Umxholo
Emva kweeveki ezingapheliyo zokufihla indawo, iqabane lakho liqala ukuqina ngokungqonge imiphetho. Akasachebi. Akanxibanga bra.
Umxholo wothando oluhlala luhleli uziva ulahlekile ixesha elide, kwaye mhlawumbi awusaluva uthando olukhawulezileyo kunye neqabane lakho.
Akukho namnye kuni uthathe ishawa ngeentsuku, kwaye nobabini nicinga nzulu malunga nokuba nizame na i "No Poo Method" ye-ditching shampoo iyonke kwaye niyivase ngenye indlela ethambileyo, enje nge-apple cider viniga okanye isoda yokubhaka.
Ukufumana uthando kwangoko
Amehlo akho ayathintelwa kuhambo lwakho lwemihla ngemihla, kwaye, usebenzisa isigama se-coronavirus, uthatha isigqibo "somgama wentlalontle" ngokuhamba phakathi kwesitalato, iinyawo ezintandathu ngaphandle kwabahambi ngendlela. Amaqhuma amanqindi, amaqhuqhuqhu esinqeni, kunye ne-hugs ezisecaleni azikho kumbuzo!
Iqabane lakho ekhaya "likhuselekile," kodwa umbono wokuwola ulahlekelwe ngumtsalane. Endaweni yoko, ingqondo yakho ijika iye kwivenkile ethengisa ukutya kwivenkile yokutya ukufumana uthando kwangoko.
Ukuthembela kwinqwelomoya ukuya eJamaica kunye, xa ukungaqiniseki kwe-COVID-19 kudlulile, ngequbuliso kubonakala ngathi ngumbono onomdla. Kodwa, linda umzuzu. Ngaba uya kuthatha imali kwivenkile yokutya?
Yintoni anayo ukuba iqabane lakho ekhaya liyasilela? Uthini ngombono wothando lobomi bakho kunye nesithembiso sobudlelwane obuhlala ixesha elide obenzileyo neqabane lakho?
Ukuthatha ukusuka kuthando kwangoko
Uthando olusisigxina kunye nomphathi wecashier lusifundisa ntoni ngothando oluhlala luhleli? Into yokuqala eyenziwa ngumgcini-mali xa umthengi esondela kuye ‘Qaphela.’
Uncumo lwabo kunye nonxibelelwano ngamehlo olujolise kuwe lunokwanela ukwenza umtsalane. Abantu ngokwemvelo bahlala entlalweni; siyathanda ukubonwa.Ukusebenzisana nabanye “yinto nje esakhelwe ukuba siyenze, kwaye siyenza ngaphandle kokuzama ukuyenza ...” (Mitchell, 2002, p. 66).
Iingcali zengqondo ezifunda ubudlelwane ubudlelwane kudala ziqwalasele indlela abantwana abangathuthuzeleki ngayo xa abazali bebamba umdla ngokubakhangela ngamehlo "ngobuso obusazolileyo" (UTronick, 2009).
Bukela le vidiyo ulingo lobuso obusamile:
Ke, xa ungena emnyango uhamba, sukumemeza usithi “Ndisekhaya!” kwaye ubaleke kwikhompyuter yakho. Qaphela iqabane lakho. Zifumane, zijonge emehlweni, uze uncume!
Njengomtya "oxwesileyo ongaqhelekanga" (Mitchell, p. 76), apho amava ethu angaphakathi nangaphandle ahlala ehlelaniswa omnye nomnye, xa uncuma neqabane lakho, ayizukuziva kuphela unxibelelwano.
Ngapha koko, xa bencuma emva, uya kuziva, nawe.
Into elandelayo oza kuyifumana umphathi wakho osisihlobo ‘thetha ' eya kuwe. Ngokukodwa, uya kuthi buza umbuzo. “Ucinga ntoni ngehummus eqhwethayo?” okanye "Uhlala njani usempilweni ngexesha le-COVID-19?"
Njengokuthatha isaziso, ukubuza imibuzo yindlela elula yokuziva unxibelelana. Iingcali zonyango oludibeneyo uJulie noJohn Gottman bavelisa umxholo we "Love Maps."
Uphando lwamaGottmans lubonise ukuba izibini ezomeleleyo "zenze" imephu yolwalamano lwabo kunye nembali yayo - eyamkela inkxalabo yomntu ngamnye, ukuthanda kwakhe, amava kunye nenyani. (UGottman kunye noGottman, 2019).
Bathathe isigqibo sokuphuhlisa umthambo apho abantu abatshatileyo bebuzana imibuzo evulekileyo. Umzekelo, leliphi ixesha olithandayo? Uphupha ukufezekisa ntoni kule minyaka ilishumi izayo?
Yeyiphi indawo oyithandayo yokwenza uthando? Ke, emva kokuba uvume iqabane lakho ngoncumo, libuze umbuzo okanye emibini. Emva koko, bajonge ngononophelo kwaye umamele impendulo yabo.
Ukumomotheka kunye nokubuza imibuzo kunokukuphumelela kuhambo oluyintandokazi oluya eJamaica kunye nomgcini wakho wemali onobuhlobo, kodwa ngekhe kwanele ukugcina uthando ebomini bakho bonke.
Iingcebiso zobudlelwane bexesha elide
Ukufumana uthando lokwenene kulula xa kuthelekiswa nokugcina ubudlelwane bobomi bonke. Ke, yintoni eyenza ubudlelwane buhlale ixesha elide?
Ulwalamano oluhlala luhleli luyathandana xa kukho ubudlelwane phakathi kweqabane.
Ukuqonda kunye ukukhathalelana kwinqanaba leemvakalelo liqinisa ubudlelwane. Ukuchonga indlela oziva ngayo, ukwazi ukwazi indlela oziva ngayo ngaphandle kokuba ikongamele, kunye nokwabelana ngendlela oziva ngayo nomnye umntu ngamava osenyongweni.
Ukukwazi "ukwazi ukuba umntu uziva njani kwaye aphile neziphumo" lithemba lokuba ezinye i-psychotherapists zijonga njengenjongo yonyango lwengqondo (Jurist, 2018, p. x). Ukwaziwa kunokusinceda siziva sikhuselekile kubudlelwane bezothando.
Ke, qhubeka phambili, kwaye ushenxise ukugxila kwakho kuthando olukhawulezileyo ukuya kuthando oluhlala luhleli.
Emva kokuba uncume kwaye ubuze iqabane lakho imibuzo embalwa yokuzibandakanya, ukuba nje bengekho phantsi kokuvalelwa bodwa, babambe ngokungakhathali.
Uthando olukhawulezileyo lwecashier olunobuhlobo lunokubhenela namhlanje, kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha, iinzame ezenziwe kuthando oluhlala luhleli zinomvuzo omkhulu.
Isalathiso: Igqwetha, E. (2018) Iimvakalelo zokuKhulisa- Ukukhulisa ukuPhathwa kwengqondo kwiPsychotherapy. Inew York; IGilford Press