Umxholo
- Kutheni ukuthula emva kokwahlukana kubalulekile?
- Ukuthula-yeyona nto iphambili yokuziphindezela kwi-ex yakho?
- Izizathu zokuba abanye abantu bakhethe ukuthula emva kokwahlukana
- Izibonelelo ezi-4 zamandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana
- 1. Uya kuba namandla
- 2. Cwaka ngakumbi
- 3. Uya kuba nexesha lokucinga
- 4.Iitafile ziya kujika
- Ungawasebenzisa njani amandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana?
- 1. Qala nge “The No Contact Rule”
- 2. Nciphisa umfowunelwa wakho
- 3. Baphathe njengomnye umntu
- 4. Yiba yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba ubaleka kuzo
- 5. Yiba nokholo
- Yintoni onokuyiphumeza ngamandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana?
- Isiphelo
Ucinga ukuba umfumene "lowo" onokuchitha naye ubomi bakho bonke, kodwa ubudlelwane bakho buphela. Ukuyibiza kuyayeka kunye nomntu omthandayo yenye yezona ntlungu zibuhlungu umntu anokuze azifumane.
Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu, akukho ndlela elula yokujongana nokwahlukana. Sineendlela ezahlukeneyo zokumelana nentlungu yokuqhekeka, kodwa ubusazi ukuba amandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana iya kuba sesona sixhobo silungileyo sokuqhubeka?
Namhlanje, akuqhelekanga ukubona iiposti zemidiya yoluntu zithetha ngamava obuhlungu bentliziyo. Xa umntu ehlukana neqabane lakhe, into yokuqala abanokuyenza kukuthumela iintlungu zabo zosasazo kwimidiya yoluntu.
Abanye banokukhetha ukugxotha umntu wabo wangaphambili kwaye baqale ukubabambela kwinqanaba lokuba i-ex yabo sele ibhlokile naliphi na inqaku lokunxibelelana. Sikuqonda. Kubuhlungu ukulahlwa ngoyena mntu umthandayo.
Kubuhlungu ukwazi ukuba awusoze uphinde ube nabo. Kubuhlungu ukuba ungaze ulive ilizwi langaphambili okanye uve uthando enakha nabelana ngalo. Kubuhlungu ukushiywa ngulomntu uthembise ulonwabo.
Ukunyanga cwaka emva koqhawulo-mtshato kunokuvakala kuyindlela engenakwenzeka, ngakumbi xa intliziyo yakho ivakalelwa ngathi iza kuqhuma, kodwa usive kuqala. Kuya kufuneka uzitsale kunye emva kokwahlukana ukuze ufike kwisigqibo esifanelekileyo.
Kutheni ukuthula emva kokwahlukana kubalulekile?
Ngoku ukuba wena neqabane lakho nigqibe kwelokuba niyibize, kuya kubakho ukungaqondani, ukungaqondi kakuhle, ukwenzakala, kwaye ke, nomsindo.
Kuqhelekile ukuziva ukuba ufuna ukusombulula ingxaki ejikeleze ukwahlukana. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ixesha olichithe nithandana lifanelekile, akunjalo?
Uzama ukufikelela, uthethe kwaye usebenze yonke into, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha, oku kubangela umonakalo omkhulu kubudlelwane ozama ukuzikhusela kunye nawe.
Kulapho ukubaluleka kokuthula emva kokwahlukana kungena khona.
Ngokuziqhelanisa nokuthula kwisikhululo sikanomathotholo kwaye akukho mthetho wokudibana, uzinika ithuba lokuhlalutya imeko ngokuchanekileyo.
Kuthetha ntoni ukuthula kwirediyo kwaye akukho mithetho yonxibelelwano ithetha ntoni?
Njengoko eli gama libonisa, oko kuthetha ukuba uya kunqumla nayiphi na indlela yokunxibelelana ne-ex yakho, kwaye uhlala uthe cwaka. Nokuba uyazi ngenombolo yefowuni yakho ngentloko- ungazami ukufowuna.
Ixesha liza kukuvavanya, kodwa unganikezeli kwisilingo sokuthumela nantoni na malunga nokwahlukana okanye uzame ukwenza nantoni na ukuze ubambe umdla we-ex yakho.
Ukuthula-yeyona nto iphambili yokuziphindezela kwi-ex yakho?
Xa wenzakele kwaye udidekile, uhlala usengozini ngakumbi kunesiqhelo. Amathuba kukuba, uya kuthi uchaphazeleke kwizenzo oya kuzisola ngazo emva.
Yima nje uze ucinge.
Ngaba le yindlela ofuna ukuyithatha? Ewe wenzakele, kwaye usamthanda ngokunzulu umntu wakho wangaphambili, kodwa ukucenga okanye ukuzama ukunxibelelana nomntu wakudala ukuze uthethe ngekhe kuncede ubudlelwane bakho obonakele.
Usenokuba ukutyhalela ex yakho kude kude kuwe.
Ngaba ukuhlala uthule kwaye usike lonke unxibelelwano yeyona mpindezelo ilungileyo? Inokuba kunjalo.
Ukuba umntu wakho wakudala wakukhathaza kakhulu okanye uzama ukukutyhalela kude, ngaba ufuna ukumbongoza loo mntu ukuba ahlale ebomini bakho? Zenzele inceba kwaye uhlale uthe cwaka.
Eyona mpindezelo onokuyenza kukungasabeli kwaphela - okanye ubuncinci ungavumeli umntu wakho wakudala ukuba azi ukuba wenzakele. Ngapha koko, nokuba ukuthula kukuziphindezela kunokuba yeyona ndlela ingcono yokuzisindisa kuko nakuphi na ukwenzakala.
Unyango oluthe cwaka, ukuba alumodareyithwanga ngokuchanekileyo, lunokukhathaza omnye umntu ngokweemvakalelo.
Izizathu zokuba abanye abantu bakhethe ukuthula emva kokwahlukana
Ngaba unyango lwangaphakathi luyasebenza emva kokwahlukana? Kutheni le nto abanye abantu bekhetha ukuhlala bethe cwaka ngaphandle kokunxibelelana ne-ex yabo emva kokwahlukana?
Isizathu silula. Inika indawo kunye nexesha lokucinga ngayo, kwaye iyasebenza kakhulu nokuba ufuna umntu wakho wangaphambili abuye okanye ukuba ufuna eyona ndlela ikhawulezayo yokuqhubela phambili.
Khumbula esi sicatshulwa:
Ukuthula yeyona mpendulo ilungileyo kumntu ongawaxabisanga amazwi akho. ”
Izibonelelo ezi-4 zamandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana
Ngoku ukuba uyazi ukubaluleka kokunyanga cwaka kwaye akukho mthetho wokudibana masithethe ngeenzuzo ezininzi zokuthula emva kokwahlukana.
1. Uya kuba namandla
Emva kokwahlukana, uninzi lwabantu luya kwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukunxibelelana neefes zabo. Abanye abantu banokucebisa ukuba basengaba "ngabahlobo" ngelixa besebenza kubudlelwane babo.
Nceda sukuyenza le nto kuwe.
Sukuyinika i ex yakho into ephezulu ngokubonisa ukuba ululangazelele kangakanani uthando lomntu. Ungcono kunale.
Ukuba usebenzisa amandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana, uya kuzinceda uqhubeke ngokukhawuleza. Ngaphandle kwalonto, akukho mthetho woqhakamshelwano uya kukunceda ube nesandla esiphezulu.
2. Cwaka ngakumbi
Emva kokwahlukana, hamba uthe cwaka.
Akukho kunkqonkqoza kunxilileyo, akukho zithuba zemithombo yeendaba zentlalo ezifihlakeleyo, akukho zihlobo zimjongayo-ukuthula nje. Oku kuyakudida ex yakho ngaphezu kokuba ucinga.
3. Uya kuba nexesha lokucinga
Le ndlela ayijolise kuphela ekwenzeni ex yakho ixhalabe. Le ngcebiso yeyakho. Umntu oza kuxhamla kule ndlela akekho ngaphandle kwakho.
Amandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana aya kukunika ixesha, kwaye ngokusisiseko, yiyo yonke into oya kuyidinga.
Ixesha liyaphilisa, kwaye kuyinyani oko. Kuya kuba buhlungu ngokuqinisekileyo, kodwa ungayinyamezela loo nto. Unamandla kunokuba ucinga kwaye ukuba unexesha, lisebenzise ukubonisa.
Umgwebo wakho osibekeleyo uza kuphela kungekudala, kwaye uya kuba nakho ukucinga. Sebenzisa eli xesha ukubonisa ukuzixabisa, ukuzithanda, kunye nendlela ezinye izinto ezingasebenzi ngayo.
4.Iitafile ziya kujika
Nokuba iqabane lakho liqalisile ngokwahlukana, basenokungakulungeli ukuba ubanike unyango emva koqhawulo-mtshato.
Kwenzekani? Kutheni i ex yam ingandibizi? Andixabiswanga li ex yam? Ke ukwahlukana kwethu akuthethi nto?
Le yimibuzo nje embalwa ex yakho eya kucinga ngayo.
Uyabona ukuba iyaphi lento?
Ngokuthula okupheleleyo, ex yakho iya kuba nexesha lokucinga ngokunjalo. Oku kuyakwenza ukuba umntu wakho wakudala azive edidekile, elahlekile, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, umntu wakho wangaphambili angaqala ukukuphosa.
Ukuqonda ngakumbi ngayo, bukela le vidiyo.
Ungawasebenzisa njani amandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana?
Ukuthula kunamandla; nditsho nesayensi iyayixhasa le nto.
Phantse bonke abantu bayakuphendula kunyango olungathethiyo kuba lubangela umdla kunye noxinzelelo.
Ngokwesiqhelo, umntu uya kuphendula xa ubanika into yokuphendula, akunjalo? Kodwa uza kuthini ukuba uyawathatha la mandla ngokuthula?
Ngoku ukuba siyayiqonda loo nto, umbuzo apha kukuba siqala njani ukusebenzisa amandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana?
1. Qala nge “The No Contact Rule”
Ukutsalela umnxeba i-ex yakho yeyona nto inomdla oya kuthi ujongane nayo emva koqhawulo-mtshato.
Xa iqabane lakho ligqiba kwelokuba liphelise ubudlelwane bakho, ufuna ukwazi ukuba kutheni. Ufuna ukwazi ukuba ngaba sikhona isizathu esivakalayo sokuba lo mntu aphelise isithembiso sothando enabelana ngaso nobabini.
Ufuna ukuthetha nalo mntu, kwaye kubonakala ngathi nokuba uzama ukuyeka kangakanani, unalo mnqweno wokucacisa izinto kulo mntu.
Khumbula ukuba i-ex yakho ayiboni ngale ndlela.
Kwi-ex yakho, uyaqala ukuba ntshingintshingi kwaye uswele. Oku kuyakuqinisekisa isigqibo somntu sokuphelisa ubudlelwane bakho. Ukuba unethemba lokubuya - ngekhe kwenzeke.
Sele uqhelene nalo mthetho mnye, akunjalo? Ngonyango olungathethiyo kunye nomgaqo wokunxibelelana, uyazisindisa.
Uhlala uthule unqumle yonke into enento yokwenza ne ex yakho. Oku kuya kukunika ixesha elifunekayo lokujongana nenkqubo yokwahlukana.
Eli lelona candelo linzima kule nkqubo, kodwa lelona qalo libaluleke kakhulu lokuba uqhubeke.
Yamkela ukuba ayizukuba lula, kwaye kuyakubakho amaxesha amaninzi apho uya kuba nomnqweno wokunxibelelana nowayesakuba lilungu lakho - ulwe nalo!
2. Nciphisa umfowunelwa wakho
Ke wenze kakuhle ngenxalenye yokuqala yomgaqo wokunxibelelana. Ngoku, uyazilawula kunye neemvakalelo zakho - esele inkqubela phambili.
Zininzi iimeko apho wena kunye ne ex yakho kufuneka nithethe. Ukuba unomntwana kunye okanye ukuba ufuna ukuthetha ngeepropathi, ayinakuphepheka.
Xa uziva ukuba uligqibile inqanaba lokuqala, ungaqala kwakhona ukunxibelelana ne ex yakho - kodwa khumbula ukukhawulela oku. Awufuni ukuba iimvakalelo zakho zibuyele kulo mntu, akunjalo?
Ukuba umntu wakho wakudala ekubuza umbuzo-uphendule ngqo.
Ungaqali ngokubuza ukuba i-ex yakho iqhuba njani okanye ukuba ninokudibana ixesha elithile ukuba nibe nekofu. Ufikile ukuza kuthi ga ngoku; sukuvumela wonke umsebenzi wakho onzima ukuba uchithe.
3. Baphathe njengomnye umntu
Inyathelo lokugqibela lokuba ungaluphumelela njani unyango oluthuleyo kuxa uqhele ukunika umntu wangaphambili unyango oluthuleyo lokuba uyazi ukuba sele uphilisiwe.
Xa uthetha nomntu wakudala, zibandakanyeke kwincoko apho uziva kungekho ntlungu entliziyweni yakho.
Kulapho uyakuqonda ukuba woyisile ukukhathazeka kwakho kwaye waqhubela phambili.
4. Yiba yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba ubaleka kuzo
Ihlabathi elincinci. Ukuba ubaleka kwi-ex yakho kwivenkile yokuthenga okanye kwiivenkile ezinkulu, ziqhelekile. Sukubaleka okanye ukuzifihla, kwaye uthethe nabo ngesiqhelo.
Oku kuyakubazisa ukuba wenza into elungileyo ngaphandle kwabo, enokuba yinto entle ukuba bayacinga ngawe ngalo lonke elixesha.
5. Yiba nokholo
Kangangoko unganqweneli ukunika ex yakho unyango cwaka, uyazi ukuba iyafuneka. Ukuthatha ikhefu kwaye unike omnye nomnye ithuba lokufumanisa iimvakalelo zakho kuya kukuthatha kwindlela elungileyo.
Nokuba umendo ayingowenu nobabini nihamba kunye, inokuba yinto elungileyo ekugqibeleni.
Yintoni onokuyiphumeza ngamandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana?
Siqinisekile ukuba ngoku uyawaqonda amandla okuthula emva kokuqhekeka kwaye kutheni unyango olungathethiyo lusebenza nge-ex.
Kweminye, kusekho umbuzo omnye ofuna ukuphendulwa- ngaba umntu wakho wakudala uya kukukhumbula?
Kuxhomekeka kwimeko, kodwa ngonyango olungathethekiyo, kunokwenzeka ukuba umntu wakho wangaphambili aqale ukukukhumbula.
Xa uthe cwaka ngokupheleleyo kwaye ungaqali ukubetha i-ex yakho ngeefowuni ezikucaphukisayo kunye nemiyalezo- lo mntu uqala ukucinga.
Ngaphandle kokucaphuka, lo mntu uyaqonda kancinci ukuba kukho into engekhoyo.
Iinkumbulo, iminyhadala ekwabelwana ngayo, abahlobo bobabini, zonke ezi zinto zisenokuthetha into, kwaye ngempatho ethe cwaka oyinika lo mntu, iqabane lakho liza kuqala ukuqaphela ukuba eso sigqibo sokukuvumela uhambe ngempazamo.
Ngayiphi na imeko xa umntu wakho wakudala eqala ukukuqonda oku kwaye esenza into yokukuphumelela-sele ulawula iimvakalelo zakho. Kwanele ukuba uthathe isigqibo esifanelekileyo nokuba uza kubuyela kwi-ex yakho okanye uqhubeke.
Isiphelo
Ngaba uyafuna ukwazi amandla okwenyani emva kokwahlukana?
Ngamandla okuqonda kunye nenkululeko.
Kuya kufuneka ulwe nomnqweno wokucela umntu ofuna ukukuyeka. Nje ukuba uqale ukusebenzisa amandla okuthula, emva koko uzinika ixesha lokuqonda, ukucinga, kunye nokuhlala.
Nje ukuba woyise oku, uyakuzivumela ukuba ube nenkululeko oyifunayo- inkululeko kuthando olunye, inkululeko yokuziva uzisizele, nenkululeko yokucinga ukuba ulonwabo lwakho luxhomekeke komnye umntu.
Akukho hlukana kulula, kodwa unokukhetha- sonke siyakwenza. Ke zenzele ubabalo kwaye ukhethe ukuthula de ugqibe kwakhona.