Umxholo
- Intsingiselo yokudelela kwimeko yobudlelwane bezothando
- Imizekelo yokuziphatha okucekisayo kubudlelwane
- Iziphumo zokudelela
- Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba ubudlelwane bothando buchache ekuziphatheni kakubi?
- Iindlela ezili-10 eziphezulu zokulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane bezothando
- 1.Ukuqonda icala lakho elimnyama
- 2. Unxibelelwano olungqalileyo nothabathela indawo indelelo
- 3. Guqula iimvakalelo zakho ngokujonga izinto ezintle
- 4. Phinda ujonge elidlulileyo
- 5. Ukuhlakulela inkcubeko yokuxabisa
- 6. Khalaza, kodwa musa ukugxeka
- 7. Uvelwano ngundoqo
- 8. Chonga oonobangela bokudelela
- 9. Ukumamela kubalulekile
- 10. Ukulungelelanisa izinto ozilindeleyo
- Isiphelo
Umxholo wokudelela, ngakumbi kubudlelwane bezothando, kunzima ukuwuchonga kunye nokulungisa. Ayinakuphikwa into yokuba akukho buhlobo bugqibeleleyo. Bonke ubudlelwane kunye nomtshato baneengxabano, kwaye indelelo ihlala ibonakala ngeendlela ezifihlakeleyo.
Nangona kunjalo, ukuqheleka kwezi mpikiswano kukuba kukho izizathu ezaziwayo okanye izizathu. Xa kuziwa kukuziva udelelekile kokunye okubalulekileyo, izinto zinokukhohlisa.
Ukuba ufuna ukwazi ngakumbi ngokudelela kwimitshato kunye nobudlelwane bezothando kunye nendlela yokulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane, funda nje!
Isifundo sophando esenziwe nguGqirha Gottman sixele ukuba indelelo sesinye sezizathu eziphambili zoqhawulo-mtshato nokwahlukana.
Ke ngoko, kuyacaca gca ukuba iimvakalelo zokudelela kunye nokuziphatha okuchasayo ngokubhekisele kwenye into ebalulekileyo kufuneka zichongwe kwaye kusetyenzwe kwangoko.
Ukufunda okuhambelana: Iindlela ezi-8 izibini ezinokulungisa ubudlelwane bazo emva kwengxabano
Intsingiselo yokudelela kwimeko yobudlelwane bezothando
Ke yintoni indelelo kubudlelwane? Eyona ndlela ilula yokuchaza ukudelela kubudlelwane kuxa unxibelelana nezinye zakho ezibalulekileyo ngendlela ezihlekisayo.
Xa iqabane lisebenzisa ukugxeka nokuhlekisa ukuhlekisa nokuhlasela elinye iqabane, kukuziphatha okucekisayo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuhlekisa kwenzeka ngendlela efihlakeleyo, engathanga ngqo, enoburharha.
Uhlobo olucekeceke lokudelwa yile nto yenza ukuba kube nzima ukulufumana nokujongana nalo. Ngamafutshane, yinto eyahlukileyo yokuba nembeko kwiqabane lakho.
Imizekelo yokuziphatha okucekisayo kubudlelwane
Ukuqonda indlela yokulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane, kuya kufuneka uyazi imizekelo eqhelekileyo kunye neempawu zokuziphatha ngendelelo.
Kubonakala njani ukudelela? Unxibelelwano lokudelela ngumxube wokunxibelelana ngomlomo nangokuthetha. Ezinye zeempawu zibandakanya:
- Ukuhlekisa
- Ukubiza amagama athukayo anjengelibi, elilahlekileyo, umnenga otyebileyo, njl.
- Ukubaxa izinto
- Imbonakalo yobuso efana nokuhlekisa, ukuphakamisa umlomo ophezulu, ukuqengqisa amehlo, njl.
- Ukujongela phantsi omnye umntu obalulekileyo
Ukufunda indlela yokulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane, kuqala, jonga eminye yale mizekelo yokudelela kwimeko yobudlelwane:
- “Utyebe kangaka, uzingulube! Yonke into oyenzayo uziphekela kwaye utye! Kwenzeke ntoni ekuphekeni mna, huh ?! ”
- “Uyageza? Ngubani oqhuba okomntu ophambeneyo, huh ?! Ngaba ulahlekelwe yingqondo? ”
- “Uyazi ukuba kutheni usoloko ufika emva kwexesha? Kungenxa yokuba awucingi kakuhle! ”
Ngoku ukuba uyazi malunga neempawu kunye nemizekelo yokudelela kubudlelwane makhe sijonge ezinye zezona ziphumo ziphambili zokudelela ngaphambi kokufunda ukulungisa ukungcikivwa kubudlelwane.
Nayi eminye imizekelo kunye neempawu zokudelela kubudlelwane onokuthi ujonge:
Iziphumo zokudelela
Xa uziva udelelekile kokunye okubalulekileyo kwaye usebenza ngako, kunokuba neziphumo eziphazamisayo. Kwaye kutheni le nto isenzeka? Kungenxa yokuba kukho umahluko obonakalayo phakathi kokugxeka okwakhayo kunye nonxibelelwano olungenantlonelo.
Ukuba uyaziqonda iziphumo zokudelela, ukuqonda indlela yokulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane kuba lula.
Ukudelela kunegunya lokwenza ubudlelwane bezothando okanye umtshato uzive ungakhuselekanga kulowo uziphethe kakubi. Ubudlelwane buqala ukuziva ngathi yindawo yokulwa. Endaweni yokuqonda ubudlelwane njengendawo yokuhlala, buqala ukuziva buyingozi kumamkeli.
Kutheni le nto isenzeka? Kungenxa yokuba iimpawu zokudelela kubudlelwane zinokwenza ukuba abanye bakho abalulekileyo bazive bengaphantsi kwaye bengafanelekanga. Ukudelela kunamandla okuzenzakalisa kakhulu iimvakalelo zommkeli.
Ukuba uziva ngathi iqabane lakho liyadelela kuwe, kunokuba kukuhamba kwamandla kwisiphelo seqabane lakho. Isidingo sokulawula, amandla, kunye nokuphakama kunokuba yintoni ebangela iimvakalelo zokudelela.
Ngelishwa, ukuba uyakuvumela oku kuqhubeke, kunokuba nefuthe elikhulu kubudlelwane beemvakalelo phakathi kwenu nobabini.
Ulwalamano lwakho lunokuziva ngathi yindawo apho uhlala uzikhusela kwaye uzikhusela. Ingaziva ngathi uhlala uzama ukunqanda ukugxekwa kunye nokuhamba phezu kwamaqokobhe amaqanda ngalo lonke ixesha.
Umbono wokudibana neqabane lakho ekupheleni kosuku awubonakali unomdla kuwe kuba uhlala ukwindlela yokhuselo.
Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba ubudlelwane bothando buchache ekuziphatheni kakubi?
Nangona indelelo inamandla amabi angalunganga kwimitshato kunye nobudlelwane bezothando, zininzi izikali zokuchonga ngokuchanekileyo ezi ndlela zokuziphatha nokuzilungisa.
Logama nje uyazi malunga neempawu zokudelela kubudlelwane, unamandla okusebenza neqabane lakho ukulungisa lo mbandela. Ukuvumela izinto ukuba ziphume esandleni kunako, ngelishwa, ukuphula ubudlelwane bakho.
Oku kwenzeka ngenxa yokuba ungumamkeli wezenzo ezenyanyekayo kunye nokuziphatha, unokuyeka ukuba nguwe uqobo.
Ke, ngoku ekubeni uyazi yonke into ekufuneka uyazi ngentsingiselo, imiqondiso, imizekelo, kunye neziphumo zokudelelwa, masikhe sijonge indlela yokuyeka ukuziva udelelekile kunye nendlela yokulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane.
Iindlela ezili-10 eziphezulu zokulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane bezothando
Ukudelela kunokuba yingozi kulwalamano. Nazi ezona ndlela zisebenzayo ze ukulungisa njani indelelo kubudlelwane:
1.Ukuqonda icala lakho elimnyama
Elinye lawona manyathelo okoyisa indelelo kubudlelwane kukuzijonga. Jonga ngaphakathi kwezindlela zakho zokuziphatha ukuba uziva udelelekile. Kuthatha isibindi ukuba ujonge ngaphakathi kuwe kwaye uqonde indlela oziphatha ngayo.
Abanye abantu bathambekele ekuziphatheni ngokudelela, njengabo bantu abanye bababiza ngokuba "bathetha". Ezinye iintlobo zabantu zibandakanya abo banekratshi, bahlala besebenzisa ubukrelekrele, kwaye banoburharha.
2. Unxibelelwano olungqalileyo nothabathela indawo indelelo
Njengoko bekutshiwo ngaphambili, ukuba uyadelela kwintanda yakho oyithandayo, usebenzisa ukugxeka kunye nokugxeka ngokungangqalanga ukuhlekisa iqabane lakho. Ke ngoko, ayisiyondlela ngqo yokunxibelelana.
Xa kuziwa ekufundeni indlela yokulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane, ukusebenza kunxibelelwano lwakho neqabane lakho kubaluleke kakhulu.
Naluphi na ulwalamano olusempilweni lwakhiwe kwisiseko sonxibelelwano oluthe ngqo nangokuvulekileyo. Ke, kungcono kubonakalise ukugxeka kwakho ngqo endaweni yokudida iqabane lakho.
3. Guqula iimvakalelo zakho ngokujonga izinto ezintle
Ngoku, le ngcebiso kulula ukuyithetha kunokuba uyenzile. Le nqaku ithi ngokusisiseko kufuneka usebenze kwiimvakalelo zakho ezingalunganga kwaye ubeke endaweni yazo iimvakalelo ezilungileyo kwiqabane lakho.
Ukuba nethemba lokuba nethemba kunokukunceda kwimizamo yakho yokutshintsha iimvakalelo zakho, kwaye, ugcine ulwalamano lwakho kunye nomnye umntu obalulekileyo. Esinye sezizathu eziqhelekileyo zokudelela kukujonga kakubi kwisithandwa sakho.
Ke ngoko, ngonyango, unokuzama ukusebenza kwiimvakalelo zakho kwaye, emva koko, uguqule indlela ojonga ngayo, ukuze ubone iqabane lakho ngokukhanya okuhle.
4. Phinda ujonge elidlulileyo
Le yenye yeendlela ezilula ekuqondeni indlela yokulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane. Thatha uhambo lokuhamba ngememori kwaye ujonge kuzo zonke iinkumbulo ezimnandi owabelana ngazo neqabane lakho.
Kungangokokuqala ukuba udibane neqabane lakho, incoko ehlekisayo obukhe wanayo, ubusuku obukhethekileyo bothando kunye nolwalamano olusenyongweni nentanda yakho, ikhefu lakho lasemva komtshato, ubusuku obuzayo, njalo njalo.
5. Ukuhlakulela inkcubeko yokuxabisa
Eli nqaku lithetha ngomsebenzi ekufuneka uwenze wokunyanga indelelo kubudlelwane rhoqo. Ukoyisa iimvakalelo ezingakhiyo ayisiyonto inokwenzeka ngokukhawuleza.
Ukuba nembono elungileyo kunye nengqondo akwanele. Kufuneka incediswe ngokwenza amasiko kunye neqabane lakho apho uyayixabisa imbophelelo owabelana ngayo nesithandwa sakho kwaye ubhiyozele izihlobo zakho.
Oku kunokuthatha iindlela ezininzi, njengokucwangcisa ubusuku beentsuku zeveki, ukuhlamba kunye, ukuthatha usuku enyangeni ukuya espa, ukubukela imovie kunye, ukubamba rhoqo ngokuhlwa emva komsebenzi, ukucwangcisa iholide rhoqo kunye, njalo njalo .
Le mikhwa mihle inokuvula amehlo akho kumntu omangalisayo oyintanda yakho kwaye kutheni ukhethe ukuba naye. Iya kukubonisa ubuhle bokuzinikela.
6. Khalaza, kodwa musa ukugxeka
Uyithetha njani into onqwenela ukuyithetha inefuthe elikhulu kwindlela iqabane lakho elifumana ngayo kwaye lenze ngalo olo lwazi. Ikwachaphazela nendlela iqabane lakho eliya kuziva ngayo xa limamele kuwe.
Ke, endaweni yokugxeka ngokungangqalanga, ukufumana indlela esempilweni yokwazisa izikhalazo zakho kwiqabane lakho kubaluleke kakhulu xa kufikwa kumba wokufunda ukulungisa indelelo kubudlelwane.
7. Uvelwano ngundoqo
Kungenzeka ukuba ixesha elininzi, ugxeka iqabane lakho ngaphandle kokuqonda nesizathu sokuba kutheni iqabane lakho lenze into abayenzileyo.
Ke ngoko, kubalulekile ukuba ukwazi ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zeqabane lakho kwaye ucinge ngendlela kunye nento obungayenze ngayo. Oko kubizwa ngokuba novelwano.
8. Chonga oonobangela bokudelela
Iimvakalelo ezidelelayo kunye nokuziphatha akubonakali nje ngaphandle komoya omncinci. Zininzi izizathu zokuziphatha ngendlela enjalo. Kuya kufuneka uphande umphefumlo kwaye ujonge ngaphakathi kuwe.
Khangela izizathu zokuba kutheni uziva kwaye uziphathe ngale ndlela uziphethe ngayo. Ngaba kungenxa yokuba unale nto yokungazalisekiswa kwamandla, okanye ngaba uziva ungahlonitshwa? Ngaba uziva uphoxekile? Chonga oonobangela.
9. Ukumamela kubalulekile
Ukugxeka ngaphandle kokunika iqabane lakho ithuba lokuthetha ngokwakho kunokuba kubi kulwalamano lwakho. Inxalenye enkulu yokunxibelelana ngokuthe ngqo kubandakanya ukumamela iqabane lakho. Ukuba ufuna ukuviwa, kufuneka umamele neqabane lakho.
10. Ukulungelelanisa izinto ozilindeleyo
Le yenye inqaku elifuna ukuba ucinge. Ukuba uziva ngathi uyaphoxeka okanye awuhlonitshwa, ngaba kungenxa yokuba ulindelwe kakhulu okanye ulindelwe ngonyani kulwalamano lwakho?
Ukuba ufuna ukugcina ubudlelwane bakho kwaye ulixabisile iqabane lakho, kuya kufuneka ulungelelanise ulindelo lwakho kolunye olubalulekileyo nolwalamano.
Isiphelo
Ukuba uziva ngathi uneemvakalelo zokudelela iqabane lakho okanye ungumamkeli wokuziphatha okucekisayo, funda eli nqaku. Thatha umphefumlo onzulu. Kukho isisombululo koku.