Umxholo
Ngexesha elithile kwiminyaka yam engamashumi amabini, kuye kwacaca kum ukuba amadoda endandikhangeleka kuwo ayengamaqabane amabi kakhulu kum. Olona lwalamano lwam lundithandayo, abo ndaziva ngathi "befanele ukuba njalo," amadoda abebengabo "bahlobo bomphefumlo" bam ... . Saqala omnye nomnye ngathi uphambene. Obu budlelwane buncinci bufana nobudlelwane obusempilweni endibufunayo.
Ndiqinisekile ukuba abanye benu banokubalisa.
(Uyazi ntoni? Ndiyazi ukuba ungayilungisa njani le nto? Qhubeka ufunda.)
Oku kundikhokelela ekubeni ndizive ndingenathemba. Inokuba yinyani njani ukuba ndimiselwe ukuba ndibe kulwalamano olunomdla omkhulu kunye nokulwa okuninzi okanye ndibuyiselwe kubudlelwane obukruqulayo obuzinzileyo kodwa obungenantliziyo? Oku kwabonakala ngathi sisohlwayo esikhohlakeleyo nesingaqhelekanga ngokukhulela kusapho olungenampilo.
Ndenze zonke iintlobo zezinto engqondweni yam ukumelana nale nto. Ndithathe isigqibo ngelinye ixesha ukuba isisombululo ekuphela kwaso kukuba nobudlelwane obuvulekileyo ukuze ndibenomtshato ozinzileyo kunye nedosi yokuthanda ecaleni. Kodwa bendisazi entliziyweni yam ukuba ayizukundisebenzela.
Kutheni ndikhethe unyango
Kwiminyaka emininzi, ngelixa bendisokola kule ngxaki, ndandikwenza nomsebenzi wam. Ndandiqonda kakuhle ukuba isizathu sokuba nditsaleleke kwezi ntlobo zamaqabane yayingumntwana wam ongazinzanga. Ke bendinyangwa ngeveki, ewe, kodwa nangaphezulu koko. Ndaye ndahamba ndaya kuzifihla endaweni yeholide ukuze ndenze unyango olungaphezulu. Ukubuyela umva kubandakanya ukubamba umphefumlo wam kunye nokuntywila ngokunzulu ndisebenza ngaphakathi kwam. Zazibiza kakhulu kwaye zazinzima. Ngaba bendifuna ukuchitha iveki ndilila kwaye ndindwendwela kwakhona iintlungu zobuntwana xa ndandiselunxwemeni eMexico? Hayi. Ngaba bendifuna ukujongana nazo zonke iidemon kunye noloyiko? Akunjalo. Ngaba bendijonge ukuvumela abanye abantu babone iinxalenye zam endinentloni ngazo? Akukho nanye.Kodwa bendifuna ubudlelwane obunempilo kwaye ngandlela thile bendisazi ukuba le yindlela yabo.
Bendinyanisile. Isebenzile
Kancinci kancinci, ndayeka iindlela zam zakudala, iinkolelo zakudala, izinto ezindala ezinomtsalane. Kancinci kancinci, ndafunda into endibambayo. Ndaphilisa. Ndaxolela. Ndikhulile. Ndafunda ukuzithanda kwaye ndangena kum.
Ngoku khawukhathalele, andizange ndayiqonda into yokuba ndikhulele ukwenza. Okanye ukuphilisa ukwenza. Ndaziva ndiphilile. Andizange ndidandatheke okanye ndixhalabe. Andilahlekanga okanye ndibhidekile. Bendingasokoli nangayiphi na indlela ngaphandle kokuba ubudlelwane bam busondele. I-serial monogamy yayiyaguga ... njengokuba ndandinjalo. Kodwa ndandisazi ukuba eyona nto ixhaphakileyo kubudlelwane bam yayindim. Ke ndicinge into apha kum ekufuneka itshintshiwe.
Kuninzi okutshintshileyo. Nditshintshe ngeendlela endingakhange ndizicinge. Kwaye ndafumanisa ukuba, ekugqibeleni, nendoda ndiyaphambana malunga nokuba uphilile kwaye uzinzile kangangoko. Ayothusi into yokuba ungomnye wabo bantu banqabileyo ubuntwana babo babumnandi. (Khange ndikholelwe ekuqaleni, kodwa kuyinyani). Asilwi kwaye kunqabile ukuba siqalane. Xa sisenza njalo, siyathetha ngayo kwaye imnandi kwaye ithambile, kwaye sobabini siziva sithandana ngakumbi emva koko.
Kwezi ntsuku, abantu abatshatileyo bahlala beza kum befuna unyango kwaye bandixelele ukuba bayalwa ngalo lonke ixesha kodwa bayathandana kwaye bafuna ukuhlala kunye. Ndihlala ndibaxelela inyani: Ndingakunceda, kodwa izakuba ngumsebenzi omninzi.
Ndiyabachazela ukuba esona sizathu sokulwa kwabo kukuba amaqabane abo abangela ukungaphili ngaphakathi kubo. Kwaye ukuziphilisa ngokwakho kuphela kwendlela yokumisa ubugeza.
Ndicinga ukuba ubukhulu becala abakholelwa kum. Bacinga ukuba banokufumana iqabane elingababangeliyo. Bakholelwa ukuba ayindim, nguye. Kwaye bayoyika. Kanjalo. Ndandisoyika, nam. Ndiyayifumana.
Kodwa ezinye izibini ziyavuma ukuthatha uhambo. Kungenxa yoko le nto ndingumntu ophakathi kwezithandani. Le yeyam raison d'etre. Ndiza kuzibandakanya nabo kuhambo olungummangaliso kwaye oluhle. Ndiza kuba kunye nabo njengoko bekhula bethandana omnye nomnye ngendlela entsha, njengabantu abapheleleyo kwaye banako ngakumbi ukuthanda abantu abadala.
Qhubeka ke ulwe ukuba kunyanzelekile. Okanye qhubeka ukhangela umntu ongayi kulwa naye. Okanye ncama kwaye uhlale. Okanye uziqinisekise ukuba awuyenzelwanga umtshato. Ndiyazi ngcono. Ndiyazi ukuba unokuba nento endinayo. Sonke siyakwazi ukuphilisa.
Kwakungekho kubi kangako, lonke olo nyango. Luhlobo lokuzalwa komntwana ... nje ukuba kugqityiwe, kubonakala ngathi akulunganga. Kwaye eneneni, uyayithanda. Kwaye ndifuna ukuyenza kwakhona.