Umxholo
- 1. Ngokuqonda kuza ukuqonda
- 2. Uvelwano
- 3. Musa ukwenza amandla okanye ingcali yabo
- 4. Funa uncedo lweengcali
- 5. Ungalibali ukuzikhathalela
Ukugula kwengqondo kubuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane kunokuthatha ukungabhatali kuphela kulwalamano lwakho olunamandla kodwa nakuwe ngokwakho. Ezinye iintsuku zilungile. Ezinye zimbi.
Ezinye iintsuku uziva ngathi kukuphela kobudlelwane bakho nomntu omthanda kakhulu kwaye ufunge ukuba uyakuthanda kwaye ubambe ukugula kunye nempilo.
Ngelixa kungekho phando lukhulu malunga nokuba ukugula ngengqondo kubuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane, ngakumbi kwimeko yomtshato, ungakhangela kwi-intanethi, kwaye uya kufumana amabali amaninzi abonisa ukuba kufuneka uzive njani njengokuhlala neqabane eligula ngengqondo kodwa okona kubaluleke kakhulu, iindlela zokuhlangabezana.
1. Ngokuqonda kuza ukuqonda
Ukuqala kwenqanaba ngalinye lolwalamano kuya kwahluka kwaye kuya kufuna uhlengahlengiso olwahlukileyo ngokunjalo. Oku kuyinyani nakwinto uluntu oluchaza njengolwalamano "oluqhelekileyo".
Ngaphambi kokuba ungene emtshatweni, impilo yengqondo yeqabane lakho isenokuba yaziswa ekukhanyeni. Unokuba ubenegalelo ekubuyiseni kwabo, kodwa kwimitshato apho isifo sengqondo sifika xa utshata (okt, uxinzelelo lwasemva kokubeleka), kuyacetyiswa kakhulu ukuba ufunde malunga nokuchongwa kweqabane lakho.
Xa ufunda malunga nokuchongwa kweqabane lakho, uyazixhobisa ukuze ukwazi ukuliqonda ngcono iqabane lakho.
Oku kuyakuvumela ukuba uzenze ngcono iimeko zakho zokuphila kwaye ziya kukuvumela ukuba ubone iqabane lakho ngendlela eyahlukileyo engenasigwebo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ukuthanda iqabane lakho kuza kunye nokubathanda ngokuqonda okunzulu ngaphandle kwayo nayiphi na imigwebo evalelweyo.
Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele ukuba xa uqala ukufunda malunga neempawu kunye noxilongo, inokukulahla ekuqaleni.
Ezinye zeempawu zinokubonakala ngathi "sisimo sengqondo esibi." Soloko ugcina intliziyo nengqondo yakho zivulekile.
Yikhumbule into oyifundayo kwaye ugcine engqondweni ukuba injongo yokufunda kwakho kukuqonda iqabane lakho, hayi ukubakhuphela kwinkcazo okanye kwileyibhile.
Lumka nangona; kukho izixhobo ezingabalekiyo kwi-intanethi, kuya kufuneka ukhethe ezinokuthenjwa ukunqanda ukudideka ngakumbi.
Ukufunda ngendlela isifo sengqondo esichaphazela ngayo ubudlelwane inokuba sisiqalo esihle.
2. Uvelwano
Xa uthanda umntu, uyavelana naye.
Umahluko phakathi kokuvelana nokuvelana kukuba ngovelwano, "uzama ukuhamba kwezi zihlangu" kwaye unzulu kunoko; unokuqonda okunzulu malunga nokuqhubekayo.
Xa unika uvelwano, unxibelelana neemvakalelo ezibuhlungu zomntu. Wenza ukuba iimvakalelo zakho zisithe isigqibo sakho esithintela ukubanakho kwakho ukunceda umntu ngokungakhethi buso. Kodwa ngovelwano, yimeko eyahlukileyo ngokupheleleyo.
Xa usebenzisa indlela yokubonakalisa uvelwano, unika uncedo kwindawo yokuqonda.
Kubandakanya ukuqonda ngokucacileyo oko omnye umntu ahlangabezana nako, okanye ukucela ukuba omnye umntu, (okanye umntu wesithathu ukuba abakwazi ukunxibelelana kakuhle) akuncede uqonde imida kunye nobunzima abajongana nabo.
Ngale ndlela, ukhuthaza omnye umntu ukuba acinge nzulu.
Ukuba liqabane eliqondayo kuthetha ukuba awuva nje kuphela ukuba baziva njani. Ikwathetha ukuba ukuqonda kwakho okwenyani kuvela kulwazi lwento abadibana nayo, enxibelelene nenqaku lethu lokuqala-ukuzixhobisa ngolwazi.
3. Musa ukwenza amandla okanye ingcali yabo
Iziphumo zempilo yengqondo kubudlelwane kukuba kulula ukuba ube sisibonelelo okanye unyango. Xa umthanda umntu ngokunzulu kukuba uya kube umenzela nantoni na omthandayo, kwaye oku kubandakanya, nangona kungenanjongo, ukuba ngumncedisi wabo.
Ukwenza umntu onesifo sengqondo kuthetha ukuba ubonakalisa isimilo, nangona singekho mbi, asiloncedo kwaphela. Ugxininisa isimilo esibi kungoko igama lisithi, 'ukuvumela.'
Umzekelo, ukuba kubudlelwane nomntu ofunyenwe eneNarcissistic Personality Disorder kuthetha ukuba iqabane lakho linombono ogqithileyo nozigqithileyo.
Olu hlobo lokugula ngengqondo luchaphazela njani ubudlelwane lunokuthelekiswa ne-leech yokufunxa igazi kumaxhoba. Okukhona uzonwabisa ngokubabeka kwindawo ephambili, kokukhona ubenza ukuba babe nengxaki.
Abantu abaneengxaki zobuntu ekuthandeni abantu bathanda ukuzijonga njengeziko lendalo iphela. Ezi narcissists ziya kubona iimfuno zabo njengeyona mfuno ekufuneka izalisekisiwe. Ukutshata nabo kunokuthetha ukuba iimfuno zakho ziya kuthi ziphele zibekwa kwisitya sangasemva. Ukwenza njalo kuya kubenza bakwazi ukuqhubeka.
Enye into eyingozi onokuthi uyenze njengomlingane oxhasayo kukuba ngumgqirha wabo.
Ngaphandle kokuzixhobisa ngezona ndlela zobuchule zokunceda iqabane lakho lobomi, ayisiyimbopheleleko yakho ukuba ube ngugqirha wabo. Oku akuyi kusebenza kukuhamba ixesha elide nobabini okanye nantoni na eseleyo kusapho lwakho.
Oku akulunganga nokuba uzilungiselele ngokwasemphefumlweni. Cela inkxaso yeengcali ezingaphandle komtshato wakho ukuba zenze imisebenzi yazo yokunyanga iqabane lakho. Indima yakho kukunika uthando, inkxaso, uvelwano, kunye novelwano kwiqabane lakho phakathi kwemizamo yabo yokuchacha.
4. Funa uncedo lweengcali
Ukufuna uncedo lobuchwephesha kuhlala kungumba ophambili xa kufikwa kumba wokujongana nazo naziphi na izifo.
Ukugula ngengqondo kweqabane lakho kuya kubuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane bakho okanye umtshato wakho ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuthatha umthwalo kulwalamano ngokwalo kungoko kucetyiswa kakhulu ukuba ufune uncedo lobuchwephesha ngendlela yeeseshoni zokucebisa.
Ukuya kwiiseshoni zonyango kunye nokucebisa kunye neengcali zonyango ngokuqinisekileyo kuya kuphakamisa obunye ubunzima bokulungisa iimvakalelo zakho kunye njengesibini.
Ngapha koko, oku kuyakunceda ekufumaneni ulwazi malunga neendlela zokulwa kunye nonxibelelwano ukuphucula ubudlelwane bakho neqabane lakho.
Ngokucebisa, uya kuxhotyiswa ngombono owahlukileyo, umbono omtsha, kunye nemvisiswano kwimeko enokuthi ngokuqinisekileyo ibe nzima ukujongana nayo.
Ukutshata nomntu ogula ngengqondo, kunokwenzeka kakhulu ukuba uhambe kwinqanaba leemvakalelo ezothusayo malunga okanye malunga neqabane lakho elinokubangela ukuba uzive unetyala lokufumana- sisangqa esikhohlakeleyo!
Umzekelo, unokufumana ukubacekisa, ukukhathazeka, ukungoneliseki okanye ubutshaba kwiqabane lakho nokuba uyazi ukuba abanokuyinceda imeko.
Ukudinwa akumangalisi.
Iimvakalelo ezibandezelekayo zinokuphandwa ngokunenzuzo ngoncedo lweengcebiso kunye nonyango.
Ngonyango, izibini ziyakwazi ukubona indlela yokwakha imida eqinileyo kwaye zichaze ngokufanelekileyo imbono yabo kubudlelwane nangona okwangoku, kwaye ngelixa iqabane lakho ligula ngengqondo, kugxilwe ekujonganeni (iqabane elingazinzanga ngengqondo alizukuba Ukwazi ukutyala ubudlelwane ngoku) unyango luya kunceda nina nobabini ukujongana naloo nto.
5. Ungalibali ukuzikhathalela
Ayikokuzingca ukuzinyamekela; Kuyimfuneko xa utshatile neqabane eligula ngengqondo. Ukuba uphulukana nombono wokukhathalela isiqu sakho, uzibeka emngciphekweni wokungaphili engqondweni oya kuthi ubeke umngcipheko emtshatweni wakho.
Ukuzikhathalela akuthethi iiaspeyinti okanye iibhafu ezibizayo; unokuziqhelanisa nokuzikhathalela ngokwakho ngokuqinisekisa ukuba utya ukutya okunesondlo, ukulala ngokwaneleyo, ukuzilolonga okanye ukuzama nje ukufunda okanye ukuphinda ufunde into oyithandayo.
Le mikhwa ingangqineka ibaluleke kakhulu ekukulawuleni ukudinwa.
Ukukhathalela iqabane eligula ngengqondo kunokubonakalisa ukuba luxinzelelo olukhulu yiyo loo nto kufuneka uzinyamekele ngokwakho.
Ungalibali ukuthatha uncedo kunye nenkxaso ebonelelwe luthando kunye neenkonzo zenkxaso (okanye ofanele ukuba usebenza nazo) ukufumana uncedo nenkxaso kwiqabane lakho. Bazi bhetele kunemiceli mngeni emininzi yokuba neqabane eligula ngengqondo kwaye bahlala bebonelela ngeenkonzo ezibalulekileyo zokukunceda kunye nokuxhasa nawe njengenxalenye yephakheji yabo yokhathalelo.
Ubomi buya kuphosa imingeni eyahlukeneyo kuwe njengesibini esitshatileyo, kubandakanya impilo yengqondo yeqabane lakho. Ukugula kwengqondo kubuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane kunokwahluka ngokwahlukeneyo ngokuxhomekeke ekufumanekeni kunye nobukhali bayo. Njengomlingane onothando, kubalulekile ukuba uxhase kodwa kwangaxeshanye uhlale usempilweni ngokwasemzimbeni nasengqondweni, ukuze ube nokukhathalela ngakumbi iqabane lakho eligula ngengqondo. Oku kungasentla ziindlela ezahlukeneyo zokujongana nokukwazi ukwenza oko.
Intsebenziswano eyomeleleyo nesempilweni iya kubona ukuba isigulo sengqondo ngomnye umqobo onokulawulwa kwaye woyiswe. Umtshato ubambiswano, kwaye oku kuthetha ukuba ukukhathalela ubudlelwane ngexesha lokugula luxanduva lwakho zombini. Ngokusebenzisana nothando, umtshato wakho uya kumelana namaxesha anzima.