Uwuyeka njani uMtshato oXhomekeke kubuhlobo obusempilweni - I-Psychology

Xa ungonwabanga, andonwabanga.

Ngaba eli binzana livakala liqhelekile? Ngelishwa, uninzi lwezibini ezitshatileyo zomtshato zixhomekeke komnye nomnye kule ngcinga okanye kwisithembiso.

Ngaba ukwi-intanethi okanye ulwalamano?

Kumtshato oxhomekekileyo akuqhelekanga ukuba ungabinampilo, kwaye uziphathe ngokuzimeleyo exhaphakileyo kulwalamano.

Ngaba le yingxaki?

Ngaba ukonwaba kunye kunye nokubandezeleka ekwabelwana ngako ayingombandela wothando lokwenene?

Kubonakala ukuba, abantu abaninzi bakholelwa ukuba kunjalo. Ngenxa yoko, indlela yabo yokubonisa uthando kuku

thabatha iimvakalelo zeqabane labo, ngakumbi iimvakalelo ezimbi zeqabane. Rhoqo, ezi mvakalelo zikuluhlu loxinzelelo, unxunguphalo noxinzelelo.

Izibalo zoku zicacile: ukuba omabini amaqela athatha imvakalelo embi yeqabane labo, omabini amaqabane awonwabanga ixesha elininzi, okanye ubuncinci bexesha kunokuba bebeya kuba bodwa.

Ke, ukuba kukho iimpawu zokuxhomekeka kubudlelane kubudlelwane bakho, hlala nathi, njengoko sikunika ulwazi olusebenzayo ekuqondeni ubudlelwane obungenampilo, ubudlelwane obungenakuxanduva kunye neengcebiso ezisebenzayo malunga nendlela yokoyisa ukuxhomekeka kumtshato oxhomekekileyo okanye ubudlelwane.

NgokweWikipedia, ukuxhomekeka kweCodos yimeko yokuziphatha kubudlelwane apho umntu omnye wenza ukuba likhoboka lomnye umntu, impilo enkenenkene yengqondo, ukungakhuli kakuhle, ukungakhathali, okanye ukungaphumeleli kakuhle.

Phakathi kweempawu eziphambili zokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi yile ukuthembela ngokugqithileyo kwabanye abantu ukuze bafumane imvume kunye nokuzazi.

Igama elithi Codependency lisenokuba lisetyenziswa gwenxa, kwaye ihlala ikhupha ihlazo kunokuba inceda ekusombululeni nantoni na.

Jonga kwakhona:

Ndingathanda ukubonisa ukuba ukuthatha imvakalelo yokungonwabi kweqabane, kubenza bakwazi ukuzikhanyela iimvakalelo zabo kwaye bahlale bekwimeko embi ixesha elide, kakhulu njengesicatshulwa esivela kwiWikipedia.

Enye yezinto yimfesane

Kwincwadi yakhe ethi True Love, u-Thick Nhat Hahn uchaza izinto ezine eziyimfuneko eziyinyani

uthando. Okanye ngamagama akhe, ukukwazi ukuthetha into efana nale: "Sithandwa sam, ndiyabona ukuba uyasokola kwaye ndikulungele." Oko kuluncedo kwaye kuyaphilisa, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba iqela elinemfesane lithatha ukubandezeleka.

Endaweni yoko, bakulungele ukuba kunye nesithandwa sabo esibuhlungu, hayi ukuba banyamalale kwimbandezelo yeqabane kwaye woyiswe yiyo.

Intsingiselo yokoqobo 'yemfesane' kukubandezeleka kunye. Kodwa njengoko uHahn ecebisa, enye ayifuni ukubandezeleka ukuze ikhulule ukubandezeleka komnye.

Okuphikisanayo, inqanaba elithile lesahlulo liyafuneka ukuze ubekho kwintlungu yomnye.

Kwamaqabane / abantu abatshatileyo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba ukuba umntu ufuna ukuzama ukukhulula iintlungu zeqabane lakhe, kufuneka angabikho ngaphandle kwalo.

Ziqhelise ukulingana kubudlelwane ukubuyisela ukuzola

Eminye imiba emibini ebalulekileyo yothando ekhankanywe kule ncwadi nguVuyo: Uthando lwenene kufuneka lube luvuyo kwaye lube mnandi, ixesha elininzi.

Kwaye ukulingana, okuchazwa nguHahn njengokwazi ukubona intanda eyahlukileyo. Umntu onokusondela kwaye abe kude.

Umntu owabelana naye ngokunzulu ngamanye amaxesha, kwaye ngexesha elahlukileyo uba kude. Oku kuchasene ngokupheleleyo nokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi, apho amaqabane kufuneka ahlala ekufutshane.

Abantwana bafunda izakhono zokuhamba ngendlela eseleyo yokwahlula kunye nokumanyana malunga neminyaka emithathu.

Umntwana ubambelele kumama, emva koko aye kudlala yedwa okwethutyana, emva koko abuyele kumama okwemizuzu embalwa njalo njalo.

Ngokuthe ngcembe umgama phakathi kukamama nomntwana uyakhula kwaye namaxesha ohlukane ayanda. Kwinkqubo, umntwana ufunda isakhono sokunxibelelana nomnye ngengqondo yokuzimela ngokwahlukileyo. Kwingqondo yengqondo oku kubhekiswa kuko njenge "Ukuqhubeka kwento."

Umntwana ufunda ukuthemba ukuba umama ukhona kwaye uyafumaneka kunxibelelwano, nokuba akakho kufutshane okanye nokuba akabonwa.

Uninzi lwabantu alunabo ubuntwana obugqibeleleyo apho banokufunda olo hlobo lokuthemba. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba nguMilton Erickson owathi: “Alikaze lihle ixesha lokuba nobuntwana obumnandi,” kodwa andikaze ndibufumane ubungqina obaneleyo.

Kumtshato oxhomekekileyo, ukuthembana nokholo kuyancipha. Nangona kunjalo, kubudlelwane obuphilileyo bokufunda ukuthembela kwiqabane ngendlela enzulu kunokubuphucula kakhulu nabuphi na ubuhlakani.

Ithemba linokwakhiwa kancinci kancinci

Ngu wenza izithembiso ezincinci kwaye uzigcine. Ezi zithembiso zincinci nje ngokuba "ndizakuba sekhaya ngentsimbi yesixhenxe" okanye "emva kokuhlamba kwam ndingathanda ukuhlala nawe ndive ngosuku lwakho."

Omabini amaqabane kufuneka enze izithembiso kwaye athathe umngcipheko wokuthemba ezinye izithembiso.

Xa elinye iqabane lingagcini isithembiso, njengoko kungenzeki ngokuqinisekileyo kuyakwenzeka ngamanye amaxesha, kubalulekile ukuthetha ngaso. Ukuthetha ngayo kubandakanya ukuxolisa ngokungaphumeleli kwelinye icala, kunye nokuzimisela ukukholelwa ukuba ukusilela akwenzekanga ngolunya.

Oko kukufunda ukuxolela. Ngokuqinisekileyo oku akukho lula kwaye kuyenzeka.

Ukuba incoko enjalo ayenzeki, iiakhawunti ziyaqokelelwa kwaye ekugqibeleni zikhokelele kubandayo, ukude kunye nengxaki kubudlelwane, zisenza izinto zibe mandundu kumtshato oxhomekekileyo.

Xa uqaphela iqabane lakho likwimeko embi, inyathelo lokuqala kukuthatha umzuzwana ukuba ulazi kwaye mhlawumbi ucinge ukuba inokuba yintoni ingcambu okanye unobangela.

Ngaba abasaziva mnandi emzimbeni?
Ngaba ikhona into ebaphoxile?
Ngaba banoxinzelelo malunga nomsitho othile wexesha elizayo?

Nokuba yeyiphi na, zama ukungayithathi ngokobuqu njengesiqhelo kumtshato oxhomekekileyo, iqabane lihlala lijika umbono wetonela.

Imood yabo ayilotyala lakho, kwaye ayiloxanduva lwakho

Kunokuba luncedo ukwazisa ngokwakho ukuba awukho kwimeko embi. Ngoku unokukwazi ukunceda.

Xelela iqabane lakho ukuba uqaphele ukuba abaphilanga. Buza ukuba bafuna ikomityi yeti okanye irabha yomqolo okanye bathethe nawe. Unokuthelekelela kakuhle ukuba yintoni ebaphazamisayo: "Ngaba unentloko ebuhlungu?" “Ngaba ukhathazekile ngayo?”

Zama ukucacisa ukuba le yimibuzo iyinyani hayi ingxelo, kuba ngokucacileyo, awazi ngenene ukuba yintoni ebangela iimvakalelo zabo. Nokuba ungakunceda ngantoni, zama ukukwenza ngokukhululekileyo nangokuzithandela, ukuze kungabikho nzondo yakhiwa kamva.

Yilungele ukuva ewe kunye nohayi

Olunye lweempawu ezingenampilo zokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kukucinga ukuba kuya kufuneka ukondle, kwaye ukhusele iqabane lakho 24/7.

Ukuphuncuka kwintolongo yomtshato oxhomekekileyo, kuyacetyiswa ukuba iqabane liyeke ukuchitha onke amandla alo ukuhlangabezana neemfuno zamaqabane abo.

Yilungele ukwamkela ukuba uncedo lwakho alunakuba luncedo kwaye alunokutshintsha imeko yeqabane lakho.

Zama ukunciphisa unxibelelwano lwakho kwimibuzo, ukungathathi hlangothi kunye nokunikezelwa koncedo. Ukuba wenza ingcebiso, gcina kulula kwaye ulungele ukuyeka emva kokuba eyokuqala ikhatyiwe.

Khumbula, ayingomsebenzi wakho “ukulungisa” imo yeqabane lakho.

Ixesha elingaphezulu, isenzo esinjalo siya kuzisa uvuyo ngakumbi kubudlelwane bakho kwaye sitshintshe umtshato oxhomekekileyo kubambiswano olusempilweni.

Isingqisho sokusondela kunye nokuhlukana sinokuba sesendalo njengokuphefumla, kwaye umbulelo uya kuhamba nexesha ngalinye lokuhlangana kunye nokusondela, uziva unethamsanqa ngokuba nalo mntu ebomini bakho.

Umbongo kaRumi Amaphiko eentaka i-Wings yinkcazo entle yentshukumo phakathi kobudlelwane kunye nomgama, ukuvuleka kunye nexesha labucala lilodwa.

Iintaka

Intlungu yakho yento olahlekileyo ibambe isipili

Apho ubukhe wasebenza ngesibindi.

Ukulindela okubi kakhulu, jonga kwaye endaweni yoko,

Nabu ubuso obonwabileyo obukade ufuna ukububona.

Isandla sakho siyavula kwaye sivale

Kwaye kuvulwe kwaye kuvalwe.

Ukuba yayihlala ingowokuqala

Okanye uhlala ulula uvulekile,

Uya kukhubazeka.

Ubukho bakho obunzulu bukho kuzo zonke izinto ezincinci