Umxholo
Ngeli hlobo, mna nesoka lam siye eYurophu. Sineentsuku ezi-5 ezithandekayo nezithandanayo eParis, emva kokuba sifikile eBarcelona, savuka ngokungenalusini ngokuhla kwi-Cloud 9 kwaye sajongana nemiceli mingeni yobudlelwane. Zazingeyonto iphambili- unxibelelwano olusisiseko oluya luphakama nabantu ababini abanobuthathaka, kodwa babekhona kwaye bakhula ubomi babo de sakwazi ukubabeka ekuphumleni.
Sihleli phantse iminyaka emibini, kwaye bobabini bakwimeko yezempilo yengqondo (mna, uMtshato noMtshato oSebenzayo; yena yi-PhD kwi-Psychology enobuchwephesha bokulawula ngengqondo kunye nomsindo). Unokucinga ukuba thina, kuzo zonke izibini ezitshatileyo, singaba nazo zonke izixhobo emhlabeni ukuze sibe nolwalamano olugqibeleleyo, olungenangxaki. Ewe, ixesha elininzi liyinyani, nangona kunjalo, okuninzi kukudana kwethu, singabantu emva kwayo yonke loo nto. Kwaye olo luntu luza neemvakalelo zokwenyani, iimvakalelo, kunye namava athi ngaphandle kokuqonda kunye nokukwazi ukunxibelelana ngovelwano, ngamanye amaxesha singaphelela kwiimvakalelo ezibuhlungu, ukungaqondani kunye neepateni ezinokuphinda zivele ngokulula kwimitshato yethu yangaphambili nakubuntwana bethu.
Ngelixa bendikwiholide kwaye ndisebenza kubudlelwane bethu, bendinolwazi lokuba Uthando alonelanga. Idama! Olo lwazi lundibethele entloko ngentloko yinyani yokuba zombini zindenze ndadana kwaye ndakhuthazeka ngokulinganayo ukuba ndiqhubeke nokuziqhelanisa nezixhobo zokwenza kunye nokugcina ubudlelwane obuzalisekisayo, obunothando kunye nobude.
Ngexesha lokungqubana, ukunganxibelelani kakuhle, ukukhathazeka, umsindo, ukudana, usizi, imijikelezo yeemvakalelo ezingalunganga, okanye iipateni zokubambeka, ukubuyela kwisiseko sothando kunye noxabiso kubaluleke kakhulu. Kodwa okubalulekileyo ukuphuma kweli nqanaba liphikisanayo yindlela ozimisele ngayo nyathela uye komnye xa kuvela imingeni. Kulula ukugxila kuthando kunye nazo zonke izinto ezilungileyo xa ubomi buhamba ngokulula.Kodwa xa sibanjiwe sisehla, kwaye siziva singenako ukuphuma kumandla amandla aso, ukukwazi ukufikelela kwiqabane lakho ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokwasemphefumlweni, okanye ngamandla, kunzima kodwa kuyimfuneko.
Kufuneka wenze ntoni ngamaxesha anzima?
Umphandi womtshato odumileyo uJohn Gottman ubhekisa kule nkqubo njenge ukulungiswa kwemizamo, echazwa njengentshukumo okanye isitetimenti esizama ukuthintela ukungakhathali ekukhuleni kolawulo. Imizekelo yeendidi ezi-6 zemizamo yokulungisa echazwe nguGottman yile:
- ndiyeva
- Uxolo
- Yiya ewe
- Ndifuna ukwehlisa umoya
- Yeka isenzo
- Ndiyayibulela
Amabinzana akwezi ndidi afana namaqhuqhuva esantya ukunceda ukunciphisa isantya kwaye asivumele ukuba siphendule ngobubele, imfesane kunye nenjongo. Kulula ukutsho kunokuba kwenziwe, ndiyazi! Kodwa ukudala indawo yokulungiswa kubalulekile ukusikhupha kwezo zijikelezo zingathandekiyo.
Gxila ekusombululeni imiba
Eminye imiceli mngeni inokuvela xa wena okanye iqabane lakho niziva nibambekile kangangokuba aniziva ngathi niyayamkela imizamo yokulungisa iqabane lakho. Kodwa ukubiza ulwazi olo kunokuba yenye yeendlela zokunceda woyise lo mqobo. Ukwazi ukuthi kwiqabane lakho, “Oku akulula; Ndiziva ndinamathele kakhulu ekufikeleleni kuni ngoku, kodwa ndiyazi ukuba ndiyakubulela ekuhambeni kwexesha endikwenzileyo, ”kuthatha isibindi nokuba sesichengeni. Kodwa ndiyazi ukuba ukuhlala ubambekile kunokuba nzima ngakumbi. Kwaye njengaso nasiphi na isakhono, siya sisebenza kancinci kwaye kufuneka uqinise izixhobo zokwenza ulwalamano olunamandla ngakumbi.
Imizamo yethu yokulungisa eyenziweyo ngelixa ise-Barcelona yeyona nto yasivumela ukuba singahlali kwaye siqhubeke nokonwabela iholide yethu. Ngamaxesha athile, iinzame zazikhangeleka ngokwahlukileyo: yayikukukwazi ukubiza into esiziva ngayo; Yolula ukubamba izandla; cela indawo yokunceda ukucoca iingqondo zethu; iwonga ukuba le ibiyinkqubo enzima; nikela ngokumanga; uxolise ngenxalenye yethu yonxibelelwano olungelulo; ukucacisa indawo yethu; Yamkela indlela oku okubangele ukuba kubekho inxeba elidala ... Akukho namnye ukulungiswa kwemilingo okwakuza kuyenza ngcono, kodwa ndandinebhongo ngathi ngokuqhubeka nenkqubo.
Kungaba lula kakhulu ukuba izibini zivaliwe ngenxa yokuba sesichengeni kunye nokuvuleleka okufunekayo ukuze kulungiswe kunokuziva kunzima, kwaye ke kubagcine kwindawo engalunganga. Kwaye ukuba amalinge angaphambili asilele, kunokubakho ukuthandabuza ukuzama kwakhona. Kodwa, ngokwenene ... loluphi ukhetho olukhoyo, kodwa ukuqhubeka nokuzama? Kuba yeha, uthando alwanele!