Umxholo
- Ubudlelwane buchaphazeleka kukukhula kwamaqabane
- Esi sibini sineendlela ezahlukeneyo zokubonisa iimvakalelo
- Ke yeyiphi eyona ilungileyo?
- Ukwakha ulwazi malunga nokuziphatha kweqabane ngalinye
- Amanxeba obuntwana achaphazela ulwalamano lwakho
Ngelixa ndisazi abathengi abatsha, ndithatha umthi wosapho kwiiseshoni ezintathu zokuqala. Ndikwenza oku ngaphandle kokusilela kuba imbali yosapho yenye yeendlela ezichanekileyo zokuqonda amandla obudlelwane.
Sonke siprintwe ziindlela iintsapho zethu ezibandakanya ngazo nehlabathi. Usapho ngalunye lunenkcubeko eyahlukileyo engekhoyo kwenye indawo. Ngenxa yoku, imigaqo yosapho engathethwanga ihlala iphazamisa ukusebenza kwesi sibini.
Umnqweno wokuhlala kwi "homeostasis" - igama esilisebenzisayo ukugcina izinto ngokufanayo, lomelele kangangokuba nokuba sifunga sinyuka ukuba asizukuphinda iimpazamo zabazali bethu sinyanzelekile ukuba sizenze nakanjani na.
Umnqweno wethu wokugcina izinto ezifanayo zibonisa ukhetho lwamaqabane, kwisitayile songquzulwano lomntu, kwindlela esilawula ngayo uxinzelelo, nakwifilosofi yethu yosapho.
Unokuthi "andisoze ndibengumama wam" kodwa wonke umntu uyabona ukuba ufana ncam nomama wakho.
Ubudlelwane buchaphazeleka kukukhula kwamaqabane
Omnye wemibuzo ebaluleke kakhulu endiyibuzayo kubantu abatshatileyo ngulo: "Ubuhlobo bakho buchaphazeleka njani ekukhuleni kweqabane lakho?" Xa ndibuza lo mbuzo kuyacaca ukuba imiba yoqhakamshelwano ayibangelwa nakuphi na ukusilela kwangaphakathi kwiqabane, kodwa bavela kwiintsapho ezichaseneyo kunye nolindelo lokuba baya kufana emtshatweni wabo.
Ngamanye amaxesha, imiba ibangelwe kukukhula kabuhlungu okanye ngokungakhathali. Umzekelo, iqabane ebelinomzali olikhoboka lotywala lisenokungaqiniseki ngendlela yokubeka imida efanelekileyo kunye neqabane lalo. Unokubona kunzima ukuveza iimvakalelo, umzabalazo wokufumana intuthuzelo kubudlelwane bezesondo, okanye ingqumbo yomsindo. '
Ngamanye amaxesha, ukungavisisani kwethu kunokudalwa nakokona konwaba ekukhuleni.
Ndidibene nesibini, uSarah noAndrew *, befumana ingxaki eqhelekileyo- isikhalazo sikaSarah yayikukuba wayefuna okungakumbi kumyeni wakhe ngokweemvakalelo. Waziva ukuba xa bexabana aze athule oko kuthetha ukuba akakhathali. Wayekholelwa ukuba ukuthula kunye nokuphepha kwakhe kwakugxeka, engenangqondo, engenantshiseko.
Waziva ukuba xa bexabana wabetha ezantsi kwebhanti kwaye kwakungalunganga. Wayekholelwa ukuba ukulwa nayo akuzisi nto ngaphandle kwengxabano. Wayekholelwa ukuba kufuneka akhethe amadabi akhe.
Emva kokuphonononga iimbono zabo zongquzulwano, ndafumanisa ukuba akukho namnye kubo owenza nantoni na "ezantsi kwebhanti" okanye "engenabulungisa" ngokwendalo. Into ababeyenza yayilindele ukuba iqabane labo lilawule ukungqubana ngendlela evakala iyindalo kulowo nalowo kubo.
Ndicele uAndrew ukuba andixelele ukuba ukholelwa njani ukuba usapho lwakhe luhlala kubudlelwane babo. UAndrew waphendula ngelithi akaqinisekanga.
Wayekholelwa ekubeni abanampembelelo ingako kwaye yena noSara babengafani nabazali bakhe.
Xa ndabuza ukuba uAndrew wayekholelwa njani ukuba ukukhula kukaSarah kunye nobomi bosapho buhlala kubudlelwane babo waphendula ngokukhawuleza ngohlalutyo olunzulu.
Ndiyifumene le iyinyani ixesha elininzi, sinolwazi oluphakanyisiweyo lokuba kutheni iqabane lethu liziphatha ngendlela abazenza ngayo kunye nokuqonda ukuba kutheni sisenza oko sikwenzayo.
UAndrew waphendula wathi uSarah wakhulela kwintsapho ekhwazayo yase-Italiya kunye noodade abane. Oodade kunye nomama "babeneemvakalelo kakhulu". Bathe "ndiyakuthanda", bahleka kunye, balila kunye, naxa besilwa neenzipho zaphuma.
Kodwa emva koko, emva kwemizuzu engama-20 babeza kubukela umabonakude esofeni kunye, bahleke, bencume, kwaye befunyana. Ucacise utata kaSarah ngokuthula kodwa efumanekayo. Xa amantombazana ene "meltdowns" utata wayezola athethe nabo kwaye abaqinisekise. Uhlalutyo lwakhe yayikukuba uSara akazange afunde ukulawula iimvakalelo zakhe kwaye ngenxa yoko wafunda ukungxamela kuye.
NjengoAndrew, uSara wayekwazi ngakumbi ukuchaza indlela usapho lukaAndrew oluchaphazela ngayo ubudlelwane babo. Abaze bathethe bodwa. Kubuhlungu ngokwenene ”, utshilo. Bayayiphepha imiba kwaye icacile kodwa wonke umntu uyoyika ukuthetha. Ngokwenene iyandicaphukisa xa ndibona indlela abangazikhathaleli ngayo iingxaki kusapho. Xa uAndrew wayetsala nzima kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo akukho mntu wayenokuyizisa. Kubonakala nje kum ngathi alukho uthando oluninzi apho ”.
Uhlalutyo lwakhe yayikukuba uAndrew akazange afunde ukuthanda. Ukuba iindlela ezizolileyo zosapho lwakhe zadalwa kukungakhathalelwa ngokweemvakalelo.
Esi sibini sineendlela ezahlukeneyo zokubonisa iimvakalelo
Unokuqaphela ukuba ukuvavanywa kweentsapho zabo kwakubaluleke kakhulu.
Xa becinga ngeendlela iintsapho zamaqabane abo ezibuchaphazele ngazo ubudlelwane babo, bobabini bagqibe kwelokuba usapho lomnye umntu lwaluyingxaki ekudaleni ukusondela kwabo bobabini.
Nangona kunjalo, uhlalutyo lwam kukuba zombini iintsapho zabo zazithandana ngokunzulu.
Babethandana ngokwahlukileyo.
Intsapho kaSarah yafundisa uSarah ukuba iimvakalelo akufuneki zibotshwe. Usapho lwakhe lwalukholelwa ekwabelaneni ngeemvakalelo ezintle nezingalunganga. Nokuba umsindo wawulithuba lokudibana nosapho. Akukho nto imbi ngokwenyani eyavela ngokungxolisana, enyanisweni ngamanye amaxesha yayisiba mnandi emva kokukhala kakuhle.
Kusapho lukaAndrew, uthando lwaboniswa ngokudala imeko ezolileyo nenengxolo. Intlonipho ibonakaliswe ngokuvumela imfihlo. Ngokuvumela abantwana ukuba beze kubazali ukuba bafuna into okanye bafuna ukwabelana ngayo kodwa bangaze bafune. Ukukhuselwa kwanikezelwa ngokungangeni kwimpixano.
Ke yeyiphi eyona ilungileyo?
Lo ngumbuzo onzima ukuwuphendula. Iintsapho zika-Andrew kunye noSara zombini zenze kakuhle. Bakhulise abantwana abasempilweni, abonwabileyo nabaziphethe kakuhle. Nangona kunjalo, akukho ndlela iya kulunga kwiintsapho zabo ezisandula ukwenziwa.
Ukwakha ulwazi malunga nokuziphatha kweqabane ngalinye
Kuya kufuneka bakhe ulwazi malunga nokuziphatha abakuzuze njengelifa kwiintsapho zabo kwaye bathathe isigqibo malunga nokuhlala kunye nokuqhubekayo. Baya kudinga ukomeleza ukuqonda kwabo kumaqabane abo kwaye bazimisele ukujongana nefilosofi yabo yosapho.
Amanxeba obuntwana achaphazela ulwalamano lwakho
Elinye ifuthe lokukhuliswa kosapho kulindeleke ukuba iqabane lakho likunike oko wawungenako. Sonke sinamanxeba okunyamezela ukususela ebuntwaneni kwaye sichitha amandla angenasiphelo sizama ukuwaphilisa.
Rhoqo asizazi ezi nzame, kodwa zikhona kunjalo. Xa sinenxeba elingapheliyo lokungaqondwa, sifuna ngamandla ukuqinisekiswa.
Xa senzakaliswa ngabazali ababesithuka, sifuna ukuthantamisa. Xa iintsapho zethu zazikhwaza sifuna ukuthula. Xa silahliwe, sifuna ukhuseleko. Kwaye ke sibamba amaqabane ethu kwinqanaba elingafikelelekiyo lokusenzela ezi zinto. Siyabagxeka xa bengenako. Siziva singathandwa kwaye siphoxekile.
Ithemba lokuba uyakufumana umphefumlo womntu onokuphilisa ixesha lakho elidlulileyo lithemba eliqhelekileyo kwaye ngenxa yoko, kukwadana okuqhelekileyo.
Ukuzinyanga la manxeba kukuphela kwendlela eya phambili.
Injongo yeqabane lakho koku kukubamba ngesandla ngelixa usenza. Ukuthi “Ndiyayibona into ekukhathazileyo kwaye ndilapha. Ndifuna ukumamela. Ndifuna ukukuxhasa ”.
Ibali libaliswa njengesiqhelo kwaye alisekelwanga kuso nasiphi na isibini esithile endisibonileyo.