Umxholo
- 1. Ukwabelana ngesondo yinto yakudala
- Iyacetyiswa- Gcina iKhosi yam yoMtshato
- 2. Incoko yafa kunye nododo
- 3. Igama elithi 'oogxa bakho' lisebenza kubudlelwane bakho
- 4. Ithuku lakho likhala kuwe ngenxa yokuba kukho into engalunganga
- 5. Ujolisa kakhulu kwiimfuno zabanye
- 6. Uyekile ukulwa
- 7. Ubomi ngaphandle kweqabane lakho yinto emnandi oyithandayo
Ukuba utshatile kwaye uziva ngathi wenziwe okanye wophula ixesha, ukwazi ukuba uza kuwushiya nini umtshato ngumceli mngeni. Esihlala sidityaniswa ziimvakalelo ezididekileyo kunye noloyiko kwicala lakho malunga nokuba ubomi bunokuba njani emva komtshato.
Akumangalisi ukuba abantu abaninzi abangaziyo ukuba behamba nini emtshatweni bahlala kwaye bazinze ngokungoneliseki endaweni yokujongana nobomi bodwa.
Kodwa ngophando oluvunyiweyo kwiZiko laseGottman (iingcali kubudlelwane) lubonisa ukuba abantu abasemtshatweni ohluphekileyo babonisa amanqanaba aphezulu okuhlonipha, unxunguphalo, kunye noxinzelelo ayisoloko ikukukhetha okunempilo ukuba ukhetha ukuhlala kolu hlobo lomtshato.
Ke uyazi njani ukuba uza kuwushiya nini umtshato okanye kufanelekile ukuba uwusindise?
Nayi eminye imizekelo yezizathu zokuba umntu akhethe ukushiya umtshato, ukukunceda uthathe isigqibo esomeleleyo malunga nokuba ufuna ukuthatha ubomi bakho njani.
1. Ukwabelana ngesondo yinto yakudala
Umtshato ongabelani ngesondo ngaphandle konxibelelwano malunga nokuba kutheni umtshato wakho ungabelani ngesondo kunokuba ngumqondiso osisilumkiso wokuba kukho into engalunganga emtshatweni wakho.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, lulwalamano olusondeleyo phakathi kwesibini esitshintsha ubudlelwane ukusuka kwiplonic ukuya kubudlelwane bothando.
Ukuba awukwazi ukufikelela ezantsi esona sizathu sokuba umtshato wakho ungabinasondo, kuya kufuneka ukuba uqwalasele ukuba uza kuwushiya nini umtshato okanye ukuba kufanele uhlale kwaye wamkele ukungabikho kolwalamano olusondeleyo.
Nangona sicinga ukuba ukuhlala kunokuba kungonelisi kubantu abaninzi.
Iyacetyiswa- Gcina iKhosi yam yoMtshato
2. Incoko yafa kunye nododo
Ukuba incoko yakho incitshisiwe yemiyalelo emifutshane okanye amagqabantshintshi ngobomi bakho bemihla ngemihla kwaye akukho bunzulu phaya, kwaye awungekhe ukhumbule ukuba lixesha lokugqibela nini ukuba ube nengxoxo efanelekileyo nesidima sakho emva koko uthathe oko njengentsingiselo ukuba into ethile iwry kubudlelwane bakho.
Ukuba le meko iyenzeka emtshatweni wakho, inyathelo lokuqala mayibe kukuzama ukuthetha neqabane lakho malunga nendlela enithe nahlukana ngayo kunye nendlela onokuyilungisa ngayo.
Unokufuna nokufumana iingcebiso ukukunceda ufumane indlela yakho yokubuyela komnye nomnye, kodwa ukuba oko akunakunceda kwaye ikakhulu ukuba uhlala kumtshato ongabelani ngesondo nawo, umbuzo mhlawumbi awunguye 'nini' ukushiya umtshato nayiphi na into enokwenzeka ukuba ibe 'njani' endaweni yoko.
3. Igama elithi 'oogxa bakho' lisebenza kubudlelwane bakho
Ngaba ujike waba ngabahlobo bakho endaweni yabathandi kubudlelwane obunothando? Ngaba nobabini niphila ubomi benu kodwa nihlala phantsi kophahla olunye?
Ukuba lixesha lokuba ube nencoko malunga noku kwaye uzame ukuphinda uqhagamshele.
Ngaphandle koko, esi sisikhokelo esiza kukunceda wazi ukuba uphuma nini emtshatweni- ngakumbi ukuba uyavuma amanye amanqaku kweli nqaku.
4. Ithuku lakho likhala kuwe ngenxa yokuba kukho into engalunganga
Ithuku lethu lethuna lihlala lilungile; Kuphela nje kukuba asifuni kuyimamela okanye asenzi unxibelelwano phakathi kweentsimbi ezikhalisayo kunye nemeko esizifumana sikuyo.
Ukuba unesisu sokungasebenzi emtshatweni wakho, mhlawumbi ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba lokuba kubangela ukuba ucinge xa kufuneka ushiye umtshato, kuya kufuneka wenze njalo.
Ngaphambi kokuba wenze naziphi na izigqibo ngokungxama, ayikukhathazi ukujonga ngokwakho ukufumanisa ukuba eli xesha likuxwayise ngengxaki. Ngaba kutshanje mhlawumbi ukusukela apho uye waqhekeka phakathi okanye ubusoloko ulapho?
Ukuba ibisoloko ikho, mhlawumbi lixesha lokumamela kwaye ushiye umtshato kodwa ukuba yenzekile kuphela okoko ukhukhulileyo mhlawumbi ungazama ukunxibelelana kwakhona ngaphambi kokuba wenze izinto zokugqibela.
5. Ujolisa kakhulu kwiimfuno zabanye
Abasetyhini abaninzi bahlala ukuhlala kubudlelwane ixesha elide kunokuba kufanelekile kuba banomdla wokubeka iimfuno zabanye ngaphambi kwezabo.
Kwaye kuba abasetyhini bahlala ngokwendalo bethatha indima yabanyamekeli, banokulahla iinxalenye zezazisi zabo kunye nemvakalelo yezidingo zabo kwinkqubo.
Ukuba ufumanisa ukugxila kubomi babanye endaweni yokusebenza kubomi bakho, isenokuba sisiqalo sokuba uyaphika, okanye uziphazamise kwinto ebalulekileyo.
6. Uyekile ukulwa
Ukuba wena neqabane lakho aninxibelelani kwaye anilwi nokuba kunokwenzeka ukuba uphulukene nothando lwakho kwaye uyekile ukuzama ukwenza izinto zisebenze. Mhlawumbi lixesha lokuba uqubude?
Siyazi ukuba kunzima ukwazi ukuba uza kuwushiya nini umtshato, kodwa ukuba awunamdla mhlawumbi lixesha ngakumbi ukuba unganxibelelana nenqaku elilandelayo!
7. Ubomi ngaphandle kweqabane lakho yinto emnandi oyithandayo
Ukuba ikamva lakho lamaphupha ngaphandle kweqabane lakho wonwabile kwaye ungakhathali, kukho ingxaki enkulu apha. Mhlawumbi sele ukwinkqubo yokuzikhusela ngokweemvakalelo kubomi bomtshato.
Yindlela yokuzilungiselela into engenakuphepheka ukuze xa ushiya umtshato, ube nakho ukuwuphatha. Ukuba ayingomqondiso, lixesha lokuba ushiye. Asazi ukuba yintoni !!