukulungiselela le nto kufuneka ujonge kwaye ufunde ngeendlela umzimba unxibelelana ngayo, intsingiselo yawo, ukuveza iimvakalelo, ukuthobela ingqalelo, ukudala amandla okuphulaphula kunye nokwalatha izithethe ezibalulekileyo.
Eminye imizekelo yolwimi lomzimba inokuba sisiqalo sokuchongwa.
Inyathelo lesihlanu
Eli linyathelo lokugqibela kunye nesihlanu sonyango lobudlelwane. Kubandakanya ukufunda ukuchonga kunye nokufumana iintsingiselo ezabelwana ngazo nabanye. Eli nyathelo libandakanya ukuqonda umbono kunye nezimvo zomnye umntu ukuze ufumane injongo efanayo.
Ikwabandakanya ukuqaphela kunye nokuhlonipha umbono wabo kunye nokubaxhasa ngeenjongo zabo.
Unyango lobuhlobo lubonelela umfundi ngengcebiso esebenzayo ngokusekwe kulwazi olubanzi kunye namava onyango.
UGqr. Gottman ujonge ukunceda abantu baqonde amanyathelo alula othando olufihlakeleyo kwaye bajonge kwizimbo zomzimba zokumamela, nangona kunjalo; indlela osebenza ngayo emtshatweni wakho ixhomekeke kuwe. Akukho mntu uyazi imeko yobudlelwane bakho ngcono kunawe.
Ke funda le ncwadi, uqonde ukuba izinto zisebenza njani kubudlelwane kwaye uzisebenzise kulwalamano lwakho.