Umxholo
- Iimpawu ezilindele ukuphoxeka emtshatweni:
- Iimpawu ezichaza kwangaphambili ukuzaliseka komtshato:
- Iimpawu ezilindele ukuphoxeka
- Iimpawu ezixela ukoneliseka emtshatweni:
- Iimpawu ezichaza ukungoneliseki emtshatweni:
- Iimpawu ezixela ukoneliseka emtshatweni:
- Izinto ezibalulekileyo emtshatweni
- Into yokusombulula ungquzulwano
- Into yovavanyo
- Isixhobo sokuhlekisa
- Into yeenjongo ezifanayo
- Umlingane
Inqanaba lokwahlukana okuphezulu eUnited States kunye nokuxhalaba ngokulandelelana ngomtshato umntu ochanekileyo ngexesha elifanelekileyo kwenza ukukhetha umntu oza kutshata umba othile obaluleke kakhulu kubantu abadala abangatshatanga. Yiyo loo nto kunyanzelekile ukuba ukulungele ukuzibophelela emntwini ukuba ufuna umtshato wakho usebenze. Ngaba kukho naziphi na izinto ezinokuxela kwangaphambili ukuba uya kuxhamla ngokuvuya okanye cha?
Ngokutsho kweengcali, kukho ngaphezulu kwamashumi amabini anesihlanu izinto zokulungela ukutshata ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe ngaphambi kokuba uthathe isigqibo sokufumana into ethile. Izifundo ezithile zibonise ukuba iingxaki zomtshato, kubandakanya uqhawulo-mtshato, zenzeka ngenxa yokuba abantu bengazi ngezi zinto.
Uninzi lwabantu lukholelwa ukuba umtshato yinto kaThixo ekufuneka uyenzile ukuphucula intlalo yoluntu. Kungenxa yoko le nto ijongiwe kwinto umntu angayithathi kancinci. Nangona kunjalo, ngelishwa, zimbalwa izibini ezithatha ixesha lokuqonda ukubaluleka kwesivumelwano, kwaye uninzi lwazo lusebenza ngokuthanda.
Emva kokuphonononga iminyaka engamashumi amathandathu yophando lwentlalo kunye nokulandela izibini ezininzi kuyo yonke le minyaka, abahlalutyi baye baqonda izinto ezininzi ngaphambi komtshato zokuzaliseka komtshato eziwela kwindibano ezintathu ezibalaseleyo:
Iimpawu zakho zobuqu, ezinje ngobuntu, iimpawu zomtshato wakho, ezinje ngonxibelelwano. Imeko yakho yobuqu neyonxibelelwano, njengokwamkelwa kwabazali emtshatweni.
Makhe sijonge ngokupheleleyo kuzo zonke izikhombisi kule mimandla mithathu ebanzi yomntu ngamnye, isibini, kunye neempawu ezifanelekileyo ezibonisa ukulungela umtshato.
Iimpawu zomntu ngamnye
Amacandelwana athile enza le nto iphambili kubandakanya oku kulandelayo:
Iimpawu ezilindele ukuphoxeka emtshatweni:
Ingxaki yokuziqhelanisa noxinzelelo. Iinkolelo ezaphukileyo, umzekelo, “Abantu abanakho ukutshintsha. Ngaphezulu kokunyanzelwa okuphezulu, umsindo nobutshaba, uxinzelelo, ukuba nochuku, ixhala, ukuzazi.
Iimpawu ezichaza kwangaphambili ukuzaliseka komtshato:
Ukongezwa, ubhetyebhetye, ukuzithemba okuhle, izakhono zokunxibelelana nabanye.
Kubalulekile ukuba abantu abangatshatanga abacinga ngokunyanisekileyo ngomtshato ukuba bazihlole kwezi mpawu zichazwe apha ngasentla. Ezi mpawu zenza inxenye yento uJeffry Larson ayibiza ngokuba “lutyekelo lomtshato.”
Ukuphakama kwamanqanaba ozinzo lweemvakalelo kokukhona kuya kubakho okungcono amathuba okufikelela ebomini obonwabisayo emtshatweni. Ngapha koko, kuya kuba kuhle ukuba uqaphele ukuba nganye yezi zinto zilungele ukuthambeka. Yonke into oyifunayo kukugxila kugxilwe kunye nezizathu njengoko unakho ukuphucula kwimimandla yakho ebuthathaka, (umzekelo, ukuziva ungenakuncedo xa ujongene noxinzelelo, imiba yomsindo, njl.).
Unokwenza oku ngezikhokelo zokuphucula ngokwakho, ukufumana isikhokelo kwinkolo yakho, okanye ukuya kunyango. Into ebalulekileyo kukuba uzihlalutye ngokwenyani kwezi meko zokulungela umtshato owakhankanywa ngaphambili kwaye uphucule kwimimandla ezayo njengeziphoso zakho ngaphambi kokuba utshate. Gcina ukhumbula, imicimbi nganye ayiphiliswa ngumtshato, iphazamiseka ngumtshato.
Iqabane lakho alinamlingo ufuna ukulungisa iingxaki zakho. Oku kukwahambelana nento yabanye abazali. Amaxesha amaninzi, abazali badla ngokunyanzela abantwana babo ukuba batshate kuba becinga ukuba ukutshata kuya kuphakamisa imeko yoxanduva. Nangona kunjalo, ayisiyiyo imeko kwaye uninzi lwemitshato enyanzelekileyo ayigqibi ukusebenza, omnye okanye bobabini abatshatileyo baqhubeka nokuhlala ngokungakhathali.
Ukuqhubela phambili, masijonge kwiseti yesibini yezalathi kwenye into ephambili ebizwa ngokuba ziimpawu zesibini.
Iyacetyiswa - Ikhosi ekwi-Intanethi yangaphambi komtshato
Iimpawu zomtshato
Izinto ezithile apha zibandakanya oku kulandelayo:
Iimpawu ezilindele ukuphoxeka
Ukungafani kumaxabiso abalulekileyo kwinqanaba lomntu, njengenkolo okanye iindima ezilindelweyo emtshatweni
- Ukwazana okufutshane
- Isondo ngaphambi komtshato
- Ukukhulelwa ngaphambi komtshato
- Ukuhlala kunye
- Izakhono zonxibelelwano ezingalunganga
- Izakhono kunye nesimbo sokusombulula ukungavisisani
Iimpawu ezixela ukoneliseka emtshatweni:
- Ukufana kwamaxabiso
- Ukwazana ixesha elide
- Izakhono zonxibelelwano ezilungileyo
- Izakhono ezifanelekileyo zokusombulula ungquzulwano kunye nesimbo
Okukhona usilela kakhulu njengesibini, ambalwa amathuba okuba uphile ubomi obusempilweni bomtshato. Ngayiphi na imeko, kwakhona, unokutshintsha ezi mpawu ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Nina nobabini ninokuya kwiziluleko zezibini ukuze nisebenze kubudlelwane benu ngaphambi kokuba nifumane.
Kuya kufuneka usebenzele ukuqonda apho uwela khona kwinqanaba lokulungela umtshato, ukwazana ixesha elithe kratya ngaphambi kokutshata ngokungxama. Ezinye iingcali zicebisa ukuba singavumi ukuhlala kunye nokuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato. Kodwa emva koko, akukho nasiphi na isikhokelo ekufuneka usilandele.
Okokugqibela, masihlalutye izinto zethutyana ezixela ukoneliseka komtshato.
- Imeko ezizodwa kunye nezibini
Xa uthetha ngale nto, igama elithi 'umxholo' libhekisa kusapho nakwizihlobo zakho. Ikwabandakanya iimeko zakho xa utshata njengobudala bakho kunye nengeniso yakho kunye nempilo iyonke yosapho oluchaphazelekayo.
Iimpawu ezichaza ukungoneliseki emtshatweni:
- Umncinci (ukuba phantsi kwe-20)
- Amava asempilweni osapho-lwemvelaphi, anje
- Uqhawulo mtshato lwabazali okanye ungquzulwano olungapheliyo emtshatweni
- Ukugxeka umanyano lwabazali nabahlobo
- Uxinzelelo lomtshato oluvela kwabanye
- Imfundo encinci kunye nokulungiselela amakhondo
Iimpawu ezixela ukoneliseka emtshatweni:
- Ukwaluphala
- Amava aphilileyo osapho-lwemvelaphi
- Umtshato womzali owonwabileyo
- Ukuvunywa kwabazali nabahlobo bobudlelwane
- Imfundo ebalulekileyo kunye nokulungiselela amakhondo omsebenzi
Ngokutsho kweengcali, okungcono umxholo wakho lelona thuba lininzi lokufumana ubomi obulungileyo bomtshato. Kwakhona, unokuhlala uqhubekeka kwaye usebenza ekuphuculeni zonke ezi zinto ukulungiselela utshintsho ebomini olwenzeka xa uhamba ezantsi.
Izinto ezibalulekileyo emtshatweni
UGqr Sylvia Smith, umbhali obalaseleyo wase-Bhritane, uthathwa njengomthombo othembekileyo xa kufikwa kumba wokwazi indlela yokwenza umtshato awuchazayo, kwenye yemibhalo yakhe, indlela izinto ezintlanu ezibalulekileyo ezinokudlala indima ngayo njengezinto ezilungele umtshato. .
Into yokusombulula ungquzulwano
Ngokutsho kwakhe, indlela isibini esisingatha ngayo ukungavisisani yinto echazayo yomtshato owonwabileyo kunye nophumelelayo. Xa abantu ababini begqiba ekubeni benze ukuzibophelela okunjalo, ezinye iiyantlukwano kufuneka zigqitywe ngokuqinisekileyo. Mhlawumbi bobabini bavela kwimvelaphi apho iingxabano zihlala khona ngokwahlukileyo.Kungenxa yoko le nto kubalulekile ukuba bahlale ndawonye ngokungathandabuzekiyo kwaye babone ukuba bazokujongana njani neengxabano phakathi kwabo kunye.
Into yovavanyo
Ulwalamano luvavanywa ngeendlela ezininzi ezahlukeneyo. Oku kunokubandakanya izinto ezifana nokugula, ubudlelwane bosapho, okanye uxinzelelo emsebenzini. Ngaphaya koko, ukuba nobudlelwane obude kukucinezela xa uhlala kwizixeko ezahlukileyo okanye kumaphondo kwaye sele uza kutshata. Ukujamelana noqhwithela lobomi kunye kunceda isibini esinombono osengqiqweni ngokubhekisele kwimiqobo yobomi. Amaxesha anzima anokuqinisa ubudlelwane kwaye asondeze abantu kufutshane, okanye angabutshabalalisa ubomi kwi-bond yabo iye kuthi ga kwinqanaba lokuba ibahlukanise.
Amaxesha ovavanyo anokunika umbono ongcono wokuba umtshato ngowesibini okanye hayi. Inokunceda esi sibini siqonde ukuba sinesizathu sokuqonda ukulungela umtshato. Ubudlelwane obuqulathe ngempumelelo into ehlala ihleli nasemva kokuvavanywa ngamaxesha anzima ngaphambi komtshato unethuba elihle lokuqhubeka ngendlela efanayo emva komtshato.
Isixhobo sokuhlekisa
Ubomi ngokukaGqirha Sylvia bunzima kakhulu. Ke, uburharha yeyona nto iphambili kwisibini esonwabileyo. Ukuhleka kuneempawu zokuphilisa amayeza kwaye kuthathwa njengeyona nto iphambili ekulungiseleleni umtshato. Ukuba isibini sihleka kunye kuya kufuneka sihlale kunye. Ukuzihleka, ukufumana ubuthathaka bakho, ukuqonda ubuthathaka bakho nokuzama ukubusombulula ngendlela ehlekisayo kuyomeleza umanyano. Ukuziva ubekekile kwaye uthathe isiphelo esipheleleyo kwihlaya leqabane lakho mhlawumbi yeyona nto yokuzikhulula kulwalamano olunetyhefu.
Into yeenjongo ezifanayo
Ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuhamba kunye kwicala elinye kunye neqabane lakho ohamba nalo kolu hambo lobomi, kuya kufuneka wazi iinjongo zomnye nomnye. Ukuba iinjongo zeqabane lakho lokuhlala embindini wedolophu kwaye uhambe uye phambili kwihlabathi, ngelixa iinzame zakho kukuzinza emaphandleni kwaye ukhulisa usapho, ke awulindelanga ukuba ube kunye.
Ngaphandle kweenjongo zobomi, izinto ezinje ngamaxabiso asisiseko, iinkolelo kunye nokuziphatha zikwayinxalenye yokulungela umtshato kwaye zidlala indima ebalulekileyo kulwalamano lobubele oya kuba nalo emva kokuba utshatile. Ukuba wabelane ngeenjongo, amaxabiso afanelekileyo, kunye neenkolelo zakho zilungelelaniswe, usenokuba uzifumanele umdlalo ogqibeleleyo.
Umlingane
Ekupheleni kosuku, wonke umntu ujonga umntu anokukhupha umphefumlo wakhe kuye, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo kunye nokugcina. Ukuba ninobudlelwane kwinqanaba elinobutofotofo apho nobabini niyazana ngobunyani bomhlaba kunye nembali yobuqu, kwaye nisamkelana kwaye nisamkela ngentliziyo iphela, sisiqalo esihle kakhulu.
Ukuba usenalo thandabuzo luncinci kunye nemibuzo entlokweni yakho, kungangcono ke ukuzikhupha ekuhleni zonke ezo zinto phambi kokuba utyikitye amaphepha- nokuba oko kuthetha ukuphela kwesahluko sobudlelwane naloo mntu. Kungcono ukuhlala nomntu okwamkela ngale ndlela uyiyo kunokuba uzinyanzele ukuba ube kunye nomntu ekufuneka uzifihle iinxalenye zakho kude kwaye ucinge ukuba uya kuphulukana nazo ukuba inyani iyaphuma.
Ukwabelana ngezinto ezifanayo nokwenza izinto kunye yinxalenye yobuhlobo obusempilweni. Ukuba ukhetho lwahluke kakhulu kwisibini, banokugqibela ngokuhlala bodwa. Ukuba isiqabane sobudlelwane silahlekile kumanyano, inokubonakalisa ukungabikho kwezinto ezilungele umtshato.
Ngaphambi kokuba nditsho, isibini kufuneka sizibuze le mibuzo mihlanu kwaye sivavanye ukuba bakulungele na ukwabelana ngobomi babo ubomi babo bonke.
- Ucinga ukuba umtshato ungongeza ntoni kubomi bakho?
- Ngaba ukulungele ukwamkela umtshato wakho njengeyona nto iphambili ebomini?
- Ngaba uyakwazi ukwenza uhlengahlengiso okanye akunjalo?
- Ngaba luthando okanye yimfuneko nje yobomi?
- Ngaba ugqibile ngenxalenye ephambili yeenjongo ozibekele ubomi?
Umntu kufuneka acacise ukuba yintoni esilela ebomini babo nokuba umtshato unganceda njani ekupheliseni ukungabikho okuti. Ngaba bakulungele ukuthatha uxanduva olunjalo? Ngaba bayakwazi ukubeka yonke into ecaleni kwaye babeke umtshato wabo njengeyona nto iphambili?
Kwakhona, ngaba banakho ukuhlawula iindleko ezihamba nomtshato? Ngaba bakulungele ukuziqhelanisa notshintsho olukhulu kangaka? Umtshato uzisa iqabane kunye nosapho olutsha ngokupheleleyo ebomini bakho.
Ngapha koko, phantsi kobomi, kuya kufuneka uyibambe iminqweno yakho ukuze uncede ufezekise iminqweno yabantwana bakho. Kuya kufuneka ukuba uqonde ukuba umlingane wakho uthini okanye uhamba ngantoni. Ngamanye amaxesha kuya kufuneka ulalanise, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha iqabane lakho kuya kufuneka lihlengahlengise.
Kananjalo, ngaba ukutshata umntu onxulumene nothando okanye ngaba luxanduva loluntu okanye yimfuno esekwe emehlweni akho? Ukuhlala kunye ngothando kuko okwenza ukuba ubomi bube yintsikelelo kungenjalo olo lwalamano luya kuba ngumthwalo osoloko ukhula emagxeni akho.
Ubomi bomtshato buza kunye nothando nolonwabo, umthwalo woxanduva kunye nohlengahlengiso olunokubangela izithintelo ezithile ebomini bakho.
Ke, kuvavanye ukuba uphi ebomini ngaphambi kokutshata. Qaphela zonke izinto ezichazwe apha ngasentla. Iindaba kukuba ungasoloko uqhubeka nokusebenza kuzo zonke ezi zinto. Umzekelo, ungabamba ikhefu-lokutshata de ube namaxesha kwaye ube nokuzinza ngokwezezimali nangokweemvakalelo ngaphambi kokuba ungene.
Sebenzani kwiintsilelo zenu njengesibini. Sebenzisa inkuthazo edibeneyo yokwenza ikinks kubudlelwane bakho bangoku ukuqinisekisa umtshato ophilileyo.
Ukutshata yinto oza kuyenza yonke imihla emva kokuba amaphepha sele etyikityiwe. Bobabini abatshatileyo kuya kufuneka banike konke ukuze bagcine ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo. Kuya kufuneka bajongane namaxesha amaninzi aneengxaki kunye.