Makubekho Isithuba kubudlelwane bakho

Umxholo

• Kubalulekile ukuchitha ixesha elithile kude nomnye
• Ukuba neendawo ezahlukeneyo zomdla

Xa ndathatha uGary Chapman, 5 ULwimi loLuthandoUvavanyo olusemthethweni, ndifunde ulwimi lwam oluphambili luthando kwaye ulwimi lwam lwesibini luthando lixesha elifanelekileyo. Ndiyakonwabela ukuba kunye nomyeni wam kwaye sithanda ukuchitha iintsuku zethu sihamba, sidala, sihamba intaba, kwaye sisitya kunye.

Kodwa sinye isifundo endisifundileyo ngomtshato, yinyaniso yokuba ukuze simthande kakuhle umntu esitshate naye, kufuneka nathi sithathe uhambo lokuzithanda. Xa ndithatha ixesha lokuzinakekela, ndinokuninzi kakhulu ekunikeni umyeni wam kunye nabanye abantu ebomini bam.

Amakhandlela obunye luphawu oluhle ngomhla womtshato kuba iintliziyo ezimbini ziyinyani. Ukutshata kwam nomyeni wam sasinekhandlela lobumbano esibingelelweni, kodwa sasinamakhandlela amabini ahlukeneyo macala omabini ekhandlela. La makhandlela mabini amele ubomi bethu ngabanye, iintsapho zemvelaphi, izinto esizithandayo kunye neeseti zabahlobo. Amakhandlela amabini ajikeleze ikhandlela lethu lobunye aya kuhlala esebenza njengesikhumbuzo kuthi ukuba sikhethe uhambo kunye, kodwa akukho mntu unokuze asigqibe.Simanyene ukanti singabantu ababini abaneemfuno ezahlukileyo.

Kubalulekile ukuchitha ixesha elithile kude nomnye

Mna nomyeni wam sobabini sidinga ixesha lokuba sihlukane ukuze sifunde iincwadi, sihlole izinto esizithandayo kunye nokuba nabantu esibathandayo. Kwaye xa sinexesha kunye, sinokuninzi esinokukunika nokuthetha ngako. Ubomi buhleli bumdaka, butyhafile kwaye butyhafile xa sincanyathiselwe esinqeni, kodwa xa sifumana ixesha lokuzibandakanya kwiimfuno zethu sifumana ukungcangcazela, umbala kunye novuyo emtshatweni wethu.

Kwincwadi kaGqirha John Gottman, Imigaqo esixhenxe yokwenza umtshato usebenzeUkwabelana, "Kukho amaxesha apho uziva utsalelekile kwisithandwa sakho kunye namaxesha apho uziva unesidingo sokubuyela umva kwaye uzalise amandla akho okuzimela." Ukufumana ibhalansi phakathi konxibelelwano nenkululeko ngumdaniso umyeni wam kwaye sobabini sisafunda. Kubudlelwane bethu, ngokuqinisekileyo ndingumlingane onqwenela ukusondelelana kunye nexesha kunye; ngelixa umyeni wam ezimele kancinci kunam.

Kwiminyaka emininzi eyadlulayo, iyoga yaba yinto yokuzihoya ebomini bam andifuni kuphila ngaphandle kwayo. Ukuqala kwam ukuziqhelanisa neyoga, ndandifuna umyeni wam ayenze nam. Ndinqwenele ukuba abandakanyeke kolu qheliselo lokomoya kunye nolwasemzimbeni kuba ndiyakuthanda ukuba kunye naye kwaye ndiziva ngathi ingangamava adibeneyo kuthi. Kwaye ukumnika ityala, wazama nam amaxesha amaninzi, kwaye akayicaphuki i-yoga, kodwa ayisiyonto yakhe leyo.

Ukuba neendawo ezahlukeneyo zomdla

Ukunyaniseka, kwandithatha ixesha ukuba ndiyeke umbono wam othandwayo wokuba senza i-yoga kunye. Kwafuneka ndivuswe kwinto yokuba le yinto endincedayo ukugcwalisa ikomityi yam, kodwa ayisiyiyo eyona ndlela ifanelekileyo yomyeni wokuchitha iyure. Angathanda ukuhambahamba, adlale amagubu, akhwele ibhayisekile, enze umsebenzi eyadini okanye achithe ixesha evolontiya. Inyani yokuba uyawuthanda umsebenzi weyadi iluncedo lwam kuba ndiyayicekisa! Yayibalulekile impilo-ntle yobudlelwane bethu, ukuze ndiqonde ukuba iyoga ayiwondli umphefumlo wakhe, kodwa iyayondla eyam kwaye kubalulekile ukuba ndichithe eli xesha ngaphandle kwakhe. Ndinokunikezela ngakumbi ngolwalamano lwethu ukuba ndithathe eli xesha ngokwam.

Kukho ubomi obungakumbi kum nakubudlelwane bam xa ndichitha ixesha nabantu endibathandayo. Kunika ubomi ukuthatha umtshana wam kunye nomtshana wakhe siye kumdlalo bhanyabhanya, ukuhambahamba namantombazana, kunye nokuthetha ngefowuni nabahlobo. UJohn Donne udume ngelithi, "Akukho mntu sisiqithi." Ngokufanayo, akukho mtshato sisiqithi. Sifuna abantu abaninzi ukufumana ukugcwala ebomini.

Thatha umzuzwana ukuqaphela le mibuzo ibalulekileyo:

• • Wenza ntoni ukugcwalisa ikomityi yakho?
  • Ngaba uyayihlonipha imfuno yeqabane lakho lokuzinyamekela?
  • Ndagqibela nini ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni usenza into eqinisekisa ubomi nomnye umntu ngaphandle kweqabane lakho?
  • Ngaba uvumela indawo eyaneleyo ngokwakho?

Kuba ndiliqabane elixabisa kakhulu ixesha nomgangatho wokuchukumisa, kukho amaxesha apho ndiye ndazise umyeni wam ukuba ndifuna ixesha elininzi kunye naye. Kwaye ngendlela efanayo, uyandazisa xa efuna ixesha lokuzihlaziya yedwa ngaphambi kokuba sidibanise. Ukufumana umfanekiso-olungeleleneyo phakathi kobuhlobo kunye nokuzimela akusoloko kunokwenzeka. Kodwa eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu, kukwamkela ukuba zombini ezi zinto zibalulekile emtshatweni, kwaye yonke imihla sizama ukuthetha-thethana ngeeshedyuli zethu, ke senza indawo yeminqweno yethu kunye neemfuno zethu ngokudibeneyo.

Funda ngokugqithisileyo: Iimfihlo ezili-15 eziphambili kuMtshato oPhumeleleyo

Mhlawumbi kuya kufuneka uzikhumbuze ngokubaluleka kokuzimela kunye nokunxibelelana, ngokwenza indawo ekhayeni lakho nekhandlela elinye elikhulu lokumela ubomi kunye, emva koko ubeke amakhandlela amabini amancinci ajikeleze enkulu, ukubonisa ukubaluleka kobomi bakho . Ndiyakholelwa ukuba isithuba esithe sasivumela ukuba sinxibelelane nesiqu sethu kunye nenkqubo yenkxaso, elona thuba likhulu lokuba kunye, de kube sekufeni senza inxaxheba. Ke qala ngoku ukuzifumanela indawo kwaye ndiyakholelwa ukuba izakuzisa ubomi novuyo emtshatweni wakho.