Umxholo
- Zithini izifundo kunye nokuqwalaselwa okuthethayo malunga nokuba kutheni ubudlelwane bobufanasini busilela
- Ubudlelwane bobufanasini bodwa bungcono kunobo bobufanasini
- 1. Yizisa uburharha kwiingxoxo
- Ukwabelana ngamandla
- 3.Thatha izinto kancinci
- 4.Impembelelo yezimvo ezilungileyo nezingalunganga
- Ubudlelwane bamaLesbian-Izizathu zempumelelo kunye nokusilela kwabo
- 1. I-Lesbians icacisa ngakumbi
- 2. Ukukhetha ukuhamba kunye
- Ukugcina ubudlelwane buqhubeka: Ukwenza ubudlelwane bobufanasini buhlale buhleli
- 1.Yima ukulindela ukuba iimfuno zakho ziya kuhlala zihlangatyezwa ngokupheleleyo
- 2.Thobela iimfuno zeqabane lakho ngalo lonke ixesha
- 3.Kubanexesha lakho wedwa
Uncwadi malunga nobudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye nolwalamano olusenyongweni kulawulwa kukuqwalaselwa kubudlelwane besini esahlukileyo-ubudlelwane obuyindoda kunye nomntu obhinqileyo.
Ngelixa kukho uncwadi oluninzi olunikezela ngengcebiso kubudlelwane bezitabane ngokubanzi, akukho lwazi luninzi kunye neengcebiso malunga nobufanasini.
Ke, siye sagqiba kwelokuba sijonge ezinye zezifundo ezixoxa ngezizathu eziqhelekileyo zokuba kutheni ubudlelwane bobufanasini busilela kwaye unokwenza ntoni ukuze ubudlelwane bakho buhlale.
Zithini izifundo kunye nokuqwalaselwa okuthethayo malunga nokuba kutheni ubudlelwane bobufanasini busilela
Izifundo zifumanise ukuba ngelixa kukho izizathu ezahlukeneyo zokuba kutheni ubudlelwane bobufanasini busilela, uninzi lwezizathu ziphantse zafana nezizathu zokuba ubudlelwane besini esahlukileyo busilele.
UGqr. UJohn noJulie Gottman baqhuba isifundo seminyaka eli-12 esilandela iminyaka engama-21 yama-gay kunye nama-21 ama-lesbian ubudlelwane besebenzisa iindlela ezifanayo njengoko benzayo ukufunda ubudlelwane besini esahlukileyo ngokujonga iimpikiswano zezibini.
Iziphumo ezivela kufundo lwabo zixhase ibango lokuba ubudlelwane bobulili obufanayo balwa nezinto ezifanayo nakwizibini ezithe tye.
Kumazwi kaGqr. Gottman “Izibini ezitshatileyo nezithandanayo, njengezibini ezitshatileyo, zijongana namahla-ndinyuka obuhlobo obusondeleyo. Kodwa, siyazi ukuba amanye ala mahla ndinyuka anokwenzeka kwimeko yokwahlukaniswa nosapho, ucalucalulo emsebenzini, kunye nezinye izithintelo ekuhlaleni ezizodwa kubantu abathandanayo nabangqingili. ”
Ubudlelwane bobufanasini bodwa bungcono kunobo bobufanasini
Kukho izinto ezimbalwa ezibonakala ngathi zibeka ubudlelwane besini esifanayo ngaphandle kobudlelwane besini esahlukileyo.
1. Yizisa uburharha kwiingxoxo
Abantu abathandana besini esinye bathanda ukuzisa uburharha kwingxabano kwaye bathambekele ekuhlaleni imeko elungileyo yasemva kwempixano xa kuthelekiswa nobudlelwane besini esahlukileyo.
Ukwabelana ngamandla
Kukho ukwabiwa kwamandla okwabelana phakathi kobudlelwane besini esifanayo xa kuthelekiswa nobudlelwane besini esahlukileyo
3.Thatha izinto kancinci
Xa ujongene neengxabano, ubudlelwane besini kunye nobufanasini buhlala buthatha izinto ezimbalwa.
4.Impembelelo yezimvo ezilungileyo nezingalunganga
Kubudlelwane bamafanasini nabasetyhini, amagqabantshintshi amabi mancinci amathuba okuba avelise iimvakalelo ezenzakalisayo ngelixa izimvo ezilungileyo zinempembelelo entle.
Oku kubuyela umva xa kuthelekiswa nezibini ezithe tye apho izimvo ezingalunganga zenzakalisa amaqabane ngokulula, kwaye amagqabantshintshi alungileyo kunzima ngakumbi ukunciphisa iqabane.
Ubudlelwane bamaLesbian-Izizathu zempumelelo kunye nokusilela kwabo
1. I-Lesbians icacisa ngakumbi
Abantu abathandanayo abathandana nabasetyhini bachaza ngakumbi xa kuthelekiswa nabo banobudlelwane besini.
Oku kubangelwa yinto yokuba uluntu luvumela abantu basetyhini ukuba babonakalise ngakumbi kunamadoda.
2. Ukukhetha ukuhamba kunye
Olunye uphononongo kubudlelwane babantu abathandanayo nabathandanayo kukunqwenela ukwenza ukhetho olukhawulezileyo lokuya kuhlala kunye nokuba sele kuqale ubudlelwane. Le nkqubo ibizwa ngokuba yi-U-Hauling.
Okulusizi kukuba, ngaphandle kokuba izibini ezithandanayo zihamba kunye, le yinto ebonwayo yesizathu sokuba ulwalamano lwamafanasini luye lwasilela. Oku kuqaphela kuxhasa ukufundwa kukaLawrence Kurnek ngo-1998, owayejonga abantu abatshatileyo abatshatileyo kunye nobudlelwane babo.
Konke oku kukhokelela kumbuzo-ukuba kubudlelwane bobufanasini kungcono ngokusekwe kuGqr. Ukuqwalaselwa kukaGottman, kutheni kusasilela?
Kukho ukuqhawulwa konxibelelwano phakathi komgangatho wobudlelwane uGqr. U-Gottman uqaphele kwaye wapheliswa ngokukhawuleza kobudlelwane besini esisekwe kufundo luka-Lawrence Kurnek.
Kungakhuseleka ukucinga ukuba ezi zizathu zilandelayo ziya kusinika imvelaphi elungileyo yokuba kutheni ubudlelwane bobufanasini busilela.
- Ngokukhawuleza ukuzibophelela, njengoko kubonisiwe kukutsala.
- Ukungabikho kwesondo. Ukwaneliseka ngokwesondo kunye nokuhamba rhoqo kubonwa kuphezulu kubudlelwane besini. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba omabini amaqabane ayingabo abaqalisi, ngekhe kubekho nasiphi na isondo esiza kwenzeka.
- Ukungabikho kwenkxaso yoluntu.
Ngaphandle kwezi zinto, ndicinga ukuba kubaluleke ngakumbi ukugxila ekusebenzeni kubudlelwane apho omabini amaqabane aya kukhula kwaye aqhubele phambili kunye.
Ukugcina ubudlelwane buqhubeka: Ukwenza ubudlelwane bobufanasini buhlale buhleli
Abalingani banokwenza la manyathelo alandelayo ukwenza ubudlelwane babo buhlale. Oku kunokuba yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba ubukhe wanobudlelwane ngaphambili (isini esahlukileyo okanye ubufanasini).
Masikhe sihlaziye-
1.Yima ukulindela ukuba iimfuno zakho ziya kuhlala zihlangatyezwa ngokupheleleyo
Le yenye yezinto zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane ezibonakala ngathi ziyazilibala. Ukucinga ukuba iimfuno zakho ziya kuhlala zifezekiswa ngokupheleleyo, kuya kukhokelela ekuphoxekeni okuninzi.
Endaweni yokwenza oku, yamkela ngakumbi izinto ezilungileyo nezingalunganga zeqabane lakho.
NgokukaGqirha Gottman, ukuba nonxibelelwano oluqinisekileyo xa kuthelekiswa nokungalunganga kuya kuqinisekisa ukuba nobabini niyakuhlala ninento eniza kubuya nayo ngamaxesha obunzima.
2.Thobela iimfuno zeqabane lakho ngalo lonke ixesha
Njengama-lesbians, ukhathalelo lomama lusekhona.
Nangona kunjalo, ubomi buyenzeka, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha ubomi bubeka uxinzelelo olukhulu kumaqabane. Kule mizuzu, soloko umamela kwaye usebenze ngovelwano. Yiba nendlebe yokumamela kwiimfuno zeqabane lakho.
Ngobushushu bempikiswano, ungabhenela kwiindlela zokuphelisa ukuzinceda uzole.
3.Kubanexesha lakho wedwa
Phuhlisa kwaye ugcine imeko yakho yokuzixabisa kunye nomdla.
Ukuba nexesha elilodwa lodwa kuya kunivumela ukuba niphuhlise le minqweno eyongeza kwinto eninokuthetha ngayo nobabini xa nibuyelana.