Umxholo
- Utshintsho kwimbono yomnye nomnye
- Ukuthwala ingqondo enzulu, engazi nto malunga nobomi bethu bothando
- Ukulindela umntu esimthandayo ukuba azalisekise uninzi lweeminqweno zethu ezingachazwanga
- Ukuguqula iitafile ngobutyala
- Intshayelelo yokuzenzela imfesane kwesi sibini
- I-elixir yokuzenzela imfesane, kunye nesayensi yayo
- Abantu abanovelwano banolwalamano olwanelisayo ngakumbi
- Isangqa esilungileyo kunye nendlela entsha yokunxibelelana
- Eyona ndawo yamandla olwalamano ngokukhawuleza iba lula
- Ukudala imfesane yakho kuya kuvusa amandla okuqonda
Kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo bendisazisa abathengi bam kwizimo zonyango ezothusayo kuqala, kwaye ke kwangoko zinika isiqabu kuxinzelelo noxinzelelo abaziva. Eli nqaku liza kuzama ukushwankathela ngokufutshane ukuba liyintoni na.
Kuwo nawuphi na umtshato kuninzi okufundwayo ekufuneka kwenziwe, kwaye asifanelanga ukuba neentloni zokufuna unyango kwizibini ezitshatileyo.
Utshintsho kwimbono yomnye nomnye
Ngexesha isibini singena kunyango oluhlangeneyo, bekusoloko kukho ulwandle lweenyembezi, amazwi ahlabayo athethiweyo, amaphupha aphelile, kunye nokuqonda okumangalisayo kokuba umntu esithandana naye ngenkangeleko, izandi, kwaye uziva wahluke kakhulu omnye saqala naye uhambo lwethu.
Ewe, uninzi lwethu luyazi ngoku ukuba imbono yethu malunga notshintsho omnye komnye emva kokuba intyatyambo icinyiwe yiroses, kwaye kukho ubungqina benzululwazi koku. Emva kweminyaka embalwa okanye iinyanga ezimbalwa, kwaye inqanaba elinomdla lobudlelwane liqhubekile, kwanamanqanaba e-dopamine kunye ne-oxytocin egazini lethu akusekho spike kumanqanaba afanayo xa sibona amaqabane ethu.
Ukonwaba okufanayo kunye nemincili iguqukele kukuxabisa okungaphezulu, okunamava. Okanye uye waba luxinzelelo, umsindo, kunye nokudana.
Ukuthwala ingqondo enzulu, engazi nto malunga nobomi bethu bothando
Uninzi lwabanyangi baye babona, nangona sisazi ukuba izinto ziyatshintsha, sisaqhubeka nokucinga, ngokungazi malunga nobomi bethu bokuthandana, umntu oza kuphoxeka.
Oko, ngamagama alula, ukuba iqabane lethu liya kusenza sizive ngcono ngomlingo. Ngelishwa okanye mandithi, ngethamsanqa! Akukho qabane linokuze lisinike bonke ububele bothando kunye nokuphilisa esikudingayo.
Ndithi 'ngethamsanqa' kuba uhambo lomtshato luya kunika izibonelelo ezingenakulinganiswa ukuba siyayeka ukuzilindela kwiqabane lethu.
Ukulindela umntu esimthandayo ukuba azalisekise uninzi lweeminqweno zethu ezingachazwanga
Xa kuvela ukungavisisani, kwaye kuhlala kufanelekile ukungqubana kunye nothethathethwano lwezibini zala maxesha zobomi, le ngqondo yokuba nomsindo kunye nengqumbo iyamisa entloko.
Silindele ukuba umntu esimthandayo azalisekise uninzi lwethu lokungazi nolungathethiyo. Siyathemba ukuba ithemba lethu iqabane lethu liza kusixolela amatyala ethu kunye neempazamo, ngaphandle kokuba sikufumanisa kunzima ukubaxolela.
Into eyenzekayo kungekudala kukuba ububele obunqabileyo kunye nobutyebi obuxabisekileyo buzibeka emngciphekweni. Ngokwenyani, singazithanda njani ukuba iqabane lethu liyasiqumbela?
Oku kuzibamba kwamandla, amandla esiwadingayo, kukhokelela ekubeni sizive sizikhusele ngakumbi. Ukuphathwa kakubi, nokugwetywa, kwaye ngakumbi ukucaphukisa ukulwa nzima ngakumbi.
Ukuguqula iitafile ngobutyala
Kwingcali yezonyango, le nto ibuhlungu kakhulu, njengoko sivakalelwa kukuba aba bantu babini bagqibeleleyo abahleli phambi kwethu akufuneki babenzima kangako omnye komnye.
Ngamanye amaxesha ndiziva ngathi ndibukele izigcawu ezivela kuLowo woyikayo uVirginia Woolf? Kule minyaka ingamashumi, izibini emva kwesibini zaziza kungena eofisini yam, zikulungele ukutyholana.
Nokuba kungenwe ngaziphi iindlela zongenelelo, bekubonakala ngathi ngekhe baxolele, okanye bayeke amathemba angekhoyo. Naxa ndandibakhuthaza ukuba bazilahle ezabo iimela, babeqhubeka nokutyhola nokugxeka. Kwaye mna, njengonyango lwabo, bendiya kudinwa kukungqina ukubulawa kwabantu.
Intshayelelo yokuzenzela imfesane kwesi sibini
Ekugqibeleni, ndiye ndaqonda ukuba kungangcono ndibuyele kwindlela yam yobuBuddha, kwaye ndibone ukuba ndingafumana na iindlela zobuchule zokunceda, mhlawumbi into endingazange ndayifunda kwisikolo segrad, ukongamela, isemina, inqaku, okanye incwadi. Singalubiza olu ngenelelo, 'Ukuguqula iitafile zibekek' ityala - ukwaziswa kwenceba yakho kwesi sibini. '
Le ndlela ithile, iBuddhist kwimvelaphi, yazisa ngeendlela ezithile ezenza ukuba umntu abe nemfesane kunye nokukhuthaza ubuchule obunje bokuqonda.
Ngokunika abathengi iyeza elichanekileyo lokusola kunye nomsindo, kuyanceda ukukhuthaza isimbo esingesiso esikrwada sonxibelelwano, kwaye kunokuphazamisa ngokukhawuleza isangqa esikhohlakeleyo, esikhohlakeleyo sokwanda.
Le yinyani engxamisekileyo kwihlabathi lanamhlanje, njengoko bambalwa kuthi abafundiswa ziintsapho zethu ezivela kuyo, icawe, okanye izikolo, ukuba kubaluleke ngokukodwa ukuba nobubele kuthi.
Ukufumana umfanekiso wongenelelo, masiqale ngale nto siyivelisayo kwiqabane lethu:
- Silindele ukuba basithande ngokungathandabuzekiyo.
- Sibagxeka ngokungasiphathi kakuhle, okanye ngokugqibeleleyo, okanye ngothando.
- Silindele ukuba bafunde iingqondo zethu.
- Naxa sisazi ukuba asilunganga, silindele ukuba bonke baxolele.
- Silindele ukuba baqinisekise zonke izinto zesini, isazisi, kunye nokungaqiniseki ngokusebenza.
- Silindele ukuba basibuyele ngokupheleleyo xa bekhulisa abantwana.
- Silindele ukuba baqhube ukuphazamiseka kuthi kunye neentsapho zabo, kunye neentsapho zethu.
- Silindele ukuba basikhuthaze ngobuchule, ngokwasengqondweni.
- Silindele ukuba babonelele ngokhuseleko lwezezimali okanye lweemvakalelo.
- Silindele ukuba bayiqonde iminqweno yethu enzulu yokomoya kwaye, njenge wizard, basincede kwimfuno yethu yeqhawe.
Ukuqhubeka nokuqhubeka.
Umyalelo omde, ujongana nengqondo yeqabane lethu, kwaye ube kwisiphelo sokufumana izinto ezininzi ezilindelweyo ezingenakulindeleka.
Kwaye kunzima kakhulu ukuba nayo loo minqweno. Sonke sinomdla onzulu, ongazi nto wokukhathalelwa, ukuthandwa, nokuhlonitshwa ngendlela epheleleyo. Kodwa ngelishwa, akukho qabane linokuze lisinike eli nqanaba lobubele bothando kunye nemfesane, sinokwenza kuphela isihlobo sethu.
Olu lindelo luba ziingxabano kuba, ewe, azinyani, iqabane lethu lineeprojekhthi zabo kunye 'nee-'s', kwaye uninzi lwale nkqubo ingumbane womlilo wokudana.
Ke, njengenkomo ethile yasentsomini, ityala lethu liyazondla. Kwi-ego yethu ephantsi ityala liziva lilungile, kwaye liyabuyisa.
I-elixir yokuzenzela imfesane, kunye nesayensi yayo
Ndikunye nabathengi bam, ndenza imeko yokuba konke oku kulindelweyo, ubukhulu becala, luxanduva lwethu, kwaye sikhathazekile kuba asazi ukuba singaqala njani ukukhathalela iimfuno zethu.
Kulapho kungena khona isiyobisi senceba. 'Iguqula iitafile' kuba ikhawuleza inyaniseke kwimimoya yethu, kwaye itshintshe amandla ukusuka ekujongeni ngaphandle uye ngaphakathi:
"Uthetha ukuba ndiyazithanda ndingangcono kuzo zonke ezi zakhono zobudlelwane?"
"Uthetha ukuba yinyani yokuba ngaphambi kokuba ubathande abanye abantu, kufuneka uzithande?"
"Oo, uthetha ukuba akufuneki ndihlale ndinika ngokungapheliyo abanye abantu kuqala, kwaye ndinike, ndinike?"
Ugqirha Kristin Neff, uprofesa kwiYunivesithi yaseTexas, eAustin, kutshanje upapashe incwadi eyaphula umhlaba, ebizwa ngokuba yiSelf-Compassion, Amandla aQinisekisiweyo Okuba Nobubele Kuwe.
Ingcaciso yakhe yokuzenzela imfesane iphindwe kathathu, kwaye ifuna ububele ngokwakho, ukwamkelwa kobuntu bethu obuqhelekileyo, kunye nengqondo.
Ukholelwa ekubeni bobathathu basebenza kunye ngemvisiswano ukuvelisa amava okwenyani. Ngelixa ekuboneni kokuqala kunokubonakala ngathi yinto nje engacacanga kwaye icace gca, umsebenzi wakhe ngoku uvelise ngaphezulu kwekhulu lezifundo kumxholo wokuba nemfesane. Ngokucacileyo oososayensi bezentlalo eNtshona, kude kube kutshanje, babewutyeshela lo mbandela.
Ezizixelela ngokwazo. Ukuba uluntu lwethu alufezekanga kububele bothando ngesiqu sakho sithetha ngezigwebo eziqatha nezirhabaxa esinazo kuthi nakwabanye.
Abantu abanovelwano banolwalamano olwanelisayo ngakumbi
Iincwadi ze-Neff zinamacandelo abambekayo kuphando lwakhe kubudlelwane kunye nokuzimela. Uxela ukuba "abantu abanovelwano, enyanisweni, babenolwalamano olonwabisayo nolwanelisayo kunabo babengenaluvelwano."
Uqhubeka ngokuqaphela ukuba abantu abaziphethe kakuhle ngokwabo abajongi kangako, bayayamkela, bayayithanda, kwaye bashushu ngokubanzi kwaye bayafumaneka ukujongana nemiba eza kulwalamano.
Isangqa esilungileyo kunye nendlela entsha yokunxibelelana
Xa siqala ukuba nemfesane ngakumbi kuthi, kokukhona sinokuba nobubele kwiqabane lethu, kwaye oku, nako, kudala isangqa esihle.
Ngokuqala ukuba nobubele nothando kuthi ngokwethu sinciphisa okulindelwe liqabane lethu kwaye siqale ukondla nokondla indlala ngaphakathi kwethu yoxolo oluhlala luhleli, uxolelo kunye nobulumko.
Eyona ndawo yamandla olwalamano ngokukhawuleza iba lula
Oku, kwaye, kuyaliphumlisa iqabane lethu kuba abasaziva bekulindelwe ukuba batshangatshangise umlingo womlingo ukusiphilisa. Eyona ndawo yamandla olwalamano ngokukhawuleza iba lula kuba njengoko sisiba nobubele kuthi, siqala ukuziva ngcono, kwaye sitsala amandla aqinisekileyo kwiqabane lethu.
Xa besiva oku kuncitshiswa koxinzelelo, emva koko nabo, banokuthatha umzuzwana bazibuze, ‘Kutheni ungenzi okufanayo? Yintoni enokundinqanda ekubeni ndizinike ikhefu, nam? '
Kwaye njengoko baziva bebhetele ngeziqu zabo, emva koko banamandla okuphilisa ngakumbi abanokunika. Ngokwenyani ithatha nje ingqondo yomqali, kunye nenyathelo elincinci.
Ukudala imfesane yakho kuya kuvusa amandla okuqonda
Ukudala imfesane yakho, njengazo zonke iinkqubo zovelwano, kuya kukhokelela ekujikelezeni kwakhona iinethiwekhi zengqondo, kunye nokuvusa ubuchwephesha bokuqonda. Ewe kunjalo, kuthatha ubulumko ukwazi indlela yokuthintela i-narcissism, kodwa ngokusempilweni oku kulula.
Inyani yile yokuba kuphela kuthi ezinokuthi sizithande ngokwendlela esifuna ngayo, njengoko sizazi ngcono.
Kuphela sazi ngokusondeleyo into esiyifunayo. Ngapha koko, ikwangabo sizithuthumbisa kakhulu, (sishiya bucala, okomzuzwana, iimeko zokuxhatshazwa).
Xa sizisa oku kuphinda sihlelwe kwakhona ngendlela yokuba neemvakalelo, zendlela yokumisa uqikelelo kunye nokulindelweyo, kwaye sibe nobubele kuthi, iba ngaphezulu kokuphinda kwenziwe kwakhona, iba yindlela entsha yokunxibelelana neqabane elithandanayo. Kwaye le ndlela intsha yokubalisa inokuthi ibe yindlela entsha yobomi.