Umxholo
- Yintoni uMzali wokuShiya uMzali?
- Iqala njani?
- Utata wakhe waba ngumntu "ombi"
- Waba ngumlomo kamama wakhe
- Ibali likaDave alinqabile
- Ukuhlamba ingqondo
- Umzabalazo wokuzithemba okuphantsi kunye noxinzelelo
- Khuthaza abantwana ukuba banxibelelane nomnye umzali
UDave wayeneminyaka eli-9 okanye eli-10 xa abazali bakhe baqhawula umtshato. Khange amangaliswe kakhulu njengoko bekukho ukungavisisani kunye nokuxabana ekhaya, nangona kunjalo, usapho lwalusaphuka kwaye oku kwakunzima kuye. Wahlala ehlala kwikhaya awayeqhelene nalo nomama wakhe, eyayintle kakhulu. Wayenokuhlala esikolweni nakwindawo ahlala kuyo uninzi lwabahlobo bakhe. Wayelithanda ikhaya lakhe, izilwanyana zasekhaya kunye nabahlobo kwaye ngaphandle kotyelelo ngamanye amaxesha notata wakhe, wayehlala kwindawo yakhe yokuthuthuzela.
Akazange aqonde de wayeneminyaka engaphaya kwama-20 ukuba wayephethwe gadalala ngunina. Umntu angazi njani ukuba bayaxhatshazwa? Ewe, uhlobo lokuhlukumezeka awalunyamezelayo ngaphezulu kwesiqingatha sobomi bakhe yayikukuxhaphaza okungacacanga nokungabonakaliyo okubizwa ngokuba yiParent Alienation okanye iParent Alienation Syndrome (PAS).
Yintoni uMzali wokuShiya uMzali?
Luhlobo lokuxhatshazwa ngokwasemphefumlweni nangokweemvakalelo okungathethi ukuba akukho manqaku okanye amanxeba ngaphandle. Ukuqhubeka, nantoni na ebhalwe ngombala obomvu iya kuba yimpawu kunye neempawu zePAS.
Iqala njani?
Iqale kancinci. Umama angathetha izinto ezimbalwa ezimbi malunga notata apha naphaya. Umzekelo, "utata wakho ungqongqo kakhulu", "utata wakho akakuqondi", "utata wakho ukhohlakele". Ixesha elingaphezulu, kuye kwaba kubi ngakumbi xa umama ethetha izinto kuDave ngathi unesithukuthezi, wayexhalabile malunga nezemali kwaye wayeza kusebenzisa uDave ukufumana ulwazi ngobomi babucala bukatata wakhe. Rhoqo uDave wayesiva umama wakhe ethetha emnxebeni ekhalaza kwaye ethetha kakubi ngotata wakhe. Ukongeza, umama wayeza kuthatha uDave aye kugqirha okanye kumcebisi ngaphandle kokuxelela utata wakhe kude kube ziintsuku okanye iiveki kamva. Wayesebenza ngokuzimeleyo kwisivumelwano sokugcina. Utata wakhe wayehlala iidolophu ezimbalwa kude kwaye kancinci kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo, uDave wayefuna ukuchitha ixesha elincinci kunye nelincinci apho. Uya kubakhumbula abahlobo bakhe kwaye azikhathaze ngokuba umama wakhe eyedwa.
Utata wakhe waba ngumntu "ombi"
Izinto ezininzi zaqala ukwenzeka ukutyhubela iminyaka. Utata kaDave wayethambekele ekumqeqesheni ngokwamabanga aphantsi kwaye umama wayefuna "ukuqonda" ngakumbi umzabalazo wakhe esikolweni. Nawuphi na umzamo wokumqeqesha uDave kumabanga akhe amabi okanye ukungaziphathi kakuhle kuya kujongelwa phantsi ngumama kaDave. Umama kaDave wayemxelela uDave ukuba utata wakhe wayengenangqondo kwaye engenabulungisa kuqeqesho lwakhe, ke ngoko, utata kaDave wayengumntu "ombi". Umama kaDave waba ngumhlobo wakhe osenyongweni. Wayenokumxelela nantoni na kwaye waziva ukuba akanakukwazi ukuvula konke konke kuyise wakhe, ekwenza ixesha kunye notata wakhe ngakumbi nangakumbi.
Impatho gadalala yaqina xa uDave wayeneminyaka eli-15. Wayengazazi iinkcukacha kodwa kwabonakala kukuhle kakhulu. Utata kaDave kwafuneka anciphise inkcitho yabo kwaye wayexakeke kakhulu ezama ukwakha umsebenzi wakhe. Kwakungeli xesha ke apho umama kaDave aqala khona ukubelana ngemithetho eyayibandakanyekile kutata wakhe. Khumbula, wayengazazi iinkcukacha kodwa waziva enelungelo lokwabelana ngeengcinga zakhe njengenyaniso. Uye waqala nokuxelela uDave ubuxoki malunga noqhawulo-mtshato, uxinzelelo lwezezimali olwaluyimpazamo "katata" wakhe, wayeza kubonisa ii-imeyile kunye nemiyalezo uDave ayithunyelwe ngutata kaDave kuye, kunye nezinye izinto ezininzi ezenza uDave ngakumbi nangakumbi. uxinzelelo. Umzabalazo kaDave esikolweni, uxinzelelo, ukuzithemba okuphantsi kunye nokutya kakhulu kuye kwanda ngakumbi. Okokugqibela, kuba kwakubonakala ngathi utata sesona sizathu sokuba uDave asokole kangaka, wagqiba kwelokuba akafuni kumbona utata wakhe konke konke.
Waba ngumlomo kamama wakhe
Ngaphandle kwento ebonakala ngathi ayikho ndawo, umama emva koko wadibana negqwetha lakhe kwaye waqala ibhola eqengqeleka etshintsha isivumelwano sokugcinwa. Njengokuba utata kaDave eqala ukuziva etyhalelwanga kude uza kubuza uDave ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni kwaye kutheni uDave emqumbele kangaka. UDave wabelana ngamaqhekeza kunye neziqwenga zento eyayithethwa ngumama kwaye utata waqalisa ukuziva ukuba umama wayekumishini yokugcina uDave kuye. Izinto ezaziza kuvezwa nguDave kutata wakhe zazivakala njengamagama umama kaDave awayezowathetha nawathi wawathetha kuyise ngaphambili. UDave waba ngumlomo kamama wakhe. Wayezama ngabom ukujika uDave ashiye utata wakhe kwaye wayengaqinisekanga ukuba angamisa njani okanye ancede uDave abone ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni. Utata kaDave wayesazi ukuba umama wakhe wayenobukrakra kuqhawulo mtshato (nangona inguye owayecele uqhawulo mtshato). Utata kaDave wayesazi ukuba babengazange bavumelane ngeendlela zokuba ngumzali kwaye zininzi izinto ezingangqinelaniyo phakathi kwabo, kodwa akazange acinge ukuba angazama ngenjongo yokuguqula uDave amchase.
Ibali likaDave alinqabile
Kuyadabukisa kodwa kuyinyani ukuba uninzi lwabazali abaqhawule umtshato ngabom okanye ngokungazi ngabom bajika abantwana babo ngokuchasene ne-ex yabo. Ngaphandle kokuba kukho uxhatshazo olubhaliweyo apho umntwana engafanele kuchitha ixesha nabazali bobabini, kuchasene nomthetho ukuba umzali onelungelo lokugcina enze ukuphazamiseka kubudlelwane bomntwana nomnye umzali. Into umama kaDave awayeyenza, eyindlela eqinisekileyo yokuxhatshazwa ngokwasemphefumlweni nangokweemvakalelo, yayijolise kutata kaDave kwaye yahlukanisa uDave kuye. Umama kaDave wayenobuqhetseba ngokuhamba kwexesha efundisa uDave ukuba utata wakhe wayengumzali "okhohlakeleyo" kwaye wayengumzali "ogqibeleleyo".
Ukuhlamba ingqondo
Oku kubizwa ngokuba yi-Parent Alienation Syndrome, nangona kunjalo, ndingathanda ukuyenza lula kwaye ndiyibize ngokuba iyintoni, yi-Brainwashing. Ke ngoku, yintoni emhlabeni ebeya kuyenza okanye yenziwe ngutata kaDave ngoku ekubeni uDave emdala?
Ukuze wazi ukuba wenzeni, kufuneka kuqala siqonde ukuhlamba ingqondo. Kwimeko kaDave, umama wakhe wasebenzisa ukwahluka kunye nefuthe elinamandla lokuqonda kwakhe utata wakhe ngobuxoki kunye neengxelo ezingalunganga. Ngelishwa, kwaye ngelishwa, bekungekho nto ininzi utata kaDave anokuyenza. Wenza iinzame eziqhubekayo zokuhlala enxibelelana noDave ngokumsa kwiidinala okanye kwimidlalo. Uzamile ukunciphisa ukubekwa ecaleni kangangoko ngokuhlala eqhagamshelene ngemiyalezo ebhaliweyo kunye nemihla ekhethekileyo nonyana wakhe. Ngelo xesha, utata kaDave wayemthanda nje kwaye wayenomonde (ngokokhuthazo lwengcali yakhe). Utata kaDave wafuna inkxaso kunye nesikhokelo ukuze angazenzi izinto ngokungalunganga noDave.
Umzabalazo wokuzithemba okuphantsi kunye noxinzelelo
Njengokuba uDave ekhula kwaye engena ebudaleni, waqhubeka nokulwa nokuzithemba okuphantsi kunye nokuziphatha kokungaziphathi kakuhle. Ukudakumba kwakhe kwaqhubeka kwaye waqonda ukuba imicimbi yakhe yayiphazamisa ubomi bakhe. Ngenye imini, wayene "mzuzu wokucaca". Thina ziingcali sithanda ukuyibiza ngokuba ngumzuzu "aha". Wayengaqinisekanga ncam ukuba yenzeke phi, nini okanye njani, kodwa ngenye imini wavuka kwaye wamkhumbula kakhulu utata wakhe. Waqala ukuchitha ixesha elininzi notata wakhe, wambiza ngeveki kwaye waqalisa inkqubo yokuqhagamshela kwakhona. Kwakungekade uDave abenexesha lakhe lokucaca ukuba utata kaDave angayenza nantoni na ukulwa ulwalamano / ukuhlamba ingqondo.
Ekugqibeleni uDave ubuyile kunxibelelana nesidingo sakhe sangaphakathi sokubathanda bobabini abazali kwaye bathandwe ngabazali bobabini. Ngolu lwazi, uDave wafuna unyango kwaye waqala inkqubo yokuphilisa gadalala awayekunyamezele umama wakhe. Ekugqibeleni wakwazi ukuthetha naye ngezinto awayezifundile namava akhe. Kuya kuthatha ixesha elide ukuba ulwalamano kunye nomama wakhe alungise kodwa ubuncinci unxibelelene nabazali bobabini, unqwenela ukwazi nokwaziwa ngabo bobabini.
Intlungu kweli bali kukuba abantwana banesidingo semvelo kunye nomnqweno wokubathanda bobabini abazali kwaye bathandwe ngabazali bobabini. Uqhawulo-mtshato aluyitshintshi loo nto. Nabani na ofunda eli nqaku, nceda ubeke abantwana bakho kuqala.
Khuthaza abantwana ukuba banxibelelane nomnye umzali
Ukuba wena neqabane lakho nihlukene okanye niqhawule umtshato nceda ukhuthaze abantwana bakho ukuba banxibelelane nomnye umzali kangangoko kwaye nangokomthetho wesivumelwano sokugcina. Nceda ungaguquguquki kwaye ubhetyebhetye njengoko ubudlelwane budinga ixesha lokukhula nokukhula. Nceda ungaze uthethe kakubi ngomnye umzali phambi komntwana okanye kwindlebe yomntwana. Nceda ufune iingcebiso kuyo nayiphi na imiba engasonjululwanga onokuba nayo nesidala sakho ukuze imicimbi yakho yobuqu ingagaleli ebantwaneni. Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu, ukuba akukho bungqina bokuxhatshazwa nceda nceda ubuxhase ubudlelwane babantwana bakho nomnye umzali. Abantwana zange bacele uqhawulo mtshato. Abaze bacele ukuba usapho lwabo luqhekezwe.Abantwana boqhawulo-mtshato abanabazali abagcina imbeko kunye nembeko efanayo bahlengahlengisa okungcono kubo bonke ubomi kwaye banobudlelwane obusempilweni bexesha elide. Beka abantwana neemfuno zabo kuqala. Ayikuko na oko kuthetha ukuba ngumzali?