Umxholo
- Kuthetha ukuthini ukuba ngumzali kunye nomlingane wakho
- 1. Kuyila uluvo lokuzinza
- 2. Ukukhawulelwa komzali okanye ukungabikho
- 3. Ukungaguquguquki
- 4. Hlala nosapho
- Ithetha ukuthini into yokuba ngumzali ngokufanayo ne ex yakho
- 1. Kunciphisa ungquzulwano ne ex yakho
- 2. Izimbo zomzali ngamnye
- 3. Yenza indawo enoxolo
Kusoloko kuyeyona mfuno ilungileyo yabantwana bakho ukuba bobabini abazali babo babeka iimfuno zabo kuqala. Oku akusoloko kulula ukwenza xa uqhawule umtshato okanye wahlukene neqabane lakho.
Kwabaninzi, umbono wokukhulisa abantwana kunye njengabahlobo emva koqhawulo-mtshato ubonakala ungeyonyani. Kwabanye abantu abatshatileyo, ukungabinakho ukuba kwigumbi elinye kunye akubonakali ngathi kusempilweni. Ke, isibini kufuneka ukuba sibe ngumzali njani emva kokwahlukana?
Ukufumana indlela yokubeka iyantlukwano ecaleni kwaye ugxile ebantwaneni bakho kunokuba ngumceli mngeni, nokuba iinjongo zakho zicocekile. Iingxaki zomtshato zangaphambili kunye nolunye uxinzelelo lunokufumana indlela yokukwazi kwakho ukuba ngumzali kunye.
Kukho izibonelelo kokubini ngokuba ngumzali ngokubambisana kunye nokuba ngumzali ngokufanayo. Sijonge kwiingenelo neengozi zazo zombini ukuze ukwazi ukuthatha isigqibo sokuba yeyiphi eyona ndlela ilungele wena nosapho lwakho.
Kuthetha ukuthini ukuba ngumzali kunye nomlingane wakho
Omnye umahluko omkhulu phakathi kokubambisana njengomzali kunye nokuba ngumzali ngokufanayo kukuba xa ubambisene njengomzali, ugcina ubudlelwane kunye ne-ex yakho. Abanye bazabalazela ukuba nobuhlobo bokwenene, ngelixa abanye behlala nje esidlangalaleni kwaye bencokola rhoqo ngabantwana babo.
O-co-abazali abagxile ekuphikisaneni okanye ekubhengezeni ulwalamano lwakho oludlulileyo. Bajolise ekubeni babekhona kwaye babanike ingqalelo abantwana babo. Baphakama ngaphezu kobundlobongela abavakalelwa ngabo omnye komnye ukuze bahlale bengamaqabane ekukhuliseni.
Zininzi izibonelelo zokuba ngumzali wabazali bobabini abantwana bakho kunye nawe kunye nesidala sakho.
1. Kuyila uluvo lokuzinza
Ukubukela ukuphela komtshato kunzima kubantwana. Ikhuthaza uxinzelelo kwaye idala imeko yokungakhululeki. Eyona nto intle abazali abanokuyenza yabantwana babo ngexesha lokwahlulahlula kukudala imeko eqinileyo yesiqhelo kunye nozinzo.
Ukubambisana njengomzali emva kokupheliswa kobudlelwane yeyona ndlela iluncedo emntwaneni. Kodwa xa umntwana esazi ukuba bobabini abazali babo babeka iminqweno yabo kwindawo yokuqala, oko kudala imo yokhuseleko.
Endaweni yokuqhekeka phakathi kwabazali ababini okanye uzive ufuna "ukukhetha icala" umntwana uya kuba nakho ukugcina ubudlelwane obusondeleyo nobusempilweni nabazali bobabini.
2. Ukukhawulelwa komzali okanye ukungabikho
Ubuzali yindima ebuyisa umva phakathi komntwana nomzali. Endaweni yokuba abazali bazikhathalele iimvakalelo zabantwana babo kunye nentlalo-ntle yabo, umntwana woqhawulo-mtshato uya kukhula abe noxanduva olungelulo kusapho, edla ngokuzama ukwenza "njengoxolo" phakathi kwabazali.
Uphononongo lubonisa ukuba abantwana ababandakanyeka kubuzali bahlala bekhula babe ngabazali abathandabuza ngokwabo.
Xa ex-co-parent, umngcipheko wokuba ngumzali uyehla kakhulu, kuba umntwana uyakwazi ukubona ukuba iyunithi yosapho isasebenza kwinqanaba elisempilweni.
3. Ukungaguquguquki
Abazali abalungileyo bayahambelana nabantwana babo. Bayazingca ngokukhuthaza imithetho efanayo yasekhaya, uqeqesho kunye nembuyekezo kwikhaya ngalinye. Oku kudala indlela yesiqhelo kunye nemvo yokuhambelana nokuba umntwana uhlala phi kuloo veki.
Utitshala ongumzali uMichael Grose uthi abantwana bayazuza kukungaguquguquki kumakhaya abo. Umzali ongaguquguqukiyo ubeka imida kunye nemida, afundise indlela yokuziphatha kakuhle kwaye abonelele ngolwakhiwo. Xa abazali besebenza kunye njengeqela bafundisa umntwana ukuba abanakulindela ukucela into kwaye bafumane impendulo eyahlukileyo kumzali ngamnye.
4. Hlala nosapho
Ayisiyo kuphela ukuba ngumzali osebenza kunye nokususa uxinzelelo ebantwaneni bakho, ikwaqinisekisa ukuba, ngelixa nisahlukene ngoku, nonke niyintsapho.
Oku kuqinisekisa abantwana ukuba abayi kunyanzeleka ukuba bakhethe apho baya kuphelela khona ngeeholide okanye izihlandlo ezikhethekileyo okanye indlela yokulungiselela umtshato wabo ngenye imini ukusukela (ukuba iyafuneka) wena kunye neqabane lakho kwaye nisanxibelelana nosapho, mhlawumbi nokuqhubeka ukuphuma okanye ukubhiyozela kunye.
Ithetha ukuthini into yokuba ngumzali ngokufanayo ne ex yakho
Ukubambisana njengomzali akusoloko kulula kwizibini ezitshatileyo. Umahluko kwimbono kwimiba yendlela yokuphila, ukukhulisa abantwana, imfundo, isimilo, kunye nenzondo eyadlulayo kwisidala konke kungangena kwindlela yomzamo wentsebenziswano.
Omnye umahluko phakathi kokubambisana njengomzali kunye nokuba ngumzali ngokufanayo kukuba ngexesha elifanayo lokuba ngumzali, ii-ex ziya kuba nonxibelelwano olulinganiselweyo omnye nomnye. Babonisana kwelona nqanaba lisisiseko ngokubhekisele kulwazi lomntwana kunye nokwenza izigqibo, bobabini baya kuba nonxibelelwano olwahlukileyo nesikolo sabantwana babo kunye nabahlobo kwaye bazenzele eyabo imithetho yekhaya.
1. Kunciphisa ungquzulwano ne ex yakho
Ukuba isibini siye saqhawula umtshato, kunokuba yingozi kweli xesha lokuba umntwana abekho xa abazali benxibelelana. Xa ukuba ngumzali kwangaxeshanye, izibini ziya kuba nonxibelelwano olunqongopheleyo, olukhokelela kungxabano ezimbalwa.
2. Izimbo zomzali ngamnye
Xa ungumzali ofanayo, awunyanzelekanga ukuba ubambelele kwimithetho yabadala bakho okanye kwiindlela zokuba ngumzali. Umzekelo, mhlawumbi i-ex yakho iyinkolo kodwa awukho. Ngokuba nesimbo sakho sokuba ngumzali kunye nemithetho yekhaya, awuzukugcina inkqubo yokuthatha umntwana wakho aye ecaweni okanye ngokwenza imephu yamaxesha okufunda.
Ngelixa umahluko okhoyo kwiindlela zokuba ngumzali unokudideka umntwana wakho, baya kufunda ngokukhawuleza umahluko phakathi kwamakhaya omabini.
3. Yenza indawo enoxolo
Ukuba umntwana uvela kwikhaya elinongquzulwano oluphezulu, ukunciphisa umda kunxibelelwano lwabo ubuso ngobuso nomntu owayekade enaye kungamnika umntwana indawo enoxolo ngakumbi yokuhlala.
Uxinzelelo luyingozi kulonwabo lomntwana, kwaye uxinzelelo oluncinci oluphosayo ebomini babo lubangcono.
Ngelixa ukubangumzali ofanayo kungasoloko kudala indawo ezinzileyo emntwaneni ekuqaleni, kwimeko apho ii-exes zingenako ukubeka iyantlukwano ecaleni okanye zigcine ubudlelwane obunobutshaba, ukuba ngumzali ngokufanayo kunokuba lolona khetho lufanelekileyo lokunciphisa uxinzelelo ebantwaneni.
Ukuba ngumzali nge-ex akulula. Ngombulelo, kukho ukhetho olungaphaya kwesinye olufumanekayo kumaqabane ahlukeneyo ajonge ukukhulisa abantwana babo ngeyona ndlela ifanelekileyo. Kubazali abahlalisanayo kunye nakwabo bangakwaziyo ukuba segumbini elinye kunye, ukuba ngumzali kunye nokuba ngumzali ngokufanayo zombini iindlela ezintle zokukhulisa abantwana ngelixa beqhawule umtshato.