Umxholo
- Imeko yokufunda 1
- Obu bulumko buvela kulutsha.
- Imeko yokufunda 2
- Ingxelo yobuqu malunga nendlela ukusela okunokuchaphazela ngayo iintsapho
- Ukuthatha kokugqibela
Inani leentsapho ezichithwe ngotywala eUnited States kuphela minyaka le liyothusa.
Kule minyaka ingama-30 idlulileyo, umbhali othengisa kakhulu, umcebisi, umqeqeshi wobomi, nomphathiswa uDavid Essel bebencedisa ukuzama ukulungisa ubudlelwane bosapho obonakele kakhulu ngenxa yotywala.
Apha ngezantsi, uDavid uthetha ngesidingo sokwenene malunga notywala kunye nokuqonda utywala ngaphakathi kwiintsapho, ukuba ufuna ukufumana owona mtshato ubalaseleyo wokuba nomtshato omkhulu kunye nabantwana abasempilweni hayi ngoku kodwa nakwixa elizayo.
Eli nqaku likwaqaqambisa Iziphumo zotywala kwiintsapho, amaqabane, kunye nabantwana.
“Utywala butshabalalisa iintsapho. Lutshabalalisa uthando. Kuphelisa ukuzithemba. Kuphelisa ukuzithemba.
Kubangela uxinzelelo olukhulu kubantwana abahlala kwikhaya elinotywala.
Kwaye ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kotywala yinto elula kakhulu ukuba yenzeke. Abasetyhini abaphethe iziselo ezingaphezulu kwesibini ngemini bathathwa njengabaxhomekeke etywaleni, kwanokuya etywaleni, kwaye amadoda asebenzisa iziselo ezingaphezulu kwezintathu ngemini athathwa njengabantu abaxhomekeke etywaleni.
Kwaye, nangona ndinolu lwazi, nditsho nokubona indlela utywala obutshabalalise ngayo iintsapho ezininzi kwihlabathi liphela, eofisini yethu siyaqhubeka rhoqo ngenyanga ukufumana iminxeba evela kwiintsapho eziwayo ngenxa yokusetyenziswa kotywala.
Zithini iingxaki kunye nefuthe lotywala kwiintsapho
Imeko yokufunda 1
Kunyaka ophelileyo, isibini esitshatileyo size kwiiseshoni zokucebisa kuba babetsala nzima ngaphezulu kweminyaka engama-20 yokusetyenziswa gwenxa komyeni ngotywala kunye nokuzimela komfazi, oko kuthetha ukuba akazange afune ukushukumisa isikhephe okanye ukudibana naye rhoqo malunga nendlela utywala babutshabalalisa umtshato wabo.
Emva kokuba nabantwana ababini, imeko yaba mbi nangakumbi.
Umyeni wayeya kuhamba imini yonke ngoMgqibelo, okanye ngeCawe epheleleyo aphume egalufa kwaye esela nabahlobo bakhe kuphela ukuba abuyele ekhaya enxilile, ehlukumeza ngokwasemphefumlweni, kwaye engabonisi mdla kwaphela ekuzonwabiseni, ekufundiseni okanye ekuchitheni ixesha nabantwana ngaphandle kokuba esele isandla sakhe.
Xa ndimbuza ukuba yeyiphi indima edlalwa butywala kukungasebenzi kakuhle emtshatweni nakwingcinezelo awayeziva phakathi kwakhe nabantwana bakhe ababini, wathi, “David, Utywala abunandima kukungasebenzi kakuhle emtshatweni, unkosikazi wam I-neurotic. Akazinzanga. Ukusela kwam akunanto yakwenza noku, yingxaki yakhe leyo.
Umfazi wakhe uvumile ukuba wayexhomekekile, kwaye esoyika ukuzisa ukusela kwakhe kuba ngalo lonke ixesha esenza, babesilwa kakhulu.
Undixelele ngexesha leseshoni ukuba angayeka nanini na ndathi "kuhle! Masiqale namhlanje. Beka utywala phantsi ubomi bakho bonke, buyisa umtshato wakho, ubuyise ubudlelwane bakho nabantwana bakho ababini, kwaye masibone ukuba yonke into ihamba njani. "
Ngelixa wayeseofisini, wandixelela phambi komfazi wakhe ukuba uzakuyenza loo nto.
Kodwa xa ndigodukayo, wamxelela ukuba ndiyaphambana, kwaye wayengenangqondo, kwaye akaze abuyeke utywala.
Ukususela ngelo xesha, andizange ndiphinde ndimbone, kwaye ndingasayi kuphinda ndisebenze naye kwakhona ngenxa yesimo sakhe sokuzikhukhumeza.
Umfazi wakhe uqhubeke nokungena, ukuzama ukuthatha isigqibo sokuba angahlala na, okanye amlahle, sagqibela ngokuthetha ngendlela abantwana bakhe abaqhuba ngayo.
Umfanekiso wawungekho mhle kwaphela.
Owona mntwana mdala wayeneminyaka eli-13 ubudala, wayegcwele kukuxhalaba kangangokuba babeka iwotshi yabo kwi-4 AM yonke imihla ukuze baphakame bahambe ngeepaseji kunye nezinyuko zendlu yabo ukuzama ukuzikhupha kwixhala.
Kwaye yintoni ebangela ixhala lakhe?
Xa umama wakhe embuza, wathi: "Wena notata nisoloko nixambulisana, utata uhlala ethetha izinto ezingathandekiyo, kwaye ndiyathandaza yonke imihla ukuba nani ekugqibeleni nifunde ukuvana."
Obu bulumko buvela kulutsha.
Xa umntwana omncinci ebuya esikolweni, wayehlala elwa kakhulu notata wakhe, engavumi ukwenza imisebenzi yasekhaya, engavumi ukwenza umsebenzi wesikolo, engavumi ukwenza nantoni na eceliwe ngutata.
Lo mntwana wayeneminyaka esibhozo kuphela ubudala, kwaye ngelixa wayengenakho ukuveza umsindo wakhe ovuthayo kwaye ebuhlungu ukuba utata wakhe wayesele embangele, umntakwabo kunye nomama wakhe, ekuphela kwendlela awayenokuzibonakalisa ngayo yayikukuphikisana noyise. unqwenela ngokuzimisela.
Kwiminyaka engama-30 njengomcebisi uMqeqeshi woBomi boBomi, ndibone lo mdlalo udlalwa ngokuphindaphindiweyo ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Kubuhlungu; iyaphambana, iyahlekisa.
Ukuba ufunda le nto ngoku kwaye uyathanda ukuba ne “cocktail” yakho okanye ezimbini ngokuhlwa, “Ndifuna uyicingisise le nto.
Xa umama notata besela rhoqo, nokuba inye okanye ezimbini zisela ngosuku, azifumaneki ngokweemvakalelo omnye komnye kwaye ingakumbi azifumaneki kubantwana babo.
Nawuphi na umntu osela ekuhlaleni owabona usapho lwabo lusahlukana wayeka ukusela ngomzuzu.
Kodwa abo bangamakhoboka otywala, okanye abo baxhomekeke etywaleni, baya kusebenzisa ukuphambuka, ukuphambukisa, ukutshintsha isihloko kwaye bathi “oku akunanto yakwenza notywala bam, yinto nje yokuba sinabantwana abangenangqondo ... Okanye umyeni wam uyisidenge. Okanye umfazi wam unomdla kakhulu. "
Ngamanye amagama, umntu osokola notywala soze avume ukuba bayasokola, baya kufuna nje ukubeka ityala kuye wonke umntu.
Imeko yokufunda 2
Omnye umthengi endandisebenza naye kutshanje, umfazi otshatileyo enabantwana ababini, qho ngeCawe wayexelela abantwana bakhe ukuba uzakubanceda ngomsebenzi wabo wasekhaya, kodwa ngeCawe yayiziintsuku zakhe "zokusela ekuhlaleni," apho wayekuthanda ukudibana namanye amanenekazi Indawo yokuhlala kwaye usele iwayini emva kwemini.
Xa ebuyela ekhaya, wayengayi kuba neemvakalelo okanye angabinamoya wokunceda abantwana bakhe ngomsebenzi wabo wasekhaya.
Xa babeqhankqalaza besithi, “mama ubuthembisile ukuba uza kusinceda,” uyakuba nomsindo, abaxelele ukuba bakhule, kwaye kufuneka bafunde ngakumbi phakathi evekini kwaye bangashiyi wonke umsebenzi wabo wesikolo abawenze ngeCawa. .
Ngamanye amagama, uyiqikelele, kwaye isebenzisa ukuphambukisa. Wayengafuni ukwamkela indima yakhe kuxinzelelo kunye nabantwana bakhe, ke uya kubeka ityala kubo xa, ngokwenyani, wayengoyena nobangela kwaye edala uxinzelelo lwabo.
Xa ungumntwana omncinci, kwaye ucela umama wakho akuncede rhoqo ngeCawe ngokwenza nantoni na, kwaye umama ukhetha utywala kuwe, lonto ibuhlungu ngeyona ndlela imbi.
Aba bantwana baya kukhula bezele luxinzelelo, uxinzelelo, ukuzithemba okuphantsi, ukuzithemba okuphantsi, kwaye banokuba ngamakhoboka otywala ngokwabo okanye xa bengena kwilizwe lokuthandana, baya kujonga ukuthandana nabantu abafana kakhulu nomama wabo. notata: abantu abangafumaneki ngokweemvakalelo.
Ingxelo yobuqu malunga nendlela ukusela okunokuchaphazela ngayo iintsapho
Njengomntu owayelinxila ngaphambili, yonke into endibhala ngayo iyinyani, kwaye yayinyani nakubomi bam.
Ukuqala kwam ukunceda ukukhulisa umntwana ngo-1980, ndandinxila rhoqo ebusuku, kwaye ukuba nomonde kunye nokufumaneka kwam kulo mntwana mncinci kwakungekho.
Kwaye andizingci ngala maxesha ebomini bam, kodwa ndinyanisekile ngawo.
Kuba bendikade ndiphila lempambano yokuzama ukukhulisa abantwana ngelixa ndigcina utywala kufutshane nam, ndoyisile yonke injongo. Bendinganyanisekanga kubo nakum.
Kodwa yonke into yatshintsha xa ndiphaphileyo, kwaye ndaphinda ndanoxanduva lokunceda ukukhulisa abantwana.
Ndandifumaneka ngokweemvakalelo. Ndandikhona. Xa besentlungwini, bendikwazi ukuhlala ndithethe ngentlungu ababekuyo.
Xa babexhuma luvuyo, ndanditsiba kanye nabo. Andiqali ukutsiba kwaye emva koko ndiza kuthatha enye iglasi yewayini njengoko ndenzile ngo-1980.
Ukuba ungumzali ufunda le nto, kwaye ucinga ukuba ukusela kwakho utywala kulungile kwaye akuchaphazeli abantwana bakho, ndingathanda ukuba uphinde ucinge.
Inyathelo lokuqala kukungena kunye nomsebenzi oyingcali, uvule kwaye uthembeke malunga nenani ngqo leziselo onazo mihla le okanye ngeveki.
Kwaye injani isiselo? Ii-ounces ezi-4 zewayini zilingana nesiselo esinye. Ibhiya enye ilingana nesiselo esinye. Ithumbu eli-1 lotywala lilingana nesiselo.
Ukuthatha kokugqibela
Ukubuyela kwisibini sokuqala endandisebenza naso, xa ndambuza ukuba abhale phantsi ukuba zingaphi iziselo anazo ngemini, oko kuthetha ukuba kuya kufuneka ukhuphe iglasi kwaye ubale inani lokudubula kuyo yonke iTumblr awayeyigcwalisa, Ekuqaleni wandixelela ukuba wayesela iziselo ezibini kuphela ngosuku.
Kodwa xa inkosikazi yakhe ibala inani leebhombu azibeke kwesinye sezixhobo zakhe zokuwa, yayizezine okanye ngaphezulu kwisiselo ngasinye!
Ke ngesiselo sonke, wandixelela ukuba unayo, eneneni wayeneziphuzo ezine, hayi enye.
Ukukhanyela yinxalenye enamandla kakhulu engqondo yomntu.
Musa ukuzibeka emngciphekweni wokonakalisa ikamva labantwana bakho. Sukubeka emngciphekweni wokonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho nomyeni wakho, umfazi, isoka, okanye intombi.
Utywala yenye yezona zinto zitshabalalisa uthando, ukuzithemba, ukuzithemba nokuzithemba.
Ungumzekelo, okanye ubufanele ukuba ungomnye. Ukuba awunawo amandla okuyeka ukusela ngenxa yabantwana bakho kunye neqabane lakho, mhlawumbi kungcono ukuba awunasapho ujongene nalo.
Wonke umntu uya kuba ngcono ngakumbi ukuba ushiye nje usapho ukuze ugcine intuthuzelo yotywala ecaleni kwakho.
Cinga ngaloo nto.