Umxholo
- I-ego yethu inokusibambezela kuthando esilifunayo
- Unxibelelwano kubudlelwane
- Iingxaki ze-Ego kubudlelwane
- Sebenzisa i-ego kubudlelwane kutshintsho
- Ukuthatha umngcipheko kuyanceda
Ngaba ulwalamano lwakho lomzabalazo lukubiza ukuba ufumane uthando ngakumbi
Xa amanani oqhawulo-mtshato ngoku njengala alandelayo ebalisa ibali elibuhlungu xa sihlangabezana nobunzima bobuhlobo bethu, kunokuba nzima ukubona enye indlela ngaphandle kokwahlukana:
- Phantse i-50% yayo yonke imitshato e-USA iya kuphela ngoqhawulo-mtshato okanye ngokwahlukana.
- I-60% yemitshato yesibini iphelela kuqhawulo mtshato.
- I-73% yayo yonke imitshato yesithathu iphela kuqhawulo-mtshato.
Nangona kunjalo, ngexa uninzi lokwahlukana kunokuba ngcono, ndiyakholelwa kakhulu ukuba ubudlelwane obusokolayo apho kungekho mqondiso woxhatshazo buhlala bubiza amaqabane omabini kwinqanaba elilandelayo lothando kunye nokukhula komntu.
Bukela kwakhona: iingcinga ezili-10 ezinokutshabalalisa ubudlelwane
I-ego yethu inokusibambezela kuthando esilifunayo
Uninzi lwabathengi bam beza kum becinga ukuba basemngciphekweni wokwahlukana kodwa kungekudala baqala ukuqonda ukuba umzabalazo wabo ubangelwa kukoyika ukwenzakala, kwaye oku, enyanisweni, kubabambile ekudaleni uthando abalufuna ngokwenene .
"Isidima sethu soyika ukuziva sithandwa kwaye ke siyakusebenzisa ubuqhetseba obuninzi ukusinqanda ekubeni sizivulele inqanaba elilandelayo neqabane lethu."
Unxibelelwano kubudlelwane
Ngelishwa, akukho namnye kuthi ofundiswe ukunxibelelana ngendlela eza kunceda ubudlelwane ukuba bukhule kwaye bukhule kwixesha elide.
Endaweni yoko, sifumene imiyalezo emininzi kakhulu ekhuthaza umbono oqinisekileyo wokuthandana, obeka inkolelo yokuba iqabane lethu likho ukuba lisisindise okanye 'lisigqibe'.
Ngenxa yoko, sihlala sibeka uxinzelelo olukhulu kumaqabane ethu ukuba abe yindoda okanye umfazi ogqibeleleyo, njengakwimiboniso bhanyabhanya. Sibenza babe noxanduva ngendlela esivakalelwa ngayo kwaye, ngokwenza njalo, sibambe umpu ozekelisayo entloko kubo, othi, 'Undenze ndaziva ngoluhlobo.'
"Ngelixa iqabane lethu linokusibangela ngeendlela ezininzi, ekugqibeleni sinoxanduva lwentlalo-ntle yethu."
Xa singathathi uxanduva olupheleleyo lweemvakalelo zethu, indlela esiziphethe ngayo, kunye neempendulo & ngokugxeka okanye ngokugxeka iqabane lethu, ngokuqinisekileyo sivumela i-ego kulwalamano ukuba 'iqhube umboniso.'
Ukungakwazi kwethu ukuyeka i-ego kubudlelwane unokuba nemiphumo emibi kwaye ihlala iresiphi yokungonwabi okukhulu.
Kwelinye icala, wakuba uzikhulule ngokwakho kwi-ego yakho kwaye uthathe uxanduva olupheleleyo kwaye ukhethe ukubonisa ukuthembeka, ukuthembeka, kunye nokungafihli kunxibelelwano lwakho, uvula indlela yolo ndibiza ulwalamano 'lokwenyani'.
Kolu hlobo lobambiswano, siziva samkelwe ngenxa yento esiyiyo, kwaye akufuneki sizimele ngenxa yoloyiko. Ukuziva le nkululeko yothando ikhulula ngenene!
Iingxaki ze-Ego kubudlelwane
I-ego yethu kubudlelwane ihlala lilizwi entlokweni yethu elithanda ukusibalisela amabali entshabalalo kunye nosizi.
Umzekelo, inokukuxelela ukuba iqabane lakho alonelanga; ukuba kufuneka abe nomdla ngakumbi okanye abe namandla ngakumbi; ukuba ulawula kakhulu okanye akalunganga.
I-ego kulwalamano iyathanda ukuthetha ngokungagungqiyo kwaye ayicingi ukugxila kwimicimbi encomekayo yomlingane wakho.
Uphando luhlalutye idatha kubantu abangama-3,279, abathathe uvavanyo lwabo lweSitayile soBudlelwane kwaye babonisa ukuba imaski yethu ye-ego ebuthathaka umnqweno wethu wokuziva uxabisekile kwaye uyathandwa.
Ukuba awulumkanga, le ego kubudlelwane inokuqala ngokukhawuleza ukukucenga ukuba ufumane umntu oza kuba ngumdlalo onomdla ngakumbi!
Ngenxa yoko, kuhlala kulula ukutsiba inqanawa kubudlelwane bakho kunokuhlala ujongane noloyiko lwakho malunga nokuvula uthando ngakumbi kunye nokoyisa i-ego.
I-ego yinxalenye yethu yokuqala ehlala kuloyiko. Ulikhoboka leengcinga ezisekwe kukoyika kwaye akayazi indlela yokuphila ngenye indlela.
Enye yeendlela zayo zokuziphatha ezonakalisayo kukuqhubeka nokubonisa ubuthathaka okanye iimpazamo kumaqabane ethu.
Oku kusivumela ukuba sizikhusele ekulahlweni okanye kwiimvakalelo zokulahlwa ngokuhlala sityhola okanye sikhangela iziphoso ngaphandle kwethu. Ngokuqinisekileyo oku akuyenzi imeko-bume elungele ulwalamano olusempilweni, oludibeneyo kunye nothando.
Ukubeka isimilo se-ego sokuziphatha kakubi, kodwa, kungathatha ubudlelwane obukade bujongeka ngathi busilele, kwinqanaba elitsha lonxibelelwano nothando.
Sebenzisa i-ego kubudlelwane kutshintsho
- Thatha kwakhona ingqikelelo yakho
Naphi na apho ucinga khona, ndinqwenela ukuba iqabane lam libe ngaphezulu okanye lingaphantsi kwento ethile; Eli lithuba lokuzibuza umbuzo omnye kwaye ke ngoko buyisela umva ingqikelelo yakho.
Umzekelo, ukuba ucinga, 'Ndinqwenela ukuba iqabane lam belinomdla,' zibuze 'kuphi ebomini bam apho ndinganomdla ngakumbi okanye ndinomdla?'
Ukuthatha umva ngengqikelelo yethu akuthethi ukuba akukho nyani kwinto ethethwa lulwalamano, kodwa oko kuthetha ukuba kufuneka singakhawulezi sikhombe umnwe wesityholo.
- Kuxabise okuhle kwiqabane lakho
I-ego yethu kubudlelwane ithanda ukugxila kokungasebenziyo okanye apho iqabane lakho lingazifezekisiyo iimfuno zakho.
Eli inokuba lithuba lokuqala ukuxabisa imiba elungileyo yobudlelwane bakho kunye nazo zonke izinto onokuthi utyekele ekuzithabatheni lula.
- ziveze
Ukuba uziva ungathandwa okanye ungamva okanye ungabonwa liqabane lakho, eli inokuba lithuba elihle lokuba uthethe ngeemvakalelo zakho okanye ubuze into oyifunayo.
Ewe kunjalo, oku kuthetha ukuba kungafuneka sithathe umngcipheko ngokubonisa indlela esivakalelwa ngayo, kwaye oku kuyothusa kwi-ego, kodwa kulapho ubudlelwane bethu bunikwa khona ithuba lokukhula.
Ndihlala ndikhuthaza abathengi bam ukuba 'baziva uloyiko kwaye bathi njalo' kwindawo yobunini obupheleleyo. Okukhona sinokukwenza oku, kokukhona siya sinyaniseka kunye neqabane lethu. Le yeyona nkululeko yokugqibela kulo naluphi na ulwalamano.
- Zinike ingqalelo nothando
Ukuba unomdla wokuziva wonzakele okanye ungathandwa liqabane lakho, eli lihlala lilithuba lokususa ingqalelo yakho kubo nakwinto abayenzayo okanye abangayenziyo kwaye uzinike uthando kunye nenkathalo oyifunayo.
- Ukunikezela 'ngokungazi'
Okokugqibela, naphina apho 'ulinde' ukuba iqabane lakho linyuke libonisa ukuba unencamathiselo kubo xa usenza ngendlela ethile.
Le yindawo entle ukuba uqale uzinikezele ungazi ukuba, njani, okanye nini iqabane lakho liza kuphendula.
Kwakhona, oku kuyothusa kwi-ego yethu kubudlelwane, kuba ayikuthandi okungaziwayo, kodwa kuyanceda ukunika ubudlelwane bakho indawo yokuphefumla.
Kumava am, oku kunika neqabane lakho isithuba sokubonisa ngendlela yabo eyahlukileyo, enokuba sisimanga esihle.
Ukuthatha umngcipheko kuyanceda
Kumava am obuqu kunye nomsebenzi wam kunye nabaxumi, sonke sinako ukunika kunye nokufumana uthando ngakumbi.
Ewe kunjalo, ukuvula ngokwethu oku kuthetha ukuba sithatha umngcipheko kwaye esinokuthi singasebenzi ukuba iqabane lethu alibonisi zimpawu zokufuna ukudibana nathi apho sifuna ukuya khona.
Nangona kunjalo, konke oku kwehla kwinto oyifunayo kulwalamano lwakho.
Ngaba ungathanda ukuthandwa ngulo mntu ukuyo kwaye uzibophelele ekuphononongeni ukuba likhona na ithuba lothando olukhulu, okanye ngaba ukhetha ukufihla, uhlale uthule okanye ungene ekugxekeni ngalo lonke ixesha ujongene nengxwabangxwaba kulwalamano lwakho?
Kuhlala kufanelekile ukukhumbula ukuba imiba yobudlelwane bethu esingakwaziyo ukuyiphilisa kwimeko yethu yangoku iya kuphinda ityhilwe kubudlelwane bethu obulandelayo.
Ukuzibophelela ekusebenzeni kubunzima kunye nokulungela ukwenza iimpazamo nokuba ziphi na iziphumo ziya kusibeka kwindlela yothando ngakumbi.
Ukuthatha umngcipheko wokuzibonakalisa emtshatweni wam kundincedile ekwenzeni ubudlelwane 'bokwenyani', kwaye oku kunokuba yinto entle. Ubudlelwane buxabisekile, kwaye ndiyakukhuthaza ukuba ume ngombono wakho wento oyifunayo ngothando.