Umxholo
Isibini ngasinye esitsha okanye esimi ixesha elide sinemibuzo yeengcebiso kubudlelwane abangathanda ukuyibuza ingcali. Kwaye, ngelishwa, bayakwenza oko xa sele kudlulile ukusombulula iingxaki ezinokusonjululwa ngokulula ukuba bebethethile nje ngaphambili. Ugqirha wezengqondo uhlala ebona abathengi abathi babuza umbuzo onje: "Ndiyazi ukuba sekuhlwile ngoku, kodwa ndifuna nje ukwazi ukuba kwenzeke ntoni". Ukuthintela ukuba ungabikho kwesi sikhundla, funda eminye imibuzo exhaphakileyo kunye neempendulo zesibini sezigulo zengqondo esiva kusenziwa.
Ndingakuphepha Njani ukulwa?
Impendulo emfutshane-awuyenzi. Ixesha elide libaluleke kakhulu, kwaye sonke isibini kufuneka sinike ingcinga ekuqaleni kobudlelwane. Ewe, ukulwa akunakuphepheka. Kwaye, njengoko siza kubona emzuzwini, nazo mazingathintelwa. Kodwa, kukho iindlela ezilungileyo nezimbi zokuphikisana. Enye iya kukhokelela ekuqondeni okunzulu nothando, kwaye enye kwisongelo phantsi kobudlelwane.
Ukulwa yinto engathandekiyo kwaye ecaphukisayo. Uba nesithukuthezi kwaye woyike malunga nokuba kuthetha ntoni oko kubudlelwane bakho. Abantu abaninzi banoloyiko lokuba ukuba bayalwa oko kuthetha ukuba ubudlelwane babo abusebenzi. Kodwa, ukuba kwenziwe ngokuchanekileyo, iingxoxo kubudlelwane yinto elungileyo. Ukuba abagqithisile, bahlala rhoqo, baba ndlongondlongo, okanye banetyhefu yokwenene (kwaye banokuba njalo). Kungenxa yokuba ungangeni kwimpikiswano ukuba awuvumelani ngento ethile, kwaye ungathethi ngayo ngokuqinisekileyo, oko kuthetha ukuba kukho udonga oluphakamileyo phakathi kwenu nobabini.
Ngoku, musa ukusifumana siphosakele, asisasazi iingxabano kubudlelwane. Sichaza nje ukuba akufuneki utolike konke ukungavisisani njengophawu. Ukuba ufunda ukungavumelani ngokuqinisekileyo, umlo unokukunceda usondele kwiqabane lakho. Ke, xa ningavumelani malunga nomba othile, zama oku. Veza iimvakalelo zakho malunga nayo (sukubeka ityala, zivelise iimvakalelo zakho), cacisa ukuba yeyiphi indlela yokuziphatha eyenziwe liqabane lakho (kwakhona, ungasoli), cebisa isisombululo, kwaye ucele uluvo lweqabane lakho kwisisombululo.
Ndingenza ntoni xa iqabane lam likrexeza?
Lo yinto eqhelekileyo, kwaye kunzima ngokulinganayo ukuba neengcebiso kubudlelwane. Akukho mpendulo kwindalo yonke enje. Kwaye, ekugqibeleni, nokuba zingaphi iiseshoni ezizinikeleyo kulo mbandela, kuxhomekeke kwisibini ukuba sithathe isigqibo sokuba singaya ngaphambili na okanye hayi. Kodwa, into enokuthi ithathelwe ingqalelo njengesiqwenga seengcebiso ngobudlelwane kukuba-kuya kufuneka uqiniseke malunga nokuba uyafuna kwaye unokoyisa ukukrexeza.
Oku kunzima ngokulinganayo kwiqabane eliqhathiweyo ukumisela. Ngokuqinisekileyo baya kufumanisa ukuba bafuna into enye mzuzu omnye, kunye nokuchasene nokulandelayo. Kwaye oku kuqhelekile, ngakumbi kwiiyure kunye neentsuku (ngamanye amaxesha iinyanga) emva kokungcatshwa. Kungenxa yoko le nto, ukuba ukrexezo lwenzeka kuwe, kuya kufuneka ulinike ixesha lokuzola ngaphambi kokuba uthathe izigqibo ezinkulu.
Kodwa, xa uzinzile, kwaye ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuzama ubudlelwane bakho, qala ulungiselele indlela ende kwaye enzima ngaphambili. Into ezokuxelelwa yi-Psychotherapist kukuba uyidinga ngokupheleleyo inkxaso kunye nokuqonda kweqabane lakho ngalo mzuzu. Ngapha koko, kuyakufuneka ucwangcise izizathu zokuba kutheni iqabane lakho lingathembekanga kwasekuqaleni. Emva koko, kuya kufuneka uqonde ukuba amandla akho anokuba negalelo njani kwingxaki. Kwaye, ekugqibeleni, kuya kufuneka uxole. Oku akuthethi ukuba uyakuthathela ingqalelo kulungile, kodwa ukuxolela ubuthathaka okanye ukuzingca.
Kutheni singavani?
Lo ngowona mbuzo unzima ukusombulula kunangaphambili. Kunokubakho ngokoqobo amawaka ezizathu ezibini ukuba isibini asibonakali sihlangana. Kodwa, akufuneki badimazeke. Kuyimfuneko ukuba ungene ezingcanjini zento enokubangela iingxaki kubudlelwane ukuba ingaphila kwaye ichume.
Isenokuba yinto engenamsebenzi, enje ngemiba yonxibelelwano “nje”. Oku kusombululeka ngokulula ngeendlela ezimbalwa ezilula kodwa ezibalulekileyo zonxibelelwano olululo. Omnye umba onokubakho ngamaxabiso ahlukeneyo obomi. Oku kunzima ngakumbi, kodwa kunokuqwalaselwa ukuba kukho intando yokulalanisa kunye nokuhlonipha iimbono ezahlukeneyo zelinye iqabane. Okokugqibela, amaqabane anokuhluka kubalinganiswa babo kunye nakwiimpawu zabo ezinokubangela ukungaboni ngasonye kubudlelwane. Lo mbandela unzima ngakumbi ukoyisa, kodwa ukuba ujolisa kuthando lwakho kwiqabane lakho, kuya kufuneka ukwazi ukufumana indlela ejikeleze iyantlukwano yakho.