Umxholo
- 1. Ukuqonda ukungathembani
- 2. Isigulo sengqondo
- 3. Imibono ekhuphisanayo
- 4. Abantwana
- 5. Ubuhlobo obuvulekileyo
- 6. Ukukruquka
- 7. Ukuqhelana ngesondo
- 8. Ukukhuselwa
- Kufuneka wenze ntoni xa etsala?
Ayithathi isidanga kwi-rocket science ukuqonda ukuba umtshato owonwabileyo awupheli ngesiquphe.
Ngokwenyani, imitshato idla ngokuqhawuka emva kwexesha elide lokuziva ungathandeki kwaye ungavumi. Ngokubanzi, izibini zizama ukuyikhetha ngokubeka ugxininiso olongezelelekileyo kwingcebiso kunye nonxibelelwano.
Oko kwathethi, uninzi lwezibini zinokukhomba kumzuzu okanye kwimizuzu apho izinto ziye zafikelela kwinqanaba lokungabuyi.
Kodwa nantsi into ekhathazayo. Ngamanye amaxesha amaqabane ashiya imitshato eyonwabisayo okanye ubudlelwane obunempilo. Oku kuhamba kushiya elinye iqabane lizibuza, "Yintoni le yenzekileyo?" Kwesi siqwenga, sijonga ezinye zezizathu zokuba abafazi bayishiye imitshato yabo bonwabile. Ngaba enye yezi zinto iyasebenza kuwe?
Funda ukuze wazi ukuba kutheni abafazi belahleka kwaye xa eyeka ukukhathalela ubudlelwane.
1. Ukuqonda ukungathembani
Kukho amaxesha apho amaqabane ukuthembela kwabo kuceliwe umngeni kukunxibelelana gwenxa kunye nokubonakala kungavisisani okuncinci. Okumangalisayo kukuba, amandla omtshato owonwabileyo ngenye indlela anokuxhomekeka okomzuzwana.
Umfazi otsala ngokweemvakalelo iflegi ebomvu kumtshato owonwabileyo.
Kulungile okanye kubi, kungenjalo imitshato esempilweni neyonwabisayo inokulahlwa ngenxa yomzingeli.
2. Isigulo sengqondo
Sonke sikhe sasokoliswa yi "blues." Xa umntu wasetyhini eshiya kude, ukuphazamiseka kubuntu, uxinzelelo kunye nokunye okunje kunokuba sisizathu sokumka kwakhe ngokukhawuleza kubudlelwane.
Rhoqo, uxinzelelo sisiphumo ngqo sokulahleka kwaye sibukhali kwindalo. Nangona kunjalo, kukho amaxesha apho impilo yethu yengqondo ifikelela kude ngaphaya koxinzelelo.
Ukugula kwengqondo okuchongiweyo akunakuphazamisa ezona njongo zomntu kodwa kunokungcolisa yonke indlela yolwalamano esele lukhona, nokuba kukwimitshato esempilweni neyonwabileyo.
Abafazi-kunye namadoda malunga naloo nto-banokuwushiya umtshato xa ukugula ngengqondo kuphazamisa impilo, ukucinga okuhle.
3. Imibono ekhuphisanayo
Enye yezona mifanekiso zingathandekiyo zibotshelelwe kwinjongo yomtshato esentshona yile ngcamango yokuba "bobabini banye."
Imitshato esempilweni kunye neyonwabisayo ivumela indawo eyoneleyo kuwo omabini amaqabane ukuba aphonononge ngokupheleleyo kwaye amkele imibono yabo yobizo, ubomi, ubumoya, kunye nezinto ezinje. Nangona kunjalo, kukho amaxesha apho amaqabane aqonda ukuba imibono yabo iyimibono ekhuphisanayo. Kuninzi, ukukhukhuleka ngaphandle kwenzeka kubudlelwane.
Ukuba owasetyhini okanye iqabane lakhe livakalelwa kukuba umbono wabo ngekamva awuhambelani nomkhondo opheleleyo womtshato, umtshato ungaphela.
4. Abantwana
Ayizizo zonke izibini ezitshatileyo ezikhetha ukuba nabantwana njengenxalenye yentsapho yazo "equation".
Le mandla angenamntwana ilungile lo gama onke amaqela esebhodini ngale ndlela. Nangona kunjalo, abantu basetyhini bahlala beziva ukuba ngumzali xa abanye babo bengenalo. Xa kukho olu hlobo lokungaziphathi kakuhle kulwalamano, ukwahlukana emtshatweni kunokuba phezulu.
Indlu eyahlulelene yodwa ayinakuma. Ngendlela efanayo, ukungavumelani malunga nomcimbi "womntwana okanye akukho mntwana" kunokuba sisaphuli-mthetho.
5. Ubuhlobo obuvulekileyo
Ezinye izibini zenza isivumelwano esivumela “ukusondelelana ngokukhululekileyo.”
Ngelixa intembeko enkulu iyafuneka phakathi kwamaqabane avumela ukubonakaliswa kwesini ngaphaya kobudlelwane, ubudlelwane bunokubuva ubunzima ngenxa yoko.
Nantsi into, ukuthembana kuyancipha xa ingqalelo yethu igxile kubuqabane obungaphezulu kwesinye. Abasetyhini kolunye ulwalamano olomeleleyo okanye abonwabileyo emitshatweni banokubushiya ubudlelwane ukuba baziva ukuba amaqabane abo asondeleleneyo alunge ngakumbi kumtshato ongaphandle komtshato.
6. Ukukruquka
Njengoko imeko yomntu iguquka, ixesha lethu lokuqonda liyanda. Kuba itekhnoloji kunye namayeza zihlala zisinika ixesha elininzi lokuchitha ixesha lethu ngokuzonwabisa, sinokukhetha ukuhamba okanye ukwenza izinto ezahlukeneyo zokuzonwabisa.
Kodwa nangona siqhubeka nokuzonwabisa ukuze sigcine izinto zinomdla, sinokudikwa kulwalamano lwethu esele sikho. Abanye abantu basetyhini, kunye namadoda, banokuziva ngathi amaqabane abo awonwabisi okanye asebenze ngokwaneleyo ukunyanzela ukuzibophelela kwexesha elide.
Asinakuze silwe neqabane lethu, kodwa sinokudikwa ngabo. Yiyo loo nto abanye abantu basetyhini beqhubeka nobomi ngaphandle kokubaluleka kwezinye izinto ezikhoyo.
7. Ukuqhelana ngesondo
Abanye abantu abatshatileyo bahlala kubomi babo bomtshato xa elinye lamaqabane liqonda ukuba linomdla kubantu besini esifanayo. Iqabane linokulithanda ngokwenyani iqabane lalo ngelixa lingatsalwanga ngokusondeleyo kwiqabane.
Xa owasetyhini (okanye indoda) evuma umtsalane wesini kumntu wesini esifanayo, oko kunokuthetha ukuphela kobudlelwane obukhoyo ngoku.
Nangona ukwahlukana kunye noqhawulo mtshato kunokuba nzima, kunokuba yimfuneko.
Sonke sifuna ukunyaniseka ukuba siphilile. Xa kungekho bunyani, sinako ukuzithemba nokuzithemba. Ukunyaniseka kuqhelwaniso kunokuthetha ukuba imeko yobudlelwane kutshintsho kufanelekile.
8. Ukukhuselwa
Ngelixa isihloko sichaza zonke iintlobo zokhetho, injongo ikwisinye. Xa eyeka ukuzama ukuba ngumqondiso oqinisekileyo womlilo wokuba lo mfazi uyarhoxa kubudlelwane.
Kukho amaxesha apho abafazi (kunye namadoda) beshiya ubudlelwane obuhle kuba bebona "iinyanga ezimbi" ekugqibeleni. Ingxaki yezempilo, isigulo esinganyangekiyo, nokunye okunje zizizathu zokuba iqabane lingahambela kude "nento elungileyo" okanye liqhutyelwe ekubeni lishiye ubudlelwane kuba lifuna ukukhusela amaqabane alo.
Kwimizamo yethu yokukhusela abanye kwimicimbi esiqubisane nayo, sinokwenza okubi kunokulungileyo.
Kufuneka wenze ntoni xa etsala?
Xa etsala, mnike indawo kwaye angabuya.
Ngamanye amaxesha, amaqabane ahamba kude nento ekufanele ukuba yinto elungileyo. Kuyakhathaza, kubuhlungu, kodwa kuyenzeka. Xa isenzeka, kubalulekile ukuba iqabane ekufumaneni iindaba ezimbi livuleke kwindawo ngelixa liqhubeka nokuhlala linethemba lokuba ukudibana kunokwenzeka.
Unxibelelwano olomeleleyo luyimfuneko kwimitshato eyonwabisayo. Kwaye, ekugqibeleni, ukwamkelwa kwaso nasiphi na isiphumo sikumakhadi obudlelwane.
Ke kufuneka wenze ntoni xa esiba kude?
Endaweni yokukhangela ulungiso olukhawulezileyo ngendlela onokubuyela ngayo kubudlelwane, kubalulekile ukuba umnike indawo, qiniseka ukuba akukho nto uyenzileyo yokumcaphukisa oyaziyo, kwaye ubuze ukuba angakulungela ukuya kwicounselling.
Asinakho ukwenza ukhetho kumaqabane ethu asondeleyo ukuba banomdla wokurhoxa kubudlelwane. Singakwazi, nangona kunjalo, ukuzikhathalela kakuhle.