Umxholo
- 1.Yamkela ukuba kukho into engalunganga
- 2. Chonga iimpawu uze uthethe neqabane lakho ngayo
- 3. Yeka ukuthatha yonke into ngokobuqu
- 4. Thetha nengcali
- 5. Bonisa inkxaso nothando kwiqabane lakho
- 6. Yenza umthambo kunye nokutya okusempilweni kube yinxalenye yesiqhelo sakho
- 7. Zama ukubakho ngokwasemzimbeni nasengqondweni ngesiqingatha sakho esingcono
- 8. Thetha neqabane lakho malunga nemeko yabo
Uxinzelelo alufani nosizi lwemihla ngemihla. Yimeko eyahlukileyo yengqondo, apho yonke into ibonakala ingenathemba. Xa umntu ejongene nokudakumba, baya kuba neempawu ezahlukeneyo:
- Baza kufuna ukushiywa bodwa
- Bayakutya kakhulu okanye bangatyi kwaphela,
- Ukuphuthelwa,
- Ukungazinzi,
- Ukuziva ungenamsebenzi okanye ungenamsebenzi,
- Iingxaki zokugaya,
- Ukudinwa,
- Ingxaki ekugxileni kwizinto eziqhelekileyo,
- Imvakalelo yokuqhubeka ulusizi kunye neengcinga zokuzibulala.
Abantu baya kwizisombululo ezahlukeneyo zokunyanga ukudakumba kwabo; abaninzi bakhetha utywala ngelixa abanye beqala ukutya iimveliso ezinjengokhula okanye i-shrooms, kodwa kuncinci okanye kuphantse kwaziwa kwiindawo ezininzi zehlabathi. Ngenxa yoku, abantu abahlangabezana nokudakumba abaphathwa ngendlela ebekufanele ukuba baphathwe ngayo. Ke ngoko. Ndiqokelele iindlela ezi-8 zokuhlangabezana nokudakumba, kunye neziqendu zoxinzelelo, ngakumbi xa uthandana nomntu onoxinzelelo noxinzelelo. Ndiyathemba ukuba eli nqaku malunga nokudakumba kunye nolwalamano luyakunceda kakhulu njengoko landincedileyo.
1.Yamkela ukuba kukho into engalunganga
Elinye lawona manyathelo abaluleke kakhulu ekufumaneni isisombululo sokuhlangabezana nokudakumba ukwamkelwa. Iimpawu ezininzi ezahlukileyo ziyabonakala, kodwa sihlala singawahoyi ixesha elide kwaye sicinge ukuba baya kuzihambela. Siyasilela ukuqonda ukuba ingxaki inokuthatha ixesha elingaphezulu kokuba ihambile kunokuba ibikade ifikile. Ke ngoko, kubalulekile ukwamkela ukuba kukho into engalunganga.
Kufuneka ukhumbule ukuba kulungile ukugula. Nabani na unokufumana uxinzelelo. Sukuzibuza, 'Kutheni kusenzeka kum nje?' okanye uzibeke ityala uthi, 'Ukudakumba kwam konakalisa ubuhlobo bam.' Endaweni yoko, kuya kufuneka ujonge kwinto yokujongana nokudakumba kubudlelwane. Yamkela ukuba ingxaki ifikile kwaye uyakuchacha ngokukhawuleza.
Kukwabalulekile ukuba iqabane okanye iqabane lakho lincedise iqabane labo kuxinzelelo ngothando olwaneleyo, inkathalo kunye nenkxaso.
2. Chonga iimpawu uze uthethe neqabane lakho ngayo
Ukuba ujongana nokudakumba, zininzi iimpawu zoxinzelelo ezinje:
- Ukudinwa rhoqo
- iimvakalelo zokuphelelwa lithemba
- ukungaxabiseki
- uzibeka wedwa ngokwakho
- umsindo
- unxunguphalo
- ukulala, nokunye okuninzi
Kuba wonke umntu wahlukile, iimpawu zomntu wonke olwa nokudakumba ziza ngendlela eyahlukileyo.
Abantu abaninzi abahlangabezana nokudakumba bafumana zonke ezi zinto ngexesha elinye kwezinye iintsuku, kwaye ngezinye iintsuku, banokufumana uphawu olunye okanye ezimbini. Chonga kwaye ujonge zonke iimpawu zakho emva koko uqiniseke ngokwazisa iqabane lakho. Isizathu sinokuba kukudakumba kubudlelwane ngokunjalo.
Kuhluke njani ukuthandana nomntu onoxinzelelo noxinzelelo?
Apha, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba ukudakumba kubuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane. Izinto zinokuba nzima. Ukuthetha neqabane lakho kuya kubanika ukuqonda malunga nokuhamba kwakho.
Njengomntu oneqabane elisokolayo, ukuthanda umntu onexinzelelo Kubuhlungu. Njengoko iqabane lihlala lisentlungwini, ukukhuthaza unxibelelwano kunzima kakhulu. Ke, nobabini niyakwazi ukuxoxa ngayo nayiphi na into ekufuneka yenziwe ukujongana nokudakumba.
3. Yeka ukuthatha yonke into ngokobuqu
Ukujamelana nokudakumba akuyondlela elula yokuhamba. Xa umntu edandathekile, banokuba kwimeko engalunganga uninzi lweentsuku zabo. Abantu ababangqongileyo kufuneka bomelele kakhulu kwaye bangathathi nantoni na abayithethayo ngokwabo kuba bakhupha nje uxinzelelo, uloyiko, nomsindo emlonyeni wabo; ixesha elininzi, kukuthetha koxinzelelo.
Ungalinceda njani iqabane ngoxinzelelo?
Nantoni na abayithethayo, mamela kuyo uzolile, yenza ngokuzolileyo. Zama ukungaphenduli njengoko inokuqala ingxabano. Baxelele ukuba uyayiqonda, emva koko uyiyeke ihambe.
4. Thetha nengcali
Kubalulekile ukuba uqiniseke ukuba wena neqabane lakho niya kwingcali ukuze nifumane indlela yokoyisa uxinzelelo. Uluvo lweengcali luya kunika umbono omtsha kuyo nayiphi na into ebaphazamisayo. Ukuthetha nengcali malunga nesiqingatha sakho ohamba noxinzelelo kunokukunceda uqonde ukuba badlula ngantoni kwaye mhlawumbi ngandlela thile bancede bomeleze ubudlelwane bakho nabo.
Ngamanye amaxesha kunzima ukuthembela kwingcali ebantwini. Kodwa qiniseka ukuba uncede iqabane lakho libathembe ukuze nantoni na eyenzekayo kubo iphume kwinkqubo yabo, kwaye bazive bebhetele. Ingcali inokukukhokela ngendlela yokujongana nokudakumba kubudlelwane ukuze ugcine ubudlelwane obuphilileyo nobulungileyo.
5. Bonisa inkxaso nothando kwiqabane lakho
Ukuba uhlala neqabane elinexinzelelo, qinisekisa ukuxhasa zonke izimvo ezahlukeneyo abaziphosa kuwe. Uxinzelelo kunokubakho ngenxa yezizathu ezininzi ezahlukeneyo, abanokuthi bagcine ziyimfihlo kuwe. Ke ngoko, eyona nto inkulu onokubenzela yona kukuba nobuhlobo kwaye ubonise inkxaso.
Ungabenza ukuba bazimanye neqela lenkxaso apho abantu abohlukeneyo babalisa amabali ahlukeneyo malunga nendlela abaphume ngayo kuxinzelelo lwabo ukubakhuthaza kwaye banethemba lokuba baya kuba nakho ukuphuma kule mini.
6. Yenza umthambo kunye nokutya okusempilweni kube yinxalenye yesiqhelo sakho
Ukudakumba kukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, kodwa izinto ezininzi ezibonakalayo emzimbeni wakho zinokuchaphazela. Umzekelo, ukutya kwakho kudlala indima ebalulekileyo kwimpilo yakho yengqondo. Ukulandela i- ukutya okusempilweni kunye nokutya okunesondlo kunokunceda ekulweni nokudakumba. Kungangcono ukuba ungazama ukongeza umthambo kwisiqhelo sakho.
Ungayiboleka njani inkxaso ngelixa uhlala neqabane elinexinzelelo?
Ukufumana ukukhuthazwa kokuzivocavoca kunokuba ngumngeni ngokwaneleyo kumntu ophilileyo, kwaye umntu ojamelana nokudakumba, kunokuba nzima. Qiniseka ukuba Zilolonge neqabane lakho njengoko elo inokuba lixesha elihle lokuphumla kwaye uthethe ngayo nantoni na ekukhathazayo okanye kubo.
7. Zama ukubakho ngokwasemzimbeni nasengqondweni ngesiqingatha sakho esingcono
Ukuba iqabane lakho kufuneka lijongane neziqendu zoxinzelelo, akufuneki zihlale zodwa. Xa bedandathekile, kunokuba nzima ukuxhomekeka komnye umntu. Banokuziva ngathi uyabenzakalisa kwaye bayeke ukuthembela kuwe.
Ewe, amalungu osapho kunye nabahlobo bakho bokwenyani baya kuba lapho nanini na xa wena okanye iqabane lakho elinengxaki. Abayi kuphinda bazive kakubi xa ubacela uncedo. Xa iqabane lakho lilodwa, banokuqala ukucinga malunga nezinto ezincinci kwaye bawele nzulu nangakumbi emngxunyeni woxinzelelo. Nangona, ukuba banaye umntu omngqongileyo, banokuhlala bethetha ngezinto eziqhubeka entloko kwaye bafumane nezisombululo ngendlela yokoyisa uxinzelelo. Ke ngoko, kubalulekile ukubakho kwisiqingatha sakho esingcono ngokwasemzimbeni nangokomzimba.
8. Thetha neqabane lakho malunga nemeko yabo
Ukuba iqabane lakho lineempawu zokudakumba, emva koko thetha neqabane lakho ngayo nantoni na abajongene nayo. Khumbula ukuba ukudakumba kunokuba yinto entsha kubo njengokuba kunjalo nakuwe. Awunakuyiqonda into abatyhubela kuyo okanye ukuba imood yabo izakuba njani. Ke ngoko, qiniseka ukuba uzifundise wena kuqala nakwimeko yabo, iimpawu, nayo nantoni na abaya kujongana nayo.
Iqabane lidlala indima ebalulekileyo ekuphakamiseni iqabane elijamelana noxinzelelo. Kwividiyo engezantsi, u-Esther Perel uthi kubalulekile ukuba iqabane libekho kwiqabane labo kwaye libaqinisekise ukuba abahlali benje.
Ukuyishwankathela yonke, uxinzelelo lunokoyiswa ngenkxaso, uthando kunye nenkathalo. Ke ngoko, qiniseka ukuba ubekhona kuye nawuphina umntu ophethwe kukudakumba njengoko kunokubanceda babuyele ebomini ebebafanele.