Umxholo
- Ayingo mntu omnye obangela iingxaki kubudlelwane
- Kubalulekile ukuba uyiqonde into oyenzayo ukudala ungquzulwano
- Wenza ntoni ukwenza igalelo kwimiba kubudlelwane bakho?
- Kuthatha ukuphanda okunzulu ukuqonda ukuba yintoni ekucaphukisayo
Kwizibini zonyango, ndicela abathengi ukuba babuyele ngapha nangapha phakathi kokufuna ukutshintsha iqabane labo, kunye nokufuna ukuzitshintsha. Kulula kakhulu kwaye kuyindalo ukubona yonke into iqabane lakho liyasilela kwaye uzive ngathi iingxaki kubudlelwane ziyimpazamo yabo. Ukuba angayeka ukundivalela ngaphandle, Ndingavuya, omnye umntu uthi, okanye Ndifuna nje ukuba ayeke ukukhala kwaye siza kuphila.
Ewe kulungile ukuchonga kwaye ubuze into oyifunayo. Kodwa lelo kuphela icala le-equation-kwaye ayililo necala eliluncedo. Elona nyathelo liluncedo kukujonga kuwe ukuze ubone ukuba yintoni onokuyilungisa. Ukuba ungatshintsha nokuba:
- Iimpazamo ozisa kulwalamano okanye
- Impendulo yakho kwiimpazamo zeqabane lakho, kulapho uneresiphi yokukhula kwenene, kunye nethuba lokonwaba kubambiswano lwakho.
Ayingo mntu omnye obangela iingxaki kubudlelwane
Yinyaniso leyo. (Ewe, kulungile, ngamanye amaxesha kubakho iqabane elinye elibi, kodwa le ilebhile igcinelwe abahlukumezi.) Ingxaki ihlala inamandla phakathi kwabantu ababini, le nto ingcali uSusan Johnson ayibiza ngokuba "ngumdaniso" kwiincwadi zakhe ezintle. Eli gama linye lenza umfanekiso wabantu ababini behla benyuka, bekhokelela kwaye belandela, bephembelela kwaye bexhasana. Akukho mntu kwi pas deux.
Kuvakala ngathi akunakuphikiswa — ukuba ndingatshintsha, ndiya kumthanda ngakumbi. Kodwa ikwangumthombo wamandla. Ukuhlala phantsi usokola "ukulungisa" omnye umntu kunqabile ukuba kusebenze. Kuyakhathaza, kuhlala kukwenza uzive ngathi awuviwa okanye uqondwe, kwaye kubangela ukuba iqabane lakho lizive ligxekwa. Ukuba endaweni yoko, ubeka amandla ekuqondeni ukuba kutheni ungayithandi into ongayithandiyo ngaye, kwaye into oyenzayo inyusa amandla, unethuba elinamandla lokwenza umahluko.
Makhe sijonge kuwo omabini la manyathelo ale nkqubo
Kubalulekile ukuba uyiqonde into oyenzayo ukudala ungquzulwano
Ngamanye amaxesha iqabane elinye lijongeka linetyala ngakumbi. Mhlawumbi wayekhohlisile, okanye unomsindo. Nkqu nakwezo meko, mhlawumbi ngakumbi kwezo meko, ndibeka ukukhanya ngokulinganayo kwelinye iqabane, elihlala lijongeka lingenzi nto. Ukudlula ngaphandle kwe-radar kuba kuthe cwaka kwaye kuzolile, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba ayinamandla kwaye ayonakalisi. Ezinye zeendlela eziqhelekileyo zokungazibandakanyi kubandakanya ukuvala kunye nokwala ukuzibandakanya, ukungavumi ukusondelelana, ukuvala iqabane lakho ngokweemvakalelo, ukubulawa ngenxa yokholo okanye ukuthembela kakhulu kwabanye abangaphandle kolwalamano. Nayiphi na kwezi zenzo zemvukelo inyanzela enye ukuba yenze ngokungxolayo, nangomsindo, okanye icime impendulo.
Wenza ntoni ukwenza igalelo kwimiba kubudlelwane bakho?
Ngokombono wam, bahlala benxulumana nento oyifundileyo ebuntwaneni, nokuba isebenza kanjani imitshato okanye ukuba "ufanele" ukunxibelelana njani nabanye (ngokuzama ukugqibelela, ngokukholisa abanye ngokwenzakala kwakho, ngokuxhaphaza, njl. ). Unyango lomntu ngamnye okanye olwababini, ungaphonononga indlela elidlulileyo elikuchaphazela ngayo okwangoku kwaye unikele ngesipho kulwalamano lwakho lwangoku, kunye nolonwabo lwakho ngokubanzi.
Icandelo lesibini lilele ekuqondeni indlela oxhokonxwa ngayo ziindlela zonxibelelwano zeqabane lakho, kunye nendlela onokutshintsha ngayo indlela ophendula ngayo. Ngamanye amaxesha ukuthatha nje "ixesha lokuphuma" kunye nokuzola ngaphambi kokuxoxa ngezinto kunokubangela uphuculo olukhulu, ngokunciphisa umdlalo weqonga. UJohn Gottman ufunde nzulu indlela inkqubo yethu yemithambo-luvo evuka ngayo kwangoko xa siziva sihlaselwa okanye sicaphuka, kwaye ukuba le nto ilifaka njani iqabane elinomsindo kwimpendulo yoloyiko. Ngokukhawuleza xa siba nomsindo, i-pulse yethu iyakhawuleza, igazi liphuma kude nengqondo, kwaye asisazibandakanyi nokumamela. Kungcono ngelo xesha uhambe kude kwaye uzole ngaphambi kokuba uqalise ingxoxo.
Kuthatha ukuphanda okunzulu ukuqonda ukuba yintoni ekucaphukisayo
Mhlawumbi xa esiba mhlophe, ikukhumbuza iimfuno zikanyoko zokuba umhoye. Okanye xa echitha imali eninzi kubusuku ngaphandle kukwenza uzive ngathi iimfuno zakho kunye nomdla wakho awunamsebenzi. Emva kokuba ufumanise ukuba uphendula ntoni kanye kanye, ungathatha amanyathelo okuqonda ukuba usenokuba uyasabela, okanye ulibale ukucela eyona nto uyifunayo-uhlala uyihlonipha, okanye uyayithanda. Emva koko unokumisa amandla kwiitrakthi zawo kwaye uyibuyisele incoko kwimveliso.
Ngelixa ukwazi into oyifunayo kwiqabane lakho kubalulekile, ukujonga ngokwakho njengeyona nto iphambili kuyilo lotshintsho kubudlelwane bakho kuya kukwenza wonwabe kwaye waneliseke ngakumbi ekuhambeni kwexesha. Nokuba kukuwe ngokwakho okanye ngoncedo lonyango, ukujonga ngaphakathi yeyona ndlela iphambili yokuziva unamandla.