Umxholo
- Uqhawulo-mtshato luqaliswa nangabafazi
- Ke yeyiphi ukuqonda kunye namanyathelo anokukhusela umtshato?
- Isithembiso sothando
- Tyala imali. Tyala imali eninzi
- Kodwa ukuba unxibelelwano luyehla, mhlawumbi umqondiso ufuna ukonyuswa.
- Kwaye enye into: mhlawumbi uziva unika akwanelanga, okanye uza kuyisika.
Ubomi beli xesha-silwela inkqubela phambili ngeendlela ezininzi ezahlukeneyo njengoluntu. Xa kuziwa emtshatweni-siqhuba njani, kwindawo yolwalamano olusondeleyo ebantwini? Ukuba silinganise ngokusulungekileyo ngamaxabiso oqhawulo mtshato, izinto ezixhaphakileyo ebantwini zinokusenza sikholelwe ukuba amaqondo oqhawulo-mtshato aqhubeka enyuka.
Inyani yile, amazinga oqhawulo-mtshato ayahluka ngokwamazwe ngamazwe, ngokusekwe kwizinto ezininzi. Ukuphononongwa kweminye imimandla enereyithi ephezulu, enje ngamacandelo aseYurophu (kuvavanyo lwakutsha nje lubonisa iBelgium, iLuxembourg, iFrance, iRiphabhlikhi yaseCzech nePortugal ngamazinga angaphaya kwama-60%, iBelgium ingumyinge wama-73%!), Ibonisa ukungabikho kozinzo kwezentlalo imigangatho yezizathu zoqhawulo-mtshato, zizinto nje ezimbalwa ezidlalayo. Ngelixa i-US ihlala iphambili kwi-10 kwinqanaba loqhawulo-mtshato kwihlabathi liphela, amaxabiso ewonke sele ewile okoko kwaqhamka uqhawulo-mtshato kwiminyaka yama-70s / 80s; imfundo ephakamileyo ibonakala njengeyona nto iphambili yokuxubusha; abo bakumda wentlupheko okanye abaphantsi komngcipheko wabo basemngciphekweni omkhulu.
Uqhawulo-mtshato luqaliswa nangabafazi
UWilliam Doherty, u-U weSayensi yezeNgqondo yaseMinnesota, uphawula ukuba kuqikelelo, malunga no-2/3 woqhawulo-mtshato uqalwa ngabasetyhini, ke xa sijonga umba woqhawulo-mtshato, uthi, sijonga umba wokutshintsha kwabasetyhini kulindelo- ingqiqo enengqiqo kufanelekile ukuphonononga ngakumbi. Ukusukela ekuqaleni kwenkulungwane yama-20, isimo sengqondo somtshato kunye neenqobo ezisesikweni ziye zavela; njengesiqhelo, ezinye zibangcono, mhlawumbi ezinye azikho. Ngelixa i-50 kwiminyaka eyadlulayo, wawutshatile ubomi, kwaye bekunjalo kanye. Ngoku, sithambekele ekuqwalaseleni zonke iinketho; ngokwenene, i-ethos yethu yenkcubeko kunye ne-psyche, ndingathi, isukile ngakumbi ekuzinikeleni kwindima, xa utshatile (inene inene).
Nangona kunjalo, njengoko ugxininiso ekuhlaleni kulonwabo lomntu kunye nokwanelisa sele kuyinxalenye yengqondo yethu ehlangeneyo, ndingathi siphumelele ekubanjweni ngumbuzo othi, "Yintoni endiyifunayo?" Sihlala siwazi ngakumbi amalungelo ethu, ukhetho lwethu, kunye nokufuna ulonwabo. Kulungile kuthi. Kulungile, ubuyela kumbuzo omdala ubudala-luyintoni ulonwabo lokwenene, lufumaneka phi? Sebenzisa iPsychology yanamhlanje umxholo, onamanqaku amaninzi afanelekileyo, nangona kunjalo uya kuqaphela imitya yemixholo malunga nokufumana ukoneliseka.
Ke yeyiphi ukuqonda kunye namanyathelo anokukhusela umtshato?
Sisebenzisa ntoni apha? Ndingathanda ukufaka into eyathethwa nguMnumzana Scott Peck kumgca wokuqala wesihloko sakhe, iNdlela eNcinci yokuHamba. "Ubomi bunzima". Uqhubela phambili esithi, uninzi luphela kunyango, okanye kwiingxaki esizenzayo, kuba siyawuthintela umsebenzi onzima wokusombulula iingxaki zethu. Sifuna iindlela ezimfutshane. Utyalo-mali luthatha umsebenzi. Ayisihambeli kakuhle isimo senkcubeko yethu eyandayo yokwanelisa, ngaba kunjalo, ukubandezeleka ngeemfuno ezingafezekiswanga.
Akukho buhlobo buya kuze buhlangane nazo zonke iimfuno zethu, ngalo lonke ixesha. Kodwa, xa uziva uziva ungonelisekanga, kulula, kwaye ndingaphikisana, mhlawumbi nangokwemvelo, ukujonga, xa uziva unciphisa ukubuyela neqabane lakho. UPeck uthe, kwaye abanye bathethile ngezinye iindlela: ubuvila luthando olwahlukileyo. Mhlawumbi ukusilela ekuzisongeleni kulonwabo lwethu yeyona nto iphambili apho izinto zihamba gwenxa.
Ukuba intlalo yethu ekuhlaleni iqala ukusithengisela umbono wokuba, mhlawumbi "izinto aziyi kuhlala ngonaphakade - nokuba nihlala kunye", (enkosi uSheryl Crow) - ukuba siqala ukuthenga kule ngcinga- endaweni yokuyiphinda kabini xa kuvela ukungonwabi, sinokuhendeka ukuba samkele umbono wothando wenkululeko nothando olutsha, okanye okungenani sikhuphe oko sikubona njengomthombo weentlungu zethu.
Isithembiso sothando
Mhlawumbi kungenxa yesithembiso sothando olungenamiqathango, apho into ehlala ihleli inokuphila. Ukuba awuyiva, mhlawumbi ubanjiwe phakathi a) umbono wokulangazelela okanye ukurhintyelwa yenye into, vs. endikholelwa ukuba iyanda inkcubeko?
Tyala imali. Tyala imali eninzi
Kuthiwa siyayithanda into esityala kuyo. Heck, nkqu nakubudlelwane obungasebenzi kakuhle, kuthiwa ngamanye amaxesha "sileqa utyalo-mali lwethu, sizama ukubuyisa imbuyekezo yethu. Ngoku andithethi ngokungenampilo, imitshato engasebenzi kakuhle apho kungekho kubuyiselwa nantoni na. Mhlawumbi ukunye neqabane elijongayo. Njengale ngcebiso, izixhobo ezingaphezulu kwesinye ziyafuneka emsebenzini. Ndikhe ndasebenza nomthengi ngeendlela eziphazamisayo zokufumana iqabane labo liqwalasele, mhlawumbi ndide ndibuyise umnikelo wabo ngendlela ethile, ixesha elithile, ngenjongo ethile okanye injongo. Ukujonga kakhulu kwiimfuno zethu ezingafezekiswanga, kuya kuzikrwitsha ukuthanda kwethu. Siva abanye bezama indlela yokwahlulahlula, okanye umntu othile eqinisekisa iintlungu zethu, kwaye singangena ngaphakathi kwiqhosha lokutshabalalisa.
Kodwa ukuba unxibelelwano luyehla, mhlawumbi umqondiso ufuna ukonyuswa.
Phuma kwindlela yakho ukuze ucinge; Yenza izinto ezithile kwiqabane lakho ezibonisa ngokwenene uthando lwakho. Kwaye zibophelele kuyo okwexeshana- inike ubuncinci isipelingi seeveki, ukuze iqabane lakho likwazi ukwahluka. Sukuya ukuleqa ukuvuma kwabo. Vele uyenze. Qiniseka; baphekele. Yenza ubomi bube lula. Babuze ngeziqu zabo nezinto ezibakhathazayo. Cinga ngendlela ohlangabezana ngayo neemfuno zabo. Cinga kwiingcinga zakho zangasese, malunga neempawu ozixabisileyo nozixabisayo ngazo.
Uphando lwamva nje luthi i-nostalgia yeyona nto isebenzayo kwezothando. Khulisa umbulelo wangaphakathi wemihla ngemihla ngalo mntu umnyulele kwesona sihlalo siphezulu ebomini bakho. Ukuba ibingenguye lo mntu uziva umthanda, cinga ukuba kuya kwenzeka ntoni na xa kukho imikhosi yobomi. Asinakuze siyeke ukuqonda ukudakumba, unxunguphalo okanye inqanaba lentlungu, umba wezonyango, okanye umzabalazo wotshintsho kubomi. Ziyimizabalazo, ukuba sinyanisekile sinokujamelana nazo. Luhlobo luni lwemozulu yomtshato esiyakhayo ukuba sithenga umbono wokuhamba kude kube nzima? Elinye ibali lomthengi ndilivile kutsha nje ngokuthetha ngamagqirha ukuba kutheni abanye abantu bezenza, ngelixa abanye bengenzi njalo? Kwabanye, uqhawulo-mtshato asilulo ukhetho. ”
Kwaye enye into: mhlawumbi uziva unika akwanelanga, okanye uza kuyisika.
Abaninzi bawushiya umtshato wabo ngenxa yeentswelo ezingazalisekiswanga; nangona kunjalo abaninzi endidibana nabo bencamile, okanye rhoqo, bengayeki ukubuza ngendlela ecacileyo ngokwaneleyo, ukuba iimfuno zabo ziyafezekiswa, banike ngokwenyani amaqabane abo ithuba lokunyuka. Mhlawumbi utyalo-mali kwiqabane lakho, kukwenza loo nto-yima kwaye ucele ukuba iimfuno zakho zifezekiswe.Ixabisa thina ukuba sesichengeni; kuxabisa kuthi ukutyala imali ngokwaneleyo ukuba sibalinde, kodwa ukubanika nethuba. Ewe, kusenokufuneka sinyamezele, njengoko sijonga nawuphi na umthwalo wobomi abanokuba nawo. Umgaqo wegolide-kulula ukubuyela umva, ekukhanyeni kwento entsha. Idangatye elizinzileyo lomlilo ogciniweyo, linika ukukhanya okwahlukileyo ngokupheleleyo.