“Xa ingcambu inzulu, akukho sizathu sokoyika umoya.”
- Umzekeliso waseTshayina
Umbuzo: Inokuthini indlela yokucinga yeminyaka eliwaka ngomtshato onothando ngakumbi, onemveliso nolonwabisayo?
Impendulo: Undoqo womphefumlo weminyaka eliwaka ngenene umalunga notshintsho, imeko yokufuna ukumiliselwa kubunzulu obunentsingiselo kunye nokuxabisa amava obomi, ngakumbi ubudlelwane. Abo banayo ababoni kuphela umfanekiso omkhulu, bafuna ukwenza igalelo, benze ixabiso kwaye baxabiswe njengembuyekezo. Indlela yokuphila, inkululeko kunye nokuzibophelela ekukhuleni kuqhuba ngale ndlela kwaye kukho ulungelelwaniso olunamandla phakathi kobomi bomntu kunye nomsebenzi. Oku Ingqondo yeminyaka eliwaka unako ikhona kuso nasiphi na isizukulwana nangaliphi na ixesha. Yindlela yokucinga, yokuqonda kunye nokunxibelelana nesiqu sakho kunye nabanye ethi ityebise ngokunzulu, ubudlelwane obonelisayo nobusebenzayo. Ndiyibiza ngokuba "ngumphefumlo" njengoko ikho ngokuzimeleyo kumzimba wokuvelisa esiwubiza ngokuba yiminyaka eliwaka. Umzekelo, kukho abanye abantu abangaphezu kwamashumi asibhozo abanale "millennial soul", le ndlela yokuba sehlabathini, lo gama kukho abanye abaphakathi kweminyaka yamashumi amabini abangenayo, kwaye enyanisweni bangqongqo kwaye abavulelanga indlela yobomi.
Umbuzo: Inantoni yokwenza nomtshato ophucukileyo, notyebileyo?
Impendulo: Ukusuka kumava am njengomntu onelayisensi yokutshata kunye nosapho kunye neminyaka engamashumi amathathu yophuhliso lombutho kunye noqeqesho lobunkokeli- phantse isinye kwisithathu seenkampani zabaxhasi bam ziqhutywa ngamashishini osapho- inento yokwenza nayo. Kukho iimbono ezintlanu zengqondo yeminyaka eliwaka enento yonke enokwenza nokuba ube nomtshato onentsingiselo kwaye onamandla.
Ukuzibophelela ekuphileni ubomi obunenjongo
Ukugxila kumbindi KUTHENI yokuphila, ukunxibelelana nokusebenza okuzibandakanya kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi ngelixa ukhonza ukuvuselela nokondla ubudlelwane obuphambili.
Ukuxabisa amava obomi
“Ukusebenza ukuze uphile ”xa kuthelekiswa“ nokuphila ngokusebenza ”kuthetha ukuxabisa umdlalo / ixesha lasimahla kunye nokungavumi ukulincama ngenxa yemali engaphezulu okanye inkqubela phambili. Oku kudala ubungakanani bokubanzi ebomini kunye nolwalamano oluphambili.
Ukuxabisa ubudlelwane obuphambili ngaphezulu kwenqanaba nemali
Usapho, amaqabane kunye nobuhlobo zezona ndawo ziphambili ekugxilwe kuzo, ke ngoko ukondla umtshato ngokutyala ixesha kunye nokwenza iinkumbulo ezikhethekileyo kunye. Oku kusebenza ekuhlaziyeni iibhondi ngelixa kusenziwa amaqabane ukuba azive ephambili.
Ukufuna ulawulo lomntu
Ukukhula, ukukhula, kunye "nokuba banzi", kunye nokuthatha inxaxheba ekufundeni.
Ukuvakalisa ilizwi lomntu
Inkolelo yokuba zonke iimbono zibalulekile kwaye wonke umntu unento exabisekileyo anokuyabelana ngayo, ke amaqabane kulindeleke ukuba athethe kwaye anike ukuqonda, iinkxalabo kunye nemibono.
Umbuzo: Ungathetha ngakumbi malunga nexabiso lokuzibophelela "kwinjongo"?
Impendulo: Ukujolisa kwinjongo okanye eyona nto "kutheni" kubalulekile kumtshato ozinzileyo onothando notyebisayo. Xa ndandisebenza ngasese andizange ndize nesibini esitshatileyo size kum sithi, “Gee, Dusty, izinto zilunge kakhulu phakathi kwethu, size kuwe sizenze zibengcono!” Zonke izibini zazizokufumana iingcebiso ngomtshato xa kukho iintlungu ezoneleyo kunye nokungonwabi okuza kuba kuko: uqhawulo-mtshato, ukubulala okanye ukucebisa ngomtshato, ngokubona i-Therapist iyeyona ndlela imbi kakhulu eya phambili! Into endiyifumene ngalo lonke ixesha yayilahleko enkulu yokujonga izinto kwicala labo bobabini kubudlelwane. Baye bawela kwiipateni zonxibelelwano gwenxa, ityala, ukwenzakala, umsindo kunye nokudana.
Kwawona malinge abo okwenza izinto zibengcono ebeyinxalenye yemeko eqhubekayo yokungoneliseki kunye nokungasebenzi kakuhle! Xa ndinokufumana amaqabane ukuba abuye umva kwaye akhumbule isakhelo esikhulu somtshato wabo-into ebabizileyo ndawonye, amaxabiso abelwanayo, ukuxabisa, ubukhulu BEKHO emva komanyano lwabo-sinokuhlala sisebenza ngendlela ephuculweyo yokudibanisa nokunxibelelana.
Umzekelo, xa mna nenkosikazi yam uChristine sasithembisene, sisazi ukubaluleka kwesi sikhokelo, sahlala phantsi sabhala ezona njongo zomtshato wethu: wayefuna ntoni kuye kwaye wayefuna ntoni kum kwaye ndifuna ntoni kuwo kwaye ndifuna kuye. Sibeka ingxelo yethu edibeneyo yenjongo kwipiyano. Yayisetyenziswa ke kwizifungo zethu zomtshato kwaye sasidla ngokubhekisa kubo kwiminyaka elishumi yokuqala yomtshato, de kwaba yinto yesibini kuthi. Ndiyazi ukuba kumaxesha amaninzi abalulekileyo kwiminyaka yethu engamashumi amathathu sitshatile, ibiyimbono ebalulekileyo esisigcine simanyene kwaye yasinceda sabuyela kubabalo kunye nomnye.
Umbuzo: Kulungile, iyavakala loo nto, kunjani nge umbono wokuxabisa amava obomi?
Impendulo: UJoseph Campbell, umphengululi weentsomi nentsingiselo yomntu, wathi, "Eyona nto bayifunayo abantu kukuphila ubomi obunzulu." Xa ukhumbula le ndlela uqinisekisa ukutyala ixesha kumava kunye neqabane lakho, nabantu obathandayo kunye nabahlobo obathandayo. Ngokwenza njalo, uyaqiniseka ukuba ukhathalele umphefumlo wakho kwaye uzivulele ixesha lokucebisa ngokunzulu. Oku akukhuthazi kuphela inxenye yakho efuna ukwahluka kwaye uzive uphila, ikwasusa ubomi babathandekayo kunye kumava ekwabelwana ngawo kunye neenkumbulo ezondla intliziyo nomphefumlo.
Umbuzo: Ewe, ukuxabisa ubudlelwane obuphambili yeyona nto iphambili kumtshato ophilileyo. Ngaba ikhona enye into ofuna ukuyithetha malunga nembono yesithathu seminyaka eliwaka?
Impendulo: Oku kuhleli kugcina okuyinyani utshintsho kugxilwe. Ngokwenguqu, ndithetha ukuba yeyiphi eyona nto ixabisekileyo, enentsingiselo enzulu, ehlala ihleli. Kulula kakhulu ukulahleka kwi- intengiselwano Ubume betit yetat, yezinto zemihla ngemihla, zokufumana nokuba nazo, zenqanaba kunye nezinto zomzuzwana. Njengomcebisi wobunkokeli kunye nombutho, ngoku ndisebenze neenkampani ezingamakhulu aliqela kunye nabaphathi abangaphezulu kwamawaka alishumi. Ndikhe ndabona rhoqo ukutshatyalaliswa kwemitshato kunye neentsapho xa ubudlelwane babunikelwa “kwiibingelelo” zokuqhubela phambili emsebenzini kunye nokuma okuphezulu xa ukusebenza kusoloko kuza kuqala ngelixa ukondla umphefumlo wakho kunye nexesha lokutyala imali kubudlelwane obuphambili kwafika okokugqibela.
Imileniyali yokwenyani ayizimisele ukwenza ingxoxo kamtyholi enjalo. Umtshato, ngapha koko, ufuna ixesha kunye, ukutyala imali kumanyano ngamava ekwabelwana ngawo. Ikwafuna ukuphakamisa amaxesha amaninzi xa ujongene noxinzelelo, umceli mngeni, izilingo kunye neempazamo. Umfazi wam kunye nam sitshatile ngoku iminyaka engamashumi amathathu kwaye ngelo xesha sinemitshato engamashumi amathathu ubuncinci: ukuphinda sisebenze, siphinde siqhagamshele, sihlaziye kwaye sihlaziye ngokulungelelanisa nombono wokuqala, eyona njongo yethu yomanyano.
Umbuzo: Ungatsho ngakumbi ukuba kutheni ukuvakalisa ilizwi lomntu nguibalulekile kumtshato ophilileyo?
Impendulo: Le ndlela yokucinga yemileniyam yokucinga imalunga nengqondo, “ndifanele ukuviwa. Ukuva omnye nomnye kubalulekile. ” Ukuziveza kubalulekile ukuba ube nomtshato ophilileyo nozinzileyo. Xa umntu ethe cwaka, engathethi, inzondo iyakhula, unxibelelwano luyancipha kwaye uthando luyaminxa. Ukwabelana ngezinto ezisengqondweni kuthetha ukuba amaqabane kuya kufuneka ajongane neemvakalelo ezinzima, iingcinga kunye neembono. Nangona kunjalo kuphela xa sisabelana nelizwi lethu nokuva oko komnye esinokuthi sinxibelelane kwaye sisondele ngokwenene.
Ngamaxesha acelomngeni otshintsho olukhawulezileyo esiphila kulo, kungasinceda ukugcina engqondweni intetho ebhalwe nguJames Baldwin, "Ayisiyiyo yonke into ejongene nayo enokuthi itshintshwe, kodwa akukho nto inokutshintshwa kude kujongwane nayo. ” Ukujongana nemicimbi, iimfuno, iminqweno, inkxalabo kunye nokwahluka kwezimvo neqabane lakho yenye yezinto ezibalulekileyo ekudaleni nasekuzinziseni umtshato obalulekileyo, onemveliso nophilisayo.
Umbuzo: Kulungile, oku kuyanceda. Ngaba unayo ingcebiso yokugqibela kubafundi bethu?
Impendulo: Ndiyazi ngokusuka kumava okuqala kumtshato wam kwaye ndisebenza nabanye abaninzi, ukuba iimbono zewaka leminyaka ezintlanu zengqondo ezingasentla zibaluleke kakhulu kubo bonke ubudlelwane obuphambili, ngakumbi emtshatweni. Ndifumanise ukuba kuyanceda ukuzibuza amaxesha ngamaxesha kwaye wenze ezi ngcebiso:
Yintoni injongo yomtshato wakho? Thatha ixesha lokucingisisa kunye nabanye bakho abalulekileyo ukuba umntu ufuna ntoni emtshatweni kunye nesizathu sokuhlala kunye. Cacisa kwaye uzibophelele kwinjongo enkulu yomanyano lwakho.
Ngaba nithatha ixesha lokubeka amava anentsingiselo kunye? Cwangcisela kwaye nenze ixesha kunye ukondla kunye nokondla ubudlelwane bakho.
Ngaba uyalivakalisa ilizwi lakho kwaye uyenzela indawo iqabane lakho? Yenza ixesha veki nganye ukuze uhlale phantsi kwaye wabelane nje ngeyona nto iphilayo, uninzi lukhona entliziyweni yakho. Mema intanda yakho ukuba ithethe ngokusuka entliziyweni yakhe kwaye uqinisekise ukuba konke okubaluleke kakhulu kwaye kubaluleke kakhulu kwabelwana ngako kwaye kuyaxoxwa. Ziqhelanise nokumamela ngokukuko kwaye ujonge ukuqinisekisa ukuba nive ngokuchanekileyo.
Kukho imibuzo emi-3 enamandla endiyicebisayo:
Yeyiphi into enye endiyenzayo ofuna ukuqiniseka ukuba ndiyaqhubeka ndiyenza ekondla wena kolu lwalamano? Yeyiphi into enye endinokuyenza ngokwahlukileyo eya kwenza owona mahluko mkhulu, yeyiphi enye into endinokuyenza ukukunceda uzive uxhaswa ngakumbi okanye uthandwa?
Yenza amava angenakulibaleka ngokudibana, ukuzivavanya kunye nokudlala. Hlakulela iminyaka eliwaka yokucinga ukuze utyebise umtshato wakho.