Umxholo
Njengomfundisi, andizukuphatha umtshato ngaphandle kokuba esi sibini sithathe inxaxheba ekucebiseni ngaphambi komtshato kunye nam. Kwezinye izibini, iingcebiso ngaphambi komtshato lithuba lokuqinisa ubudlelwane obusele busempilweni kwaye bomelele. Kukulungiselela ukuthintela ubomi bomtshato. Kwabanye abantu abatshatileyo iingcebiso ngaphambi komtshato zinika ithuba lokumba nzulu kwimiba esele isaziwa okanye iindawo zokungavisisani. Okokugqibela, kwezinye izibini lithuba lokuba "babuyele umkhusane" ukuze batyhile imiba enzulu enxulumene nomlinganiswa, iinkolelo okanye amaxabiso.
Ndiyakholelwa ukuba eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu emisela impumelelo yomtshato wakho kukuba ungumntu onjani.
Oku kulandelayo luluhlu lwemibuzo endibuza umntu ngamnye ukuba ayiphendule ngaye kunye neqabane lakhe:
- Ngaba mna okanye iqabane lam sihlala sijonga iindlela ezimfutshane okanye indlela elula okanye sobabini sinomdla wokwenza okulungileyo?
- Ngaba mna okanye iqabane lam lihlala lilawulwa okanye lilawulwa ziimvakalelo zethu okanye ngumlingiswa wethu?
- Ngaba mna okanye iqabane lam lilawulwa yimoods okanye ngamaxabiso ethu kunye nezinto eziphambili kuthi?
- Ngaba mna okanye iqabane lam silindele omnye komnye okanye abanye ukuba basibonelele okanye ngaba sihlala sicinga ngabanye kuqala?
- Ngaba mna okanye iqabane lam sikhangela izizathu ezingaphezulu kokufuna izisombululo?
- Ngaba mna okanye iqabane lam sithanda ukuyeka, ukuyeka okanye ukungalandeli okanye siyomelela kwaye siyaziwa ukuba sigqibe oko sakuqala?
- Ngaba mna okanye iqabane lam sikhalaza rhoqo kunokuba sibonisa umbulelo?
Ndisebenze nabantu abaninzi abatshatileyo ebunzimeni kwiminyaka edlulileyo apho elinye iqabane belinokuphepha ukuqaqanjelwa, ukuphoxeka kunye nokudana ngokujonga ngokunyanisekileyo le mibuzo.
Ukulawula ulindelo
Olunye uncedo olubalulekileyo lokucebisa ngaphambi komtshato kukunceda abantu abatshatileyo bakhulise okanye bahlengahlengise okulindelweyo emtshatweni. Phantse zonke izibini zineendlela ezithile ezilindelekileyo xa kufikwa emtshatweni. Ezi ngamanye amaxesha kunokubhekiswa kuzo “njengeentsomi zomtshato.” Ezi “ntsomi” zivela kwimithombo eyahlukeneyo. Basenokuvela kubazali bethu, kubahlobo bethu, kwinkcubeko, kwimithombo yeendaba okanye kwicawa.
Kubalulekile ukunceda izibini ukuba ziqonde ukuba ukuhamba ezantsi ayibandakanyi ukuhambisa okuzenzekelayo kwemfuno. Nangemva komtshato, umntu ngamnye kufuneka athathe uxanduva lomntu kwiimfuno zakhe. Ewe, kumtshato ophilileyo izibini ziya kufuna ukuhlangabezana iimfuno zomnye nomnye. Ingxaki kuxa izibini zinika okanye zifuna enye ithathe uxanduva olupheleleyo.
Iyacetyiswa Ikhosi yangaphambi komtshato
Umxholo oqhelekileyo wemitshato enengxaki kukuba ngamanye amaxesha iqabane ngalinye laqala ukujonga elinye njengelingenguye kuphela umthombo weengxaki zabo kodwa isisombululo sodwa.
Andikwazi ukubala ukuba kunini ndiva le minyaka, "ayinguye lo bendicinga ukuba babetshatile." Isizathu esinye soku kukuba izibini azithathele ingqalelo ukuba amava abo okuthandana ayisiyonyani. Inqaku elipheleleyo lokuthandana lizama ukuphumelela intliziyo yomnye umntu. Oku kusoloko kukhokelela ekuhleni. Amava okuthandana aqhelekileyo malunga nokuba kwaye ubonise okona kulungileyo kuwe. Ukongeza koku kukuba izibini ziyasilela ukuthathela ingqalelo umfanekiso opheleleyo. Ugxininiso lubekwe kwiimvakalelo zothando, ukudlala iimpawu zeqabane lakho ozithandayo kunye nokudlala ngokungazithandi.
Inganceda njani ingcebiso phambi komtshato?
Ukucebisa ngaphambi komtshato kuluncedo ekwenzeni ukuba omabini amaqela athathele ingqalelo yonke iyantlukwano kubuntu, amava, imvelaphi kunye nolindelo. Ndibeka eyona nto iphambili kwizibini ezitshatileyo ngokujongana nokuvuma ukungafani kwazo. Ndifuna izibini zazi ukuba iyantlukwano abayityeshelayo okanye abayifumanayo “intle” ngoku iyakucaphukisa ngokukhawuleza emva komtshato.
Ukucebisa ngaphambi komtshato lixesha lokuqalisa ukufundisa abantu abatshatileyo ukuba bamkele kwaye bonwabele iiyantlukwano zabo, baqonde kwaye bamkele ubuthathaka babo kwaye bakhuthazane amandla omnye komnye.
Ndikhunjuzwa ngesi sicatshulwa somtshato, "Umfazi utshata indoda ecinga ukuba angamtshintsha kwaye indoda itshata umfazi icinga ukuba ngekhe itshintshe."
Ukucebisa ngaphambi komtshato kubalulekile ekwaziseni umbono wokuba eyona njongo yomtshato ayilulo ulonwabo. Ngaba sifanele silindele ukuba umtshato usizisele ulonwabo? Ngokuqinisekileyo, kufuneka. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba isibini senza ulonwabo lube yeyona njongo iphambili iya kuthi ngokuqinisekileyo ibamisele ukusilela. Le nkolelo ayihoyi into yokuba umtshato olungileyo ufuna ukusebenza nzima. Izibini ezininzi zenza impazamo yokukholelwa kubuxoki bokuba umtshato olungileyo awunamsebenzi. Ukuba ayinangxaki ke ezi zibini zikholelwa ukuba kukho into engalunganga enokukhawuleza ibe ngumntu ongalunganga. Umtshato olungileyo ufuna ukuthatha uxanduva ngempilo yethu - ngokomoya, emzimbeni, ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasengqondweni. Oku kwenza ukuba iqabane ngalinye liye kwelinye ngothando ukusuka kwindawo yokhuseleko kunokufuna okanye ukuphelelwa lithemba.