UJo Nicholl ngumqeqeshi wobudlelwane kunye noochwephesha osebenza nabantu kunye nabantu abatshatileyo kule minyaka ingama-25 idlulileyo kwaye ebanceda ukuba benze umtshato owonwabisayo okanye ubudlelwane ababafunayo.
Nazi izicatshulwa ezimbalwa kudliwanondlebe kunye noMtshato.com, apho amkhanyisela khona 'Uthando lweemephu zePodcast' uthotho kwaye unikezela ngegalelo elibalulekileyo kwindlela unyango olubanceda ngayo abantu ekufundeni ukusonjululwa kwempixano kunye nezakhono zonxibelelwano zesibini ukuze bafumane ubomi bothando abalifunayo kunye nokwenza umtshato owonwabisayo.
- I-Marriage.com: Yayiyintoni umbono emva kothotho lweemephu zodumo?
Jo: Uluvo olungemva kwemephu zothando lwePodcast kukubonelela ngezakhono zobudlelwane kunye nokuqonda kwengqondo kubantu abanomdla wokuba banokuba njani nobomi bothando abalulangazelelayo.
Ndiyazi ngeminyaka emininzi yokusebenza nabantu abatshatileyo kunye nabantu ukuba abantu abafundiswanga ukuba kubudlelwane njani, kwaye into esiyifunayo kubudlelwane ihlala yahluke kakhulu kuleyo abazali bethu babeyifuna okanye beyilindele.
Akukho namnye kuthi ofundiswa ngento efunekayo ukugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo kunye nokuhlala uthandana. Kwisiqendu ngasinye seeMephu zoLuthando, ndithetha nabanye oochwephesha kunye nabantu abaphonononge ngenyameko umhlaba wobudlelwane ukunika umphulaphuli ukuqonda okungabalulekanga kunye nezixhobo zasimahla.
- I-Marriage.com: Ngokutsho kwakho, injongo yonyango AKUSIYO UKUSombULULA iingxaki KODWA ZISETYENZISWE. Uqinisekisa njani ukuba?
Jo: Ukuphelisa iingxaki yinkqubo yokutyhila, kunye nomthengi, iipateni zabo ezingalunganga zonxibelelwano, ingxelo yabo malunga nokuba zithini iingxaki, nokuba phi kwaye kutheni iingxaki zivele.
- I-Marriage.com: Ngamava akho angaphezulu kweminyaka engama-25 njengoMqeqeshi wobudlelwane kunye nePsychotherapist, zeziphi iingxaki zobudlelwane eziqhelekileyo ozibonileyo ezibangelwa yimicimbi yengqondo?
Jo: Uloyiko lokuziva usengozini
Imiba yokuzithemba
Ukoyika ungquzulwano
Imida engalunganga
- I-Marriage.com: sisiqwengana esiqhelekileyo sokuba umntu okanye isibini kufuneka sophule iipateni ezimbi ukuze ubudlelwane buphumelele, kwaye sikwafunda nangeendlela zokwenza oko. Kodwa umntu unokuchonga njani ukuba ipateni enjalo ikhona?
Jo: Ngokujonga indlela isibini esisingatha ngayo ukungavisisani neyantlukwano; kwaye zeziphi iindlela zokuphila abazisebenzisayo ukuzikhusela ngokuchasene neemvakalelo zokuba sesichengeni, umzekelo, bayakhwaza; sulk; rhoxisa; Cima.
Buza malunga nendlela abaziva ngayo malunga nobomi babo besondo.
- Marriage.com: Zeziphi ezona zinto zibalulekileyo zokuxoxa ngaphambi komtshato ukuseta isiseko esifanelekileyo sobuhlobo obonwabisayo?
Jo: Uthetha ukuthini umtshato kwaye bafunde ntoni bekhula malunga nokuba uthetha ntoni
Oko kuthetha ukuba nabantwana kuthetha ntoni
Ukubaluleka kosapho kunye neemvakalelo ezimalunga nosapho lwabo lwemvelaphi
Ukubaluleka kokugcinwa kobudlelwane kunye nokuba kuya kubonakala njani
Indlela abaziva ngayo ngokutshata nomntu omnye
Baziva bekhululekile kwaye benxibelelana ngendlela abaziva ngayo malunga nesini sabo
- I-Marriage.com: Lidlala kangakanani ixesha elidlulileyo lomntu ekunxibelelaneni kwabo namaqabane abo?
Jo: Indima enkulu: "Ndibonise indlela owawuthandwa ngayo, kwaye ndiza kukubonisa indlela othanda ngayo."
Ubhontsi wobuntwana bethu buphelele kwindlela esisabela ngayo kwaye siphendule kubudlelwane bethu obusondeleyo.
Isitayile sokuncamathisela phakathi komntwana kunye nomongi ophambili siyaphindaphindwa kubudlelwane babantu abadala nakwindlela esikhetha ngayo iqabane.
Siza, ngokungazi, sijonge ukuphindaphinda indlela esasithandwa ngayo ebuntwaneni bethu ebudaleni.
Kule audio phonononga nge-Psychotherapist uPenny Marr ukuba indlela yethu edlulileyo iyichaphazela ngayo indlela esiyithandayo kunye nendlela esinokwahlula ngayo iipateni ezindala ezimbi.
- I-Marriage.com ingaba le meko yokutshixeka iya kuba yeyona nto iphambili kwintengiselwano kwizibini ezininzi? Kuninzi kakhulu okwenzekayo ngokweemvakalelo; izibini zingamelana njani nazo?
Jo: Ewe, ukuvalwa kwezona zinto kuyeyona nto iphambili kwizivumelwano kwabanye abantu abatshatileyo abanokuthi basebenzise ukugqobhoza njengendlela yokugcina ubudlelwane kwaye bangajongani noloyiko lwabo lokusondelana kunye nemiba ebudlelwaneni, umzekelo, ngokusebenza ixesha elide, ukuhamba, ukuhlala kunye.
Amaqabane anokumelana nokucwangciswa kunye nolwakhiwo. Iishedyuli ziyaziwa ukuxhasa ukulawulwa kwenkqubo yeemvakalelo kwaye ke, kuya kunciphisa uxinzelelo.
Ukufumana iindlela zokwenza imida ebonakalayo (indawo yokusebenza kunye nendawo 'yekhaya') kwaye, ukuba kunokwenzeka, ixesha lolwalamano ukuba oko kuvakalelwa kungoyikisi.
- Marriage.com: Sixelelwe ukuba akufuneki sizame ukutshintsha umntu esimthandayo ukanti izibini ezitshatileyo kufuneka ziguquke kakhulu ukuze zikhulise ukuqonda okungcono, unxibelelwano, kwaye yintoni! Ngaba ayothusi? Zithini iingcinga zakho malunga noku?
Jo: Ukuba sifuna ukuba ubudlelwane buguquke, kufuneka sizibuze ukuba kutheni, kutheni, kwaye ke ndingenza ntoni?
Ukuzazi, ukuthatha uxanduva ngokuziphatha kwethu, ukuphendula, kunye neemfuno zethu ekugqibeleni, linyathelo lokuzisa iqabane lethu kwindawo abanokubona kuyo kukuzonwabisa kwabo ukutshintsha indlela abaziphethe ngayo.
Ukuba elinye iqabane liphuma / liqonda iipateni ezingalunganga zonxibelelwano, kunokuba nefuthe elingaqhelekanga kulwalamano.
Ukuba sibonisa injongo yethu yokuthatha uxanduva ngokwazi kunye nemfesane ngeziqu zethu, emva koko iqabane lethu linokuziva likhuselekile kwaye liphefumlelwe ngakumbi ukuba nalo litshintshe.
Kule podcast, funda ukuba kutheni singabelani ngesondo ngendlela kwaye siyifumana njani ngonxibelelwano olungcono.
Jonga le post kwi-InstagramIsiqendu 4 - UNXIBELELWANO OLUNGCONO, ISINI ESINGCONO. Kulesi siqendu sithetha noTyhilo loBudlelwane kunye nombhali-mbhali we-'Sondo, Uthando kunye neengozi zobudlelwane obusondeleyo 'u-Helena Lovendal. Siphonononga ukuba kutheni singabelani ngesondo ngendlela esiyifunayo. Mamela iziqendu ezi-5 zokuqala zeXesha 1 kwaye ubhalisele uhlaziyo ngekhonkco kwi-bio yethu.
Isithuba esabiwe ziiMaphu zothando (@lovemapspodcast) kwi
- I-Marriage.com: Yeyiphi eyona ngxaki inzima kulwalamano ekuye kwafuneka uncede isibini sinyibilike ukuza kuthi ga ngoku?
Jo: Ukuxhomekeka kunye, apho ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kusetyenziswa ukulawula uloyiko.
- I-Marriage.com: Yintoni elindelwe sisibini kwaye ingalindelwanga kwaphela kwiseshoni yengcebiso?
Jo: Isibini kufuneka silindele:
- Ukumanyelwa
- Ukuqonda ngcono ukuba yeyiphi imiba
- Indawo ekhuselekileyo
Isibini akufuneki silindele:
- Kuza kulungiswa
- Ukugwetywa
- Ukukhetha
- I-Marriage.com: Zeziphi izinto eziqhelekileyo zokungaqondani izibini ezinazo malunga nomtshato owonwabileyo?
Jo:
- Ukuba umtshato owonwabisayo awufuni ngqwalaselo yarhoqo, ecwangcisiweyo.
- Ukwabelana ngesondo kwenzeka ngokwasemzimbeni
- Lo mntwana uya kuzisa isibini ndawonye
- Ukungalwi luphawu olulungileyo
- Marriage.com: Zeziphi ezona ndlela zilula zomtshato owonwabisayo okanye ukugcina umtshato?
Jo: Ukuba nomtshato owonwabileyo okanye ugcine umtshato
- Cwangcisa ixesha lolwalamano
- Cwangcisa ixesha lokumamelana
- Ukwamkela / ukwamkela umahluko
- Ukuthatha uxanduva kwiimvakalelo zethu kunye nokuphendula
- Ukuthetha ngokuzazi kunye nokuphendula omnye nomnye ngendlela ebonisa inyani yokuba umntu ojongana naye ngulo mntu ufuna ukuba naye ixesha elide.
- Ukuphathana ngentlonipho yokuba abantu abaninzi bagcina kuphela kubathengi ababalulekileyo / kwabo basebenza nabo.
- Ngaphambi kokuba usabele, thatha ukuphefumla okungu-3, emva koko kunokwenzeka ukuba uphendule ulawule ngakumbi, indawo yabantu abadala yengqondo yakho.
Ukucacisa iindlela ezilula nezisebenzayo, uJo ubonisa ukuba kutheni izibini zisilela ukudala umtshato owonwabisayo kunye nendlela abanokulufumana ngayo uthando abalufunayo. UJo ukwaqaqambisa ezinye zeengcebiso zomtshato ezonwabisayo ezinokuthi zingqine ziluncedo kuye nawuphina umntu okanye isibini esidinga isikhokelo.