Umxholo
- 1. Umama wakho ufuna ukuba ube ngumhlobo wakho osenyongweni
- 2. Yonke incoko iphela ngokuziva ukhathazekile okanye unetyala
- 3. Uyaqaphela ukuba soloko ucela uxolo
- 4. Uhlala egxeka yonke into oyenzayo
- 5. Impumelelo yakho ayisoze yamonwabisa
- Amanqaku ebhonasi
Ubutyhefu bunoxinzelelo nokuba luvela kubani na. Ayikubambezeli kuphela kodwa yonakalisa ubudlelwane, ngakumbi xa isuka kubazali. Ukuba nomama okanye utata onetyhefu kungonakalisa ubomi bakho kwaye kunokuhlisa ukuzithemba kwakho.
Nangona kunjalo, ababaninzi abantu abaqondayo ukuba banabazali abanetyhefu. Koomama abanetyhefu, ityhefu inokuba ngenxa yokusilela kwabo okanye ngenxa yemicimbi yezempilo yengqondo enje ngokuqaqamba komntu okanye ukuphazamiseka komda wobuntu.
Ngamanye amaxesha, le tyhefu inokubangelwa kukungakhuli komama okukhokelela kwimeko apho umntwana sele ekhule ngakumbi kwaye ekhathazwa kukuthanda komntwana ukuba ngumama.
Ngoku kaUhlanga R. Henry, Ph.D., le meko apho umntwana sele ekhule ngakumbi kunomzali ekhokelela kubudlelwane obunetyhefu ichazwe ngcono njenge- “parentification” yomntwana.
Ityhefu ingena xa umntwana ebedlala imisebenzi yomzimba / yeemvakalelo / yengqondo enokulindelwa ngumzali, ngequbuliso adikwe yiyo kwaye ayishiye indima.
Impixano emva koko ivela xa umzali engathandi ukutshintsha kwaye athathe indawo yakhe kwindalo kulwalamano.
Ukuba ukrokrela ukuba umama wakho uyityhefu, apha ngezantsi zezinye zeempawu ezothusayo onokufuna ukuzijonga kwaye kufuneka wenze ntoni ukuba kuyinyani.
1. Umama wakho ufuna ukuba ube ngumhlobo wakho osenyongweni
Andikuqondi oku ngaphezulu. Ukuba ukhe wabukela Iintombi ezikhohlakele ngu-Amy Poehler, ke kuya kufuneka ukuba uqaphele uphawu lomama "opholileyo". Lowo ngumzekelo weklasikhi womama onetyhefu.
Kuvakala ukuba kumnandi kwaye kuyahlaziya ukuba nomama onothando ekhaya kwaye wonwabe nangakumbi ukuba 'uyakwazi ukuba ngumhlobo wakho osenyongweni. Nangona kunjalo, oku kunamandla kunokudala imeko engafanelekanga ukuba kuthathwe kude kakhulu.
Amaxesha amaninzi aba 'mama bapholileyo' baya kujikela abantwana babo njengoko beya kwenza umhlobo onetyhefu.
Oku bakwenza ngokwenza ngokungeyomfuneko ukhuphiswano nabantwana babo kunye nokuzibandakanya kuyo yonke into eya kuphelisa ukuzithemba kwabo.
Iflegi ebomvu kule nto 'yomama opholileyo' kufuneka isuswe xa uhlala uziva ukhuphiswano oluvela kunyoko endaweni yothando nenkxaso. Ngokuka-Debbie Mandel, umbhali kunye nochwephesha kulawulo loxinzelelo, eyona nto uyenzayo kule meko kukudala umgama phakathi kwenu nobabini kwaye nibeke imida.
2. Yonke incoko iphela ngokuziva ukhathazekile okanye unetyala
Wonke umntwana uya kuthanda ukuba nabazali abanokuphethukela kubo xa bethe babetha ezantsi okanye bazive bephantsi. Oomama abanetyhefu abayiqondi le nto ilula.
Bahlala benenjongo yokujika yonke incoko kunye nengxaki ukuba ibe malunga neziqu zabo, babenze abantwana babo baphele benomsindo, benetyala okanye bengabonakali.
Oomama abanetyhefu abayi kukuvumela ukuba uchukumise kwinto engahambanga kakuhle, bahlala beyiguqula kwaye bakwenza mbi ekupheleni kwayo.
Emva koko, uphela unengxaki enkulu. Kwaye xa kunjalo, kuphilile kuwe ukujika izinto kwaye ufumane umntu onokuxhomekeka kuye xa uziva uphantsi, njengomhlobo osenyongweni, ingcali yezonyango okanye iqabane elingazukujika yonke loo nto likushiye uziva ubi kakhulu .
3. Uyaqaphela ukuba soloko ucela uxolo
Ukungakwazi ukuxolisa yeyona ndlela iphakamileyo yokungakhuli. Ukuba ubona umkhwa ekunyanzela ukuba uhlale ungulowo uxolisayo nanini na kukho into engahambi kakuhle phakathi kwakho nomama wakho, kuya kufuneka uyithathele ingqalelo le iflegi ebomvu.
Abantu abanetyhefu bahlala bekufumanisa kunzima ukuthatha uxanduva kunye neziphumo zokhetho lwabo kunye nokuziphatha.
Ukuba ngaba kunjalo kunyoko, kunokwenzeka ukuba unetyhefu. Yiyo loo nto, kububulumko ukufumana umgama phakathi kwenu nobabini kude kuphole izinto nanini na kukho ukungavisisani apho angayiqapheli khona imfuno yokucela uxolo.
4. Uhlala egxeka yonke into oyenzayo
Ukugxeka kubonakala kukuphela kwento umama oyityhefu (okanye abazali abanetyhefu ngokubanzi) abayaziyo. Oomama abanetyhefu baya kukhetha yonke into encinci ngomntwana wabo omdala kwaye bangaziqondi iziphumo ezibi.
Ukuba ukrokrela ukuba unomama onetyhefu, uyakuqonda ukuba awunakwenza nto ngokufanelekileyo kuye. Le yimeko yeklasikhi yakhe yokulwa nokungakhuli.
Eyona ndlela yokuphuma nangona kunzima inokubonakala ngathi kukungazihoyi izimvo zakhe ezihlazo kwaye uzame ukuqinisekiswa kunye neengcebiso kweminye imithombo onokufikelela kuyo.
5. Impumelelo yakho ayisoze yamonwabisa
Kuqhelekile kwaye kuqhelekile xa abazali bekufumanisa kunzima ukugqiba ukuba abantwana babo bakhulile kwaye baba ngabaqalayo.
Nangona kunjalo, ngelishwa ukuba abanye abazali, ngakumbi umama ongekakhuli, bazakuzama ukukuthintela ekuphumeleleni.
Abafuni ukuba uphumelele ngokwakho. Oku bakutolika njengokungabi yimfuneko kuye.
Amanqaku ebhonasi
Umama onetyhefu uya kubonisa iimpawu ezinje:
- Ukuba nencoko esengqiqweni kunye naye kuloliwe angayi kukhwela nje nangaliphi na ixesha kungekudala
- Akayi kuluxhasa ulwalamano lwakho okwangoku. Uhlala eqhuba umda phakathi kwakho nomntu omthandayo. Akayena uhlobo lokungayamkeli; akakuvumeli wonwabe nakubani na
- Uyakhohlisa, uzama ukukuphumelela okanye ube nendlela yakhe yokwenza uvelwano lwakho ngalo lonke ixesha
- Uhlala ekubetha ngoyaba nangezona zinto zincinci okanye zingenangqondo
- Ukurhuqa ngokungapheliyo ukuba alungise zonke iingxaki zakhe kwaye akusole xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle
- Ufuna ukuhlala ekulawuleni wena kunye nabantakwenu kwaye ufuna ukujika abantakwenu ngokuchasene, ke yena akashiywanga ngaphandle kwaye uzive ufuneka ngalo lonke ixesha
Kuzo zonke izizathu zokuba kutheni umama eza kusombulula ukuba abe yityhefu- inokuba kungenxa yokungakhuli, imiba engasonjululwanga yexesha elidlulileyo okanye ngenxa yokuphazamiseka kubuntu, ityhefu ayifanele ibe nendawo kusapho. Kwaye ayinamsebenzi nokuba kunzima ukujongana nayo, kuyakufuneka ube nemida ethile ukukhusela kwaye usebenze ekukhuleni kwakho. Inokukhuthaza umama wakho ukuba atshintshe.