Umxholo
- 1. Ukudibana kwesiqhelo esiphantsi: Ukulwa, ukugxeka, kunye nengxabano eqhubekayo
- 2. Ukungabikho koxhumano
- 3. Ukungathembeki: Imicimbi yeemvakalelo kunye nezomzimba (Ukucingela nokwenza into)
- Isisombululo esinokubakho:
Kungokwemvelo nje ukuba imitshato ibethe iindawo ezinzima, kodwa amanye amaqabane axela ukuba awonwabanga kwaye aqhawukile emtshatweni iminyaka ngaphambi kokuba afune uhlobo oluthile loncedo.
Inokuba yinto enzima ukuvavanya ukuba umtshato usengxakini, ngakumbi ukuba inqanaba lonxibelelwano olunentsingiselo lincinci. Nangona kunjalo, nantsi imiqondiso yesilumkiso ngokubanzi yokuba umtshato wakho UCanzibe yiba sengxakini.
1. Ukudibana kwesiqhelo esiphantsi: Ukulwa, ukugxeka, kunye nengxabano eqhubekayo
Akunakuphepheka ukuba abantu ababini abayi kubona ngasonye kuyo yonke into, ke ukungavisisani kuqhelekile kwaye kusempilweni.
Nangona kunjalo, xa ungquzulwano luyinto eqhelekileyo yesiqhelo, kufanelekile ukuthatha inyathelo ukubuyela umva ukuze uqhubeke. Kuqheleke kakhulu kwinkcubeko yethu ukuba sivelise ezethu iimeko eziphantsi (umsindo, usizi, ukukhathazeka, ukungazithembi) kwabanye abantu ingakumbi abo sibathandayo, asize siyeke ukubuza:
- Ukuba isebenza ngale ndlela yokuba omnye umntu asenze sizive ngento ethile?
- Ngaba ikho indlela ebhetele yokuzihlaziya kunye nokugcina iimvakalelo ezilungileyo kubudlelwane bethu bokuqala?
Ukusebenzisana kwesiqhelo esisezantsi kunokuthatha iindlela ezininzi. Ingazibonakalisa njengokulwa ngokuqhubekayo kwinto enye okanye njengokunyuka komlo onqamleza ngokuhlukumeza ngamazwi (okanye nokuhlukumeza ngokwasemzimbeni). Ikwabonisa ngeendlela ezifihlakeleyo njengokugxeka rhoqo okanye ukuzama ukutshintsha okanye ukulawula indlela oziphatha ngayo iqabane lakho. Kuvuthiwe ngomgwebo kwaye ngokucacileyo kukhokelela ekonakaleni kwentando elungileyo kulwalamano.
Ukuba ukule treni yesiqhelo, ndiyakukhuthaza ukuba utsibe umkhondo omtsha ukuba unawo nawuphi na umnqweno wokuba umtshato wakho usebenze.
2. Ukungabikho koxhumano
Oku kukwahamba ngeendlela ezininzi. Omnye wemicimbi exhaphakileyo evelayo kukuba esi sibini sibeka ugxininiso kubantwana kangangokuba ulwalamano lwabo luyasokola. Rhoqo akubikho bade bakhule abantwana, esi sibini siyaqonda ukuba sikhule kangakanani kude phakathi kwabo. Xa uyeka ukuchitha ixesha kunye okanye uyeke ukunxibelelana, yandisa kuphela imvakalelo yokwahlukana.
Olunye uphawu lokuxelwa kwengxaki enokwenzeka kukusilela konxibelelwano olusondeleyo. Ukungabikho kobuhlobo obusondeleyo kunxulumene nokungabikho kokuchukumisa, ukubamba isandla, ukwanga, ukuwola kunye nokwabelana ngesondo.
Ngokumalunga nokwabelana ngesondo, ngokubanzi elinye iqabane linokuqhuba ngesondo okuphezulu. Oku ngaphakathi kwayo, ayongxaki. Ingxaki ifika xa iqabane liqala ukuziva laliwe, lodwa, lingathandwa, kwaye lisuswe kunxibelelwano lweqabane labo eliphantsi.
3. Ukungathembeki: Imicimbi yeemvakalelo kunye nezomzimba (Ukucingela nokwenza into)
Zininzi izizathu zokuba kutheni umntu enokukhetha ukuphambuka. Ezinye zezizathu zinokuba kukungakhathali, ukulangazelela ingqalelo kunye nothando, ukonwaba kokuthatha umngcipheko, njalo njalo njalo njalo.
Kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba olu luphawu lweengxaki zomtshato. Umcimbi unokubonelela ukonyusa ukuziva ulungile kwiikhemikhali ezinje nge-dopamine okwethutyana, kodwa ayizukuguqula ukungonwabi emtshatweni, ngokucacileyo.
Oku kuhlala kwenza izinto zibe mbi kakhulu, kususa oko kuthenjwa kuncinci kwakusele kukhona. Ndibonile abantu bekhohlisa kuba befuna ukuphelisa izinto kunye namaqabane abo kwaye khange babone enye indlela ngendlela.
Oku kunokubangela ingxaki kuloo mntu phantsi komgca. Kumazwe “aneempazamo” zoqhawulo-mtshato, isenzo sokungathembeki sonyusa amathuba okuba amangalelwe ngomonakalo kwaye sinokushiya loo mntu esengozini kwisivumelwano soqhawulo mtshato.
Ngale nto, imitshato eqhawulweyo ayiqhelekanga kwaye akukho nto ingentla ithetha ukuba isibini sitshatyalalisiwe kwaye asikwazi ukubuyela eluthandweni. Ndibona oku ngalo lonke ixesha emsebenzini wam.
Kucacile ukuba njengenkcubeko, kufuneka sikhathalelane kwaye simamele ngokunzulu.
Isisombululo esinokubakho:
Ukufumana ulwazi kwizinto ezikhethiweyo umntu ngamnye anazo. Funda isiseko sendlela esebenza ngayo ingqondo.
Anditsho ukuba kufuneka ube sisazinzulu, kodwa ukufunda indlela imemori esebenza ngayo umzekelo okanye iziphumo zokwaliwa emzimbeni ziluncedo kakhulu kuba ikuvumela ukuba uvele kwindawo engathathi hlangothi kunxibelelwano lwakho neqabane lakho.
Uya kuqala ukubona ubumsulwa kwizenzo zeqabane lakho (kwaye nakwelakho).
Kuqhelekile ukuzama ukulungisa iqabane lakho. Nangona kunjalo, oku akunakwenzeka. Awunakho ukulawula okanye ukutshintsha omnye umntu. Kodwa, unokutshintsha kwaye oko kuyakutshintsha inqanaba lakho lokonwaba.