Umxholo
- Ufanele uthandane ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuba utshate
- Ngaba ixesha lokuthandana ngaphambi komtshato libaluleke ngokwenene?
- Liliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokutshata
Unethamsanqa ngokwenene ukuba uziva ukuba ekugqibeleni ufumene umntu ofuna ukutshata naye.
Unexesha elingakanani nikunye? Ngaba benikunye kunye iiveki ezi-2 okanye mhlawumbi nihlala kunye iminyaka emi-4 okanye nangaphezulu? Ngaba uyakholelwa kwisakhelo esithile sokwazi ukuba uza kuthatha ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi komtshato?
Ufanele uthandane ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuba utshate
Kukho lo mbuzo uninzi lwabantu abaza kujongana nawo kwaye lo ngowokuba "kufuneka uthandane ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokutshata?"
Ngokuqinisekileyo uvile ngemithetho yokuthandana kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ibandakanya ixesha eliqhelekileyo ngaphambi kokuba nifowunelane kwakhona emva komhla wokuqala kunye nexesha eliqhelekileyo lokuthandana ngaphambi kokubandakanyeka kwaye ungalibali malunga nexesha eliqhelekileyo lokuthandana ngaphambi komtshato.
Ngaba uziva ngathi uphila ubomi bakho ngokusekwe kwimiyalelo?
Inxalenye yinyani ukuba ujolise ekuqinisekiseni ukuba uhamba ngamanani ngokusekwe kubalo. La manani okanye isikhokelo sinokukunceda wena neqabane lakho ukuba nilinganise izinto ngokufanelekileyo. Abanye bathi kukho umthetho weminyaka emi-2, abanye bathi ukuba nje uyazi ukuba iqabane lakho "lilo" akukho mfuneko yokulinda.
Makhe sibone ukuba zithini iingcali. Nazi ezinye izikhumbuzo ezibalulekileyo malunga nokuba ungathandana kangakanani ngaphambi komtshato.
Ngokuka Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., umbhali we The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships, “Andiqondi ukuba likhona ixesha eligqibeleleyo, njengoko umntu ngamnye kunye nemeko yahlukile kancinci. Kwaye amanqanaba okuqola ayahluka. ”
"Alikho ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthandana ngaphambi komtshato," utshilo uLisa Firestone, Ph.D., ugqirha wezengqondo kunye nomhleli ophezulu.
“Ulwalamano oluhle alwenzi ixesha. Ukuba isibini sitshatile iminyaka engamashumi amahlanu, kodwa bebelusizi kwaye bephathana kakubi ngaloo minyaka, ngaba ngumtshato olungileyo? Nokuba imitshato elungiselelwe isebenza ngamanye amaxesha, kwaye khange bathandane kwaphela. Umbuzo ngulo: Ngaba umthanda nyhani lo mntu? ” Wongeza ngelithi.
Yinyani; akukho ukuba kungekudala uza kutshata. Zininzi izimvo malunga nayo okanye mhlawumbi iintloko ezimbalwa ezinokwenzeka ukuba unquma ukubopha iqhina kwakamsinya.
Ixesha eliqhelekileyo lokuthandana ngaphambi kokubandakanyeka liya kuxhomekeka kuwe kunye neqabane lakho kwaye ikakhulu, ekukulungeleni kwakho ukubandakanyeka kunye nokutshata. Isibini ngasinye sahlukile kwaye siyeyona ndlela intle.
Kuthatha ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi komtshato kunye nexesha eliqhelekileyo ukuza kuthi ga ngoku ngaphambi kokuphakamisa kunokuthathwa njengesikhokelo kodwa bekungazange kujongwe ukukuyekisa ekuphakamiseni nasekutshateni.
Ngaba ixesha lokuthandana ngaphambi komtshato libaluleke ngokwenene?
Abantu bathatha ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokutshata okanye ubude besigaba sokuthandana asisebenzi kuye wonke umntu njengoko isibini ngasinye sahlukile kwaye izinto ezijikeleze esi sihloko azicacanga ukuba zibeke inombolo ethile okanye umthetho.
U-Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, ugqirha wengqondo onelayisensi, ingcali kwezonyango kunye nombhali ucebisa ukuba unyaka omnye ukuya kwiminyaka emibini yokuthandana kuhlala kulithuba elininzi ngaphambi kokuba uye kwinqanaba elilandelayo nokuba kungokubandakanya okanye ukutshata uqobo.
Nangona kunjalo, ubude obuqhelekileyo bobudlelwane ngaphambi kokubandakanya okanye ukutshata kubonakala ngathi kukhokela izibini ngenxa yezi zizathu zilandelayo:
- Ixesha liyafuneka ukuze wazi iqabane lakho. Sonke singawa ngapha nangapha eluthandweni kodwa oku kunokuba okwethutyana.
- Ixesha elaneleyo lokuthandana liya kukhusela indlela abantu abathandanayo abavakalelwa ngayo omnye komnye kunye Qiniseka ukuba azikhuli “kubunzulu” indlela abavakalelwa ngayo.
- Emva kweenyanga ezingama-26 "zesigaba sothando" kwizibini ezitsha kuza umzabalazo wamandla okanye isigaba sengxabano sobudlelwane babo. Ukuba isibini siyamelana noku kwaye siza somelele, sisiqinisekiso esingcono sokuba bakulungele ngokwenene.
- Abanye banokufuna vavanya ukuhlala ndawonye kuqala ineenzuzo zayo kunye neengozi.
- Izibini abathandana ixesha elide banamathuba amaninzi okufumana ungquzulwano kubudlelwane babo, obuqhelekileyo. Oku kuya kuvavanya ukuba bakwazi njani ukuyiphatha.
- Ukuthandana ixesha elide kunokunika ixesha elingakumbi lokulungiselela ubomi bakho bomtshato. Ukuthatha isigqibo sokutshata kwahlukile ekutshateni ngokwenyani kwaye ungalibali uxanduva lokuba yindoda nomfazi.
Liliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokutshata
Esona sizathu sokuba kubekho iingcebiso ezininzi "kufuneka ulinde de utshate ixesha elingakanani" kungenxa yokuba ijolise kwizibini ukuba zibe "zilungile" ngaphambi kokuba ziye emtshatweni. Ezi ngcebiso kunye nezikhokelo zijolise ekuthinteleni uqhawulo-mtshato.
Ukwazi ukuba leliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokutshata kuxhomekeke kwisibini. Kukho izibini esele ziqinisekile ukuba zigqibile ukuthandana ukuze zitshate kwaye ziqinisekile ukuba ziyafuna ukuzinza.
Abanye bathi umtshato uxhomekeke kubudala, iminyaka benikunye, kwaye abanye bathi konke kuxhomekeke kwisisu sakho.
Sukucinezelwa ngabo bantu bakuxelela ukuba sele ukwiminyaka elungileyo, ukuba kufuneka ube nosapho lwakho, okanye nokuba wena neqabane lakho nibukeka njani nigqibelele.
Tshata kuba ulungile hayi ngenxa yenani elithile okanye uluvo lwabanye abantu. Ke, kuya kufuneka ulinde ixesha elingakanani ukutshata?
Impendulo apha ilula- akukho xesha libekiweyo malunga nokuba uza kutshata ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi komtshato. Ayisebenzi nje kwaphela. Ungabhekisa kuyo njengesikhokelo kodwa hayi njengomthetho.
Ayinamsebenzi ukuba benikunye iiveki ezi-2, iinyanga ezi-5 okanye iminyaka emi-5. Ukwazi ukuba uza kuthatha ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi komtshato kunokuba luncedo kodwa akufuneki kukuthintele okanye iqabane lakho lifune ukutshata ukuba sowulungile kuba luvavanyo lokwenyani apha. Logama uzimisele, uqolile, uzinzile, kwaye uninzi lwabo bonke ukulungele ukutshata emva koko kuya kufuneka ulandele intliziyo yakho.