Umxholo
- Singene njani kule ngxaki?
- Izizathu zokuba abantu batshata kamva ebomini
- Inkqubo yeeveki ezisibhozo zokucebisa ngaphambi komtshato
- Sele ulungele?
Ipesenti yemitshato e-United States esempilweni iphantsi kakhulu.
Kwaye inqanaba loqhawulo-mtshato liyaqhubeka linyuka kancinci unyaka nonyaka.
Ke senza ntoni? Sikutshintsha njani oku? Ngaba kufanelekile ukuba sitshate kamva kakhulu ebomini?
Kule minyaka ingama-30 idlulileyo, umbhali oyena mntu uthengisa kakhulu, umcebisi, uQeqeshi woBomi kunye nomphathiswa uDavid Essel ebenceda abantu ukuba bathathe isigqibo ukuba bakulungele na ukutshata, okanye akunjalo, kwaye kufuneka batshate kwaphela, okanye kufuneka nje ulinde kude kube kamva ebomini?
Apha ngezantsi, uDavid usinika ezakhe iingcinga malunga nobubi bomtshato kweli lizwe.
“Ngelishwa, ishishini lam, liyaqhubeka nokukhula ngokubonakalayo kunye nabaxumi abasuka kwihlabathi liphela ngenxa yemeko eyoyikekayo yemitshato, hayi eMelika kuphela kodwa nakwezinye iindawo.
Singene njani kule ngxaki?
Senza ntoni ukuzama ukunciphisa izinga loqhawulo-mtshato, ngelixa sisonyusa ipesenti yemitshato esempilweni neyonwabileyo?
Xa sisithi imeko yemitshato e-United States ayonwabanga, mandibelane ngokuba kutheni sikholelwa ukuba:
- Ngaphezulu kwe-55% yemitshato yokuqala iyakuphela ngoqhawulo-mtshato
- Malunga nama-62% emitshato yesibini iya kuphela ngoqhawulo-mtshato
- Malunga nama-68% emitshato yesithathu iyakuphela ngoqhawulo-mtshato
Ayiloxesha lokuba uvuke?
Iinkcukacha-manani bezifana ncam iminyaka eliqela, kodwa akukho mntu ubonakala esenza nto ngale meko.
Kwaye ngepesenti yezibini ezihlala kunye ixesha elide, kwiminyaka yam engama-30 njengomcebisi, umqeqeshi wobomi kunye nomphathiswa, ndinokuxelela ukuba yipesenti encinci kakhulu yale mitshato yexesha elide eyonwabileyo.
Uninzi lwabantu, ngenxa yezinto ezifana nokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi, bahlala kubudlelwane obungenampilo ngenxa yokoyika ukuba bodwa, ukungakhuseleki kwemali kunye nezinye izizathu.
Izizathu zokuba abantu batshata kamva ebomini
Ndikhumbula ngo-2004, xa incwadi yam eyayithengisa kakhulu ethi “Cotha isantya: eyona ndlela ikhawulezayo yokufumana yonke into oyifunayo,” yakhululwa, sabhala ngeloxesha ukuba “amadoda awanako ukuvuthwa ngokwasemoyeni ukuba angatshata ade abe anama-30, abafazi bangakhuli ngokweemvakalelo kweli nqanaba lokuzibophelela de babe neminyaka engama-25 edluleyo. ”
Kodwa ukusukela ngo-2004, ndibona utshintsho olukhulu endizakwabelana nani ngalo mzuzu.
Amadoda. Ndibona uninzi lwamadoda kwezi ntsuku ekhula ngokweemvakalelo, kwaye ekulungele ukuzibophelela kumtshato wexesha elide malunga neminyaka engama-40.
Ngenxa yezizathu ezingaziwayo kum, amadoda amaninzi endisebenza nawo phakathi kweminyaka engama-20 ukuya kwengama-30 akakho ndawo ekulungele ukuzibophelela emtshatweni, abantwana nangaphezulu.
Kubonakala ngathi eli nqanaba lokuvuthwa liphakanyisiwe, kwaye ngoku xa ndisebenza namadoda aneminyaka engaphaya kwama-30 nakwiminyaka yama-40s ndibafumana bekhulile ngokwasemoyeni, kwaye bakulungele ukusingatha uxinzelelo kunye nolonwabo oluza nokuba Iqabane lexesha elide kwaye mhlawumbi nabantwana.
Abafazi. Ndikwabona imeko inye isenzeka nabafazi, kanti kwiminyaka eli-15 eyadlulayo bendizakusebenza nabafazi abambalwa abaphakathi kweminyaka engama-21 nama-25 abanemincili ngomtshato, abantwana kwaye bebebonakala ngathi bakhule ngokwasemoyeni, kodwa namhlanje , Ndiyabakhuthaza abathengi bam basetyhini ukuba balinde de babe yi-30, ngaphambi kokuba uninzi lwabo lukulungele ukuzibophelela kumtshato wexesha elide kunye nosapho olunabantwana.
Ewe inkxalabo kubafazi abaninzi abalinde bade babe ngama-30 ukuba batshate, okanye bazibophelele kubudlelwane bexesha elide, kukuba emva koko bazive benoxinzelelo lokuba nabantwana kungekudala. Kodwa ndiyabaxelela ukuba ukuba nabantwana kwi-20s yakho, ngelixa inokusebenzela abanye abantu, baninzi kakhulu abantu abanabantwana abangakhulanga ngokwaneleyo ukuba babe ngoomama nootata abakhulu.
Ke, into emtshatweni wokugqibela kunye neziphumo zawo ecaleni kweenzuzo kunye neengozi zokutshata kamva ebomini, ukwenza isigqibo esifanelekileyo.
Nazi iingcinga ezimbalwa endifuna ukwabelana ngazo ukuze ndikwazi ukunceda ukunciphisa izinga loqhawulo-mtshato kunye nokunyusa izinga lokutshata elisempilweni elizweni lethu:
- Qhubeka ukulibazisa ukutshata de ube umdala ebomini. Ndicinga ukuba oku kubalulekile. Kwaye ndicinga ukuba yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo ekufuneka sizijongile, ngokubhekisele ekuveliseni iintsapho ezonwabileyo nezisempilweni kwixesha elizayo.
- Iingcebiso ngaphambi komtshato. Njengomphathiswa ndatshata izibini ezimbalwa kule minyaka ili-15 idlulileyo, kwaye kwasekuqaleni kwakunyanzelekile ukuba nditshate isibini esitshatileyo kwakufuneka bagqibe kwinkqubo yethu yokucebisa ngaphambi komtshato.
Kwiminyaka eliqela eyadlulayo saqala ukubuyela umva, abantu abafuna ukuba ndibatshate elunxwemeni, ezintabeni, kwiindawo eziya kuzo kodwa bengafuni ukuya kunikwa iingcebiso ngaphambi komtshato.
Kuqala bendilungile ngokunciphisa umsebenzi wokucebisa ngaphambi komtshato, kodwa ngoku emva kokubona imeko yemitshato yethu kweli lizwe ndibuyele ekuqinisekiseni ukuba nasiphi na isibini esiza kutshata siyigqibile inkqubo yokucebisa ngaphambi komtshato.
Inkqubo yeeveki ezisibhozo zokucebisa ngaphambi komtshato
Kule nkqubo yeeveki ezisibhozo, sithetha ngendima yamadoda nabasetyhini emtshatweni, sithetha ngokukhulisa abantwana, ukuba umntu ngamnye ulindeleni ukuba ubomi babo ngokwesondo buya kujongeka kanjani, ngubani oza kuphatha ezemali, ingaba lukhona uhlobo lwenkolo okanye Imeko yokomoya kubo bobabini abazali nabantwana, ngaba ikhona imiba malunga nabasekhweni ekufuneka siyikhathalele ngaphambi komtshato, kunye nezinye izihloko ezahlukileyo eziqinisekisa ukuba aba bantu bakwiphepha elinye ebomini .
Ndiyakholelwa ukuba wonke umfundisi, wonke umfundisi, wonke urabhi owenza imitshato namhlanje, kufuneka abuyele ekuqinisekiseni ukuba banenkqubo eyandisiweyo yokucebisa ngaphambi komtshato ekufuneka beyigqibile aba bathengi ngaphambi komtshato.
Akukho ngaphandle, akukho ngaphandle konke konke.
- Ngaba zikhona abanokubulala isivumelwano kubudlelwane?
Kwincwadi yethu yokuqala ethengwa kakhulu “kugxilwe! Slate iinjongo zakho “, sithetha ngomthetho ka-David Essel we-3% wokuthandana”, othi ukuba umntu ocinga ukutshata naye, unabo nabaphi na abanokubulala, ukuba abavumi ukwenza uhlengahlengiso. nokususa ezi bhloko kubudlelwane, emva koko amathuba obudlelwane aphumeleleyo aphantsi kakhulu.
Ke ngabaphi ababulali bakho besivumelwano, kwaye ngaba iqabane lakho langoku linazo?
"Ukujongana nababulali" zizinto ongenakuhlala nazo.
Abanye abantu abanakuhlala nomntu otshayayo, ke ukuba bayathandana nomntu otshayayo, kwaye umntu otshayayo akafuni ukuyeka, ndiza kubakhuthaza ukuba bacinge ngokuhamba, kuba akukho nto imbi njengokubambelela emtshatweni okanye ukuzibophelela ixesha elide xa iqabane lakho linomcimbi owukhethayo ongamkelekanga kuwe.
Okanye mhlawumbi ucinga ngokutshata iqabane lakho ngoku, kwaye ufuna abantwana kwaye baphikisana kwaphela naloo nto. Yima kanye apha! Ingayinto yokubulala ukuba andizukucebisa nabani na ukuba aqhubele phambili kwaye atshate umntu onezimvo eziphikisayo kweli nqanaba.
- Buza nayiphi na kwaye zonke izibini ezitshatileyo eziphumelelayo uyazi, ukuba bakholelwa ntoni imfihlo yempumelelo yabo ngu.
Esi sisixhobo esidala endikhe ndasisebenzisa kubathengi bam abaninzi ngaphambi kokuba ndibatshate, ndibenza ukuba bafikelele kubazala babo, oomakazi, oomalume, ootatomkhulu, ootishala besikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, ababengabaqeqeshi bangaphambili.
Ndibaxelela ukuba bafikelele okungenani kwizibini ezitshatileyo ezinomtshato ophilileyo kwaye zifumane ezantsi ezenza ukuba usebenze.
Kuyandikhathaza kakhulu ukubona imitshato emininzi ikwimeko embi, nabantwana bebandezeleka yonke imihla, kwaye ndingathanda ukuba yinxalenye yesisombululo endaweni yenxalenye yengxaki.
Eli nqaku lalibhalelwe ukusinceda sinciphise ubudlelwane obungasebenziyo kunye nemitshato kweli lizwe kunye nokudala iintsapho ezonwabileyo nezisebenza kakuhle.
Sele ulungele?
Yithathele phezulu yonke le nto, yabelana nabahlobo bakho, kwaye xa sisonke sinokuthi sinciphise imeko yobudlelwane obuhlwempuzekileyo esihlala siyibona kwilizwe lethu. "
Umsebenzi ka-David Essel'ukhuthazwe kakhulu ngabantu abanjengongasekhoyo uWayne Dyer, kwaye usaziwayo uJenny Mccarthy uthi "uDavid Essel yinkokeli entsha yentshukumo yokucinga eyakhayo."
I-Marriage.com iqinisekisile uDavid njengomnye wabacebisi abaphezulu bezobudlelwane kunye neengcali kwihlabathi.
Ungumbhali weencwadi ezili-10, ezine kuzo ziye zaba ngabona bathengi babalaseleyo.
Ngolwazi oluthe kratya kuko konke okwenziwa nguDavid, nceda undwendwele www.davidessel.com